Key to Her Heart?

"Thanks, Dad...and Mom," I added, missing her so much. She would have helped decorate my room, I was sure, giving it some nice touches that would instead forever escape me.

Rolf still wasn't home when they left late that afternoon, so I sat down in the living room and was finally able to take my mask off. That was when I realized one more point that had escaped me earlier that afternoon.

COVID had done so much damage to the world, the country, my family, and even my own life, but it had one positive result. Because of COVID, I met Etta.

Now, I just hoped I could continue learning about Etta and, if things continued on the current course and she was everything I believed her to be, that I could win her heart.

***

Etta got home late on Sunday so we video chatted for a bit before bed.

"I'll come over tomorrow night to take a look, okay?" She sounded excited to see me and see my new place, and I was excited to see her again.

The welcoming session for new medical students was Monday morning at 10 AM, with a meet and greet reception afterward. I spent the rest of the day taking care of my ID badge, my parking pass, and all the other seemingly inane clerical details associated with attending a new school.

With so much going on during the day, it was mid-afternoon before I had time to send Etta a text message; she sent me a brief reply a little later.

Etta: Looking forward to seeing you tonight, too.

I think I had a smile hidden under my mask for the rest of the afternoon.

***

We did a brief hug when she arrived that evening and then she handed me a bottle of wine.

"Housewarming present. Or apartment, I guess."

"Thanks. Let's get this open, okay."

Sharing the wine, I gave her a quick tour of my part of the apartment and then we fixed dinner together—Rolf, it turned out, had a part time job in addition to his studies, so he was rarely home after 7:30 AM or home before 9 PM. A salad and pasta were my contribution while she whipped up a meat sauce from the limited supplies in my part of the pantry and fridge. While stirring with her left hand, she started writing something with her right.

"Whatcha doing?"

"Making you a real grocery list. The contents of your refrigerator shout, 'Kyle's a poor bachelor!' And it looks like your roommate's even worse."

"I don't know about him, but I am a poor bachelor; well, not poor, poor, but not rich, that's..."

I paused, seeing Etta looking down, her eyes looking cloudy.

"Etta, what's wrong, sweetheart?"

"Ahem, nothing. I think I got something in my eye. Can you keep stirring this? I need to run to the bathroom to get it out."

She was okay on returning, and we had a nice dinner and talk before retiring to the other side of the table to the couch and chair in the 'living room' portion of the room. I wanted to sit next to her but knew the risk of the virus so I stayed on my side and she on hers.

We began to read about Mary's date with a doctor at their hospital, an old manor home in England that had been converted into a hospital during the war. Etta seemed to be on the edge of her seat, leaning toward me as I read the entry for Saturday, August 25, 1917.

After dinner and under a starry sky, Howard and I walked back along the lane to The Manor. We were arm-in-arm again, with me enjoying the feeling of his recovered strength against me and the assurance of his sure-footedness in the dark. He has no limp, his wound being completely healed.

"Mary, stop for a moment," he said as we passed a gate in the stone fence.

I did as he said and looked around toward him, only to feel him pull me into his embrace and his lips to close on mine.

I'm 20 years of age and I've never been very interested in men until Howard, but this wasn't my first kiss...or my second. This, though, was different. Perhaps they were boys who had as little clue about what they were doing as I did, but Howard wasn't a boy and he clearly knew more. I felt tingly all over as his lips played over mine for just moments before he relaxed, releasing me.

"Very nice," he breathed, but I didn't trust myself to say anything as he escorted me the rest of the way back to The Manor. With people around when we arrived, he didn't try to kiss me again, though I'm not sure I would have objected if he had.

Etta was looking at me with a strange look in her eyes as I finished the passage. "I hate COVID," she said.

"Me, too," I agreed, not knowing where that had come from.

"Kyle...I better get going. Class starts in the morning and I'm tired after today."

I saw her down to her car, sharing one of our brief COVID hugs, one armed with heads turned and breath held for a moment but this time she slipped her other arm around me, gave me a squeeze, and then got into her car without another word. She gave me a little wave with her fingers on the wheel as she backed out and drove away.

