All Comments on 'Layla'

a bit to plain in story telling and to quick

I like the general concept of your story but the storytelling is not convincing.

A girl that smart would be more how shall we say, intelligent. She is now a walking AIDS palace, why worry about being pregnant. And after that night she isnt tight, will never again be tight, so what he has is just a dumb slut to fuck his friends. How in the world did he own so many people money that he could use a young girl to pay his debts?

so fucking stupid! Gee Mr. Rodgers..er Wilson...

you are a totally corrupt, filthy, debauched woman. i love you. live with me. i will let you take your own path but protect you from those you dont want to be around. you can fucjk anyone, man or woman anywhere anytime you want. you can have all your openings filled with cu, i will suck it off your tongue, lick it our of your cunt, suck it out of your ass. i will drink golden pee iout of your cunt or ass or you can mpunt my face and pour iit down my throat. there isnt anything i wont do for you or let you do to me. we could wallow in depravity fucking every man or woman who wishes to. i love you.

Poorly written and completely ridiculous. Seriously, what this intended as a spoof?

This is your story but seriously?? How the hell does a girl go from being a virgin to taking 30 cocks in the span of a few hours?? That was ridiculous!! I don't know if there's negative rating available!! Try and write better next time plz!!

finish please

This wouldve been almost a good story if some reasonable tbought had been put inyo it. 16 inches long and 3 inches wide? Really? Even a 5th grader could do better than that. Go back to doing whtever it was you were doing b4 you tried writing erotic stories. Because your career in writing is going to be shortlived.

This was a rough draft, for sure.. It's a good story concept, but it's rushed and missing a lot of valuable detail - you stuffed a chapter long smut scene into a page and a half of writing.