All Comments on 'Kayla Comes Home Ch. 01'

This is getting off to a good start, but you really should have someone look this over for punctuation problems. They're fairly minor, but they really interrupt the flow of the story, which is a shame, because you have a good relationship between Kayla and Trevor beginning. I like how it's going, though, and look forward to more.

I agree with the previous comment - I think I would have enjoyed the story more if it had been edited first. Good start!

Hi Amorous2009!

I really loved this story, and I would like to read more, but, like others have said, the grammatical/spelling/punctuation errors really hinder the reading. I generally don't read a story if it has improper use of the words "to/too/two",

"there/their/they're", etc, so if you don't get an editor or something, I'd be very hard-pressed to continue reading the series. I think that would be a shame, too, because I think you're off to a wonderful start! For your first story, you've done remarkably well, though there are a few places where the story didn't exactly flow too well. For instance, when they were eating breakfast, you had Kayla say a line, then made a paragraph break, she said something else, changing the subject, and the meal seemed to be over. The flow was interrupted, and I had to re-read the lines to make sure I didn't miss something.

Like I said, get yourself a good editor, for both grammar as well as the storyline. If I had time, I'd offer to edit for you, but I'm far too busy writing myself. Seriously, though, this story (not to mention its writer, honey!) has great potential. Keep it up, and just remember that the details are just as important as the big picture!

Best,

A Hopeless Romantic