Learning Delicate Intimacy

"Were you even going, Mor?? I want to! Because I was invited!" She cocked her head, smug as shit.

Damn, they already liked her more than me! I backtracked mentally and ran through my options. Damn it! Damn it...

I had to cede.

"Yeah, okay...I mean, if you want...You're more than welcome..."

"Oh, okay...let's go then..."

This was awkward, more so than usual...but I was convinced I had to be on high alert tonight. As we left, she swiped a champagne bottle reserved for VIP customers so we wouldn't show up empty handed.

I texted my girlfriend asking her what she was doing and she texted back she was at her family's. I waited for a bit then texted back for her to have a nice time.

I exhaled, not realizing I was holding my breath.

Stupid Jesse...I felt like my worlds were colliding and I was going to be supremely humbled tonight. It was bad enough seeing my whole crazy family but to be caught between this powerhouse of a woman and the woman who raised me and could still make my skin crawl just by saying my name...That was daunting.

I drove us to Jesse's apartment and my special reserved spot was taken by my dad's car.

"Damn, we're going to have to walk...is that okay? Or do you want to be dropped off instead?" I glanced at her boots with those giant heels.

"I'll walk with you. No problem."

"Okay."

I found a spot on the street and we shivered in the swirling eddies of snow. Our coats were taken by the doorman and as he stowed them in the downstairs coat check, I smiled warmly at him.

"Hey man!"

"Hello miss." I rolled my eyes at his affected professionalism.

"Rog, come grab a plate when you can. Mom made tamales."

"Thank you, miss..." Then he cracked a smile. "Are there any cheese ones with peppers?"

"I'm sure there are, big guy! Please pick up a plate later."

He chuckled as we left.

"They know you around here." She stated as we walked out of hearing range.

"Yeah, we play video games every week."

"Wow...so Jesse's like your brother?"

"Yep! As you can see...my family likes him better than they like me."

"What about his family?"

"His mom died when he was 14 and his dad is some big shot in a financial firm. He's not around much."

"So your family adopted him? That's adorable."

"More like he adopted them. All part of his master plan to insinuate himself further and further into my life, like a tapeworm."

"And into your heart??" She hit it right on the nail.

"Yeah...like a heart--tapeworm..." I gave her a small smile and her eyes shone with understanding.

I fidgeted at the door and she placed a palm on my arm.

"Sorry, just get jittery around my folks." I sighed out shakily.

"It'll be fine..." She gripped my arm and it did distract me at least, but definitely didn't calm me. I wanted her cool hand on me forever.

I tried the door and it was open so I opened it for her to walk through.

"Mija!!" I heard my mom shout and I was expecting a bone crushing hug, but she didn't deliver, opting to fawn all over Suzie instead. Suzie seemed overwhelmed with the noise and questions in broken English but that's what she gets, for jumping the gun and hurtling headfirst into this mayhem.

I looked for Jesse and found him stirring something in the kitchen. He was wearing his gaudy flower apron with little tufts at the shoulder.

"Hey Jess, need help with something?"

"Yes, please! Can you plate the salsa in little serving dishes? At least four along the length of the table."

"Got it!" I focused on my task, slowly saying hello to everyone individually.

On the way to the table, something slammed into my side and I almost dropped the salsa I was carrying.

"Hi Tia!" The squishy form at my side spoke into my shirt.

"Hi darling! It's nice to see you. Can you help me with this, please?"

Benjy, my favorite cousin/nephew helped me set up the salsas.

I sat down at the table and asked him about his little 9-year old life. He was spinning in front of me and was trying to explain to me his favorite game on his video game console. I had no idea what he was talking about, but it was fun to see him think seriously, then start laughing, then give me high fives out of nowhere.

"Hi! Who's your friend?"

Benjy immediately shut down and inched closer to me at Suzie's approach.

"Suzie! This is my favorite nephew, Benjamin! Benjamin, this is my friend Suzie! Can you say hello, please?"

"Hello please."

I wanted to slap him upside the head, smartass...

"Hi Benjamin! It's nice to meet you!"

I put an arm around him and fed him some primo lines that he repeated after me.

"Your dress looks really pretty."

Hmm, needs some confidence, but at least he made eye contact.

"Thank you, Benjy. You look very handsome too!"

I fed the next line.

"Thanks! It's nice to have you eat tamales with us."

"Thank you for having me over for your Thanksgiving!"

