La Dee Da Ch. 01

La Dee Da 01

I mean, most people announce themselves with a knock and a hello and I just so happened to announce myself with a La Dee Da at the door and that's how I do it my way. And if you don't want me to just announce myself with my La Dee Da and then check to see if your door is unlocked, then lock your door or I might sneak in anyways. Which technically isn't sneaking because I announced myself beforehand, but that's how I do it.

So, La Dee Da folks, I'm Boone and when I spy unusual activity three houses down after 9pm, well, that's exactly the same as leaving a door unlock. I mean, there could have been cat burglar's down at David's place, even though everyone seemed to be dressed as if they were attending the Heritage Festival, but they were probably cat burglars, so.

And everyone just strolls casually up a driveway to confront cat burglar's anyways, so.

"La Dee Da, La Dee Da, everyone. La Dee Da ladies. La Dee Da, Gigi."

"Oh, bumble bee, Boone, um, hi."

"La Dee Da, Vicki."

"Um, coo, coo, a chew, Boone, ooh, did we wake you?"

"Nope, I mean, almost, um, La Dee Da there Dae-Dae, La Dee Da."

"Ugh, Bahama Momma, Boone and just call me Dave, for Pete's sakes!"

"Sure, Dae-Dae Dave, La Dee Da, Mark, La Dee Da."

"Ooh, old woman in a shoe, Boone, so, what's new with you then, Boone?"

"I'm just making sure that the neighborhood is safe from thugs. I mean, weren't you all up at the Heritage Festival then, hmm, Dae-Dae? And you haven't said yet that you like how I spy, I mean, keep an eye on things around here when you're away from your house, so?"

"We couldn't live safely in neighborhood without you, Boone (tee, he). But there was some commotion with the band and the girls started to notice that the smashing of the band equipment seemed to be just a little too much and then Gigi had to revert back to her high jumping days and skills and then she had to jump straight up into the air in her festival miniskirt and snatch a broken guitar neck with hanging and twanging guitar strings right out of mid-flight to save Grandma Willis from an head injury and well, that just drove the crowd into a frenzy because of Gigi's high jumping and snatching skills while in her mini, so then the commotion turned our way and then Gigi smiled and took a bow and that didn't help with the commotion within the immediate crowd, again, because of Gigi's mini and I happen to like having Gigi as my girlfriend, so we packed up and left early because I could tell that the men in the crowd were going to hoist Gigi up on their shoulders for saving Grandma Willis, who also wore a granny mini and if I haven't said it yet, I like having Gigi as my girlfriend, so."

[Gigi giggles and takes an impromptu bow on the patio. In her mini]

"Oh, and apparently, the band has internal family issues and several less teeth now, so."

"Well, these are modern times, Dae-Dae and a little exposure of a woman's undies is no different than a day at the pool or at the beach and you should be happy that your girlfriend has been trending on Chang for the last hour anyways. Oh, and the Black Bag store is probably happy now too since Gigi identified them as the store where she bought her smaller than small logo thong when Gale Storms of TV3 News interviewed her just after her heroic saving of Grandma Willis from the broken guitar neck and I'm sure the follow up peek of her undies was just from the cordless microphone cord getting caught on Gigi's mini, which is also loop trending on Chang too, so."

[Gigi giggles and takes another impromptu bow on the patio. Still in her mini]

"Anyways, it's too bad the festival ended early, but there are no cat burglars around, so I'll La Dee Da in reverse and leave you two couples to couple up now, so, La Dee Da in reverse then folks."

[The shy and quiet Vicki looks around and then stands without even adjusting her knit mini because after all, these are modern times]

"Well, hubba bubba, Boone, um, I'll walk you to the sidewalk then, so."

[Ahh, modern times and the way a knit miniskirt rides above the hips, right?]

"Look, Boone, you didn't hear this from me, but since nobody really got enough to eat tonight before the festival had to shut down because it's never a good idea for other, other, step brothers and step sisters to form a band, well, if you ever wanted to host a late evening snack party, tonight might be the night for that, none of which you heard from me, so?"

"Vicki, what?"

"Boone, all I'm saying, which I'm not actually saying, is that right after a little coupling, you should expect a few people to knock on your front door with hungry puppy dog eyes and what I'm definitely not saying is that Frank and Janice may or may not show up with Dennis, so?"

"Vicki, that's crazy! I mean, the food part is okay and I'm not in any position to turn away any type of visitors to my house, but Dennis? He freaked out and ran on me! And stop rubbing it in that everyone "couples" but me, so?"

"Boone, babe, even though you don't appear to have much of a damn dick, you still have a damn dick, but Dennis still cries about the rest of your body. None of which I'm saying, of course. But I might say that you should change out of those shorts and by that, I mean, buy a label making gun and clearly tag such short shorts as "indoors only" or something, geez."

