All Comments on 'Keep Your Enemies Even Closer'

A beautiful story. Love it. AAAAAA++++++

Very cute story. But more importantly, the story flowed nicely. Good piece of writing.

Not "Emily and I's relationship" but "Emily's and my relationship" or, better, "the relationship between Emily and me". The possessive of "I" is "my", not "I's".

Sorry, wanted to like it but for him to just go from years of abuse, and her from years of being abusive (though to be honest you didn't really give much detail on that, or even really flesh out the characters) to just one day totally changing over a broken laptop doesn't seem plausible. It honestly could have used a couple more pages to develop the characters, provide more insight into their dynamics, and then build to a climactic fight that would have then led them down the path to reconciliation, acknowledgment of their new relationship as stepbrother/sister, and then start the journey to the lust/love portion. Feels like this was rushed instead of being given sufficient time and space to develop naturally. Please keep working and developing your craft.

That was... stupid. Just... plain stupid. Two pages of emotional background, completely thrown out of the window without any explanation at all, simply because he found out she has curves. Nothing this MC did or said made any sense, whatsoever. Emily's sudden one-eighty was hilarious. The relationship came completely out of the blue, with no buildup at all, skipping all the important parts. The mother claiming to have known about their feelings for a long time was clearly just an excuse for her blatant disregard of her son's concerns.

It's all just... stupid!

You need a thesaurus. And you keep repeating things and it makes it feel like you assume the reader isn’t smart enough to keep up. I know it’s not intentional, but it breaks immersion badly. And it came across like sticking to the formula was more important than letting your characters breathe and grow.

Really good concept though. I liked the initial thought you put in to their dynamics.

Haven't finished reading this yet, but I had to ask how she was able to give him a wedgie in the locker room? I have never heard of co ed locker rooms. I hope the story picks up

OK, finished. Almost wish I hadn't. Emily says Leo should have never crossed her, when was that? He followed her downstairs for dinner but couldn't help notice how she looked at him. How did she not fall down the stairs looking back like that as she went down those stairs. Consider an editor.

interesting premise, but shockingly flawed execution, comes off more as a parody than a credible story. I'd suggest trying again, taking on board some of the comments below this one. The idea was decent, but you really phoned it in when it came to putting the idea into words.

The fact the mom married a man whose daughter tormented her son for 13yrs with no regard for the sons feelings is a lack of awareness or concern for the son.how does think a person that's been a bitch all her life is actually a good person inside?

I liked the story, contrary to those anonymous professional writers.

Where was the build up of the relationship, overcoming the hatred of bullying, or even experimenting sexually? 2 pages of repeated nonsense then all of a sudden they are getting each other naked n having sex. There should of been more nervousness, did either have any sex experience? Seemed like a rushed ending n didnt make sense that the parents knew all aling about the kids feelings for each other

So, um... You've got a good concept for a story here, but the characters behaviors don't make any sense. Emily goes from "You'll regret ever crossing me.", a line that indicates that Leo, knowingly or not, did something to get on Emily's bad side, to asking him why she was a bully, to outright telling him, "Oh, it's because I always loved you, and I somehow always knew our love was forbidden even though our parents only got married last month.".

You want a good storyline that flows from the premise you set out with? Try this:

Start the same, Suddenly Leo's bully is now his big sister. She uses the fact that they're living together to ramp up her campaign of abuse, in frequency if not intensity. You could even have a scene where Leo asks her why she's doing all this to him and she replies with something vague like, "Oh, there's just something about you.", or "It's just so fun to push your buttons". Something that indicates that even Emily isn't sure exactly why she keeps poking at Leo.

Then the pool scene: Maybe she has some friends over for a pool party and has her brother bring out snacks or something to push him into a servile position and remind him that he's not a part of the clique. But, Uh-oh, he seems to be all flustered around Big Sis in her bikini. Maybe one of her friends points out how he's being a creeper. And suddenly Emily realizes that she has a whole new way of teasing Leo, Getting him all hot and flustered over his sister.

And then she just keeps pushing the envelope until actual boning occurs. And then she finally realizes/admits that the reason she's always teased Leo is because he was her first crush and that was either re-awakened or never went away.

It's a simple storyline, but it works better than this first draft.

Great read just needs another chapter

This was definitely a weird story, she has abused him is whole life,, then mom marries her dad,, so mom had no idea what he was going through or didn’t care ??? If I was in this situation I would probably have not moved in with them, I would have requested to live elsewhere,,, she played him and then did a turn around to fall in love with him ??? So she wasn’t a virgin or him also ??? An nothing about birth control

Like I said weird story

3⭐️

Nope. An abuser, whatever her problem is, keeps being an abuser.

The suffering, scars and trauma of years of abuse are not erased by an "I'm sorry, I had problems, I love you". Any abused person will tell you that.

And what's his mom's problem? She's willing to allow her child to be abused and bullied just because she loves the bully's father? And how come throughout their courtship she never told him to discipline his daughter? She left her child alone with a "not my problem, just try to get along" as if it were him to blame for the abuse. She's a really shitty mom.

She gave him a wedgie in the locker room? Why was she in his locker room? She carpooled to save gas money, but was rich enough to live in a sprawling mansion with a pool? And his Mom has to make arrangements for them to use their own pool? Then he meets her at the festival even though they live in the same house. Inconsistencies are distracting, and cause a reader to give up, and the story idea was very interesting.

Thanks for writing!

What awful story. this guy was such a loser.

This story has zero substance an makes even less sense. It left an awful aftertaste in my mouth even though I usually love enemies to lovers stories.

My first thought was she's just a bully which usually means that she feels like she has to put others down to make herself look good. After reading a little more I thought that she may be hurting because her mother wasn't in the picture. (It would be nice to know the "why' behind that.) However,, after reading a little more I wondered if she was "acting out" in the same way that little boys have been known to do because they "like" a certain girl and don't know how to handle their feelings. As it turns out, it was the later. Even though I wondered what Emily was doing in the boys locker room, (She waited until she thought everyone else was gone maybe?) I didn't let that keep me from appreciating the story. I'd like to see a part 2 to this story.

Before I finish the story I'm not liking how he thinks he is stuck with her he's 18 he can move the hell out he needs to grow a pair of balls

Ok as I said before he is 18 he doesn't have to live there he can leave whenever he wants it's not like his so called mother would care she knew he didn't like this Emily chick yet she decided to marry Emily's dad without even first talking about it with her son she just told him who she was going to marry and basically said I don't care rather or not you don't like it basically saying fuck you to her own son he could have said point blank the he doesn't like it and that she has choice marry him and lose a son or keep a son and find someone else if my mother would have done that to me i have made it clear me or him take your pick cause you can't have both

Since Emily calls Leo her little brother, how much older is she then him?