All Comments on 'Learning Slave Psychology Pt. 01'

Looking forward to where this is going. Promising start.

Without giving it a second thought the concept of having a sex slave is a kinky fantasy. In reality this scenario is best left to the practitioners of BDSM who stick to the safeguarding measures s.s.c. Taken at face value as a genuine reality it’s absolutely fucking terrifying. When people start treating other human beings as a commodity and less than human it’s a recipe for disaster, abuse and corruption.

It’s very well written.

Thanks for sharing. Tess (UK)

I hope this series runs and runs.

So far a very good start… I am reading this after the Beth and Cindy story… assuming that it is the same Nikki…just really love the contexts of your different series… the first time I read stories in this category I got very upset… did not even finish…even though it is a parallel reality story…I started to reflect if this would even be possible to happen in the future…and I came to the tragic conclusion that yes indeed…entire populations are held hostage by their governments… mankind is even crueler then that…enough examples in our history being witness of how people are easily manipulated… not to mention what is currently happening in this world…I love to read your stories and that of some other authors, because they are extremely well written and researched… and lastly they show some hope in good people with empathy trying to help…without happy ending and love I could not digest…but the psychological aspect of this keeps me enjoying reading… a true mirror of our eye closing society for much injustice and I am not exempting myself ….thanks

WHAT THIS IS:

Dear Mr. Bradford:

I’m doing a full Beta Read and comments on Learning Slave Psychology & Paying My Collage Debt. This includes modifying a copy of your text as I see fit, then recording each modification as a detailed comment in this the Endnotes of the Word File.

I will only do an extended Alpha read of your other works.

The process of doing a Beta Read is taking a fair length of time since it is two full edit / reads of the text. This has taken about three months, as it comes after first drafing, then edit of extant first drafts, type up, and just before bed Beta reading of Learning Slave Psychology. So this ‘letter’ and the major comments have had multiple passes. I’m afraid this results in a bit of a jumble in the comments. Please forgive this.

I am doing this in hopes you’ll agree to return the favor of an alpha read on my stuff – before it’s sent someplace and certainly before I post it on Literotica or Amazon. I’ll also offer to do a full beta read on your future work about to be issued to Literotica, or Amazon if not to a regular publisher. To get the full word file with comments and mark up please email me at the address given in the simultaneously submitted personal message.

I am not a copy editor, and you should employ one before sending your book to Amazon or a publisher. If you find a cheap one then do it for Literotica.

As I’m working through your stories I’ve seen possibilities for others that I’ll share with you. Particularly those that are totally dependent on your characters. I’ve had a couple for your world come to me. If our beta reading proves fruitful then we can perhaps talk about a joint authorship on one of the characters I want to see in your world given in Suggested story # 2.

From your writing I see how strong an abolisionist you are, and I’m right beside you. Lady Liberty is key to humanity’s survival.

I work extensively with a Science Fiction & Fantasy author who has kept my nose to the grindstone insisting I ‘show’ everything. I’ve persuaded him to read some of your stuff so not all of MY comments are truly mine, he’s contributed some, mostly on your world building.

He is particularly distressed when you start telling, not showing stories.

This is the MAJOR flaw in your writing.

In Extraordinary Talent you go further summarizing story.

In your preface you, or Jo_Doe write: WARNING: This is a fantasy. In real life, no human being is ever property.

Both I and my SF&F Writer friend are armature historians, and think you have most profoundly understated the case. The fate of those who enslave others makes the fate of those slaves look good.

My SF&F friend is suggested I read Gentler Angles of Our Nature. It has a good précis on what caused the end of slavery. I suggest you and Jo_Doe read it.

Being a writer of future histories he immediately looked at how the situation Joe Doe and you describe could come about. He has suggested I set the second half of the first step leading to the amendment – that is where it is put forth as statute law, shortly after the first half of it from his fiction fails. He’s got that in 2076.

I’ve therefore set my first story ‘connected’ to your work in the first two years of the statutory, not constitutional, law. That is in 2080. I’ve stolen from my friend the SF&F writer the political situation that gives rise to it: the ‘Responsibility Party’ the second follow-on party from the Republikkkan party is about to be massacred at the poles having been handed the worst ‘military defeat’ in US history, causing the loss of over 5,000,000 Americans, or 5% of the population.

The Texas Federation, the eight states that split from Texas in 2042, Responsibility parties, there are eight of them, but they do cooperate, introduces Statutory Servile Indentures as state sex slaves for minor offences with no branding without two violent felonies. The provision for branding of class two and three felonies, but not the most serious Class one felonies – those who are deemed prone to violence, is introduced in the 2081 session of the Texas Federation legislatures, all eight of them.

In dealing with this material he’s given me the problem that his Responsibility Party was intensely focused on 12 – 18-year-olds as the source of society’s problems, with the result that it is not age of majority at 18 but age of consent at 16 that is, at least initially, the minimum age for enslavement. Note that in 2023 I’m hearing rumblings of lowering the age of Majority to Age of Consent, i.e.: 16.

In my story Rangeland State, capitaled in of Abilene, wanted to make the minimum age 12, but was talked out of it, with difficulty by the other members of the federation who saw that would kybosh it at once because it was too like the now Kyboshed Responsibility Act. They did allow persons over the age of 12 to ‘handle’ slaves, provided they had parental consent.

However, the slaves are not sold until 18 and all slaves are held by ‘licensed’ dominators so it is much more of a BDSM experience. I note that in Extraordinary Talent you write like Matt is 17, perhaps 16, and a real hotshot student, when he is enslaved, that’s why he needs a guardian’s signature.

The result is that in my stories some slaves are naked in high school. For some it’s their high school, for most rural high schools their school boards shove the problem off to urban sites sometimes hundreds of miles away. That is long even by ‘fly over state’ standards.

I agree with my SF&F Writer friend that being enslaved is ruination for a member of the heard. It is very bad to extremely bad for a nerd, but not impossible to survive while remaing who you are – which much frustrates the R party.

You show this very well in Learning Slave Psychology. Nerds don’t have a reputation to loose. My friend’s heroes are all nerds, and were never part of the heard. They are also very unlikely to commit the stupid crimes, which is the most common way to be six months as a state sex slave. However, two of them end up Registered Licensed Doms at 16-years-old.

