Kismet or Happenstance? Ch. 07

"I told you about mine," she continued, backing him into a corner with just one exit.

Right then he wanted to tell her it wasn't the same thing. She'd brought up her ex in the context of her mother's death, and that her ex had emailed her while he hadn't spoken or thought about Lauren Emery in years. Hell, he didn't even want to think about her right now. But he knew enough about women to know they didn't limit their arguments to logic.

"We dated on and off for about three years."

The on / off cycles helped them last as long as they had because their relationship constantly felt new. They'd breakup after a few months into a normal rhythm. It wasn't until those last months of living together that they'd delved into the real stuff.

"That's a quite a while, was it serious?"

Man, he'd give a million dollars not to be in this SUV right now.

"You really want to talk about this?" Maybe she'd take the hint.

"I wouldn't be asking if I wasn't interested."

Apparently Ana had turned off the subtlety radar all women carried with them since birth.

"It didn't get serious until the last year. We lived together for a few months when I was in New York."

"So she followed you from Boston?"

"Yeah."

"Why'd you break up?"

"She told me she was pregnant."

The icy calm in his voice couldn't be missed. Pregnant? Sean was always so careful about using protection. He'd even told her why. Her stomach tensed. "I thought you said you'd never...you know—"

"Only that one time with you," he reaffirmed more to himself than to her.

Relief swept over her; Sean hadn't lied to her. But invisible fingers of guilt and hypocrisy wagged at her.

"Lauren told me she'd taken a pregnancy test and it was positive. She'd had taken antibiotics for an ear infection and said it must've interfered with the Pill."

Even then it didn't seem plausible that he'd gotten Lauren pregnant. She'd just moved back into their apartment after they'd completed another two week breakup when she'd told him the news. He didn't want to start off his impending, albeit unexpected voyage into fatherhood doubting the mother of his child. So he willed away his doubts so he wouldn't feel like an asshole because he wasn't ready for a baby.

"I figured it must've happened because of a defective condom but the next morning when she admitted she'd lied about the whole thing because...she decided it was time we got married," he said bitterly. Lauren had had the nerve to expect him to hand her a medal for coming clean the next day. It had been one of the longest nights of his life, lying in bed next to her while his gut instinct haunted him like a demon. He knew something had been off but he loved Lauren and that meant believing her. He'd resolved that they'd get married and make it work.

Ana listened to the story stripped to its bare facts and told in too flat a voice. It had to have hurt to been lied to like that, about such an important thing, even more so given Sean's family history. Hadn't his girlfriend thought about that at all? How cruel to zero in on the one area he was most vulnerable.

"Didn't she know how...worried and careful you were about preventing a pregnancy?"

His voice remained flat when he spoke. "No. She knew about Duncan having Grace just out of high school but I never told her what it was like for him and Jess or the rest of the family." He looked out the window.

Ana reached out and touched his thigh and his larger hand covered hers. "I'm sorry...that you had to go through something like that."

Her next question tumbled out before she truly reviewed it.

"Is that why you broke up?"

His summation was simple and brokered no argument. "I could never trust her after that; there was no point in staying together anymore."

He could barely take the sound of Lauren's voice waffling between explaining and begging for forgiveness. Forgiving had been one thing but trust...that was something altogether different. The drama only put the spotlight on their main problem: Lauren wanted the marriage-and-children questions concretely answered well before her thirtieth birthday while he'd been content with the way things were. He'd been toying with the idea of moving back to California and she thought it unfair to have to move across the country, leaving family and friends behind just to be his live-in girlfriend. Lauren had put the absence wedding rings and a mortgage before them or their relationship.

It still messed with his mind how a woman he'd loved and lived with could come up with such a crazy scheme and use the promise of an innocent life to get what she wanted. The disbelief lingered even now, causing an imperceptible shake of his head. She'd arbitrarily decided how their lives should be as if she'd ordered takeout with asking what he wanted. How long would he have ignored his suspicions out of love, was a question that totally fucked with his mind. There were no other words for it. It's why he didn't want to think about this anymore. It was done.

"I understand," Ana said softly.