Well, they might have been a little risky for me to wear on my cat burglar investigation walk folks, but it just after 10pm and it was plenty dark out anyways. Besides, I currently had the body to wear such small shorts and as Vicki mentioned, I don't have a big distraction up front and they fit me nicely with their cuffed and slanted leg seams that rose up my hips and I won't have this body forever, so, if I wasn't meant to wear them, then they shouldn't release a summer line of "ridiculous" clothing in my local mall, so. And I showed Vicki that I did tag them as "selfies only" anyways on the inside of the waistband. Which is the same as peeking my undies to her to confirm that Dennis might like them, not that Dennis was on my radar or anything. I mean, the guy ran on me!

"Well, maybe I will send an exploratory text to Dennis or something, but only because nobody should go hungry, so?"

"Oh, I like the exploratory text idea, Boone, but all on your own and for Pete's sakes, do not add an enticing photo. And by enticing photo, I mean, well, snap, those shorts might show Dennis just how, ugh, Boone, double bubble gum and expect a few a rap knocks on your front door soon enough, so?"

Well, I mean, I always did want to host a late evening snack mixer anyways and Vicki never did me wrong in the past, so.

[Weep]

"Hungry, Dennis?"

[Whoop]

"U hate me, poison?"

[Weep]

"Just a pinch. U Survive."

LOL, just a little flirty talk, right? But that wasn't the end of it. Not that I needed help to host a late evening snack mixer because the Heritage Festival had to shut down early.

[Weep]

"Lucy, I mean."

[Whoop]

"I'll B barefoot in Ur kitchen."

[Whoop]

"After a little coupling."

I mean, folks, I started an online voting survey to erase the word "coupling" from history, in case you care to chip in on that. And I don't know why time doesn't move faster! I hit the fast forward button on my digital clock and nothing happened! Not that I was trying to get all that "coupling" over with even faster or anything.

Anyways, the good news was that with Gigi, Dae-Dae David, Vicki and Mark just being three houses down, they were the first to arrive and we didn't have to go through a lot of La Dee Da greetings again and the other news was that huh, so after "coupling", um, the guys grab a beer and fist bump on the couch and side eye my shorts and the girls sit at the kitchen table and just chit chat then? Like, okay, we coupled and that's over now, so, huh then? But the great news was that Gigi and Vicki still had their miniskirts on, so chit chat and shift in chairs ladies, all you want to! Or something like that, I mean, ahem, moving on, especially since I almost felt like the third wheel out in my own home with the "after coupling" thing went. Not that I was in a hurry for Dennis to show up! I mean, so that I could yell at him for running on me just because I had a damn, yet adorable little dick! Vicki's words, not mine, so.

[Knock, knock]

"Oh, La Dee Da, Janice and La Dee Da, Frank and OMG, La Dee Da, Dennis!"

"Oh, kiwi lime pie, Boone, so, I'll just slip past you and judge your kitchen skills then with the other girls, so, yeah, let me just..."

[Busty Janice really knows how to just slip past a person]

"Um, hammer slammer, Boone, I mean?"

"Well, you are the game master and all, Frank, so?"

[LOL, Frank man handles his way past the half open front door]

[And what? Boone slips outside of the front door to confront Dennis alone then?]

"So, La Dee Da in private, Dennis."

"Oh, ooh, Ali Baba, Boone and um?"

"I mean, Dennis, it was just a moment and nobody was going to ever know anyways, so?"

"Well, Boone, I just freaked out for how nice the moment was and I had never..."

"Dennis, you set a new track and field record for how fast you ran from me! But that's actually your issue and not mine, so you can go inside and fist bump with the other guys and prepare for a late evening snack because the Turner Family band had a melt down on stage, so?"

[Okay, okay, enough with the people just slipping past through the front door!]

[But what a last second arm hook move, right?]

[Mwah, ummah, mwah, smooch, lip smack, lip lock, mwah, rub, rub, mwah, ahh]

"Huh, and you didn't die, Dennis and I'm not even at all mad that you brought your own hot dog to my food mixer!"

[Mwah, ummah, mwah, smooch, lip smack, lip lock, mwah, rub, rub, mwah, ahh]

"Well, have you ever thought that it's harder from my end than it is from your end then, Boone?"

[Mwah, ummah, mwah, smooch, lip smack, lip lock, mwah, rub, rub, grind, grind, mwah, ahh]

"Oh, it's harder from your end alright, Dennis and my skin is as soft as anyone else's, so?"

[OMG, again with the quick slipping past through the door! But the approaching headlights may have helped with all that]

"La Dee Da, Sarah."

"Um, itty bitty, Boone, where the powder room?"

"Straight back or in my bedroom. La Dee Da, Lucy."

"I mean, boa feathers, Boone, so, should I take over in the kitchen then, Boone?"

"Well, it's why I texted you and all because I'm totally in over my head, so?"

"[Mwah] LOL, you texted the right person, Boone. So, Dennis again then, hmm? Round two?"

"Shush Lucy, round one was just a "two people inexperienced at everything" moment and then he ran and nobody is supposed to know about that anyways, so."