There are two ways to become a Licensed Dom. The first, which is very much consciously written into the law so that the system can self start, is the dom to be registered has to present four slaves willing to testify, under oath as free people, that they have been the Dom’s sex slave for four years. One of the young doms took her first slave boy when she was 12. She was acting under the tutelage of a big sister at the time.

In this she is continuing a tradition of 79 years at the start of her story.

The second requires the prospective dom to spend six days as a full sex slave at a registered dominant’s facility. There are minimums to be met there, no balking at anything, and they go much further than you do is the big one. After six days as a sex slave they become an apprentice dom, working with another, for 800 hours. That usually takes about six months on a part time basis,

Eight Hundred hours works out to 60% of every weekend for six months. The second young dom gets his parents informed consent, after spending 11 hours in his home with his parents and his ‘mistress upon the occasion’. It is only after this humiliation the judge agrees.

I will also note that when he was 14-years-old the judge whipped his boyhood hero’s ass. That worthy’s story my SF&F friend has written into MY stories, as a babe. The boyhood hero surrendered himself to be a sex slave at 32 years, 5’9” and 590 pounds.

My SF&F friend is of the opinion that it’ll take most of 40 years from that point before the ‘Slavery’ amendment passes. When it does it’s the California version that requires all slaves be over 18-years-old.

He asks how deep is the no sales to the public on the statutory indentures is his story notion?

Myself, I’m thinking about what Donald J. Trump would look like as he’s passed through the Big D slave market, likely as a ‘cutter’ or ‘canner’. It took some time to find the ‘bottom five’ of the USDA beef grading chart. Now what makes human on the foot rate each of those levels, and be precise for female and male.

In the process of reading closely your stuff I surmise: you are female, live in the UK, work or worked in the banking industry, and haven’t visited Texas in the Summer. This is locked with your note in Certified Penile Arousal where you say, with my removal of brackets: By age 35, three years before these events, my reputation as a Certified Public Accountant. Abbreviated as CPA—the UK term is Chartered Accountant.

I worked in Houston for 6 years and I praise all the gods and half the demons for Air Conditioning.

I fully endorse your opposition to the world you are building out in your and Jo_Doe’s stories where Slavery has returned for all. It is horror, very subtle horror.

In the real world I don’t expect you to use all of the detail comments, they’re to give you a feel for what I would catch in your future writing. But the major and minor issues should be adjusted in your future writing.

Yours truly,

Slave Paul Petrosky.

MAJOR COMMENTS ON YOUR WRITING:

First major Flaw in your writing starts with Ch: 6) BONDAGE WAITRESS AND SUBMISSIVE AT A BDSM CLUB you start TELLING the story big league NOT SHOWING IT. That’s why so much time passes in so few words.

At it’s worst in Extraordinary Talent you have three paragraphs where you don’t just tell the story you summarize it! The summarization starts at: -Six of the best, whacking my ass with my own belt and leaving red marks and bruises… and end at: -Most humiliating of all was when she acquired a "feeldoe"—a dildo that fit into her birth… These should have been separate chapters with their own set ups, and not barely a page of story.

This is a very serious flaw in writing. You’re better to skip story segments than tell it. It is beyond bad when you summarize it in the final text.

In writing my first draft Rita Camping, that has split into 3 volumes with new names, I’m showing the Sunday of the ‘Camping’ session that runs 20 hours. I take 197,200 words to do this. This is a good size for Learning Slave Psychology that runs six months. I’m showing everything, and engaging in a lot of mental reflection, since it is first person narrative. I’m seeing some repetition of non-action events.

You story covering six months is only 68,000 words. Yet it takes you 14,000, that is most of a quarter of it, to cover the two days of her enslavement and the Big D slave market. It’s not that it should continue at that pace, but you should be a lot closer to it through much of the story.

I am very much of the opinion that first person narrative is what this sort of story begs for. Like you in Extraordinary Talent, and elsewhere, I do switch view points. That is an ongoing necessity in that form.

A second major flaw of your story is that you don’t have enough African Americans as a population in your story. This supports my notion that you are a Brit.

Given the situation on the ground, even without the 34th amendment, after the 34th I’d expect in the scene where Nikki joins a group of women practicing slave yoga at Big D that of the ten of them five are black, and one or very unlikely two are apparently Latino. More that of the African Americans three are branded, and possibly one of the Latino.

Of the other five women, who are white, or look like it, only one is branded perhaps a second white woman as well.

In this story Nikki notices this and registers it, but does not further process it.

Nikki should also encounter other back American slaves in a variety of circumstances.

I will say that the Americans of color will have indentures 120% – 150% of white Americans, unless they hit a judge like Roy Bean V when they’ll have indentures that are 200% of a similar white person as a minimum.

The third major flaw of your story isn’t a problem in Learning Slave Psychology. Given what we’re seeing vs Roe v. Wade in the Southern US where the girl is indentured for more than a year the ‘Forced Birthers’, calling themselves Right To Life, will insist she become pregnant. Long before the 34th amendment, call it 2032, I expect they’ll require female inmates in prison to become pregnant, the may even offer a 2:1 time discount for the period of pregnancy.

The owner may then ‘sell’ the baby via a state adoption agency. It’s a legitimate adoption, but the adoptive parents pay for the delivery of the child, it’s not quite surrogacy. Many of the younger (under 40) standard or lower graded girls will end up in surrogacy rolls.

Given the level of influence and persistence of the Forced Birther Movement, and how this would play into their wet dreams I’m certain that when a girl is enslaved for more than a year ( usually 15 – 18 months as the minimum) she is to be made pregnant and things like the pill, IUDs and implanted etonogestrol rods are actively removed.

How to hide them becomes a cult activity, as it may be even without a slavery amendment like your 34th.

Again there are issues, so if the girl is too young (and 16 will be old enough and in the early versions listed, until the 15 Justices of the Supreme Court, curtsy of the 32nd Amendment of 2028 according to my SF&F friend who’s world I’m also poking into, make it 18-years-old or else) or has other medical conditions.

In my fiction a 14-year-old who’s had not just an abortion (20 years for murder 2) but a hysterectomy (5 to 10 years for illegal birth-control) in 2079 was put in a MEN’S prision because she’s no longer a woman or girl. She comes into a story as the slave of the male young dom when the Supreme Court drops it to involuntary manslaughter & kyboshes the illegal birth control conviction.

