Kia Kaye 01

Kia Kaye 01

Hi folks, I'm coming to you today as my other persona, Kia Kaye and all I'm asking of you is to repeat in your head every slice of conversation that makes me sound good. You know, repeat to yourself things like "happy" or "pleasing" and pass quickly over words like "stupid" and things like that. Alright?

"Hmmm, you're here early today, Brad. Were you bored at home or did you have something else on your mind?"

"Kia, you're stupid and it's stupid how you wear the wrong kind of undies. I just thought I would set up the game console in advance of the Hank arriving home from work, that's all, so stop talking stupid."

"Well, your timing couldn't be better, Brad. I mean, I just now finished cleaning the gray controllers with "anti-stupid & cooties" wet wipes, so come in."

"See, it's those types of stupid come backs that make you even more stupid, Kia. But thanks for letting me hang out a little early."

"No problem, Brad because I actually wanted to ask you about something and I was hoping to have an hour of alone time with you to do just that."

"Hey, calling this "alone time" is stupid, Kia! I'm just early, that' all."

"Fine Brad, but listen, a little birdie told me that you may have recently actually said something nice about me. So, is that true or did I fall victim to stupid rumors? Mm-mmm Brad?"

"Well, I may have said something about how our gatherings are so much calmer and pleasant over here at your place and I may have noticed that everyone seems so much happier here because of you, but that might just be stupid luck. But stupid luck or not, things are sweeter here, not to mention that it smells sweeter here too. I mean, have you ever been to a game night at Bobby and Jake's place? It smells like rotten apples and the furniture is made from beer cans. And maybe it doesn't hurt that you wear those stupid shorts, but that's all I said."

Well, the little birdie had a few things more to say, but I knew that it must have taken all of his inner energy to at least get that much out.

"Well, I'll take most of that as a compliment Brad, I think. And as far as Bobby and Jake go, well, I guess not everyone has a roommate like me, right Brad? Oh, and by the way, LOL, not even with a Hazmat suit would I enter Bobby's place."

"Are we through with our stupid "alone time" minutes now, Kia? It's a little uncomfortable for me and I have to set up the game console before Hank gets home and the others arrive."

"Sure Brad, I mean, pushing the green touch pad and waiting for the console to boot up just takes so much time and effort, right? Anyways, did you want a ham sandwich, Brad?"

"Ugh, that would be nice of you, Kia."

"And did you want to fuck me before you eat or after you eat? Or should I ask if you want to fuck me stupid before or after you eat? Mm-mmm?"

"And we're back to talking stupid."

"Brad???? The truth will set you free. And speaking of telling the truth, was my bedroom door really cracked open last weekend or were you being naughty and pushed my bedroom door to crack it open just enough for you to spy on me? I mean, you must have had quite the view and oops, you didn't exactly back off very quickly either, did you Brad?"

"I'm not having this stupid conversation with a stupid cross dresser like you Kia, even though your stern face is, well, can I have some cheese on my sandwich too?"

"Sure, but I'm just disappointed that you can't free your soul, Brad. I mean, I don't do the things you have been thinking about, but speaking of such things isn't that big of a deal."

"Fine, it may be stupid of me, but yes, I'd like to fuck you stupid and then I'd fuck you silly, but that's just fantasy stuff and it doesn't leave this house, right Kia?"

"LOL, wow, you left that door wide open for me, so let me try this, LOL. Brad, my lips are sealed as tight as my boy hole, LOL. Anyways, I just wanted (cheek kiss) to hear you admit it, so carry on and I'll make that sandwich for you."

And yeah, that's about as far as my sex life goes. Well, other than watching stuff on Chang, LOL, that was my entire sex life.

"Well, um Kia, my mom still talks about that cherry pie you made her last month and I think her church ladies are stopping by her house tomorrow after service for their Sunday coffee and gossip session and all."

"Oh, well, I'd be happy to accommodate your mom and her friends, but you know, for the life of me, well, I just can't seem to remember how I wear my hair on baking days. I mean, huh, right Brad?"

"A ponytail, pinned up high and those black beach shorts, I mean, what does it matter as long as you make my mom and her friends a cherry pie, Kia? In your bare feet and all. With a rainbow hair tie."

"LOL, now I admit that you're admitting a little too much, but seeing how the Baxter's have their fruit stand up and running and all, I suppose I run down there once Hank gets home from work."

I didn't mind the stupid flirting and all, but it did seem like things were going a little far, so Hank arrived home at just the right time and whew, I think I avoided getting fucked stupid. And the fucked silly.

LOL, not that Baxter's fruit market was much better.

"Damn it, Kiwi, do you have to dress like this around my lousy husband? And my other customers?"

"LOL, it's Kia, Mrs. Baxter, but I like Kiwi too."

"Oh, sorry Kia. Listen, you're a good customer and all, but every time you come around, well, someone like my lousy husband grabs a cucumber and then starts to stroke, well, let's just say that then I can't sell that cucumber!"

"Now, don't be bitter, Mrs. Baxter. I mean, you like it when I send my roomie down here with a list and how you personally escort him to the "U Pick" areas, right Mrs. Baxter???? Mm-mmm? I mean, you're all happy about that, right Mrs. B?"

"Well, we don't need to talk about and all, but Hank is nice to me and all, so we shouldn't stop doing that, I suppose. But you hear this, every time you bend over to pick ears of corn of the bushel basket, well, you're going to get shucked one of these days. Like Hank shucks me. In field number three. And by the way, with my cherries being pre-packaged and all, why isn't my Hankie Poo here now?"

