All Comments on 'Katie Takes Her Test'

Did the story just end there???? What are L-Plates????

My guess something Euro......

You need to work on your writing a fair bit but you certainly have potential.

I think you went a bit too quickly from her not being sure to her being all for it and then she very quickly became very excited and over the top.

I think the story would have worked a bit better if you kept that nervousness there and had him sort of encourage her on and you showing that her confidence built up slowly as the sexual encounter continued.

The dialect and writing in general was very wordy and could do with being made tighter. You just include too much un-necessary information that left me my mind wandering to other thing. You have to keep it tight to keep people hooked.

Play with people as well to keep them hooked maybe have him go to say something to show his interest in her and then stop leaving people with a will he won’t he feeling.

Suspense is great with any story. You have to make people want to keep reading and want to find out what will happen.

I didn’t really get a feel for your female character she was all over the place one minute shy the next not.

Your male character was not too bad but again he needs work.

I think this is one to look at again have a play around with then put to one side for a bit give it time to settle before going back to it again and hopefully seeing it in a deferent light.

Your grammar was also poor but I find grammar very hard myself and am still trying to improve.

Over all I think you have potential. So don’t give up.

Some tips that might help are:

Read your work through several times.

Ask yourself if it is realistic.

Ask yourself if information is necessary and if not get rid.

Put it aside and go back to it a few weeks later.

And ask yourself does it keep you gripped till the end.

Other than that keep trying and maybe look at other peoples writing ask yourself if it works and if so why it works and in this way your own work will improve.

I hope this helps hun (((((((((hugs)))))))) Joss.

P.S. feel free to ask if you want any help with anything.

For a short story it was very good, I would like to see the author write a nice 3 page story and take the time to describe all of the characters and let the readers get to know them. Thanks for the post.......Rich

Nice & hot too!