There will also be a long list of conditions where a slave pregnancy can be terminated, unlike what’s happening now (as in Idaho) because if not then there’ll be no Slave Vets.

As it is by 2023 July 4 Idaho will have lost 40% of OBGYNs and a thick slice of its MDs of all types in just a few months. It’ll be 70% of all doctors by the 2024 election, and THAT should be an election issue in 2024.

Fourth major flaw in your writing / world building is your wimpy collar. Even today a slave collar manufactured for a Department Of Justice would report the slaves location by GPS every 15 minutes via a cell connection. I’m unsure of how many other bio-functions it could report without implants, but body temperature, heart rate, sweat salinity, sweat rate and probably blood oxygen level are certain. With implants be sure that blood sugar would be reported hourly since that implant is currently extant. The presence of cameras for a variety of uses will be there.

I’m not sure how the cameras report to the Justice Department or the County Court, that depends on available bandwidth on the cell system or they have to come in and be downloaded by ‘induction’ or blue tooth link, what ever they use to connect your cell phone to the billing network at the store.

Note: my collars are good to 200 meters of seawater and are induction charged, and perhaps camera data is downloaded by ‘induction’ or blue toothed to an ‘outer collar’. In my fiction slaves can trigger permanent recording by their cameras by pushing a button on the collar near the right one. The button is a dimple forward of the right hand camera.

My colars and their implants for sure report hourly the fertility state of the slave, both male and female.

I’m even more unsure about what the legal implications of a camera being blacked out are. They are almost always serious. This is important to my story for a variety of reasons, but Car Dunker does nothing illegal, even as she has her actual age temporarily inked on her ass. I believe later such an action is grounds for a criminal complaint against whoever did so. Those cameras are to guarantee whatever civil rights the slave does have.

The Fifth major flaw in your writing / world building is that there will be abolitionists, a number of churches are abolitionist and will remain so. Also those in peril of enslavement because of debt will flee the country, and that’ll make international issues with it. There will also be those attracted to being indentured as sex slaves coming into the country, and there are both foreign and domestic issues with that.

The big issue in the abolitionists quiver is the fact that slaves do not purchase anything and drive down the price of labor. That makes things get ugly.

The Sixth major flaw in your writing, the monetary amounts seem like 2015 or so, and getting past the 27th amendment will take a while so I’m writing at the beginning of the first step there. Perhaps the second but it isn’t obviously connected, having a society decide that its most productive members are a threat to its existence peace and stability – MOST OF ALL ITS STABILITY.

There are people looking for a Chinese Turn like 1433 who insist that persons who do not conform by moulding themselves into the heard must be purged from society all together. This gives a fertile ground in which when that approach fails the enslavement of nerds, which is what is intended, appears as needful.

Problem rapidly becomes it’s mostly Herd Alphas, not nerds, that end up in a collar. This is driven by Herd Alphas wanting to be adult, while nerds aren’t sure growing up is a good idea in the first place.

So you should think of this as Science Fiction (Social) and tweak just a few things.

I’m using a factor of 20 on prices in 2080 which is a little less than my SF&F friend would, he uses that in 2076 and they’re in the tail end of a famine

The Seventh Major Flaw in your world building is that you’re not showing Texas as hot and sticky enough. You’re sensitive about peeing and being able to pee ‘appropriately’. This is a big reason to suspect you are British. I don’t expect naked slaves to care where they pee, so long as they’re not going to be in it very long.

In Texas, dehydration is a life critical threat. I will attach a segment where my major hero Vollie comes in after working outdoors and not getting watered for four hours. He is dangerously dehydrated, as are the others. They make up a special ‘water’ with 2 tsp salt, 1 tsp baking soda and 3 Tbsp sugar to drink, at two liters per person.

It is consumed, in under a minute by those who can chug. Vollie, who can’t chug yet, takes less than three. This level of drinking, and the reaction to the salt, making the water taste good, indicates a ‘concerning’ to ‘hazardous’ level of dehydration. It is possible to become dangerously or life threateningly dehydrated, extremely easily, in East Texas.

I’m writing East Texas, not Dallas where I’m sure it is lethal. So you need to work on issues of dehydration in your slaves. This is of concern at all times, even in December January, though not nearly so often.

Note: this is as of 2023, and has been since before either of us was born.

The eight major flaw in your world building is that the slaves walk barefoot across the parking lot to the Auction House. In Texas in the summer the asphalt pavement will burn their feet, even if they’ve trained for it. Then there are issues with rough surfaces. Most folks, including the two in breeding the Pony Girl wear boots that leave the sole of the foot extremely soft.

About the only thing slave sale centers can do is have bins of size 12 flip-flops at both the entrance to the parking lot and the exit of the building so that naked slaves don’t arrive bleeding from the foot.

There are also problems with the abolitionists. They’ll spread broken glass around the approaches to the building’s entrances. It’s not a problem when they arrive by poodle transport, but when they’re walked in from court or the parking lot it could greatly diminish their value as slaves.

The ninth major flaw in your writing, not world building – you’re just not going there, comes in that I disagree with your writing choice. Your slaves will be expected to be Piss Sluts for sure. I’m not sure if they’ll end up getting fully toilet trained. However, that is a major jump in BDSM intensity and a lot of writers don’t do it.

The tenth writing flaw in your text is a bunch of things. Most noteable is your excessive use of ‘AND’. It is very excessive. I’m working on minimizingit to an excrutiating degree. It is followed by ‘But’, and ‘That’.

It is nickel words that inflate your word count, without advancing the story that need to be minimized and systematicall removed.

I’m not sure if I’m right, but I strongly dislike having speech as the second part of a paragraph. I almost always put it first, that’s 99.9% of the time. I’ll put a red word to mark no new paragraph and then start the next paragraph with the first word of speech in green. Partcularly when you start with an ‘And’ or a ‘But’. I’ll cut the ‘and’ capitalizing the next word when I remove an ‘and’ at the start of a sentence, greening only the capital letter. I may or may not split the sentences. Where I move something to behind the speech I color that text pink.

Much of your writing, most of the writing in this gendra n fact, is ‘action scene’, so short sentences and short paragraphs are the rule. I’m splitting up your paragraphs, not as much as others but I’m often cutting out two or three paragraphs per paragraph in the original text. When I do so you get the first word in the new paragraph in green.