Her hand slid out from under his and attached itself to the wheel. A deluge of thoughts poured into her head, bouncing around like ever increasing ping pong balls. Was his mindfulness in not repeating his brother's mistake the only reason he'd been so vigilant about using protection? Or did it have as much to do with his ex? Had he been swept up in a sexual high when he'd revealed his fantasy of being completely naked inside her? Was it merely a fantasy, one he'd never intended to act on even though she'd said yes? Or was there a part of Sean that didn't trust her?

He not only looked serious and distracted, Ana felt it. The energy rolling off of them grew until a weird vibe filled the space between them. He fiddled with the button on the dial so pops of rap, classical and top forty filled the air. Meanwhile Ana edited script after mental script on how she'd tell Sean about her online identity, her charade this afternoon and her connection to Simon. And somewhere in between the mental juggling she hoped the criticisms she'd posted online were simply products of her misplaced anger, that her feelings for him were rooted in something real between them. Maybe the insidious questions would go away.

* * * * *

The bottle cap flew in a perfect arc on its way to the garbage can.

"Good shot," Ana enthused, searching for a way to ease the uncomfortable quiet that had followed them into his kitchen. This clearly wasn't the time to launch into a late night chat about CuriousBloom and PacificCoastRiff. The invisible gulf between them grew when he grabbed the guitar case off the floor and stalked off to the living room. Suddenly she was eleven years old again in a house with no sound, only this time she could do something about it.

"Are you okay?"

Sean took a healthy sip of water on his way back to the kitchen. "Yeah," he said in one pitch above the flatness she'd heard during their drive. His smile wasn't all that encouraging either.

"You seem a little—" she wavered as she tried for some phrase that wouldn't put him on the defensive. "—distracted."

Aloof, chilly and distant were accurate adjectives. Should she apologize for making him talk about his ex or would mentioning her again just plunge him deeper into an ugly place?

"I'm fine—just winding down from tonight."

Ana wanted to believe him so she clung to the reassurance his mouth offered as his lips brushed hers. I don't know how to reach you and I'm scared here.

"Come here," she commanded softly after the empty bottle clunked its way into the garbage can. Ana leapt onto the island. "We have some unfinished business to take care of."

Ana craved that connection and closeness again, and sex was the one, pure place where they could be without any clutter. She hoped in silence he'd meet her there. She hated this shakiness, this uncertainty that had quietly crept in tonight.

Sean stood between her knees, his hands on either side of her thighs. A growing predatory heat replaced the blankness in his eyes. "Remind me what that was again?"

Every cell in Ana's body brightened with elation. He'd come back to her.

"This," she said as her hands traveled up his arms to settle on his shoulders.

She conveyed her message with every pass of her tongue and every nip at his lips when their mouths met. I need you. I love you. Be with me. He answered her with the eagerness of his fingers. They dove into her hair, releasing her curls with quick jerks on the pins hidden within the twist. They parted briefly when Ana pulled up his shirt only to find each other's mouth again. There was no slow build up, no teasing—only an urgent need to connect.

Sean's mouth fed on and laved her breasts with a roughness that set her blood on fire. He groaned when her tongue painted his nipples with slow swirls and fast flicks. Ana wiggled her hips as he pulled her jeans down. He grabbed her panties and yanked them from her body in one violent motion. An attack of four hands sent Sean's jeans and boxer-briefs flying onto the pile of clothes and shoes scattered on the tiles. They feverishly explored each bit of newly revealed skin with their fingers, lips and tongues.

Sean's mouth never left Ana's as she fondled his cock to aching hardness. His skin tightened when her fingers cupped and gently squeezed the sensitive orbs below his shaft. He broke the kiss and mumbled an oath. Her fingers strayed further and he knew he'd be done soon if he didn't stop her. But damn it felt good. Too good. Her touch made him ravenous.

"What?" she asked in surprise as he shackled her wrists in one hand behind her back.

"I think turnabout's fair play," he explained while his free hand covered her damp sex. Ana writhed against his fingers as they circled and played within her slick folds. She cooed and hissed when two fingers slid inside her, testing her readiness to receive him. He caressed and stroked her yielding flesh until she rolled her hips to drive his fingers deeper. The clasp of her wet satin and the sounds she made were almost enough to set him off.