Next...Hook, line, and sinker.

"Would you like to sit next to me at dinner? Wait--next to you? Or next to me?" He looked at me in confusion.

"Shh. Play it cool, man..."

He schooled his face and looked pleasantly at Suzie while she responded.

She wanted to break out laughing but held it together.

"I'd love to sit next to you! Is it all right if Moriah sits with us too?"

"Uh...okay."

We chatted some more and suddenly everyone was shuffling to the table. I made sure Suzie and Benjy were set up and went back to help the cooks.

Pot after pot was brought out and the trio of Hispanic women shouted at everyone all at the same time, throwing tortillas everywhere and tamales. I leaned down to whisper in Suzie's ear.

"Everything okay? It's going to be like this all night, just so you know..."

"I can handle it...it's actually really fun..." Her mouth hovered next to mine as she replied.

"Okay..."

I barely caught the empty pot as my mom tossed it to me and took it into the kitchen. Jesse was refilling everyone's glasses, being amazingly charming, and I dove back into the fray to pick up more empty pans.

As I swept past, Suzie's hand gripped my sleeve and a bit of my skin too.

"Ow! What?"

"Come sit down!" Her eyeballs went quickly to the side and I saw Aunt Dolores. Ohh...

"Yes, of course, let me just put this away real quick."

Her look could've killed me.

I sat down after shoving my mom out of the kitchen too, pecking her face as I thanked her for the food. As I sat, I heard my annoying Aunt Dolores continue her interrogation of Suzie.

"So, you are her boss? Do you know if there's anyone in her life right now?"

"Uh...I think..."

"Tia! Leave her alone! Ask me what you want to ask me."

"Okay! Are you dating?"

"Yes, I am. I have a girlfriend."

The table hushed for a moment then exploded with questions.

Damn...

"Is it her?"

"What's her name?"

"How come you haven't said anything?"

"Is she pretty?"

I told my family about Joey and how it was too soon to spend the holidays together.

"What a load of mierda!"

"You need to present her to us."

In my head I said to myself, I don't need to do jackshit.

"Yes, mom." I replied instead.

Uncle Quico distracted my aunt and we got a small reprieve.

"That was hilarious!" Suzie whispered as she sipped her wine.

I glared at her.

"They didn't know about Joey?"

"It's still new!"

"Liar, it's been months."

I looked at her sharply, realizing she's been paying attention.

"Still feels new..." I rubbed my nose nervously.

She rose an eyebrow and scrunched her lips, looking away, presumably disagreeing with me. I ate another helping of shrimp in hot chili.

Suzie was a novelty and everyone wanted a turn with her. I was insanely jealous, wondering what we would be doing if we weren't here. I mean...what Joey and I would be doing...

After a while, I mentally checked out and went to check on her as a type of social break for myself as well.

"You okay?" She was braiding one of my smaller cousins hair and all the girls were enthralled by this elegant woman.

"Yes!" Her cheeks popped up round and warm.

"Okay, let me know if anything."

She nodded.

I went to go play Mario Kart with Jesse and Benjy when my dad sat next to us.

"Hey apá! Everything came out great!"

"Thanks to Jesse! He has nice house."

"Thank you, papi!" Jesse was listening and replied as he tried to pass me in the game.

Both him and I cringed at Jesse's preferred term for my Father, but there was no persuading him.

"Mija? Why is your boss here?"

I held up a finger to Jesse's face just as he was opening his fat mouth and shushed him.

"She's my friend. We've worked together for over four years. So we became friends."

"And she's not...eh..."

I frowned at him in between shooting shells at the Luigi in front of me.

"Gay? No, she's not gay, dad..."

"Ah...Bad luck..."

His eyes drifted back to Suzie who was now talking to my mom in the kitchen. She was resting her hands on the countertop and her ass jutted out a bit. With that damn painted-on dress that has been teasing me all day, it was easy to see what caught my dad's attention.

I smacked his knee and he jolted.

"Apá! Don't stare!"

"I'm just saying...she's nice..."

"Uh-huh..."

Jesse was snickering and I targeted him in the game specifically.

"Dude! Not cool!" He shouted as we finished the game. I got in his face.

"You know what's not cool? Is when my pushy best friend ambushes me at work and invites my boss to a family get together. Are you starting to understand, love, what you did?"

He grinned at me and leaned in to smack a kiss on my cheek, a wet one.

"Love you too, Mor! This year I'm particularly grateful for you!"