"Well, someone shouldn't post all "boo-hoo" about things on Chang then. Anyways, I'll just go get after it barefoot in your kitchen then, Boone."

[Huh, huh, that was a smooth slip past through the door. Which drew too much attention]

"OMG, sorry, La Dee Da, Gino, La Dee Da, Conner! La Dee Da!"

"LOL, blue lagoon, Boone and it's funny to watch you get all confused about things. Anyways, I mean, we would have your back if you wanted to attend the last day of the Heritage Festival tomorrow, I mean, maybe not in those shorts, but we do support you, so?"

"Well, I'll think about, Gino. It would be nice to get out a little more and La Dee Da, Conner."

"Boone, dairy creamer, so were you serious about me manning up your work bench area then? And can I have a little privacy to do that after I eat then? And can I just start the manning up process after I eat, but still have a little privacy then because all these miniskirts are killing me, so?"

Well, at least Conner was honest about things and it was even better how it occurred to him that funny boys have a knack for attracting girls in miniskirts.

And huh, Lucy really was barefoot in the kitchen! And slinging food around like a chef!

"Alright ladies, feed your men, two cheeseburgers each and Boone, with four couples here and you and Dennis playing shy eyes, well, nobody cares, so???"

"What, Lucy?"

"Sometimes people eat side by side on the bed when the rest of the house space is taken. Just stay out of the garage where your work bench area is and oh, nobody cares."

Well, beyond all that, I mean, the girls did distribute the plates to their boyfriends and politically correct or not, it was nice to see them, well, taking care of their men. I mean, they left the beer distribution to me, but I fell right into it, LOL, my way, of course.

"La Dee Da, Dae-Dae, David, beer?"

"Oh, red rose rum, Boone, thanks. And yeah, Boone, you have been growing on us, so we would have your back at the festival or anywhere else, then, so?"

"Well, thanks for saying that, Dae-Dae David. Anyways, La Dee Da, Mark, beer?"

"Um, float my boat, Boone and yep, we got you (and I'll take a selfie from those shorts too.)"

"Hmm, La Dee Da, Frank, two beers?"

"Well, itty bitty and don't stop spoiling me now, Boone."

"Oh, okay, wide shoulders, um, La Dee Da, Gino, wine cooler?"

"Damn, boa feathers, babe, I mean, Boone, thanks."

"Oops, Gino, La Dee Da, Conner, bong and a beer?"

"Oh, doodle noodle, Boone, you rock!"

[Clunk, sets a beer down in front of Dennis and walks away]

I mean, the guy ran on me! And I would have been a good date! An inexperienced good date, but I would have put in the effort!

[Oh, so now someone slowly walks toward the front foyer then instead of swish and swoosh]

"Well, that sucked, Boone!"

"A lot of things in life suck, Dennis! And my name might be on that list! On the list on the back of page where they put the "veggie practice" names, but still, so?"

"Boone, you're still not considering things from my side. I play sports, so hooking up is something we should do behind the scenes, under the stairway and in the fruit cellar, not in front of other couple friends of ours, so?"

"Fine, I've been a little too aggressive with you, Dennis, so maybe you should leave then. I mean, I'm pretty sure that the other couples will be coupling up for dessert soon enough and oh, I mean, I invested in a bed and I mean a bed to die for and Gigi has probably already eyed that up by now! And oh, to die for, right? What you didn't do when we just made out on the front porch!"

Oh, well, that worked, La Dee Da in reverse! But he didn't live all that far away and since he came with Janice and Frank, well, he needed his sports exercise anyways! And I hoped that he played La Dee Da pocket pool all the way home!

[Staggers into bedroom, wiggles out of undies sized shorts and plops face down on to die for bed]

"La Dee Da, Gigi."

"Ah, mean green goo, Boone, um?"

[Hump, hump, grind, grind, hump, push, hump, grind, thrust, slam, slam, thump, thump, slam]

"Just lock the doors when you guys leave, Gigi and call the reject farm for me. I'll go quietly."

[Hump, hump, grind, grind, hump, push, hump, grind, thrust, slam, slam, thump, thump, slam]

"Well, come to festival tomorrow night us and we'll have a great time, so?"

[Hump, hump, grind, grind, hump, push, hump, grind, thrust, slam, slam, thump, thump, slam]

"Ahh, ahh, Boone, I don't mean to beat you to it, but icky, sticky, Boone, icky sticky!"

[Hump, hump, grind, grind, hump, push, hump, grind, thrust, slam, slam, thump, thump, slam]

Well, I may not know how to obtain a boyfriend, but I knew my prefixes, so, I left them alone to finish with their coupling. And the key words here are I'm not afraid of a naked woman or a naked man! It's all flesh and bones with just a difference here and a difference there.

Also, I didn't leave, but rather crawled deep under the covers and cursed that I didn't have my phone with me and cursed that other's coupled so easily and often while I was destined for the reject farm.

End La Dee Da 01