Kisser’s Homecoming Impact

Chapter 1

The lead story on P3 of Saturday's Wheat Belt & Farming News, published six days a week in the town of Springwater (which accounted for only a third of the newspaper's regional sales averaging 51,470 per issue), screamed:

'Kisser Bateman to Return Home Tuesday on Lear Jet'

The article mentioned that Mr Bateman, a former delivery boy on the WB&FN, got his nickname of Kisser at the co-ed Springwater High, because he amused himself gaining fitness by chasing girls around the playground.

Mr Bateman, winger and record points scorer for the Springwater High senior football team in three consecutive years, had left for university in Melbourne where he gained a Doctorate in Economics and had gone on to be engaged by a group of professional investors in London and then was headhunted by another group in Chicago, where he'd made his fortune.

Then most of the article waxed on about this would be the first time a civilian jet aircraft had ever landed at Springwater Airport. It stated that the Mayor Mrs Slyfield, accompanied by city dignitaries, would welcome Mr Bateman and particularly the crew of the aircraft.

The jet would fly direct to Springwater, NSW from Auckland, where Mr Bateman had been winding up a branch of his consultancy business.

The article then went into details of the medium range Lear Business Jet 60.

Bevan Bateman, who'd finished his bacon and eggs and had pushed his chair back so he could rest his boots on the kitchen table when skimming the newspapers while sipping his breakfast coffee, drawled to wife Diane who was shelling peas from her garden, "It says here Kevin flies in on Tuesday from New Zealand."

"Oh, he said something when I last spoke to him that he would be coming home soon to stay for good and he'd need to stay a couple of nights or so while he looked for permanent accommodation."

"Oh, that reminds me, I best change the sheets on his bed. He's such a fussy bugger. Why is the newspaper writing about him, because he's a multi-millionaire I suppose?"

"No, it doesn't mention that. I suppose it's because the aircraft he chartered is flying here direct from New Zealand."

"Don't people do that all the time?"

"No."

"Ah, well that is news I suppose."

A crowd of an estimated 10,000 people were at the airport mid-morning Tuesday to watch the jet land.

Mrs Slyfield, the Mayor, not using a microphone, welcomed the only passenger Kevin with a handshake and said "Hi Kisser."

He said, "Ah, Jane, you're the Mayor now. How's Jimmy?"

"Fit and well. He looks after me and is a good father to the boys. Well, I better go on to the dais to welcome the captain and first officer of his historic flight into our district. Oh, we are excited about your project and our departments have approved the working drawings ready to present to the full council to give the green light or reject it."

"If the project is rejected, there will be hell to play."

"My people and I are aware of that possibility but such pressure is invariable business pressure on us with projects, Kisser. Well, I must go. Lovely to meet you after that long lapse since our university days."

Kevin slipped away, marvelling that so many small-town hicks and the hordes of children would turn out to watch a plane land.

He hired a rental Mercedes and drove out to the farm, where his parents came out on to the porch of the homestead to welcome him.

"Hi mum, cor you've had your hair done."

"Yes, your father is taking us to the Cambridge Hotel as its restaurant remains the best formal eating place in town."

"Hi Kisser," said his dad Bevan, making his wife frown at the use of that nickname.

"Is the land rewarding you well, dad?" Kevin said, shaking hands and punching Bevan on the shoulders and noting the tough bugger didn't flinch.

"Prices are holding up well at present, which is good and the farm dams are up near max."

"How's Jen?"

Diane said, "We don't see her much these days. The baby was adopted out a couple of years ago. She's dining with us tonight and she'd manages the hotel and has reverted back to calling herself Jennifer."

"Is she still ultra-sexy?"

"I wouldn't know," Diane said stiffly. "I never see any woman in that undesirable sense."

"I think the word for it is desirable, mum."

Bevan chuckled and said, "Desirable it is. Paul Cartwright, who owns the hotel, leases out the restaurant and owns the grain store and Price Ford Motors, sleeps with your sister."

"Bevan, that was totally unnecessary information to divulge to your son."

"Whatever you say, Diane. Just don't expect me to agree with you in this instance."

That evening when arriving at the hotel, while his folk were in boring discussion to farming friends in the restaurant bar, Kevin slipped off to find his sister.

