Kiss My Apocalips Ch. 08

Kiss My Apocalips

The story of Jacob Jones and the end of the world

CHAPTER EIGHT -- Daring Dmitri and the Warrior Women

We set an alarm and rose at six; and I was only slightly surprised to see that Sofia and Sadie had chosen to join Hannah for her morning chores. What DID surprise me was Hannah herself, who came to me and embraced me, warmly and openly, in what was, up until that moment in my life, one of my most memorable of hugs. I tried to think of the woman, rather than those breasts, which were making themselves known in a very intimate way.

"You are the sweetest man I have ever known," she told me, seemingly not caring that the others were overhearing.

"You've obviously been hanging around the wrong kind of men," I said pointedly. "But honestly; from now on, if you don't want to do something, tell that person no. You are intelligent and thoughtful, and we all count on your honest input. If someone asks you something, give your best answer; not the one you think they want to hear. And if someone commands you to do something you don't want, then refuse; and I will always back you up. Promise?"

She kissed me on the cheek. "I'll try my best. Are all of you going to the barn with me?"

"Do we have two loaves of baked bread downstairs?" Doriana asked. "And maybe a couple bottles of syrup? I'll start breakfast for our crowd, including a few new guests, and set the big table. French toast okay? I'll need a dozen fresh eggs and some milk, if there's some we can use. Also, Jacob drinks his coffee black, but someone else might want some cream. Do we have any?"

"I'll be right back," and Hannah went down to the cellar, but returned in less than two minutes. "Here's a few pounds of frozen sausage. Use the MW thaw-machine for three minutes. And here are three small loaves that were frozen fresh, along with two bottles of syrup. Sorry, all we have is maple."

"Eggs, milk, cream," I quoted. "We'll take Rocko with us. What time's breakfast?"

"We'll shoot for eight-thirty, have fun!"

The little dog seemingly had boundless energy, but by the time we reached the barn, he was one tired pup. I used a piece of narrow rope to form a leash, and left him tied up and snoozing on some hay by the door. I watched as the others got busy feeding critters, which were all making "feed me" noises; but after a while, Wanda handed me a bucket and pointed toward the chicken coops with orders to feed the adults a bucketful and the chicks a quarter of one. Then I was to use the bucket to get the eggs. I felt pretty dang proud of myself for completing the task, even though it was the gals that were doing all the heavy-lifting stuff, like slopping the pigs.

We'd been at it for about forty-five minutes when an alarm sounded. Hannah stopped working with the milking machine and waved for me to join her in the security room. Video displays were automatically tracking an EV-SUV that was climbing up the driveway from below. Without speaking, Hannah pointed toward the shotguns in the rack against one wall. What was it with this group and shotguns? Instead, I picked up three assault weapons like the ones we'd learned to fire, walked back out into the barn area and called to the other girls. I handed one weapon each to Sadie, Sofia and Wanda, then took them outside and posted them in spots that I hoped were safe from the parking area and told them not to shoot anyone unless they fired first.

By the time I'd gotten back inside the security shed, the vehicle was approaching the gate. "I don't like this, Jacob," Hannah said sternly. "It could easily be a simplified Trojan horse. We're putting too much trust in this group."

"Do you know how to operate the bobby traps on the sides of the driveway?"

"No. They never put that much trust in me. All I really know how to do is monitor the cameras and open and close the gate."

"Let's see how this plays out," I said, picking up another assault weapon and shoving a fresh magazine in each back pocket. "Wait until they're within a hundred feet, and then open the gate."

"I think you're badly underestimating them," she told me, and pressed the gate control.

The SUV pulled up to the open portal and stopped. One man and three women got out, and they were all dressed in military utility uniforms, with green camouflage markings and combat boots, though they wore no caps. They all stretched for a minute, as if they were working out the kinks after a long drive. Two of the women looked as identical as I have ever seen, and I immediately thought them to be twins, with matching long blonde braided ponytails that hung to mid-back. The man and other woman had black hair. All were very fit, if not muscular; even the women. At the guy's direction, they began taking firearms out of the vehicle and stacking them together next to the gate. There were half a dozen rifles and assault weapons. The leader made a point of holding up two pistols toward the camera before putting them on the ground, as well. Then he removed a wicked-looking knife from a belt sheath and added it to the cache.

