Kismet or Happenstance? Ch. 07

"Hun, don't get so hung up on titles and look at the way he treats you. He cares for you."

Sasha was no slouch in the love department either and aimed for the bull's eye.

"You gotta work with us here, girlie. It's like you don't want to believe it. But what we say doesn't really matter. You need to talk to him and get this out in the open."

"You're right," Ana conceded but worried how it would play out.

"He sounds like a reasonable guy. Talk it out and explain your side of things. If he's for real, it'll only bring you closer," Michelle insisted. She raised a good point—again. Ana wished her girls were right here in her apartment and not across the country.

"I hope so. I do feel better talking to you guys about it. It's just...such a bizarre situation to be in. I still can't believe it." More like she didn't want to believe it.

"You know," Sasha mused. "It's as if you were meant to meet each other. Look at how your dad could've wound up coaching his brother and you probably would've met through Simon anyway even if you guys hadn't spoken online."

"Yeah," Michelle agreed, "it's weird how Simon's name never came up."

Ana's mind combed over that detail for two days now. "We never talked about him that much. But then, there wasn't that much to say and it's not like it was a fun topic."

"Right," Sasha said with a dash hostility a loyal friend would feel about Simon's chilly reaction to Ana being his daughter.

"He's been...nicer. I think we really turned a corner after I met his family over Thanksgiving. He might even come to the public school charity. " Ana didn't add that the lure of the networking opportunity had drawn Simon much more than the chance of seeing her. Sasha's righteous indignation would only remind unwelcoming response last year.

"That's nice," Michelle remarked. "Is Sean still going?"

"Maybe. It depends on if the doctor clears Noah to play again. I'll find out early in the week"

Sasha pointed out the obvious. "Then you better talk to him then just in case they both show up."

* * * * *

Thursday, December 7th.

Sean tried to concentrate on the voice in his ear while his eyes tracked the subtle sway of Ana's hips. The sun peeked through the clouds and sliced its way into the glass enclosed outdoor area. A few rays found the amber highlights in her hair on her walk towards their table. She wore it down more often because she knew how much he liked it. Her crisp, white dress shirt and grey pencil skirt were suitable for the office. But with her pin-up girl curves and creamy golden complexion, the outfit looked anything but safe and typical. Her fishnet stockings and cherry red heels had him wondering why they weren't back at her place making the most of their lunch hour. The four days had been too long a fast.

They snuck in this lunch date because they hadn't seen each other since Sunday afternoon. He longed for this week to close out fast so she'd have the stress of the fundraiser behind her. The they'd spend more time together, maybe make plans for the holidays. Their first together.

That was until Simon Garret mentioned he'd be attending the same art-for-public-school charity his girlfriend's company was sponsoring. And then Sean discovered another coincidence...

"Who was that?" Ana asked after he snapped the phone shut. Sean didn't make it a habit to take calls when they were out together, especially short dates like this one. The tail end of the conversation piqued her curiosity.

"Simon Garrett."

Ana's pulse galloped and pounded in her ears the instant Sean spoke the first name. She had her opening. She squirmed in her chair as she got ready to dive into the storm.

"The author of that book you were checking out the other day. He's going to be in town soon and wanted to meet up for lunch."

"You two are friends, right?" she asked, paving the way for an easy release of the information she'd been tired of withholding but worried over of its reception. The need to be free of the burden won out.

Sean's fork stabbed the last scallop then fell into the plate with a sharp, angry clank. The sound carried to another time and made the hair on the back of her neck stand up. His stark glare warned of danger.

"No, more like good acquaintances. Kind of like the two of you are. "

The pinched look on Ana's face confirmed what Simon had said about knowing her.

"I wanted to talk to you about that," she began nervously.

Despite wanting to believe her, Sean couldn't overlook how convenient it was for her to want to "talk" about it now. She'd said nothing about this for days. Not only that, she'd outright lied to his face since Saturday afternoon.

"Why did you pretend you didn't know him for what," she felt his anger and suspicion building for every day he counted, "five days now?"

"He has a website—"

"Yes. I'm a member—" The expression on her face said this conversation hadn't randomly digressed. She wore that same look before...on Saturday in his office. "—but you knew that already."

