Keep Rehearsing and Keep Performing

However, Rachel did find that having these extra cigarettes here and there that she was going through packs a lot quicker now. Grant had also noted that when Rachel began smoking the Virginia Slims 100s after finishing her pack of Marlboro Red 100s, her style changed slightly again. It was during one of their sessions that she lit one up for first time, and after a long first drag, with her lungs filled to capacity with smoke she commented- "Hhmm, these are nice. They are not as harsh as the Marlboros..." To his delight, Rachel seemed subconsciously to compensate for the slightly less stronger cigarettes with deeper drags.

The drags were not longer, but he could see her cheeks now caving in distinctly, in a way she had never done before. Also, when inhaling, he was certain she was pulling the smoke deeper into her lungs. The realization of her addiction excited him incredibly, but he made sure not to say anything about it, commenting instead about the elegance of the all-white cigarette compared with the cork filtered ones.

As such that evening Grant didn't pass on the opportunity and that afternoon on his way home had bought Rachel four more packs of VS 100s the next day, dropping by her place once again as he got home after work. He thought it better to do it early, she might have actually needed them.

She practically bounced to the door when he rang the doorbell.

"You needn't have rushed; I could have had them later?" She grinned happily after seeing him carrying the bag again loaded with her cigarettes. They were all for her.

"Well, I knew you were down to your last pack?"

"Yeah..." she sighed. "This higher, err, consumption...rate?" she frowned.

"But you don't mind these one?"

Her eyes lit up, "Oh no, I like the Virginia Slims...yes..." she nodded "...I like them!"

"Great, I thought so, so you wouldn't mind if I bought more of them?"

Her face melted again, "Oh Grant, you shouldn't have! You're very kind. Thank you!" Rachel said genuinely touched by his thoughtfulness and moved closer to him and on tip toes wrapped her hand around him and gave a squeeze and a long, passionate kiss on the lips before stepping back.

It was an instinctive gesture of her, she had been thinking about kissing him since the Saturday, she probably would never have dared doing if she hadn't been so surprised by his unplanned visit and even more unexpected gift. As her lips softly planted on his lips again. The touch felt electric to both of them.

Grant could have expected anything but that, and felt his knees weaken as her soft skin caressed his cheek as they stepped back. The fruity scent of her shampoo mixed with her perfume inebriated him. She was delectable, she was delicious.

"Oh my God...Sorry...I don't know what I was thinking..." Rachel said hugely embarrassed, as she retreated taking a step back.

Grant laughed as he nervously rocked on his feet, "Don't worry...No problem...Really...Don't worry...it was, umm, a nice surprise?" He fumbled not knowing what to say, being afraid to seem forthcoming, but not wanting to push her away, as Rachel was unmistakably blushing and looking at her feet. "But do not worry!" He grinned.

"I am sorry again..."

"Anyway...I err, need to go fix something to eat. I'm starving..." Grant said with a forced laugh after a moment of silence that both felt like it lasted forever and handed her the brown paper bag with the packs of cigarettes. "I'll see you on Saturday?"

"Yes, sure. My place this time..." Rachel replied and then closed the door, cursing herself for what she did. "Wow, that was as nice as I remember...what will he think of me now???" she whispered leaning back on the front door behind her, being afraid that she had just made a really big mistake.

Grant couldn't stop thinking about Rachel and all too brief a kiss on the lips, the second one now. This was not a mistake. The warmth of her body so close to his. She smelt delightful. Sitting there alone in his armchair he really now wished the kiss was more. It would have been lovely. He was conflicted. He was questioning if it was building into something more meaningful?

Grant wanted desperately to understand how he should interpret what happened. The problem he had, and he really could not deny a fact that was staring him in the face when there were together. A large and important fact. That fact that he was actually attracted to her.

Penny would have told him to write a pros and con's list. Firstly, she was so young compared to him, she was old enough that he could realistically and easily be her dad. That was a huge negative. Yet she was sparkled with energy and enthusiasm. That was a positive, there was also a third. She was literally drop dead gorgeous. He sat there and another positive for his fictional list came to him. the fact that she was properly smoking with an amazing style and the thought of her smoking in front of him with smoke drifting from her most perfect lips drove him completely mad.

