All Comments on 'Kya'

Wow!

Is there a story to connect the 2 part Kya - Palace series with this?

5 stars from me

I loved it. The only thing I would change is your referring to San Francisco as “Frisco”. No one who lives here calls it that. We usually say “The City” or San Francisco. otherwise it was an amazing story.

Aside from the obvious unfamiliarity of the author with the English language, the plot was dumb, the characters undeveloped and the dialog stilted. It was sort of science fiction and part fantasy, but all thoroughly unbelievable. The pseudo geopolitics made no sense and we never did learn what happened on that infamous flight. And how Kya ended up in the ocean for Nate to rescue also made no sense. I am really upset with myself for suffering through 8 pages of this crap, but I guess I thought the last page would have a complete explanation, but no such luck. 2* and that's generous.

Enjoyed the story very much what with the mystery girl, the love lost then regained and a tearful reunion. Keep writing!

Great story!! Thank you very much.

Intriguing, complex, very human... spell binding...

All I can say is that I hope you're not yet done with this storyline.

Very, very well done!

Great story! Only quibble: the Admiral said that Kya's last name was DeSinlo, the family name of his brother's wife family. That would make Kya his niece or grandniece, not granddaughter.

5

What a great story. A little out there, which is good. Thank You for sharing.

You left out too many things. For example, just who is this reintegrated Kya anyway? Is she a retired Navel officer, a muddleheaded cockney speaking escapee from a Charles Dickinson novel, or an intermittent slutty mcslut pants slave girl wannabe? She doesn't seem very cured to me. To just simply have her say 'honey I'm home' and then just abruptly ending it without giving us any proper insight into who she really and truly is, just doesn't cut it. And how about telling us what actually happened on that doomed flight from her perspective? You've basically written 75% of a story. An extended detailed epilogue or a part 2 might be in order. Only giving you 3 stars.

Nice time filling story. Just re the saluting, many amateur writers make the mistake of having characters saluting inappropriately. It is a worldwide strictly defined way of showing respect. It should only be performed by uniformed people wearing their uniform hat. It is started by lower ranks saluting higher (officer) ranks and heads of state who are wearing the uniform and hat will return the salute. If they are heads of state and not wearing a uniform they will nod back as a sign of acceptance. Ununiformed higher ranks and equal ranks do not have to be saluted. But a sign of respect would be to stand to attention. You won't see saluting on the tarmac near aircraft cause no one is allowed to wear hats there. The hats might get sucked into the engine intake. Just one of those things, as saluting wrong is seen as disrespectful and we're not just talking in regards to saluting in the defence forces here. Same goes for volunteering fire brigades, ambulance officers etc.etc.

Sorry to seem so brutally critical and all, but there is one last aspect of the supposed ending that still kind of bugs me. The guy has been basically waiting for over a year trying to live off of what few bits and pieces of vague information they decide to trickle down to him and when she finally comes back where's the detailed debriefing? He never got more than a reader's digest condensed version of what's been going on for the past year in her life. If it were me in his shoes I would still feel as though I have 1001 questions and concerns and other such things which this brief little ending scene did not even come anywhere near adreessing. Why couldn't they at least have had the decency to provide a video of the birth seeing as he wasn't going to be there? I realize that she's overcoming a boatload of trauma, but come on now! Are they trying to hide something? Too many loose ends, dude. If the story is over, drop the secrecy and mystery already!!! There are tons of dead story lines on this site and frankly it's a bit irritating. This story isn't terrible, it's just incomplete.

Fix the timelines, locations, character names, military goofs, and plot dysfunctions.

Too many unanswered questions for this to be complete.

What happened on that infamous flight that killed almost all of the crew? Apparently "in the air but out of communication" for seven days? This seemed to either have "Area 51" connotations and alien abduction, or comms jammed forced to land somewhere and subjected to some unnamed horror that overloaded their bodies with adrenaline and made them wish to commit (what, hari kari?) rather than live with the memory? None of this is explained, no wonder the FBI were still interested 15 years after the event.

Confusion over who the girl Kya is: the Admiral in several places over a 20-year span says the Briggs family are his only family, and suddenly Kya, the injured Lieutenant who's been locked up for the last 15 years is his "granddaughter" and she's "his blood"?; wait, no, her surname is the Admiral's brother's wife's name, so she's either a niece of his blood born out of wedlock or a relative of the Admiral's sister in law and therefore not of his blood at all?

When Donovan wakes up Kya's dormant personality, the Lieutenant, Who is apparently ignorant of Kya, she turns to Nate and addresses him as "Captain", yet, if she recognised him as the Deck Officer who rescued her from the plane wreckage, she would only know of him as a Lieutenant.

On retirement, many navies hand out a rise in rank to help pension etc, but a rise to senior rank from Lieutenant to Captain, leaving out Lieutenant-Commander and Commander seems excessively generous.

Timelines are freakish throughout but at the end we have his 4-month pregnant wife missing for what, a year to 15 months and then Natalia/Nalia turns up able to walk well enough in a snowstorm and talking?

Why invent a completely fictitious UN Navy and then have its UN Navy Admiral based in a US navy base, answering to the POTUS instead of the UN Secretary General, which would clearly be illegal if such a military body was to exist? If you needed a Navy conflict, you could've gone the existing NATO route with a conflict in the eastern Med, or US Navy involvement in the Persian Gulf with Iraq/Iran/Afghanistan or Somali pirates.

Money-wise, he buys a boat so he is down to his last "two bits" yet he can afford to sail the boat up and down the US West Coast, sail around to the East Coast and cross the Atlantic and can still feed himself and his sister without touching her funds; and then sail back across the "Pond" (or did he circumnavigate?) and buy a derelict warehouse and open a comfortable sophisticated bar in a presumably fashionable district with no visible means of support?

Where did she fall into the Bay out of the fog from? The implication is that it’s a helicopter and that it was the FBI and that the pure diamonds and gold in the bags was some sort of drug cartel kickback, and that Kya had been sexually abused by whoever was in the aircraft. Then, many months later, Donovan the FBI says that diamonds' effect on one young lady in particular was a new discovery by him.

There are some interesting concepts in this story, but we are left with far too many holes at the end to leave a reader with any satisfaction that a story has been properly told.

Given some of the comments, I would like to be so bold as to offer a possible answer. There are some authors on this site who have for lack of a better term rewritten a story but from the perspective of another person. As some of the other commenters have rightly pointed out we still don't know what happened to Kya/Kiara aside from what perfunctory explanations were brought in near the end. Now I am no expert on split personalities are multiple personality disorders, however what I do know suggests that once the two are healed they are not necessarily the same person that they were and I think that that's probably what has so many of the other commenters upset here. In other words how much of her is Kya how much of her is Kiara. Perhaps you should consider retelling the story or at least part of the story from her perspective and then at the end possibly tacking on some sort of a better epilogue with some more detailed answers in regards to the 1001 unanswered questions that a previous commenter mentioned. That being said it's only a suggestion this is after all your story your world and your universe.

I enjoyed the story. An unusual group of characters. Ill now mark the other Kia stories for exploration.

Thanks for writing. From one whose only contribution to the site is reading and enjoying an occasional story.

It was ok until you gave the UN Zto much power. The UN is the biggest joke around. If we didn't finance it there would be no UN.