The male seemingly began having an argument with the dark-haired female; but eventually, she shook her head emphatically and stomped off the side of the driveway for a dozen feet or so, then threw herself on the ground and started digging with her hands. The man seemed frantic because of this action, and was yelling at his compatriot insistently. When she continued doing whatever it was she felt obligated to do, he threw up his hands, motioned to the two blondes; and together, they huddled on the side of the vehicle opposite the digging woman.

"Do you have any idea what they're doing?" I asked Hannah.

She shook her head. "No. I don't have a clue. But, once again, the men here would only let me operate the cameras and the gate."

There was a loud "ding" from inside the room and a screen on the wall suddenly lit up with the words "Connection Error Station 37." At the same time, the dark-haired woman stood up and held something over her head. The other three came out from behind the vehicle, but the man was very upset, yelling at his comrade, who simply ignored him and started walking uphill through the gate holding whatever it was she had just dug up. Exasperated, the guy got back in the SUV, along with his blonde companions, and they drove up toward the barn.

I moved to the open barn door. "I'm going out to meet them. You find a good spot and monitor us," I ordered.

"No way in hell, Jacob," she responded, falling into step beside me, while holding one of the monstrous shotguns. When I gave her a surprised look, she smiled. "Hey, you're the one who taught me to say 'no.' Now, you have to live with the consequences."

I laughed at that; and together, we marched into the middle of the parking area just as the SUV pulled up and stopped. The man got out and waved. "Alo alo! I am Dmitri! You must be Jacob Jones, Hero of de Apocalypse! You are one big dude, Jacob!"

I imagine I looked pretty startled at that, but before I could pose any type of retort, the two blonde twins yelled in perfect unison "Oh, look! Oh, it's so cute!" and started moving forward.

Hannah was bringing her weapon down in their directions, but I saw that the women weren't moving directly toward us, and I reached up and grabbed the barrel to stop her. Sure enough, the two ladies raced past us, and they were both suddenly on their knees beside Rocko, petting and stroking and cuddling.

Dmitri, for his part, turned slightly to his left and waved animatedly. "Alo pretty red-haired girl behind tree!" He shifted slightly. "Alo pretty brown-haired girl behind bush!" He looked to his right. "Alo pretty dark-haired girl behind barrel! You are all aiming here." He thumped himself in the center of his chest. "Your enemies that are coming, they will all have body armor. You aim here instead." He tapped himself on the nose.

"Please do not shoot my man in his ugly face," the dark-haired lady called out as she rounded the corner of the barn, still carrying the strange object. "He might look like a horse's ass; and I admit, he is. But he's the only horse's ass I've got. Come on out, we're unarmed. Well, except for this thing, and it's yours, not ours."

"You not talk to me, woman!" Dmitri said sourly. "You crazy as Canadian seagull!"

"A loon is not a seagull, you idiot! And I dug it up to make a point!"

"What is it?" Wanda asked, coming out from behind the barrel.

"Does big-boy here know?" she asked pointedly, looking directly at me.

I shrugged. The thing appeared to be made of olive drab hard plastic, and it was about the size of home base in a game of baseball, though a little more rounded. As she got closer, I could read the raised lettering on the side facing me. "This Side Toward Enemy."

"Right off hand," I answered, "I'd say it's an anti-personnel mine."

"Got it in one," she said, nodding. "Wired for remote detonation. But if I can deactivate it, then any of the people coming here can, too. We've all had the same kind of training regarding these things."

"Is it safe now?" Sofia asked.

The woman nodded and pointed to something on the side of the gizmo. "I cut off a piece of my shoelace and threaded it through the safety switch. Yeah, it's safe." She looked from one of us to the other. "I'm Juanita, and if you don't mind, I'd like to speak for the group. Dmitri here is a lot sharper than he looks, but his English skills aren't the best. He's the one who concocted the plan to get the four of us out of Arizona; and it was his idea to come up here and offer our services to you. The puppy-lovers over there are Sally."

On a whim, I stepped forward and extended my right hand to her. She seemed impressed, and shook it. "I'm Jacob. The lady who prefers shotguns is Hannah, and she knows more about this facility than anyone else here. That's Sofia and Sadie." I turned and Wanda was suddenly by my side. She introduced herself and shook hands, as well. I turned around toward the barn door, where the dog-petters were still at it. "Which of you is Sally, exactly?" I asked.