As she did, I knew I missed her already and would be counting the hours and minutes until I saw her again.

***

The first three weeks of school seemed to go well for both of us, though we had to cut back on our time together to about two nights during the week and two or three on the weekend. Rolf was home on Tuesday and Thursday evenings, so we made it a point to visit her place on those evenings when we could get together.

I thought about it each time we met and ate together, and was soon feeling worse each time when we fixed dinner together. While a lot of restaurants were closed, some were open....

"Etta, would you like to go out with me sometime? You know, like a date?"

She barely contained her giggle. "Kyle? Haven't we been seeing each other for a couple of months?"

"Yeah, I'd like to think so, but I wasn't sure if you'd see it that way."

"You silly man," she said, trying to keep from laughing.

"So...will you be my girlfriend?"

She didn't bother trying to contain her laugh this time. "You silly, silly man."

Not wanting to seem any more dense than I already did, I assumed that meant yes.

***

As our workload grew, it got harder though, and it wasn't long before we had to cut back to one night during the week and one or sometimes two on the weekend. I didn't think about it at first but Mary's journal had been an early casualty of our schoolwork and Mary's part-time work with her father's law firm.

I miss you I texted her one evening but there was no response until the next morning.

Sorry, fell asleep early last night. Trying to catch up this morning before class.

That was the pattern for the next few days, with both of us struggling. She wasn't too happy with me when I pushed her for us to get together, and even less so when I asked her about cutting back on her work at her father's office.

"Kyle, you don't understand. I'm trying to graduate with as little student loan debt as possible. Dad's firm is paying for my tuition and books since I'm an employee—there's a work requirement for several years—and my income from the work covers my living expenses. If I have to cut back on something, it can't be that."

"I'm sorry to hear that," I replied. "It's getting late so you better get some rest. Good night, Etta."

"Good night, Kyle."

***

Over the next week or two, the situation deteriorated, and, in the rare times we got together, I could see it was getting to her. One night I said, "Etta, you can't keep going like this, sweetheart. You really need to make a change."

She nodded, obviously thinking about her options. I hoped she'd find a way to cut back on her work hours; she couldn't tell me anything about her cases beyond the basics, but I knew her father and his partners were putting far too much on her.

Her message came in at noon the next day. I was on break for a while between classes so I guessed she was probably doing the same.

Etta: Can we talk tonight?

Since Rolf would be at work that evening, I responded, Want to come over?

Etta: Sorry, can't, too much reading and homework. Talk at 8?

Sure.

It was a videochat like others we'd had but this time Etta was dressed up like she was on a date, though I recognized the area behind her as her office in her apartment.

"Kyle, I've really enjoyed spending time with you, but I think we need to stop."

I'd been quite hopeful about what she was going to tell me, but suddenly my heart started racing and then it seemed to stop like she'd suggested it. I'd known it was a possibility, but I thought she cared about me. Now, I was shocked to hear the words I'd believed she wouldn't say.

"Etta, what's going on? What we discussed last night? I thought—"

"Yes, it's too much, Kyle. We're both back in school now, I'm working and can't cut back, and then there's the stupid virus that's still raging so...well, we can't be together anymore. We're wasting our time and...I'm so sorry...but we have to stop."

"No, Etta, please. I like you a lot and want to see where this might go."

"That's the problem; it can't go anywhere without us risking getting sick. I like you a lot, too, but it's like a hamster running on a wheel or one of those race cars going around and around the track. We're going in circles and not getting anywhere because, well, we can't get anywhere. If either of us gets sick, it could put us so far behind in our classwork that it could potentially end our career, IF it doesn't kill us. And with our schoolwork and my workload, trying to play at romance is just too much, for me for sure, and I think it is for you, too."

"No, please, this isn't right, Etta."

"You're right, it isn't, and I know that and you know it, but it doesn't mean we can do anything about it."

"But the vaccines are coming. The professor talked about it in class the other day."