He said to the young receptionist that he wished to speak to Miss Bateman. She picked up the house phone and before dialling asked, "Who should I ask is calling sir?"

"Just tell her Kisser."

The receptionist gaped and said, "Oh really? My mother's younger sister used to talk about you a lot and still mentions you occasionally as being a legend.

"Oh really, what was her name?"

"Belinda Goldman nee Sawyers. I understand you used to romp with her and my mother.

"Apparently, you were almost my father."

"Nope, I used to go parking with your mum, that's all. Impregnating her was never on my mind."

The receptionist dialled and said, "Hi Jennifer, it's Ella. I have a hot-looking guy here who calls himself Kisser. Should I send him away. Oh, send him up. Okay."

Kevin went to the manager's suite at the back of the hotel wondering if he would meet the lover and possible adulterer.

When he knocked, Jen called she'd unlocked the door.

"Hi Jen, long time no see."

Kevin, I..."

"Siblings have license to call their siblings by nicknames or shortened names."

"Conceded," said the 34-year-old, lifting the other leg to starting pulling on the other stocking. She was in her underwear.

Her brother licked his lips and said, "Great looking tits."

She appeared flattered, although she said he was direct and the years hadn't changed that.

"Do you remember when we used to fuck?"

She practically snarled in telling him to shut his mouth.

"Please, never again mention that and if you had bothered to get married, I bet you wouldn't even think about those disgusting days. For your information, I was considering taking paternity action against the guy I suspected as the father of my child born out of wedlock but then found he'd shot through (left town). The blood-test confirmed to my satisfaction that you weren't the father."

"After much heart-searching I came to the conclusion that Rachel would be better off long-term continuing living with the Jock and Maree Higgins. I trusted them and their young daughter just loved having younger Rachel to play with."

"Maree had been caring for Rachael during the day since I returned to work and when she and husband Jock decided to relocated in Maree's home town, they asked if they could adopt Rachel. With a heavy heart I agreed, truly believing that would be best outcome for Rachael."

"I no longer cry over letting go of Rachel some nights. Oh, I better tell you..."

"That you've found a great guy with a big dick?"

"Omigod, how did you find out. From mum, I bet, but she'd never use some of that wording."

"No, she just said he owned this hotel. I guess he's married?"

"Yes, they are in there late 40s, and she has all but given up sex whereas he's found the respectable whore he needed."

"I thought romantically you'd want a guy with a big dick."

"You men are all the same; believe it, size doesn't really matter. But yes, it's fairly fat."

She finished with her stockings and stood.

He strode to her, embraced her with one arm and stroked down the side of her face as they kissed fully.

"Omigod, I use to think you smelled the best of any male that came near me, and incredibly you still have it. Oh yum."

"I guess that's good. I only wish, really wish, you weren't my sister."

"Christ, that's an enormous accolade or should I say tribute, Kisser."

"Thanks, and never forget it. Do I meet your man tonight?"

"No, we are never seen together in public, in deference to his wife. He's older than you but my guy and you could end up playing golf occasionally together if you re-join the Verdant Fields Golf Club."

"Hmm, if that happens, good. Look, I plan to make Springwater my permanent base. Could you get your lover to give me a good price to rent the Blossom Honeymoon Suite for 12 months, though with provision for cancellation of the agreement whenever I wish with one month's notice and no penalties imposed on me."

"I don't need the owner's permission to do that but it might be best if I introduce you in a day or two and refer the proposed deal to him as it is a honeymoon suite and you are my brother. I don't wish to be cited with family favouritism if I'm tool generous with the discount."

"Agreed. It's best practice, as they say."

"Kisser how did you know the premier honeymoon suite of the four was called the Blossom Suite?"

Kevin said he was ashamed to admit that the night before he left for Sydney to fly to London, he had a memorable night with two of the hottest married young women in the entire district.

"Ashamed? I don't think so. You probably had one of the greatest nights of banging you ever had. How old were you, twenty-six?"

"Yeah, almost twenty-seven. That was the night I learned that married women can really fuck."

"Good for you, bro. Pour yourself a drink while I finish off dressing and we can go down together to receive a rapturous reception."

Kevin laughed.

"A rapturous reception from mum and dad? I can't imagine it. I can remember them looking bored and probably feeling out of place like they really were when I was formerly awarded my Doctorate in Finance.