They both turned toward me simultaneously and raised the hand that was closest to her partner. For the life of me, it looked like a single person standing next to a full-length mirror; and they both said in unison: "I am."

"You've got to be kidding me!" I remarked, shaking my head.

"Dat ugliest dog I ever see," Dmitri said, shaking his head.

"I know! Right?" I concurred emphatically. "Its front paws are way too big!"

"Ears way too long," he said, pointing.

"You know what else it is?" I queried. "It's a babe-magnet!"

"It what?"

"All women flock to this thing!" I insisted. "They can't seem to resist it!"

He nodded thoughtfully, rubbing his chin. "How I get one of these tings?" he asked. "Where you find?"

"It came with a pretty girl attached," I answered. When he looked around, I added: "She's not here. She's in the house, fixing breakfast."

"You got ANODDER one?!"

Wanda looped her arm through mine. "He doesn't have us, wise guy. WE have HIM. Now, if you folks want to join us for breakfast, you've got to help carry it. The eggs are in that bucket over there. We have a couple quarts of milk to go, and some cream. But no landmines. Those stay here. Where's the cream, Hannah?"

I collected all the weapons and put them back on the rack in the security area, which I could tell Juanita really, really wanted to study; but she resisted. Carrying our assigned items, and with the blonde twins playing with the dog the entire way, we wandered the length of the garden and back to the lodge.

As we approached, Mrs. G came out on the front porch and waved to us. Dmitri strode forward, his hand outstretched. "Professor Greenflow, I presume!" he said effusively. "Is so much honor to meet you! I read every word that you wrote about Evil Doctor and what he did to our world. You have my greatest respect!"

She smiled and shook hands with him. "I'm sorry, but I'm Rosa Gonzales. I'm an education administrator from Acton. It's very nice to meet you, though."

He recovered nicely. "And you, too, lovely lady. Ah! You Professor Gonzales' wife, no?"

Now, she laughed. "No. Please come in. My husband the science teacher and his brother, the professor, are drinking all the coffee before we can get to the breakfast table. I know it must be confusing."

He turned to me. "I hope we get to meet Professor Doctor Sarah Greenflow today. I consider it number one priority to protect her from dose dat come after us. She is here, yes?"

"You've already met her, Dmitri. She was the one aiming here," and I thumped him in the center of his chest.

Sadie came forward shyly. "Guilty as charged," she told him. "I'm glad I didn't shoot you, Dmitri. And, thank you for coming to protect me. However, if you can't protect ALL of us, then I'm afraid I must decline. I will fight with my friends."

The man was clearly taken aback. "Holy balls of fire!" he said in a low voice, looking pointedly at Juanita. He turned back and studied Sadie openly. "You the doctor professor who figure all this end-of-world stuff out? Forgive if I tink you wary young to be doing such tings." And then he spun around, reached out and started shaking my hand again. "No wonder you rescue famous doctor. She's a babe!"

"Hi! I'm Doriana, and I need those eggs." She only allowed time for a quick intro;then most of the ladies, including the sisters Sally, followed along into the kitchen. We stopped slightly short in the dining room, where I introduced our Russian guest to my teacher, the prof and the sheriff, who couldn't quite get up the courage to look me in the eye this morning.

Dmitri's friend Juanita brought in a fresh carafe of coffee, then introduced herself and had a seat at the large table, pouring a cup for herself, as well. "Professor Gonzales," she told the doc, "you are one very smart scientist who needs to learn more about modern communications. Barrington-Smythe put a contact tracer on every web-based comm channel in the world looking for certain keywords, and I think you hit just about all of them!"

"Holy mackerel-fish, woman!" Dmitri chided. "You jump into middle of conversation like using trampoline! Get to know nice gentleman before you start put down smart scientist! He make better friend den enemy!"

My teacher entered the fray. "Friends of mine that work in telecommunications in Eugene alerted me to that internet worm two days ago. And, you're right, we should have developed a more secure form of comm before we started speaking with Sadie and passing along her information. We got caught up in disseminating her story as widely as possible in hopes of smoking out our quarry. I confess, we didn't know we'd instigate immediate retaliation."

The woman studied him for a moment. "And you're the school teacher?" she asked, smiling. "Right off hand, I'd say you have some pretty lucky students."

"I concur," I interjected. "I think so, too."

Juanita nodded. "I think I'm finally starting to put this all together. Tell me the story of rescuing ... um ... Sadie, was it?"