Deep down Grant knew that it was not just physical attraction. He was convinced that there was more between them. He liked her; he like talking to her and generally being around her. He had been alone for so long and there was a Penny shaped hole in his life, but his rather delicious, smoking hot neighbor, was now filling a void in his soul.

Yes, he knew he was significantly older than her. Never in his life had he been shy or afraid to ask girls out, the first time he saw Penny, he knew that she was a keeper, and asked her out that night. His problem was that his women had always been about his age. Rachel certainly wasn't. Grant was sure that not few would have raised their eyebrows if they'd seen them on a date.

'Imagine what people would say at work...!' Grant wondered thinking about the reaction his colleagues might have if they would ever know that he and Rachel were an item.

But at the same time, the idea of being together with her made him have that warm cozy feeling, and just smelling her body spray mixed with smoke, got that wave of a warmth that flowed through his soul that he hadn't felt since his wife had died.

'Right, Penny. What would she think?' Grant asked her picture on the mantlepiece.

There was a part of him that felt ashamed for being attracted to Rachel, as if he were being unfaithful to Penny. But another part told him that Penny would probably have wanted for him to find someone to share the rest of his life with. Deep down, he didn't think that Penny would have wanted him to live the rest of his life mourning and alone.

Holding firmly in his hands the silver framed picture with his favorite portrait of Penny, he stared at her face as if he hoped she could speak to him. Tell him he was doing something wrong.

'I wouldn't have wanted that for Penny!' Grant said to himself trying to imagine the case where he had left Penny all alone.

But that uncomfortable sense of betraying her wouldn't leave him.

Only thinking back of Rachels moist, pink, beautiful lips as smoke drifted through them almost reaching his, made him shiver. The thoughts made his heart race. He could imagine holding her against him, to smell her girly, fruity shampoo mixed with fresh smoke from her cigarette, to taste the tobacco on her tongue as their lips met in passionate kissing...he was turned on again.

Then microwave pinged for his dinner.

"I must stop this!" he shouted at himself removing his hand from inside his trousers after feeling a growing passion and excitement build inside him. As he marched back to the kitchen to eat his dinner.

Less than 50 yards away, across the path between the houses, and on the other side of the wall, Rachel hadn't been left unaffected by that kiss either. She too had noticed that she liked their evenings together way too much, it had changed in the last few weeks, it was different from the first couple of meetings at the beginning.

She knew Grant was gentle and fun, she relaxed in his company, and she felt really ease with him, even if was egging her on to smoke. For some reason, she could really unwind when they were together, she didn't feel the need to hold back or to act. She could be herself. That by itself, was something rare for Rachel, she loved to act, she loved to be someone else, be that amazing character. Be someone that she was not. There weren't many people who could unlock her inner being.

"And he is quite the stud!" she mused as she extracted a fresh Virginia Slim 100 from the open pack in front of her right after eating her dinner.

He was tall and handsome and, although he didn't wear half-a-size too small shirts as many of her male friends often did to show their muscles, or more often their too fat stomach. She could tell that he was definitely well built. But it wasn't only his looks. Rachel liked his politeness and that he was kind. She appreciated that he offered to help her and that he could surprise her by going that little extra mile without her asking or without expecting anything in return.

'Like when he went out and bought these cigarettes for me...' Rachel though as she looked at the cigarette resting in her hand after a large drag, with her lungs flooded by the rich full-flavored Virginia smoke, not having any clue that her very smoking was Grant's reward.

When he had surprised her with the bag full of new packs of cigarettes, she had felt appreciated and special. He had listened to her and gifted her with a thoughtful gesture. It had made her forget just for a short moment about all her shyness, the age difference, and her insecurity. She had felt the irresistible urge to return his kindness and that small seemingly not so innocent kiss was the result.

The problem was that it was all but insignificant. As her lips had felt the touch of the skin on his cheek, a wave of electrifying warmth had washed over her whole body. She felt her knees almost wobble and she was afraid he had heard the sound of her own heart as it beat so hard. For a split second, she had wanted to direct her lips towards his, to feel his strong arms take her and hold her tight against him.