MINOR FLAWS IN STORY, IF NOT OVERALL WRITING:

The first of these is a general lack of Slave Males in the story. In fact in the entirety of your writing.

I feel this as is an ongoing issue.

I’m not sure about Big D, who should have it with prime, choice and select, beefcake* as well as labor slaves, you get to define what Prime Beefcake is, but elsewhere your various female slaves should encounter a number of male slaves through the story. *I have found the USDA Beef grading documents.

My expectation is that a much larger fraction, that’s about 2/3rds – 7/8ths, of the criminal slaves should be male. Now how many of them would be rated prime slut boi I’m not sure. Far fewer than with females I expect.

I note that criminal slaves are branded, you put it on the ass. My BDSM doms put the great house brand, like Big D’s or State of Texas, under the right arm, while private owners do so under the left arm.

I ran a check of the criminal slaves going through Big D. With 5 million in the greater Dallas area, and Texas’ 2023 typical 1% incarceration rate, and a 50 year life span from 20 – 70, that works out to about four criminals per weekday. Thus big D will tend to a Monday to Friday operation with minimal staff on weekends. I also expect that ‘violent criminals’ will NOT be put into servitude but be kept in high security facilities like Huntsville.

The underarm area keeps the brand clear of the area that’ll be whipped. I’ve taken this right-left thing a fair way in the stories, I’m not believing it but my characters are following it, and the God of Chastity Devices, that they swear by, to and at. You may have yours swear by it too.

You do not mention the tattooing of slaves. That is more visible than a brand on a white person, Branding will be more prominent on a darker skin.

You do allow your slaves to wear clothes, as in Adjusting My Attitude, Extraordinary Talent and in the later chapters of this story as well. In the earlier iteration that is verboten.

I will say that you have two men with the group of slaves being taught slave yoga that disappear from the story, at once. That is far, far too few, there should be 15 – 20 branded men in the slave yoga classes at Big D. There will also be half that who are debtors, so unbranded.

The second minor flaw in your story, and it is an active choice many literotica writers make, is the slaves are not being fully toilet trained, nor even just made into pee sluts. Given the situation you’ve set up, then full toilet training, especially for prime long term sluts is inevitable.

The third minor flaw is that you don’t have Big D and others using Pink Pills on the girls, or Cealis on the boys. I’m not sure if Judge Roy Bean V does, but I wouldn’t put it past him.

I also believe that the number of people who can’t use them is relatively tiny. The slave wranglers know to ask if the slave has taken nitrates for heart conditions, and that will be part of the standard spiel.

These will help make even cutter Judge Roy Bean V do better on the sex score.

In my fiction they are still using Cealis, but their pink pills are about 10 times as powerful to those currently available.

It’s a forth flaw that I missed until 2023 Jy 18 the fist sailing day of my year.

My sailing companion commented that he felt more naked in a board short and tee shirt than he did while sun bathing nude in the park in Munich Germany. It is the difference between nude and naked.

The issue is the Drivers License, the credit cards, the ID, the money and the power it brings, and all the other stuff that is carried. Nerds find being naked mostly liberating, but, and it is a very big BUT they lack pockets for their stuff!

With younger folk in 2023 the issue will be the loss of I-phone and internet connectivity. That loss will be shattering to many of them.

It isn’t an issue in Learning Slave Psychology but should be. You do comment on how Elizabeth’s ‘boogie bag stuff’ is handled in How I Paid My Collage Loans. The boogie bag holds the mortgage, the old job references and other critical documents that a ‘short term’ slave will need preserved somehow. Those going in for long term or perminant that will be a mater for the court and the ‘prison / slave’ system to deal with.

I’m going to have to work on this issue in my fiction. One question from this is: do slaves drive?

This is a critical issue for any deeply rural owners. Ranch slaves need to drive legally, so there has to be a way to convey their drivers license somehow. Mind those busted for Drunk Driving lose it anyway. That’s how a number of my characters end up with relatively short indentures of six to 24 months.

My SF&F Buddy had a room mate 30 years ago who drove 90 minutes to get to a dance, and almost as much to get to town. Yes that was Alberta, but the distances in West Texas will be the same, or longer.

It will also include student cards, passports – both US and foreign, and other ID and credit cards.

The loss of these symbols of identity and power are a key issue in becoming a slave.

On a personal note for you from my friend’s SF story where his ninth graders have ‘First Draft’ as their ninth grade English class. In the first lesson the teacher explains that this lesson is ‘not to be discussed with your parents’ ever. The teacher then tells the students when you writing you are:

NAKED TO THE SOUL, ALL THE TIME.

Which is why I make the surmises about you that I do.

WORLD BUILDING ISSUES

The economic impact of slavery becomes very important as the size of the slave population grows. Rome was 35% slave and perhaps half or more foreign born. Dixi pre-1863 was getting close to half in the more slave populous areas.

In 2020 Texas incarcerated about 1% of their population over the course of their lifetime. So I presume that the level of enslavement is most of 1% with brands on their asses. There will remain a population that cannot be indentured. These maniacs have to be incarcerated because they, or those associated with them, are extremely violent.

You imply that ONLY women are given slave yoga in school so the men you do show practicing should be doing poorly since many of them never practiced before.

Running only greater Dallas with a population of five million, at 1% of population branded and enslaved for some time during their lives you’re looking at about 4 slaves a business day if that’s over 50 years.

That’s not right, or 20 slaves if it’s over 10 years. Of the 20 four will be female, three of them black, and 12 of the sixteen males will be black. I have no idea how many will be in for debt, hence unbranded, but they will be in like proportions to the criminals, only majority white with less than 10% black because of red-lining that denies credit to African Americans.

I believe you’ve got a story about a voluntary slave who does that to hide from the gang, but I haven’t taken, nor read, it yet. I also have a scene on camera two where people ‘taking back their own’ raid a brothel, she’s not there, which is why she’s still alive at the end of the scene. Twenty-five or thirty other people aren’t.

I’m much less sure of the debt issue, even if it is wonderful for writing purposes. I’d expect that like Elizabeth a fair number of college grads do end up in default. Still I’d expect that to be about 1% again. The number of ‘volunteer’ slaves is essentially negligible, but they do make fascinating writing subjects, and excellent heroes.

