All Comments on 'Knocking to Get Knocked Up'

kinda out of control but good none the less. Big Tits & pregnancy, Good Job

The story felt disjointed. The use of first and third person perspective in the same paragraph and even the same sentence was distracting. Having a large number of named characters with minimal descriptions felt a bit like just tossing people in to meet a request, with little to no effort to make a coherent story. It got to the point that it ruined my ability to enjoy what you were doing.

My suggestions:

Please double check or ask someone to check to make sure you catch any grammar/spelling issues.

Trim out the extraneous number of characters, or flesh out the world. This felt like a story that should have been longer, with more build up and world building so it would make sense. Could have been so hot but fizzled instead. Is this an excerpt from a longer story?

So hot. This is the second time I’ve cum to this, and fuck am I cumming.

apparently, people that believe in BBC mythology are so brain-dead this nonexistent plot and ridiculous story arc seemed to make sense to them while puking this into a word processor.