Twenty minutes later, Jen called she only had to put on her jewellery and Kevin said, what she getting all dolled up?

"Yes."

"Right, I threw in my tie and a tailored jacket into the SUV in case I was asked out after dinner. I'll shoot down to the basement to get them and dress up."

He was told to return to the 4th floor lift where he'd find her waiting.

The lift doors opened and he almost gasped. Cripes, she was a stunner, appearing to become better with age. Jen was over thirty now, probably thirty-four.

"Ma'am, may I take you to dinner?"

"Of course, you lovely man," she cooed, taking his arm and fitting against him smugly, making Kisser think she also wished they weren't siblings.

The large dining room was packed. Well it was Saturday night but another contributor would be the restaurant must be under the leadership of his sister resulting in the hotel staff doing things well including maintaining its reputation as being the best place in town for local citizens to eat out. Strangely though, there was an absence of children in the room. Weren't adults eating out accompanied by children these days?

He began recognising a number of diners and then at the far end of the room saw his mother stand and announce in her former primary school principal's voice, "Ladies and gentlemen, please rise and welcome the arrival of my son Kevin Bateman who many of you will remember as Kisser Bateman to his Celebratory Homecoming Dinner. Kisser remains unattached and so tonight has his sister Jennifer on his arm."

"Christ, this is all for me," Kevin said, voice shaking.

"Don't panic darling, lean on me," Jen said theatrically, sounding almost ready to split herself laughing at his astonishment.

"But my parents barely acknowledge me," he said.

"Buck up boy, that's only what you think. I'm thinking of the hours I spend over the years you were away listening to our tearful mother during one of her downs, saying she wished she could see you, that even a glimpse would do, and then would come one of your rare letters from you that would send her over the moon."

"And dad, who never says much emotionally, would occasionally say, "I wish Kevin was here, especially in times of prolong drought, our sheep grazing on dying crops in our wheat-fields and bushfires in the hills threatening to sweep down the hills and burn everything in their path."

"Bugger me."

"Yes, come on," she said, practically dragging him along the main dividing rows of mainly applauding and smiling people calling out hi Kevin or hi Kisser. He noticed some expected scowls, knowing not everyone would welcome him home.

At the top table his father beamed, his mother welcomed Kisser and Jen as if they were a bridal couple and Diane introduce Kevin to Mayor Jane Slyfield and her husband Bert, who as a younger man, was Kisser's team's football coach and the guy who Kisser practically worship.

Kisser kissed Jane and then slammed into Bert with an enormous hug that guests nearby were practically waiting to hear bones crack.

For a few brief moments, Kevin felt he was almost walking on clouds.

What a homecoming!

After a sumptuous dinner with alcoholic drinks flowing like water and the guest of honour and his slowly getting-drunk sister, lightly thigh-pressing as if bonding and wishing for great times to come, Kevin noticed people sitting back and looking at him expectantly.

Oh god, he would be asked to speak.

"What is it?" Jen asked. "Want a pee?"

"Nah, advancing stage-fright," he whispered.

"Yes, you will be asked to speak. But you have given guest lectures to university honours students and economic doctorate graduates in various parts of America and..."

"But these are hometown people who include some who really knew me well and none of them will know a fuck about real economics."

"Then just talk to them about how it was. They will be interested in what you did and thought at ground level, not to hear you spout off from some ivory tower."

"I don't know if I believe you."

Bevan hit an empty glass with a dessert spoon to draw the attention of diners. That he certainly did because he hit the glass with such force that it had shattered.

"Thank you, Bevan," said his wife, standing and glaring at him.

"Thank you everyone for coming here tonight as Bevan and my guests to welcome home our son who left here 10 years ago and has been back for only very short visits during that time, usually arriving on Christmas Eve and departing on Boxing day and equally short visits when Bevan and I each turned fifty. Would anyone wish to hear a few words from Kevin?

The responses of 'Yes' and 'Bring him on' were deafening.

Kevin rose, and the dining room fell silent.

"Mum, dad, thanks for making this such a fantastic occasion and my sister for escorting me her and leaving me to think I was coming here to have a family meal. I am honoured that Mayor Slyfield, my ex-high school art teacher is here. She whispered to me she's wearing her chain of office as she doesn't regard this as an official duty, that she is just so proud of me to have risen to be one of this city's notable sons. Where she got that bullshit from, I have no idea."