Rachel sat in the kitchen thinking back with the churn inside her stomach after she gave Grant that small kiss. She absentmindedly ran her tongue on her lips and then raised once more her cigarette to her mouth for one more powerful drag. A fly on the wall would have seen her smoke that cigarette with unprecedented passion as if she subconsciously directed the fervor of the intensity of the memories and thoughts into the action of smoking.

She exhaled, and then studied her fingers, the perfectly round light brown stained filter on the closest end of white cylinder wedged securely between her fingers, contrasting with the mismatched blackened ash tip and burnt paper with the grey smoke twisting off it, she took a reflective break of a deep breath of air.

It dawned on Rachel that it now had been a long time now since she had thought about the foulness of pulling thick, nicotine-rich smoke into her lungs. It was not something to contemplate. She had stopped thinking about the negatives. She could think of lots of positives. The excitement of lighting up. The need to inhale. The ability to smoke even stronger cigarette brands that Grant had bought for her. Sure, she those Camels were harsh on the throat, but none of that prevented her from enjoying her daily requirement of cigarettes in the way her personal smoking coach demanded. She liked to take the stylish long and deep drags, inhaling the smoke to the bottom of her lungs. Standing in front of them mirror she thought she looked incredibly sexy taking a large drag and then holding it there for a few seconds to let the nicotine do its magic. All of this was now routine for Rachel. She loved it. She brought the filter back to her lips and pulled again.

All she needed now was to Grant's lips to touch them again. But there was a problem in just one weekend's time she was going home for Christmas for two very long whole weeks.

That was stressing Rachel out. She was running out of time.

Act 1 Scene 8

"Talent is nothing but a prolonged period of attention and a shortened period of mental assimilation."

The Christmas holidays were on the near horizon. They were arriving quicker than either of them wanted. Grant had gone around his house putting a bit of tinsel up and his plastic tree in the corner of his lounge with some pathetic lights. It had not been right to enjoy the Christmas season alone for the last few years.

In hindsight he wished he had not. As the following evening Rachel then announced that she was going home to her parents. If Grant had thought about it properly this was expected but he was still disappointed. She had apparently not seen her mom for nearly three months and was desperate to see her.

With Christmas music blaring out in the shops Grant had been secretly looking at how to cook a Christmas dinner for two. But deep down he knew that was silly. He could go back to his family, and she had her own family, her own mom and dad who would like to see her. She was not his.

They sat down together on her sofa on the Friday night and both of them nursed a beer. The house was devoid of Christmas. She had not put anything up, as she was going away.

Grant watched on as she lit her next cigarette. His eyes followed the exhale across the room. He clasped his hands together and shuffled up on the sofa. "Rachel for the next two weeks, I have an idea for your rehearsal of smoking practice." He announced as she looked both fondly and quizzically at him.

"What?" Rachel raised her eyebrow as she stretched across and flicked her ash before bringing the filter back to her lips for a deep long drag, just as Grant loved.

"You've said that you cannot smoke at home, right?" he stated.

"Yeah!" She nodded her reply as she exhaled her lungs of smoke. She sighed with disappointment as she manicured her cigarette.

"I guess you want to stay in contact?"

"Err, yeah, come on Grant..." She grinned "Is the pop catholic?"

Grant laughed out loud. "Do you want me to keep supporting and encouraging you whilst your away?"

Her eyes lit up, "Err, yeah, yes, definitely yes, yes please!" Rachel gulped she broke her stare of Grant's eyes again to reach for the ashtray, flicking the bit ash that had not previously fallen off the tip.

Grant paused waiting her Rachel's full attention. She sat up right her bent arm close to her side the cigarette near her mouth, burning away. With her eyes looking back him, the swirl of smoke swirling from the cigarette between her fingers across her face, she looked as sultry as possible.

"I am guessing you will look to sneak a cigarette when you are out and about?"

"Yeah, that's my plan. Can't go all day without one!" She gulped a little nervous.

"Also, I assume you will occasionally have a cigarette when you are with your heavy smoking friend Imogen?"

Rachel nodded enthusiastically "Oh, yeah, definitely!" She smiled and brought the filter back to her lips and pulled hard on the filter.