"Uh," she breathed as his fingers curled and rocked back and forth inside her. "I-I...don't," she protested with a whimper. Sean's gaze was intense and hungry when she opened her eyes. The corner of his mouth shifted into the devil's smile. Ana gulped.

"Don't what, baby?" he demanded as his fingers twisted within her slick heat. His palm cradled the back of her head as she shook off the dull sting of pleasure—or at least tried to.

"Stop," she mouthed more than spoke.

"Stop what?" His voice dropped to a wicked purr that matched the things his fingers were doing. "You have to tell me. Or I'll keep on doing this."

Ana bit back a moan as her pussy clung to his fingers.

"You like that, don't you," he said, smiling against her mouth.

Her hands clutched his arm in an effort to make him stop. "Sto-op," she croaked, "you're go—going to make me...come." "I...ah...don't want to...come."

His lips swept over hers as he spoke; she heard the faint amusement in his voice. "Why not?"

Ana pushed at his arm and turned away from his drugging kisses. "Not without you."

Her simple demand had Sean scrambling to the floor. She didn't understand until she saw the packet. What once heralded a pleasurable joining, had now taken on a new significance far greater than the small disc in his hands. The temptation to ask him not to use it flared to life. The desperation behind it and her pride kept her silent. If Sean wanted to he would have asked. She wouldn't push him into something he wasn't ready for just to assuage the ugly emotions that infected her.

Her eyes followed the quick, economical way he sheathed his dick within the latex. Maybe it was simply a force of habit and she'd read more into it. Only when Sean's hand hooked under knees and pulled her to the cold granite edge did the black thoughts recede. He buried himself inside her with one frantic thrust. Ana gasped at the suddenness of his penetration, but she wanted it no other way. It felt deliciously ruthless.

Sean stilled then withdrew carefully. He searched her face for any signs of discomfort even as her legs pressed his backside, urging forward again. "Did I hur—"

Her dark, glazed eyes flew open and reassured him more than her words.

"Don't stop. Please. You feel so good. I need—" His return stole her words as he filled her with a long, driving stroke.

What he saw in her molten brown eyes made him lunge into her again and again. Ana matched him every step of the way, her arms and legs holding him to her. Her hips arched up each time he withdrew. He rammed into her each time she curled back. They couldn't close enough. She peppered kisses across his neck and shoulders; her tenderness a sharp contrast to the wildness of their union. Her soft cries and staccato breaths teased his ears. The wisps of air along his neck stained his skin.

"Harder...please...more," she sobbed. "Yes! Yes!" she wailed when Sean complied. Every stroke of his cock filled her with hope, desire and love, pushing away the doubts that plagued her all day.

Sean held her with bruising force as he hammered into her, unable to slow down now. Not that Ana wanted him to. The fury of her need matched his. He held on as long as he could as her pussy closed around him in ripple after ripple. The naughty sounds of bodies connecting and their ragged cries and groans filled the kitchen.

"Come with me," she implored, her voice almost inaudible with pleasure. She grinded her hips into his until he went over the edge with her. Pleasure burst over them repeatedly. He shuddered as his climax raced up his shaft and erupted from him. It was fast, hot, wild and over too soon.

His damp forehead rested against hers. "Jesus," he muttered while his lungs grabbed oxygen. He gave her a quick, hard kiss before he pulled out of her.

Sean pressed a kiss into her palm as she traced the side of his face. Would it be right to release the words trapped behind her lips before he knew everything?

He tipped her chin up for another kiss, a sweet, slow one. "It just gets better every time."

Ana winced inside. The wonder in Sean's voice filled her with a bittersweet ache. He was only talking about sex. The smile she offered him felt devoid of authenticity. She recognized this feeling. It was the same one she'd had when she saw a score of ninety-five marked in red on a school exam. She'd come close but missed the mark.

* * * * *

Grey light sliced through the shutters as Ana woke to the feel of Sean's hand on her breast. He was gloriously hard behind her. "Good morning," she rasped as she wiggled her backside against him. He rewarded her greeting and wanton moves with a kiss below her ear and the twirl of his fingers around her nipple.

"It is...now that you're awake."