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I think you’ve partly lost it at Big D. About half the slaves going through the chutes are in a state of abject terror. They’ll pee. More the other half, even the males, especially if they’ve been well dosed with Calais or are on a ‘heavy pink pill’ that we don’t have quite yet, will be leaking girl or boy juice at a fairly high rate. The result is that there will be a serious pong in the chutes.

I’m not sure how often they’ll be hosed down, but not daily, perhaps Saturday night with no sales Sunday. The pong is itself stimulating, to either erotic or terror.

This is the result of several weeks of thinking about Learning Slave Psychology. It won’t only be a problem at Big D. All the slave markets will have it in the approaches to their sales arena.

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There is also the question of ‘older’ slaves, ones with significant skills, e.g.: Master Tool & Die Maker, I have one of those in Change of Lives novels. I’d like to see how you have the older people come to be enslaved. Medical debt becomes relevant since 35% of all US Bankruptcies are from ‘medical debt’.

I’m writing two stories where there are a number of ‘senior slaves’ with serious professional chops. The Change of Lives novels are how I tie my stories to yours, but unless I say so I don’t expect anyone to notice. The two novels are: Car Dunker, and 1950Lion are currently in rev. 0, that’s hand-script.

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One of the issues with this that you haven’t discussed is what the auctioneer’s book for the merchandize says. At some point, you’ll need to write one up. I’ve got a real good character for that, two actually, but I’m holding them for now.

I will tell you the individual ‘product page’ has six boxes. One of them discusses skills and credntials the slave had, like Tool & Die Maker, or carpenter. The last one, number six, is filled in by the slave to be sold, and that may be the first or second time, saying what they think their prospective owner needs to hear, if anything. Or what they said in court when sentenced.

The other issue you haven’t, so far as I’ve read, touched is slaves with ‘medical issues’ from diabetes to psychological drug requirements like anti-depressants, which from a prospective owner’s POV can be very critical since they indicate the danger of murder-suicide by a slave?

So do Medic Alert Bracelets get past stripping slaves ‘slave naked’, or are there special ones that are part of the collar?

#

There is also the dicey question of can slaves give evidence in court. Is that part of surrendering all their civil rights? You suggest they can not. I’d like to see the rational behind that, even more the extent to which it is applied, particularly where a slave is a pure witness, not affected by the crime.

Car Dunker in Change of Lives will have to put the three boys who are headed to Prison as violent criminals because of ‘strong’ Class One Felonies – Insensate Rape, four counts, Assault and forcing someone to commit a crime, specifically rape, two counts, as well as three counts of three class two felonies.

In my fiction only non-violent criminals get to the courthouse lawn with its fire pit / Incinerator where they burn their clothing, get dry shaved, and are collared with a much more capable collar.

They are vaccinated and tell tailed ‘for everything’ the following day by a vet. That’s eight loads in the arms and ass, followed by thirty plus devices in the pectorals and around the neck. They’re the same ‘tell tails’ old folks get in their arms, but these have longer tails so they can signal & charge by induction with the collar.

The three boys Car Dunker and her two friends testifies against each have four rape convictions which she can’t speak to. She and her friends did not witnessed them, netting 80 years in Huntsville each and a variety of assault charges. In addition to the four counts of rape the perps face three counts of attempted rape, thats Car Dunker and her two friends, including one against a now, but not then, slave. They also served 60% alcohol to minors with the intent to rape them too.

The judge sentences the three boys to one day, 24 hours, of sexual slavery for the attempted rape of, reckless endangerment of, and giving alcohol to, minors. The girls get to do an ‘atonement’ session, which I am stealing from you. The girls do it under the direction of Car Dunker’s young female Dom’s mother, who is herself a dominatrix of 30 years standing.

Car Dunker and her friends were still conscious when they left the bush party. The other six girls weren’t. All six of them now are now mothers. In my fiction by 2080 the Forced Birthers don’t allow rape as a reason to terminate a pregnancy.

It has been a little over a year since those rapes, part of that is the court docket, much of it delay by the three boys. They are the son of the local Responsibility party president, The RP is the second successor of the Republikkkan party. The son of the county President of Right to Life Association, and the sone of either one of the area State Representatives or the Pastor of the largest church in three counties. If you’ve a preference between the state rep and the pastor’s son let me know, this scene is yet to be written.

With the indictments of Mr. Trump the question of do persons indentured either voluntarily or for debt get to vote raises its ugly head. Is that a civil right or no. I do not expect it of those guilty of a felony, but misdemeanor crimes might even if they are enslaved for it. Note the Romans had a fairly elaborate set of slave rights, however limited it was.

#

There is also the central issue of the south prior to the Civil War 1860 – 1865, that slaves lower the price of labor and DO NOT CONTRIBUTE to the economy since they have no money to buy anything. More if they get any money, it is saved to allow them to ‘buy themselves out’.

Thirty years on this will be a political issue you will have to deal with, since I’m working the first two years of it in Change of Lives it hasn’t had time to be worked out. I do take it that previously abolitionist churches remain so.

I have asked some of my American friends which sects are anti-vaxers and anti-implanters. I am taking anti-vax as indicative of being anti-implanting. Please make any suggestions you may have.

#

I was at a party Saturday and one of the girls there is a celiac. This raises the question of what, if anything is done about persons with food allergies. Lets face it CSI had a condemned man eat a peanut butter sandwich and die hours before his execution. Depending on seriousness it will represent a serious degradation in performance.

#

You write kibble, but it will need to be Human Kibble because Purina and other dog food manufactures will formulate a ‘kibble’ for humans. I will have the initial Slave Kibble is manufactured by Purity Foods Ltd. Of St. John’s, Nfld., who make products close to it and have since the age of sail.

It will likely NOT contain peanuts or any other nut ingredient. They don’t want to loose the money to pay for a dead slave.

Since you are NOT the only author to do this I’ve checked on nutritional balances. Dog Kibble is short on Vitamin C, having none, since dogs make their own and it is long on Vitamin K3 that dogs need many times more of than humans. The short leads to Scurvy and the long to Vitamin K toxemia since it’s a fat-soluble Vitamin.