(Applause)

"With Her Worship is her husband, my beloved football coach who dragged me to great heights, teaching me everything he knew about footie and then some, as he'd been a celebrated winger in his time. I believe you significantly made me why I am today Bert."

Bert responded, "What, a great kisser?"

That virtually sent the gathering into hysterics.

"Nice verbal touch, Bert. Obviously, you haven't lost it."

"Thanks everyone for accepting my parent's invitation to turn out here this evening. I seem to recognised half of you, but not necessary the better half, according to your partner."

(Laughter)

"I'm back here for good and am planning something big. I'll call a media conference to announce that sometime next week."

"Now I wish to talk about contrasts been two cities where I spent almost all my time while abroad, first London and then Chicago."

"I arrived in London at the age of almost-twenty-seven to find work, and then to make something of myself. Initially, I lived in a converted cellar and worked for an only just surviving partnership of plodding accountants as their first investment consultant, on the upper floor of a former public house, better known to you guys as a pub, by then with no beer, of course. In contrast, four years later amid growing success with financial gains in taking my own investment advice, I began working on the 37th level in flash premises in Chicago."

What a great contrast that was compared with my start in London.

"Instead of the alcoholic guy in one room on one side of me in London and an unfortunate woman in the room on the other side of me with her pockmarked face, no English language and a hacking cough, on the 11th level of an apartment tower in Chicago, I had an on-the-rise young business executive on one side of me, and in the apartment on the other side was a tired looking 30-something who was reputedly to be the richest call girl in all of Illinois. And yes, I was friendly but no way overly-friendly with either of them as the rich lady was a hooker."

(Prolong laughter)

The 15-minute ramble continued with colourful narration about some of the memorable characters he'd dealt with and concluded with a standing ovation.

As the clapping continued, Jen, obviously momentarily entranced by her brother sitting again beside her, whispered, "I've weakened. Sleep with me tonight."

He replied, cruelly, or perhaps rather sadly and wisely, "Those days are long past us, sweetheart.

For that response, he received a painful horse bite from Jen near the top of his thigh.

"Bitch."

She glowed in pride.

On the drive home, Kevin had said the dinner for almost 200 must have cost his parents and arm and a leg. His mum driving, had said, it was their pleasure and they didn't have to use their farm overdraft. The money came from their fund for their retirement tour of Britain and Europe. Kevin said that was exceedingly generous of them his father sleepily said, "It was worth it to us, mate."

Next morning, Kevin called in at the hotel and asked which travel firm did his parents use and Jen said, Macdonald Travel of course. His old friend Mick who was at the dinner with his wife Shirl had bought the business from Mick's parents.

He called into the travel agency, Mick was out and he asked to see Shirl who sat with him over coffee.

"I can't believe you married a goer like Mick. If I remember, you were terrified at the thought of ever having sex?"

"Well girls change," Shirl giggled. "Although we have two kids, these days I can't get enough of Mick."

"Good, oh if you ever find you are no longer getting enough, give me a call."

"Goodness, you haven't changed," she said blushing. "My mother told me you'd helped out three of her close friends, as desperate adultery was called in those times.

"Oh, what do married women call desperate adultery these days?"

"Getting lucky."

They laughed and used a credit card to load his parents account with double the money they had spent on his homecoming dinner, according to Jen.

"Please send my parents a letter advising that amount has been credited to their travel account by me. That will save my ecstatic mother from soaking my face in wet kisses."

"And if she says cancel the give and refund the money to you, should I say our policy is not to refund pre-paid travel unless the beneficiaries had all died."

"Oh yes, Shirl. That's brilliant. Let's keep in touch socially, Mick and I were great mates from late in high school and that continued at university, and I'm sure the light continues and I'd like you part of it."

"I'd welcome that. A respectable kiss please, Kisser."

Chapter 2

Thursday morning's lead on the front page of the Wheat Belt & Farming News, written by Kim Sharrock, broke the hot news that Springwater's recent home-comer multi-millionaire Kevin Bateman, planned to build a multi-plex entertainment centre on the site of the town's former flower, fruit and vegetable markets and the adjoining livestock sale yards, that had been laying derelict and the decaying buildings had been the town's eyesore for the past 15 years.