"LOL, wow, now that's a good gamer avatar screen name, right? Anyways, whew, I was home alone with one of Hankie Poo's friends and things were getting pretty close to my first shucking, so I had to run, LOL. But I'll tell you what. If you accidently give me one extra bag of cherries in exchange for accidently forgetting my two bottle of corn syrup in my shopping bag, well, maybe I will have to send Hankie Poo back down here to get them. I mean, I can't make a juicy cherry pie without corn syrup, right Mrs. B?"

"Well..."

Ah, negotiations at the fruit market, am I right? I mean, whew, I avoided sexual interactions with Brad, well, I prolonged sexual interactions with Brad, I handed the roomie a piece of MILF ass on a platter, almost got shucked around the sweet corn baskets and a free bag of cucumbers, which I threw out. I mean, ewe, right?

"Kia, am I winning? Did you send Hank back to the fruit market so I could win? I mean, so we could win before anyone else arrives? Also, SOB, you really know how to shuck an ear of corn. Oh, Kia, OMG, Kia, SOB, I have corn Kia, I have corn! Well, I have wood, but you know?"

Well, I watched Mrs. Baxter shuck a few, so I had the hand motions down. Also, LOL, Brad just whipped it out and shucked his own corn. Well, wood. Wow, in my direction. Which I figured, so I had a kitchen towel handy.

"Leave the kitchen towel in bathroom Brad and I'll sneak it into the laundry with Hank's, ah, kitchen towels. And if there is any need for you to leave your boxers in the bathroom, I'll secretly wash them for you. By the way, was that enough for you for today? Can we put the sexual overtones behind us and let the game night be just another game night?"

"Whew, wow, huff, um, oh, whew, I need a cigarette, puff."

I don't know, normal spent guy talk????? I mean, Brad doesn't smoke. Cigarettes.

"Well Brad, do you mind if I post something on Chang about finally caving into sex? I mean, at least one drop of your stuff landed in my mouth and all, so technically, right?"

"Oh, huff, um, puff, what were you going to say? And by the way, you dipped your finger when you took my boxers off, so be fair about things."

Well, I may or may not have helped him remove his boxers and there may or may not have been a few clinging drops on his thighs. Which need to be shaved, by the way. I mean, we were in the bathroom and all, but straight guys, right? They think it's all macho and stuff.

"I'll keep it very simple and without names. I was just going to post that it was late and I was laying on my bed and on my belly while just wearing a thong that doesn't hide anything and a sleeper crop top that shows off my middle section and that a handsome man spied on me from behind and then he lost control and made sexual advantages towards me and that at first I tried to fend off his advantages, but I ended up panting and lifting my hips up high for him and then the handsome man noticed that I was basically sex drooling and then he powered slammed me like a mad man until I was absolutely crushed into the mattress and whimpering and then he had a cigarette and recovered and then he put me on my back and SOB, nailed me and spoiled me for all videos on Chang. Or something simple like that."

Well, never ever be in a bathroom with a guy who just jacked off at you while watching you shuck sweet corn and then tell him a simple fantasy story. I mean, cigarette or not, Brad recovered and well shoot, I was already on the bathroom floor and all and OMG, it just popped to life again, but I'll hold that post when I'm ready to let the Chang community know that I had my second sexual experience.

"Wow, Kia, I mean wow. Um, can I knock on your bedroom later tonight? You know, to ask you which cherry pie is meant for my mom? Even though I'm sure they will both look the same."

"I suppose, but only if you promise to quickly hack Hank's gamer account and change his screen name to Hankie Poo."

Well, I hadn't considered that "knock" on my bedroom door later thing, but until then, LOL, the game night was still to go on.

"Hi Jeremy, you're the last to arrive, so I guess it's game on time. The guys, well, I think they are just napping on the couch, but you can shake them awake."

"Oh, ah, they both look like they are "after sex" napping, so?"

"I know nothing, Jeremy, I mean, I've been bare foot in the kitchen making pies, with my ponytail tied up high like this. In these little beach shorts. I mean, maybe they stopped by the Cottonwood Street alley this afternoon or something."

"Oh, yeah, yeah, that sounds about right. Anyways, while they are dozing off, listen, sometimes when Brad uses the bathroom, he may not be using the bathroom. I think there is another point of view in the hallway that has his attention, no matter how poorly he treats you in public, so watch it, Kia."

"Oh, and how is my point of view, Jeremy? Mm-mmm?"

"Well, you have a very alluring point of view with the way you tilt on your right hip and slightly bend your left leg, which really makes your buns take shape, but that's all I know. I mean, Brad said, that's all."

Ah, no, I had enough for the day. Besides, I was busy making cherry pies. With my ponytail bound high on my head.

"Alright Jeremey. So, are you going to shake the guys awake or stand behind me as I shake a little as I prep the flour and cherries?"

"Well...."

"Ugh, nerds and their hand-held controllers!"

Nope, I'm not sure what Jeremy did behind me. I mean, I was just rolling out the dough mix and if that caused my backside to shake a little, well, it's just a requirement for the perfect cherry pie. In my small beach shorts. With my ponytail tied up high.

"Ooh, cucumbers! Kia, are you going to slice us some cucumbers tonight? Also, um..."

"LOL, you can have all of the cucumbers you want tonight, Jeremey. Farmer Baxter, ah, hand picked them for me. Or man handled them, whatever. And OMG, if you need to go commando for the rest of the night, fine, just leave your boxers in the laundry basket."

"Well, this feels gay now, so don't look as I slip past you to get to the laundry room."

I mean, how else was I going to keep all these extra boxer shorts in the laundry basket straight if I didn't peek? Which was a much quicker peek than he and Brad gave me through the crack in my bedroom door. Weekly.

End Kia Kaye 01