I straightened and rubbed at my nose.

"Yeah...same here...I think we can leave now...I'll go ask her."

"Thanks for coming!"

"Yeah...thanks for everything else."

He smiled brightly and handed a remote to my dad.

I sidled up next to Suzie and my mom made herself scarce.

"Boo!"

"Ahh!" She actually shrieked.

My eyes widened in amusement and I hovered my hands over her frame, leaning to peer between her hands at her face.

"Geez! I'm sorry! I really thought you'd seen me."

I dropped my palms on her shoulders and my thumbs ran circles along the festive green velvet. She held her face in her hands still but rotated so I was with my back to the island and she rested on my chest. I circled my arms around her and held her.

"Mor?" She whispered.

"Yeah."

"Your family is crazy."

"Yes, we're excellent insane-in-the-membrane producers."

"This explains a lot..."

"Never professed to be sane, darling."

I nuzzled my chin into her hairline and she relaxed her hands to run over the soft cotton of my shirt.

"How're you doing?" I whispered.

"Fat. Happy. Tired." She yawned lightly and shook in shivers in my arms.

"Okay. Let's go?"

"All right, let me just say goodbye to everyone."

She looked in my eyes and shoved off the island with a little coy smile. I caught my dad looking and he gave me a thumbs up and a wink. I rolled my eyes but I was secretly over the moon at our canoodling too.

"Bye, mami. You did good today."

"Take care of yourself. Te quiero..."

"I love you too."

She squeezed my mouth in her hand and stared at me with that creepy mom stare.

"And don't forget to call..."

"Yes, mom...Bye dad, love you."

"Good night, mija, love you." He leaned closer to my ear and whispered. "She's a good one. Keep trying, eh?"

I looked at him and hummed noncommittally.

In true Hispanic custom, Suzie received a million invitations to eat at any of their houses, random weddings she was invited to...The goodbyes lasted a good half hour.

Once finally in the car, I cranked up the heat and she rubbed her hands together, shivering violently.

"Oh! Can we make that peach tea we got at the farmers market when we get back?"

"Sure, hon."

"And if you're not too tired, there's a new series I've been wanting to watch about serial murderers."

"Yes, Suzie."

"Yay!"

I shook my head at her casual invitation to spend the night. My brain hurt from all this compartmentalizing and while I knew I'd never cheat on anyone, EVER... I did feel guilty about being so attached to this woman. She was one of a kind...but this all seemed too coupley all of a sudden and it hit me like a freight train when I realized I sort of was her...partner. Just without the sex...I frowned at the dark road in front of me.

She was looking out the window drowsily and I wondered if she would be awake enough to do anything on her list.

We got to the house and I carried my overnighter and her bag while she opened the door and walked through. I got a message and checked it. I froze in the doorway.

Joey 11:12: you up?

Damn it, here it is. A sign. A cosmic reminder of how fucked up this was. After the conversation I had with myself in the car, I had to cater to my actual girlfriend.

Me: 11:14 : Hey baby. Yeah. What did you have in mind?

"Mo? What's up?" She stood in the doorway, barefoot.

"Sorry, it's Joey..." I waggled my phone in front of me. "Rain check on the murderers?"

"Yeah! Of course! Next time." Her smile was tight and I handed her her bag.

"Thanks for tonight! You were phenomenal with my family."

"I had fun! And your mom's cooking was delicious."

"A lot of it was Jesse tonight actually! He's learning, but he likes to give all the credit to mom!"

She giggled.

"Goodnight, then." I couldn't stop staring.

"Nitey nite, Mor. Sleep tight."

"Don't let the bedbugs bite."

She smiled one last time at me as the door closed.

I sniffed out roughly. Fuck! Was it really so selfish to ask the universe to give me everything I wanted?

My phone pinged.

Oh, right, karma...

***************************

"Ew! You slept with her that night."

"She was my girlfriend, love..."

"Was! I'm your girlfriend now." She straddled me and loomed over me, her hair casting long shadows.

I held her jaw in my hands and she sucked my thumb in her mouth.

"You know you're much more than just my girlfriend, right?" I frowned at her and she popped my thumb out of her warm mouth.

"Of course! Best friend, lover, partner, partner in crime. You're everything, darling. And I..am e-v'ry thing to you!" She walked her fingers up my naked chest.

"Right..." I smiled warmly at her.

"I want a tattoo!"

My eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

"O-kay...of what?"

She fingered the tattoo over my heart.

"Like yours...a bloody cog."

"I'm flattered! Why do you want to get it?" I was fishing cautiously, drawing out her words. It wasn't in her nature to be overly sentimental since she tended to express herself in other ways. She was affectionate and said she loved me, always. She showed how she found me attractive but expressions of undying love were unnecessary. Our devotion spoke for itself in the time invested in each other.

"Because I know what makes you tick. And you know me. Better than anyone..." Her gaze sent electricity into my eyes to shoot straight into my chest and I felt like my heart was going to explode.

"That's...a very nice reason..." I looked back at her but couldn't stop my heart from shooting words out of my mouth. "God! I love you so much!" I surged up and captured her lips. My head tilted almost perpendicular to hers and we rolled back and forth together, grabbing and pushing.

She separated with a loud pant.

"I love you too..." and dove back in, pressing my wrists into the bed so I thunked down.

----

A few weeks later, I was running my fingers over our strap while I put a knee on the bed. This silicone toy had been part of our lives for a while...and as well-made as it was...it was dying...

"Babe!"

"Coming!"

She walked in after a few minutes with wet hands and wiping her forehead from whatever she was cleaning.

I pouted at her while she approached.

"What, hon?"

"Look! Pierce needs to be retired..." I said sadly as I bent it and showed her the tear in the dildo.

"Oh no!! Poor Pierce! We have to throw him away?"

I nodded and she sighed sadly.

"Should we do something to commemorate his death?"

I guffawed and wondered if that was normal. Nope! Definitely not, but it was hilarious.

"L.O.L! What? Like melt him down and turn him into something? Or bury it??" My mind was running through the funniest scenario possible and she grinned at me.

"It was just a thought...but if you decide something, I'm in..."

I flipped the dildo in the air and it waggled as it flew back in my hand. I caught it deftly by the base.

"Ooh! Can we shop for a new one today? We're not terribly busy tonight, are we?"

She sat on the bed with her palms on the mattress behind her.

"Sure! We can browse for a new one."

"Excellent! Can we go to Good Vibrations?"

She smirked at me.

"We can just order online, Moriah..."

"Oh yeah..." I sat down to process. "But I like going with you."

She leaned into me and spoke close to my mouth.

"I thought you didn't like shopping?" Her lips hovered over mine and she tilted her head so her hot breath tickled my lips.

"Uh...I like shopping for sex stuff."

I leaned back and pouted.

"Pleease?" I gave my best puppy dog face.

"You sound like you're going to Disneyland! Sure, we can go today."

"Yay!" I cheered and hugged her.

"Let me finish with the restroom, okay?" She pecked my lips and looked in one of my eyes then the other.

"Yes, of course! I'm almost finished with the bedroom too. Just need to dust and vacuum."

She smiled and stood up, going back to the bathroom.

"Then we can go to your dirty sex shop." She tossed the statement over her shoulder.

I thunked down on the mattress, already getting hot.

I finally roused myself to finish hooking up all our toys to charge. We were running low on lube too.

Last night, we were making love when the clit sucker she liked suddenly died. She was so sad. I took Pierce out of the harness so I could suck on her myself and she liked that because she came right after I put my mouth on her.

Still though, best be prepared...

----

I drove us to the sex shop.

"Hi! Welcome! We have a special today on lube. 20% off." Said the nice lady.

"Excellent!"

I gripped her hand as we started in each section slowly. My mind was racing with possibilities, but I was trying to be mindful of her feelings too. There was a time she was terrified of being seen in a place like this, and this place was one of the nicer ones. I'd swallowed my instinct to coddle her in favor of helping her be more comfortable with her sexuality.

There wasn't anything to be ashamed about. This was almost as essential as eating, drinking water, and having enough vitamin C.

"Ooh! I want a vibrating butt plug." I found a short fat one for myself.

She floated over to the wall of dildos, browsing. I let her have her space while I found the lube we liked and added a very expensive but effective stimulant to our basket.

"Is there anything I can help you with?" The lady...Gwinne....asked. I read her nametag.

"Yes, please! Which of your clit suckers are your most popular?"

"They're over here. These three are the biggest sellers."

"Awesome, thank you!"

The one we currently have was among them but just a newer model. I turned one of the boxes over in my hands to see battery life when she came up behind me, stuffing her hands in my front pockets and resting her chin over my shoulder.