The rough husk of his voice aroused the pulse between her legs. Ana didn't bother to look at the clock; over the last five months she'd grown accustomed to being woken up around five thirty. The sheet snapped back and his hand traveled down to cup her mound. His thumb brushed the narrow strip of curls there before slipping past her moist slit. Ana arched into his touch and draped her thigh over his, allowing him better access while he strummed her clit. She sighed when his fingers circled her opening to test her wetness. His voice rumbled behind her when he found the proof of her desire. He rolled away for a few moments and then he returned, angling the broad tip against her opening.

They moaned in unison as he filled her, inch by inch. Her wet sex parted for his gentle nudges and clung to every bit of the granite hardness he pushed inside her. Every slow, gliding stroke pushed them closer to the edge of bliss. Ana's hand remained fused to Sean's wrist though he kept a firm grasp on her hip. The sweet hurt in her voice as she came sent tingles over his skin. He felt the ecstatic flutters and the sensual rain of her orgasm spreading over the thin barrier between them. She writhed over his cock while he drove towards the release he could only find within her.

"That's it, baby...yes...yes...let go," she whispered.

Ana's velvety voice led the way to bliss and he followed her there. The throbbing tension in his shaft barreled to the surface in quick, liquid spurts. He held her tight, his head buried in her neck as his pleasure rose up and washed over him. New, intense feelings clamored against his chest, wanting to be named. He vaguely heard himself whisper something that sounded like "amazing". She turned her head and silenced the confession on his mouth with a kiss. Her dreamy Mona Lisa smile said it all. Even this close, Ana remained elusive. His disappointment was complete.

* * * * *

Monday, December 4th.

"It's not so bad...you were passionate...uh...maybe a bit aggressive about your point but you weren't rude." If the stakes weren't so high, Michelle's spin on the online clash would've been admirable, believable even.

"He posted that stuff almost two years ago. Are you going to hold that against him?" Michelle wondered.

"Yeah, why are you putting some little cyber beef ahead of real life? Are really that freaked out about it? It's not a deal breaker in my opinion. Not after five months. People say shit they don't mean all the time or it comes out wrong." Sasha's bluntness was somewhat better but—

"That's the thing. I meant it then. Sure, I could've said it better but it doesn't change the fact that when I read what he posted, I still have the same questions and feelings about it."

"What do you mean?" Michelle probed.

"If Sean was a jerk that treated me like a princess, I'd know where I stood with him. But the thing is...you've seen what he was like online; he's pretty much the same in real life. Women find him charming—even the barista at Starbucks thinks she has a small chance. And he doesn't do it because he wants to be liked in return; that's just his way. He didn't even trash one of his exes when he had reason to."

"Okay?" Sasha interjected, not seeing the problem "so he's flirtatious but it doesn't sound like you're worried he's cheater."

But Michelle did. "She's in love with him."

"Oh," Sasha said it as though Ana had contracted a nasty virus, which felt unpleasantly accurate right now.

Ana didn't deny it but withholding the confirmation was her way of exerting what little control she had over the situation.

The insidious questions left storage and were airborne. "What if I'm just someone he's 'really enjoying' for now? How do I know if I'm any different from any other woman he's gone out with for five months?"

Michelle started; this was her arena after all. "I don't think a guy would do all the little things Sean's done if he didn't have feelings for you."

"Yeah. What guy goes to Teavana and buys all that tea shit you like for no reason unless he's really into you?" Sasha reasoned. "And he remembered orchids are your favorite flower after you just saying it one time? Look how many times I've forgotten."

"And what about the way he was there for you on the anniversary," Michelle said delicately. "That kind of thoughtfulness and sensitivity isn't just about being charming, Ana."

Ana's chest tightened painfully as she felt torn between her friends' sensible arguments and what she hoped were merely her irrational fears. She wanted to believe she hadn't misread the signs and fallen for a process that wasn't unique to her.

Defeat hung in her voice when she spoke. "Guys, he's never even introduced me as his girlfriend. It's always 'this is Ana'."

The Sean Brennan choir went silent for several seconds. Michelle spoke first; this was her arena after all.

"But do his actions make it clear you're together?"

"Yes," Ana admitted. He didn't have a "when I'm just with you" and "when we're with other people" personality switch, even around his family months back when they'd only knows each other a few weeks.