"Yes...I found when I looking for the caterer's number online, I forgot to bring it with me."

"You mean you were snooping around in my office?"

The cold accusation in his eyes rivaled the ice in his voice. The expression on his face—part condemnation, part disbelief—stunned Ana into silence. When her denial didn't come fast enough he said, "Is that it?"

"It wasn't like that...I didn't mean to—"

Her half-assed answer ignited his fury. He opened his home to her. Did she think he did it for just anyone? Now she was doing damage control.

"Was that why were you acting all weird when I found you? Because you didn't want me to go near my desk and find out what you were doing?"

Ana's silence was damming. Sean had to turn his eyes away. He couldn't look at her face and see her reduced to a damn snoop.

"Sean," she implored as she reached for his arm. "I wasn't doing anything like that. I didn't login to your account or anything like that. I found out by accident when I typed in the address for the caterer. I know I should have said something sooner but Duncan was there and then you had the show. And after...I-I didn't know how to bring it up...because you looked so upset after you told me about what happened with Lauren."

Sean wanted to listen, just as he wanted to wipe away the image of her lying to his face, just as he wanted the taste of seafood and stomach acids to recede from the back of his throat. But that note in her voice— He shook his head, trying to eject the sound like water trapped inside his ears. And then she said the name he didn't want to hear. Not now.

Ana's plaintive voice, her desperate hands grabbing at his, reminded him of another time. Another time and another woman trying to justify her actions using words like "insecurity" and "love". He didn't want to think about love right now or how he'd almost said the words this past weekend when he'd held her so close, when he'd felt so much—and she'd been lying to him. His disappointment over not having said them now turned into a sickening, angry relief.

He wasn't going to let Ana use history to weasel her way out of this. She'd playing some sort of game for days now, and instead of just coming out with the facts she tried to spin everything as if it were his fault. He'd been down this road before years ago and couldn't believe he'd gone back with Ana of all people. He never saw this coming.

"Stop spinning this, Ana. You've sat on this for five days. Five days," he repeated and condemned her with his five fingers, "and you're only telling me now because you had to say something. Why did you preten—"

Her words erupted in a tumble of frustration and panic. "I was scared—okay? That you'd react like this...that you'd think I was like her."

"This is unbelievable! You're actually trying to pin this on me? So if I didn't tell you about Lauren you would've been honest with me sooner? Is that what you're saying?!

Ana was horrified. Everything just kept coming out wrong. On top of that they'd drawn a herd of discreet but curious stares to their corner table.

"No," she countered. The over six feet of tightly controlled anger towering above her in a navy business suit made her feel like a gnome...a gnome on trial. Sean's entire body had become increasingly rigid over the last minute. She'd never seen this side of him but for those few seconds at the hospital when his mother had addressed her in an unwelcoming tone. Even that didn't compare. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm not blaming you—"

She reached for his arm, wanting to undo the damage her careless words just caused. Her insides lurched when he pulled his hand away. The gesture was symbolic and eloquent.

"It sure sounds like it," Sean muttered through clenched teeth. He threw down enough bills to cover lunch for three people. His voice barely reached her ears when he spoke but the flatness of his tone betrayed his anger and annoyance. "I have to head back to the office."

"You're not even giving me a chance to explain?! It's like you've already made up your mind. Just because I didn't bring this up sooner doesn't mean I'm like Lauren or that I'm out to trick you."

The way he recoiled from her words told her they'd hit their mark. Another woman's mistake had tainted his filter. A strange alchemy of hurt and anger heated her skin.

"That's what you're thinking isn't it? Isn't it?" she pressed him as she rose up from her chair.

How could he brand her with the same mark as he did Lauren? Didn't their time together bear a unique enough significance to warrant listening to her with an open mind? She'd feared this realization for days. It came as Sean turned to leave.

"No. because at least she had the courtesy to come clean the next day—on her own."

His words cut her. She didn't deserve that from him.

Seconds passed while Ana stood torn between not wanting to draw the other patrons' attention and wanting to capture Sean's. But she refused to be dismissed so she grabbed her bag and ran after him to the parking lot.

Explain your side of things. If he's for real, it'll only bring you closer.