As said, Purina will put out ‘Slave Kibble’ about five years after there are four states or the Texas & California Federations with ‘Slave Acts’ even if the amendment is 40 years in the future. The Newfoundland firm makes food very close to it already as ship’s biscuit.

In TRYING ON A COLLAR you make the point that is Human Kibble

Good for you!

#

Issues with Slave Grading:

The big one is who pays. Now for slaves being sold that’s the buyer, but for those being graded for other reasons, be it getting a bank loan or as a rite of passage, there will be a charge of several hundred dollars for the non-overnight ones, perhaps a thousand for the overnight ones based on 2015 prices or 20 times that for 2080 prices.

The not very big issue, it probably doesn’t show well, is one of the groups of gawkers at Slave Grading will be tourists. They’ll pay well for the privilege. Part of what they ‘pay’ is comment on the slaves on offer so the tourists have to wear a microphone and recorder to capture their comments on the merchandise being graded.

I expect they’ll also want seats in the peanut gallery, where they can’t bid, during the auction. They continue to wear the mike & recorder so their comments during the sale will be known. This will be a mixed bag but sometimes insightful. I will be using these in one of the redacted stories.

You do show in LSP the to be sold interacting with the slave wranglers. How many other slaves do floor routines at Big D. It will be something Big D looks for, and tries to promote in their merchandise. This is a big part of one of my redacted characters actions.

#

I don’t see you showing a major buyer of non-violent slaves of the Standard and lower grades of slave that I am writing into my series early on. That is the fast food industry. Most of which will be staffed by naked, or nearly naked slaves. They’ll have an apron to keep the hot fat from them and maybe steel toed boots.

Being in the fast food industry brings the naked Slave’s Ultimate Nightmare. A confrontation with a seriously underage person, think 12-year-old, who wants to handle them, worst possible luck is a precocious pugnacious 12-year-old of the opposite sex who wants to spank them, ideally over their knee. That is the ultimate in slave handling. It is hard to understand that it probably is not sex for a really young kid.

Note I’m writing five years after a major famine brought on by a 177 detonation nuclear exchange so my kids are all in the bottom 30% of average size for age. Thus the 12-year-old in Car Dunker’s story isn’t up to 100 pounds yet, so sex doesn’t exist for him, but spanking an adult has all kinds of power attractions.

I look forward to reading your description of this situation and how it is finessed.

As the first slave since 1863, Car Dunker does this two or three months into her time as a sex slave face a person more than 762 days younger than her. She is legally the day before her 18th birthday her entire 18-month indenture, so she doesn’t have to worry about people older than her, but they do have to not photograph her.

#

Note her collar has four cameras so they will be by her, but those cameras don’t see much if any of her.

That is someone who certainly can NOT have sex with a person more than 762 days older than them. That day count is two years two days, provided neither year is Leap. The sex in question is a bare handed spanking causing Car Dunker to have an orgasm.

I see a compromise, and her owner takes it to her uncle the Judge who rules in favor of that compromise. It is one his father used with his grand mother to avoid incest, and that at the ripe old age of 14-years-old the judge used on one of his heroes who’d given himself into servitude for life before the act by 56 years.

Or do the big chains like McDonnalds, Burger King et. al. simply say, No Slaves On The Premises? I can sure see that.

In GOING AROUND TO CUM AROUND Jacky contemplates murder suicide of her ex-boyfriend. She understands why the government is hard on slaves doing so. Any slave holding society’s greatest fear is Servile Revolt and the Bloody Red Flag it fly’s are well established traditions.

The question I will ask you is are statistics of such occurrences recorded separately. Are slave suicides recorded on a regular basis. The roman’s lost 1 – 3 % of their slaves to suicide a year. If a record is kept is it public or not? Given the abolitionist churches likely it will NOT be public or at least not published without a certain amount of hacking by somebody.

That leads to the questions of abolitionists in your fiction the reinstitution of slavery in mine, at during the first story and second story isn’t 18 months from that it’s too soon for them to have developed a lot of traction, or even know who they are – Note Well the Doms in my fiction HATE the Slave Act.

General Question, how many slaves are subject to gender re-identification?

I’d expect those charged with sexual assault to be ‘on the needle’ so that they begin to appreciate ‘grab him by the pussy’, or turn-about is fair play. This would be in addition to branding and tattooing.

I do have a conviction for Sexual Assault in my fiction, but with enough mitigating circumstances he’s given a life time indenture, not 40 years in Huntsville, unlike the three guys who ‘insisted’ he do it or lose his boy bits. They get 80 years in Huntsville, and the first day as indentured slaves, so they can do your atonement, that I think a great idea as shown in Circle Star Slave. My life time indenture gets the Triangle Star of Trinity State, one of eight states Texas breaks into in 2041. Georgia throws the ten counties around Atlanta out in 2032. I have outlines of all eight Texas Federation Slave Brands.

I class it as a minor error in your writing, but there is a serious lack of any consideration of what and how Nikki eats, and does she, or Elizabeth in How I paid my Collage Debt cook? It is a profoundly common error in fiction, except romance fiction at Harlequin.

Does she get to be a plate called Nyotaimori – for when it’s on a female body. There is no special Japanese word yet for when it’s on a male physique.

Certainly at the BDSM club things like body shots, that’s Drinking booze off a naked portion of a body and Nyota:- should happen.

It seems like Nikki will eat left over whatever while at the BDSM Club, but when she’s at the Rent-a-slut and other places how do they feed her? Equally how she is required to eat what ever she is fed.

My sex slaves, technically free people in your system, eat on their knees, hands behind the back into a tub. This is at a BDSM Ranch. Note in western Texas some ranches are brothels. I’m reading the Pony Slave story.

Car Dunker, in the same English class as 1950 Lion, who’s Dom, gets a huge swimmers breakfast, but her hands are tied behind her back as she eats it. It is in the course of eating them through the year her ‘boy friend’ gets to know her, despite what his church thinks of this whole slavery business. His church have been abolitionists since they started. I’m not there in my writing yet, but I have his defense for church court, and it’s relatively good.

Writing this, and scenes of Nyotaimori and male body food play equivalent which needs a new word, will enrich your writing making it more believable and perhaps more gripping.