As serious as she was being, she actually chuckled. "It would make sense for a medical school professor to talk about what's in the pipeline, but you have to look at the other side, too."

"Huh?"

"One of my professors talked about that in class a few days ago, too, but from a tort standpoint. What if they rush these vaccines out in hopes of saving people but people start dying because the testing wasn't good enough? What happens then? He warned that we might just get stuck right in the middle of all of the lawsuits. I hope that doesn't happen, but he was pointing out the possibility because most of us don't want to spend the first half of our legal careers in litigation over faulty COVID vaccines."

"The doctors won't allow the vaccines to come out unless they're safe," I said.

She laughed. "Kyle, if you think the doctors are the only ones who have an interest in this, you're not as smart as I think you are. Listen, I need to go, lots of studying to do. Take care and be safe, Kyle. Goodbye."

"Etta!" I called but she hung up on me.

I tried to study that evening, but my heart was heavy and I didn't get much done.

***

Several weeks passed. Etta wouldn't take my calls and she wouldn't return my messages. It was a depressing time but my schooling dictated that I couldn't dwell on it. If I fell too far behind, my career as a doctor could be over before it even started. I'd be letting down myself, my dad, my late mom, and everyone else who'd helped me along the way. I even included Etta in that, though I wasn't sure if she'd really want to be.

The only real positive was that it gave Dad and me a chance to get together for dinner a few times and talk. I avoided speaking of Etta, but I think he could tell something was bothering me. I blamed COVID and he eventually let it drop.

On a Sunday evening in late October, I picked up Mary's journal for the first time in several weeks. Reading the entry for the next day from where we'd left off, I felt bad, as if I was doing something wrong. I thought for a few moments that I was violating Mary's privacy as she started expressing her feelings for a young soldier, but 103 years and Mary had both passed, so I knew that wasn't it; any statute of limitations on the expectation of privacy had expired many years before.

Thinking of the potential legal aspects in such humorous terms made me think of Etta. I'd really enjoyed reading and spending time with her, so I missed her greatly. That, I realized, was the issue—I felt bad about reading ahead without Etta reading along. Tucking the marker in the page, I started to put it down but then realized I couldn't let Etta's departure from my life dictate how I lived it.

Then again, I hadn't willingly let her leave it. I took pictures of the pages I'd just read and sent them to her.

***

The next evening, a message popped in on my phone while I was working out in my apartment complex's exercise room. I'd often skipped exercising when I was with Etta, but I realized after she was gone that the exercise actually helped me, keeping me in shape and helping me concentrate.

There were signs posted limiting occupancy to a maximum of four people in the room at one time with proper social distancing, but that wasn't a problem either. I was the only person who was ever there during that hour and I used the sanitizing wipes on everything I touched, both before and after.

Etta: Thank you. I've missed reading with you. This made my evening.

I started typing a message but stopped mid-way through and deleted it all. Instead, just before going to bed that evening, I picked up Mary's journal and read the next day. When done, I masked the pages and took pictures of the entry for just that day. Replying just before getting into bed, I typed, You're welcome. Miss reading with you, too.

I attached the new photos and hit SEND.

***

That became the new routine for the next couple of weeks, with me reading an entry in Mary's journal before taking photos of it and sending them to Etta. She always thanked me the next day and sometimes commented, always about her own reaction to Mary's tale rather than the events in the journal itself. She admitted to crying one evening and slipped up, saying, I wish you were here to hold me after that.

I didn't admit it to her but I'd shed a tear, too, at Mary's plight. To make matters worse, I wished that Etta was there to hug me every evening but I didn't admit that either, not wanting to sever the tenuous bridge we'd re-established between us.

It was mid November when I arrived home from the school one evening to find Etta standing outside my door wearing her mask.

"Hi, Kyle. I...ahem...I'll leave if you don't want me here."

I shook my head. "Etta, I never wanted you to leave in the first place."

She shook her head. "I know. Will you give me another chance?"

"Come on in and I'll think about it."