"Oh, no you don't!" one of the Sallys admonished, walking in with a stack of plates and silverware. "We all want to be in on that story. You folks set the table. The meal's going to be ready in ten minutes. No tall tales until then, got it?"

And so, we all pitched in and started helping. The meal was a fun affair, and the tall tales, when they finally started, had to be told in order, starting with our rescue of Sofia from the mountain girl-hunters. The multi-faceted operation in Acton wound up being a rather disjointed account, since every time a portion was told, somebody else had to correct some detail. The sheriff got into one of his colorful tirades. At least he'd gotten beyond his rejection funk. But eventually, the tale was complete and the critiques began.

"None of you should feel badly about your little adventure," one of the Sallys said emphatically. "Rescue missions never, ever go the way they're supposed to. You never have enough time to plan them, and no matter how many contingencies you think of, something ELSE will always happen. Guaranteed."

"And this one was totally FUBARed from the very beginning!" her sister interjected. "I can totally understand how everything played out."

"You should know," Juanita said, smiling, "that somehow or other, in the far corners of the internet, Jacob here has taken on a role that is slightly more grandiose than he actually played." She turned toward me and laughed. "I saw your expression when Dmitri called you the 'Hero of the Apocalypse,' but that's exactly what lots of people are calling you. In some versions of the story, you rescue the lady scientist, you save the sheriff and his entire town, you kill all the bad guys and you personally call out 'The Evil Doctor Hyphen' to attest for his sins."

I shook my head. "I'd gladly trade my fifteen minutes of fame for keeping everybody here alive for the next week or so." I turned toward Dmitri and Juanita. "You've pretty well shown us that our defenses here are too weak to withstand a military-style assault. We were discussing our options yesterday when you flew over. It's getting to be my opinion that we should start running. We could probably hide out in these mountains without much problem."

It was Sadie that shot down that idea. "Remember the first step in Hyphen's plan. He has access to satellite-born bio-scanners. He is undoubtedly monitoring this location carefully, and he'll be able to track any human signatures within hundreds of miles of here. If we run, we'll have to go far; probably out of the country. And we'd need to split up; one or two of us in multiple population centers."

"THAT'S not happening!" Doriana stated flatly. "No way in hell are we leaving our man and scattering around the world!"

"Well, we can't stay!" I told them. "Our guests here have shown us that our mountaintop stronghold is indefensible against the force that's coming."

"It not defensible now," Dmitri said gently. "We didn't say dat we couldn't make it defensible in two days. You got good place here. I tink we can make it work."

"How in the world do you intend to do that?" Sadie asked.

"We appeal to dare good nature," the Russian said, smiling.

"If you don't mind, darling," Juanita told him, "I'll try to explain it to them." She waited until Dmitri had nodded his consent, and she poured herself another cup of coffee and leaned back in her chair. "Okay, let me do this in steps. Step One: the threat. Who are they? The Doctor's forces, I mean. And why aren't the four of us a part of it any longer?"

She looked around, nodding that we were all giving her our attention. "As of a month ago, there were forty of us. We were all special ops. Dmitri here, up until a year ago, was Spetsnaz. That's the special ops division of the GRU. I was with the 75th Regiment. The Rangers. Army."

Dmitri chimed in. "And Sally is just SAD." The four of them smiled, but none of the rest of us saw the humor in that.

"Sally was in the Special Activities Division of the CIA," Juanita explained. "Sally's a spook. You might see where a set of twins could come in handy in that line of work. All of us were from that type of background. We had MARSOC and Force Recon from the Marines, former Seals from the Navy, and others from the Army that included Delta Force and Spec Forces, or the Green Berets. In every single case, the people with those backgrounds were honorably released from active duty, and then were recruited from civilian life by Barrington-Smythe.

"He gave us a hundred grand signing bonus, then a twelve-grand a month salary, with the promise of a half million at the completion of a year on the job. Twenty-eight men and twelve women. In return, we were more or less at his beck and call for the whole year. There was a dormitory at his garrison in the desert outside Phoenix, where we had to stay whenever he demanded. We each had our own room, but we couldn't have spouses or 'guests' stay with us. Any violation, and we would be terminated immediately, and forfeit any further payments. This all started in May, a little less than five months ago. We only stayed in the dorm four or five nights per month, seemingly for no good reason. Everybody got the picture so far?"