One of the issues the State Board of Agriculture & Slaves has to deal with is owners underfeeding or not feeding their slaves. I’m not sure how that gets punished, but I look forward to it in your future fiction. It’s not a problem in my fiction because there’s a blood sugar tell tail in all slaves that advises the court about their blood sugar levels every 15 minutes, so if it’s too low too often the owner gets called on it.

The other issue, that you handle well at the Glory Hole site, is tooth brushing. Slaves have to do it, or at least the long termers, but the short termers, less than three years, might skip it.

In this story you have parts written by Ms. Winters, and they’re excellent and clarifying. I look forward to reading a complete story with a Dominant who loves their subs in the future. Note you should have a POV change line before that part of the story.

One of the issues in your series is there is no solid dating. I understand you don’t want to give the reader a year, but should we agree to a joint writing I’d like to know how many years after the enslavement of Ms. Hollister it is. That event is as good a marker as we’re likely to find.

After all Nikki now has a daughter in Extraordinary Talent, and all of How I Paid off My Collage Loans has transpired. There is also the three years or more that Ms. Hollister was a slave.

GOOD POINTS IN YOUR WRITING:

A key point in your favor is a wonderful POV character, a real heroine, one who is undergoing significant change in her character / soul in Learning Slave Psychology. This is a key point in any good writing. It makes even a difficult story – like what you’ve written, endurable, interesting and sometimes heart pounding. The other heroes, particularly the ones who volunteer to be slaves, are also magnificent.

This is also true in your other stories. Your villains are good enough I’m stopping reading when they betray the hero.

Yes, I’m reading more of your stuff, and I’m finding when you write male slaves your writing rises above your norm, not much but noticeably.

PERSONAL NOTE:

The scene where Nikki does the walk of shame is exceptionally powerful. It strongly echo’s County Racer’s walk in 2080 from the court house holding room to the court house lawn that’s a major park in East City, Texas.

He’s about to give Oath of Submission, the Trinity State Version, of it as he burns all his clothing. That’s an old wool suit of his fathers. He will be ‘scalped’ or have his head dry shaved. There’s an excellent chance he’ll be put over his new owners knee and publically spanked.

What he is stunned by is that his new owner tells him he doesn’t deserve the spanking he is about to get. He hasn’t EARNED it. He’s puzzled why a slave would want a spanking.

He hasn’t yet had issues with having a spike up his penus that prevents both cumming and peeing, which is only allowed after a spanking or act of utmost humility – and he’s farther away on those.

Almost as shocking is how very disappointed she is that he hasn’t cum during it. He is thus rendered a Beige Slave. Mistress Adamantine doesn’t normally take those, even if he is otherwise a choice piece of beefcake. This is a risk she’s not totally lost at court, he comes as she’s putting in his spike, which means he’s not a deep beige. He turns Green, that is a hetero-sexual, cums when spanked, not while drinking pee or eating mistress’ shit, by the time School starts 2081 Aug 18. The school start date for a northerner like me is hellish early.

Looking at what’s hitting me and where I’ve spilled more ink than elsewhere is the moment or period of transmission from one life to another. I think this is why I am so very drawn to my Changes of Lives stories. There are several of them, Car Dunker & Suck-You-Bus’, County Racers’, Limp Dick’s and 1950Lion’s.

Limp Dick is the forth boy who gets hit with a rape charge, and is ‘salvaged’ by being made a sex slave of Trinity State. His story ends as he watches the three guys who threatened to kill him if he didn’t rape those two insensate girls endure their atonement.

I have five lives that are changing, most of them beyond recognition, and all of them with a degree of suddenness that is startling to those people.

All together your procedure is not nearly dramatic enough for the voluntary enslavement of individuals (though the action in the court room is).

Now in all my fiction my male slaves get 2 x 20 mg doses of generic Cealis, or even bootleg – from overseas or home made, a day. I have just checked out and the USDA has approved two drugs to do the same thing for pre-menopausal women, but from what the article says they’re not as reliable as Cealis is for guys.

By 2080 when my story is set there will be a reliable female cealis version, hopefully not deep injected like one of the current ones is. See: https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/sexual-health/expert-answers/viagra-for-women/faq-20057960

STORIES I’D LIKE TO SEE FROM YOU

1) Allen Blake’s story from when he rapes Nikki to when he begins to change into something worth salvaging or whatever suitable end point you find. Note the ExWhyZed bank ;) sends him to the Big D market in Dallas, not HCI, because they’re not hopeful of ever getting their money back and he is slime.

Writing a criminal male slave’s processing will be good for you as a writer. The hard part will be his mentality, he will be seething at the injustice of it.

Yes he’s a narcissist, and it is destroying that aspect of him that his indenture becomes all about.

I believe he ends up at the same gay bdsm brothel that the aid Ms. Hollister went too.

I’m half tempted to have the gay guy spend a couple or six months with him. See Stories I’d like to see # 4 that I’ve redacted

2) I wanted to follow a ‘stupid slave’ she resists being enslaved, doesn’t do slave yoga is modest on the sales floor, does everything wrong. To that end I thrashed around a fair bit. She has to be religious, very religious. I end up driving from my home to the beach thinking about her, that’s 13 hours.

She’s been born in a cult. At the age of 16 ¾ she helped a couple of cult members recover a diabetic boy who was taken from the cult by force of law. For this she , and gets dinged at for kidnapping.

A few words on her cult: It doesn’t believe in injections, especially vaccinations, nor does it allow tell tails, locator chips or other mechanical insertions into the body nor transfusions of blood, nor transplants of tissue, nor DNA testing, nor sex before marriage in their cult. They are seriously misogynist and she expects to have children starting at 18 and the only allowed birth control is lactation.

By the time her trial is over she’s 18, if only barely. Part of the delay is the trial(s) of the two adult cult members who have a lot more charges against them. The judge is feeling merciful, tells her to strip.

She says kill me quickly please. Substantial violence ensues. She rejoices in the pain.

The two other cult members are up on Murder 2 for killing one of the rescuers, arson for setting the fire, kidnapping, and other charges. The diabetic boy is pulled from the fire because he has two tracing chips in him, and the police have the addresses for both. He’s had his implanted tell tale and insulin pump ripped out of him, I make that as Assault Causing Bodily Harm. He was stuffed between the joists when the two cult members set the house on fire. They get 40 years to life in Huntsville.