"Sean...just listen to me for a minute. If these last five months meant something to you then you'd hear me out," she demanded.

He couldn't believe his ears or Ana's nerve. She created this drama yet faulted him even though she'd just said the opposite a minute ago. There was nothing to gain in arguing this out—they were just going around in circles. And now she'd sunk to some sort of emotional blackmail where he was an asshole for just wanting a simple answer instead of a bunch of spin that included his past.

"If these last five months meant something to you, you would've just been honest with me. You said a lot of things in there but they were all excuses. I heard you just fine. All I wanted was the truth and you're out here still trying to put the blame on me." Sean sounded and looked resigned as he let out an exasperated breath. His eyes shifted away as if he couldn't bear the sight of her. She willed herself not to cry in a parking lot with people walking and driving past them. "I don't know what you're hiding and maybe I don't want to know."

Sean turned his back on her and pressed the alarm on his keychain. The cars, the people, the noises they made dissolved. Every neuron in Ana's brain fired off distress signals. Did he mean he didn't want to know because it was over between them?

Explain your side of things! If he's for real, it'll only bring you closer!

"How can you say that when you won't even listen to me!" she cried out, feeling impotent.

Ana's entreaty sounded more like an accusation. Sean's white hot anger turned a raging, blood red. He had to get out of here before he said something stupid, before she said something else he didn't want to hear. This wasn't the place and fifteen minutes before he had to be back at his office wasn't the time. He'd be late as it was. She marched in front of him, blocking his escape.

"Just let me fucking be. Okay? Because I can't look at you right now," he boomed, completely disgusted with the words flying out of his mouth, his loss of control and that it had gotten to this point. His stomach roiled as he saw the expressions crossing Ana's face. He couldn't take her panicked look because maybe it her actions justified them or maybe he'd put them there. He didn't know which one was worse. How did she manage to make him feel this way when none of this was his fault? He needed to get out of here and calm down. Fast.

Sean evaded her touch when she reached for him one more time before he climbed into the Range Rover. His rejection was complete. The slam of the door made her jerk. It sounded so final. How could the last five months disintegrate into such a mess within the span of a few minutes?

The rational part of her brain said Sean needed to cool off, they'd talk in private and everything would be okay. It had to be. But she functioned purely on raw emotion now. Desperation, fear and uncertainty rolled through every bit of her, leaving her shaking. She hugged her sides, trying to comfort herself as he reversed from his spot. The cool breeze whipped strands of hair in face and by the time she brushed them away the Range Rover had disappeared. Only the sound of her heart breaking remained as the clouds set in. The sunshine had gone away.

* * * * *

Only one thing made a man look this distracted and uptight. Duncan wasn't one to pry into his brother's love life—not that Sean needed much help with the ladies since turning seventeen—but Dad's Cobra needed to be finished and it would go faster if he had help.

"How's Ana?"

More jaw clenching and shifting back and forth. So it was going to be monologue. Fine. "You two hit a rough patch?"

"Something like that."

"From the look on your face it must be serious. Is she fucking some other guy?"

That got Sean's attention fast. "What did you just say?!" If the man under the hood wasn't his childhood hero, they'd be on their way to an explosive brawl. God knows, he needed a release from this pent up energy eating away at him.

Duncan withdrew his head from under the hood and studied Sean. Oh, yeah. Definitely serious. "So what's going on?"

"I don't feel like getting into it right now." That, and part of him didn't want to tarnish Ana's character and part of him didn't want to rehash the way he'd acted or the things he'd said.

"Ah," Duncan said with sudden understanding. "Did she fall off her pedestal?"

Sean's brows furrowed.

"You know, everything's great, she's so perfect and then real life hits you in the face and you go: 'what the fuck? who the hell are you?'"

His brother's assessment might've held up a year or two. He loved pursuing women and met some fine ones along the way. A few might've gotten their hooks if the foundation built adventures and sex hadn't cracked under the strain of everyday tests. Obstacles helped prolong the heat of excitement until the where-is-this-going question extinguished it. But lately he just hadn't found a woman that made him want to stay or even think about staying without it requiring a personality transplant—his, hers or both. Not until...

"No, I never put her on a pedestal."