There was a hint of surprise on her face before she gave a slow nod. "I deserved that...and I'll try to make it up to you."

"Okay."

"Okay what?"

"Okay, I thought about it enough and I'll give you another chance," I said, "assuming that you're serious about trying." She could tell I was grinning below my mask before I took her in my arms and hugged her close. My cheek brushed against hers and I basked in the glow of that feeling. We turned toward each other and I was looking into those pretty emerald eyes when she touched my cheek with her hand and I did the same with hers.

"Kyle, forgive me," she whispered before slipping the elastic off my ear. As soon as she said it, I knew what she was doing and I did the same with her as I whispered "forgive me, too," back to her.

Our lips met then, my head felt as if it was spinning, and my heart felt as if it was galloping out of my chest as we played together for the first time, her tasting me, me tasting her, and us being together in body and soul. Her tongue darted into my mouth leading me to moan as mine tangled with hers.

My eyes drifted closed in absolute delight as our souls seemed to connect through that kiss. As hungry as each of us was for the taste of the other, I think it lasted for about a hundred years with the two of us being all that mattered in the world.

Well, not actually that long and probably nothing else except for the clearing of Rolf's throat.

"Uhm, sorry, you guys must not have heard me unlock the door...and I must have missed the memo that COVID's been cured," he chuckled as Etta and I drew back. "Hi, Etta. Good to see you again. Excuse me and carry on," he added as he passed through on the way to his room.

"Kyle! I'm so sorry! I hope I haven't infected you without knowing it."

"Same here, sweetheart, but if I die from that kiss, I'll die happy." I didn't tell her what Dr. Belhoff had said about physical intimacy and the greatly increased risk of COVID transmission; Etta had enough to worry about without that knowledge and I could very easily worry enough for both of us.

"Don't be like that," she said. "I want you here, with me. But," she added with a grin, "I think I know what you mean."

***

Over the next few weeks, Etta and I were careful, hugging more often than we should but keeping our masks in place despite our doubts that they'd be all that effective if one of us was really exposed. We talked and studied regularly, and despite it all, she agreed to be my girlfriend again as long as we kept classwork and her work first and our relationship a very distant second. I didn't like that but it was her stipulation and I went along and did my best to live up to it.

She also became somewhat of a regular with me at my apartment complex's exercise room. We'd study together two to four times a week and would hit my complex's mini-gym about half of the time, though we occasionally went for a run, played tennis, or even went biking. It wasn't easy seeing each other without being able to physically share more than an occasional hug, but we enjoyed relative proximity and a steady strengthening of our interpersonal relationship instead of the physical intimacy that we had begun to crave.

We also resumed reading Mary's journal, usually just one entry when we were together. Etta even declined reading occasionally, usually saying we had too much studying to do, so I didn't push since my original plan, harkening back to Scheherazade, had seemed to have worked in keeping Etta's interest long enough for us to fall for each other.

Still, we enjoyed reading Mary's tale from time to time and had times when we laughed together and others when we fought off the tears. While we thought we had it rough, to see what our ancestors endured during the war at the same time the Spanish flu was raging and killing millions made us realize how easy we really had it.

Etta went to see her dad and stepmom for Thanksgiving, so I went home to see Dad and Kevin. It took about forty-five minutes to drive across town to the house, making me so thankful I didn't have to do it every day and that by having my own place, even if I was the junior partner in the apartment I shared with Rolf, that I was able to see Etta more often.

It was while speaking with Dad around that time that I let it slip that I was seeing someone, but I didn't give away everything. Etta and I had agreed not to tell anyone of our relationship so he took my deflection well but did give me a little lecture on being careful in the dual age of COVID and rampant early-adult fertility. Feeling somewhat like I was a teenager again, I told him we were being quite careful, leaving him to assume the worst, whereas I could only dream of when that day might actually come.

Christmas was something of a repeat of Thanksgiving, but the good news was that we'd been informed that medical students would be eligible to receive the COVID vaccine shortly after Christmas. I was excited about it despite there being a possible risk so I scheduled and got my first dose in early January.

***