Grant paused as she tilted her head back, her gorgeous pink cheeks collapsed as she inhaled deeply. He waited for her to exhale before continuing. "Then Rachel, please send me a WhatsApp selfie with every sneaked cigarette?" he grinned mischievously.

Rachel laughed at first, then rubbing her lips together she nodded "What?"

"It keeps me in the loop of your smoking?" He shrugged at the suggestion.

"I guess so...Why not?" She chuckled as she again reached over to flick the cigarette above the ashtray.

"It also means two things, you get to smoke, and then I get to see you too!" Grant laughed. As In his head he said, 'Then I get to see you smoking.'

"Oh, yeah that would be easy to do, I love that idea!" a smile crept across Rachel's face and then she glanced down at her burning cigarette, brought it back to her lips and whilst tilting her head back slightly pulled the smoke into waiting lungs.

"I thought it would be easy bit of 'homework'?" he laughed trying to make it a joke.

Rachel held the smoke, nodded, then let the smoke slowly exhale from her lungs. With a grin on her face, she then shuffled even closer to Grant, looked at him in the face as she squeezed his thigh as she said, "Happy Christmas" and leaned in and gently kissed him on the lips.

***

For the next two weeks, between two and six WhatsApp messages pinged on to Grant's phone. Normally on the slow days, there would be one in the morning, and then one midafternoon. The bigger days, the messages tended to come in during the evenings, as she was out socializing.

He got a message with a lopsided photo at ten thirty on Christmas eve of a very drunk Rachel. It was obvious she was rather relaxed. But she looked incredible in a red sparkly dress clearly standing outside a bar hugging one of her friends, Grant assumed the rather pretty brunette to be Imogen as they both had lit cigarettes dangled from their lips. Grant had replied "Great work x." with which she replied "It's all your work. Merry xmas xxxxxxxxxxx."

He felt heartened by the drunk kisses afterwards. He got one simple message on Christmas morning of "Happy Christmas to you and yours. XRx." He assumed she had sent that one out to everyone. He was not surprised one bit that no photo of her smoking appeared that day.

He had spent the holidays mostly at home, only going on Christmas Eve and Christmas day to be with his parents. He was in bed by ten on New Year's Eve. He did roll over at twenty past midnight to his vibrating phone. Another slightly blurred picture of obviously drunk Rachel outside another pub, yet another cigarette dangled between her lips matching her friend Imogen with a cigarette dangled between her lips too. "HNY xxx". At least she was with them thinking of him.

During the Christmas holidays Grant was distracted, he went through the motions he had been surprised by how much he had missed Rachel. The fact that she kept kissing him on the lips, but not asking for more.

There were no doubts in his mind anymore that he had feelings for her and wished he could find the reason to act on them. It was extremely obvious she was definitely asking for him.

Rachel was back the house on the 2^nd of January, as the trains were running. She told the parents and friends she needed to be back on the Sunday afternoon for both work and her acting class on the morning of the 3rd. In reality, she actually had a few more days off.

For all the fun Rachel was having with Imogen, she just wanted to see and be with Grant.

Act 2 Scene 1

"On the stage do not run for the sake of running or suffer for the sake of suffering. Don't act "in general", for the sake of action; always act with a purpose."

"So how was Christmas?" Grant asked as he settled down on her sofa. The place was a little dusty. She had obviously not cleaned up the slight hint of cigarettes before leaving two weeks ago.

"It was very nice, but something's happened that I need to talk to you about." Rachel stated as she seated herself on the sofa in the opposite corner from Grant and, in one concurrent motion picked up the open pack of Virginia Slims 100's that was on the coffee table.

"Oh?" Grant enquired his eyes following her every movement. There was something more, Grant noted. The way she picked up the pack was "natural", in some way he couldn't tell, she didn't do it as she used to do when practicing. Usually, they would have a bit of small talk before Rachel would knuckle down by getting to the business part of smoking for their session. Whereas this afternoon she happily and naturally reached for the pack as she sat down. "I see you still have some of those Virginia Slims left!" Grant mused her as she tapped the pack and extracted one of the all-white cigarettes.