He'd seen Ana as she was. She was a sharp, sweet, reserved, generous, playful, sexy worrier and man, did she ever analyze things to death. She was grumpy in the morning but had a warehouse full of patience; something he sorely lacked at times. All those traits fit together to make an incredible package he enjoyed unraveling, one he thought he understood. With her things were a strange mix of exciting and easy. It made this whole Simon debacle that much more...fucked up. Why had she lied? Why did she wait five days to say something? Would she have brought it up if she hadn't been caught? He rubbed his hand behind his neck at the thought that Lauren and Ana could be of the same ilk. His instincts were spot on about Lauren but he'd ignored them. But Ana? He'd never seen this coming. Never.

"You sure about that?"

"Yeah." But the question made him wonder if he'd expected too much of her.

"This problem, does it change things?"

"We have to talk about it," he hedged, feeling guilty all of a sudden. He'd been so broadsided by the terse way Simon mentioned knowing Ana and the way she'd danced around it. There were so many questions swirling about he didn't know what to think or feel.

"Then why aren't you talking about it?"

Because I kinda reacted like a hothead.

Duncan wouldn't let him take cover in silence. "Has she called or tried to talk to you about it?"

"Yeah," Sean replied flatly, already feeling like a scolded six-year-old. "I haven't called her back."

Duncan's arched his brow shouted, "duh, what are you waiting for?" He must've been sure Sean had gotten the message because he raced ahead. "You in love with her?"

Then Duncan went on as though the question had already been answered. Why did he bother to ask in the first place?

Sean got the stern, older brother look as Duncan shook his head. "And to think you're the genius of the family. Why don't you quit being so stubborn and talk to her. If you have to walk away, then at least do it clean."

One realization swept aside all the mess: he wasn't ready to walk away. What came next became simple, but doing it... That was the only thought he had as he held the cordless phone after Duncan had left. He'd paced the entire house like a caged animal wanting to break out.

I can't look at you right now. The image of Ana's hurt face and the glitter of unshed tears when he threw those words at her branded his eyes and stabbed at his conscience. His vocabulary had gone barren as he dug for words to ease him out of this mess. But how could he let the night end with those ugly sentiments hanging between them?

* * * * *

"You gonna follow me everywhere?" Ana gasped as her sneakers pounded the pavement. The beige shaggy dog had kept up with her determined stride for over a block. The poor thing looked like he needed a bath and a good meal or ten. She'd tried to shoo him off several times to spare him his energy but the little guy was too persistent. At least someone wanted her company.

The jog distracted her from the melancholy of an apartment full of memories and staring at two silent phones, willing them to ring with just her eyes. Maybe if she left every drop of energy she had on the sidewalk she'd sleep tonight instead of lying in bed under a canopy of regrets. They'd followed her around every corner no matter how fast her feet moved. She should have told him sooner instead of waiting for the right moment to fall in her lap. She should have made the moment right.

I can't look at you right now.

Ana grimaced. The cold dismissal in Sean's voice still landed hard hours after. Thoughts mushroomed about how unreasonable and angry he'd been, how he walked out without giving her a chance to explain, but her guilt dwarfed them all. But everything would be okay. The last five months had to count for something. She just needed to stay calm and ride it out tonight.

Still every instinct wanted to jump in her car and confront him. That's why she couldn't stay locked up in her apartment. A half hour into her run, she'd decided two phone calls were enough for one day. Sean just needed time to cool off tonight and then she'd go over to his house tomorrow after work. She would make him understand everything. And maybe if she repeated this mantra enough times, she'd believe it.

Ana sprinted into the street to join her furry companion who'd dashed to the middle of the road. The vibration at her hip made her dart back onto the curb. She reached into her pocket, still bouncing on her feet as the canine looked back and waited. Hope and adrenaline coursed through her veins just as a car swerved violently to avoid the dog. Her hands curtained her eyes against the blinding light, sending the cell phone clattering to the ground. Squealing tires, crunching metal and her own screams ripped through her ears as the sidewalk titled and disappeared. A jumble of streetlights, trees and houses whizzed by before her flight ended with a brutal crash into concrete. Pain exploded through her. Everything went black.