The Girl gets sold to a brothel where she tells every customer they’re sinning, citing scriptural references and the way to life is through Jesus as personified in her cult. It takes her a year to realize she has an IUD in her. She takes it out. She’s about 6 weeks pregnant and about 2 years into her 20-year sentence when the Tyler Texas brothel owner decides he can’t beat that out of her and still have anything left. So he takers her back to Big D, where he got her and re sells her. I presume this is allowed.

The brothel owner doesn’t loose too much money on her, but she was a drag on business.

However much she was a drag on business the raid by cult members to ‘Liberate’ her is ugly, the brothel owner is at the gym, but there are 30 dead. That’s because the free girl at the desk hit “Star Spangled Banner” – the ‘Discreet Fire Alarm’ before she was shot. I’ll know when I write the scene weather that helps or hurts.

The raiders quite liked that as the slaughtered the occupants of the building that weren’t jumping out of windows. It was only two stories so not too far to the ground.

Her second sale is to a gay BDSM brothel in Amarillo or Abilene. A week later the brothel she was in, and had been identified by a cult member as being in, is raided so all the slave’s are ‘liberated’, which is to say taken to the cult’s compound to be re-programmed. The brothel owner survives because he wasn’t there, his manager is killed So are a third of the customers there. It sure makes the news.

It is my intention you should be lead writer on this part. I’ll deal with her changing which happens for her six years at the gay brothel. Her change starts when her cult is busted. The police find many bodies buried in the forecourt of the leaders home.

Her change comes about by her involvement with a deeply religious boi, who couldn’t pay his collage loans, was both a missionary for his church and a football player facilitates her change. He grades as select, and both ‘Missionary’ and ‘Football Player’ are tick boxes in Section Four of the auction house catalogue, so is Cheer Leader. He is profoundly confused about why he did what he did.

He pays off after four years, helped by the fact he gets the cult girl preggers. His parents ‘buy’ their grandchild. After he’s paid-off he has hassles using his connections so he is soon able to buy her out of the BDSM brothel. The issue is then he wants to marry her, but can’t until her 20 year sentence is done. This will let me use my contacts to see how that works in a different stressful situation.

3) It’s most or more than 10 years after Nikki, but Prof. Walker gets another Slave Psychology student. He, and I want you to write a major male character, hasn’t been a slave either. He and Nikki arrange with Ms. Pamela Williams and have him get in debt, enough to justify a one-year indenture, and Paul Susua.

In my view of this story their plans get a bump in that Ms. Williams sends him to that BDSM Brothel in Abilene or Amarillo by inviting its owner. His rapid repayment of his frequent large loans bothers the bank, in a good way.

Note during the trip by ‘poodle transport’ he’s got a water bottle to suck and his motorcyclist friend expects him to flow once an hour and if he goes too long he gets a shock telling him to suck water from the dildo in his cage. It’s real hot. Near Abilene he has to slather sun screen on his fellows as they work outside doing things around the acreage that the brothel occupies.

In Abilene he meets Allen Blake who has changed or is changing and the resistive girl and her boyfriend, who keeps ‘visiting’ her, and perhaps others. After six months he’s lent out to a road crew, and then sent to Mr. Sousa to finish up his year as a slave.

4) You introduce a John at my comment # 413 while she’s at Rent-A-Slut, I think it would be another good writing exercise for you to write this fellow up. In unified the text I’ve fully worked, and that I’ll email to you after you reply my message I’ve marked this section with # <Novel description Start>

The <Text is in white>.

You’ve got two encounters ‘outside’ the club. And I’d love to understand what an associate member of the club is and does, as well as ‘several’ dominations of him at the club and his reactions and interactions at the club.

5) New character, guy who’s not too concerned about what he’s doing, driving slave kennels from here to there. Trouble is it’s August, it’s hot, and he doesn’t want to spend the money of the fuel for the refrigeration system. Some of the cargo dies of heat prostration, the rest are seriously degraded due to it.

In Learning Slave Psychology the truck needs a fan so there’s lots of air change, but the humidity isn’t so high since it’s inland. On the coast you need the refrigeration unit on. But in reality in Texas in September even from Austin to Dallas that’ll be piety much mandatory

6) Somebody feeds a slave a peanut butter sandwich and they die. Yes, it is a suicide but did the person assist in that? Pick it up on the assumption that it was a ‘treat’ for a slave that had helped. They’d said they loved peanut-butter sandwiches.

7) REDACTED PENDING SHARING AGREEMENT Shows up at Amarillo Gay BDSM Bordello

8) I do whish you’d given us more about Judge Roy Bean V’s experience of being processed. Seeing into his mind will also be a powerful writing exercise.

9) REDACTED PENDING SHARING AGREEMENT Shows up at Amarillo Gay BDSM Bordello

10) In the mists of writing. Slave girl at 6’4” and 600 pounds. Don’t know why she’s enslaved. Writing a slave male 5’9” 590 LB at start of story. NOT in this world.

DETAILED THANKS:

I have fallen in love with the word you introduced to me: Coffle. Yes I looked it up, Google is wonderful.

I have used it in chapter titles:

65) COFFLE DANCE I: SPANK BOTTOM & ZEN SWAT SUCKER’S

COFFLE DE DEUX 591

66) COFFLE DANCE II: THE CHAIN GANG’S COFFLE DE TOIS – ENTRÉE -

THE WORKER BEE DANCE PART 1 598

67) COFFLE DANCE II: THE CHAIN GANG’S COFFLE DE TOIS – ENTRÉE -

THE WORKER BEE DANCE PART 2 605

68) COFFLE DANCE II: THE CHAIN GANG’S COFFLE DE TOIS

FIRST VARIATION – THE GAY GORDON 613

69) COFFLE DANCE II: THE CHAIN GANG’S COFFLE DE TOIS

THIRD VARIATION – SLAVE BOI TWIRLING 619

70) COFFLE DANCE II: THE CHAIN GANG’S COFFLE DE TOIS

CONCLUSION – THREE SLAVE BOI TIGERS SO LITTLE

BLACK SAMBO TO BECOME GEE 626

Note that in KAOS Week all the participants are voluntary, Unlike yours, and all of their actions are legal, perhaps more than a little, because there are 756 days between the oldest and the youngest, and this all happened 18-years-ago. Legal maximum age differential for those under 18 is 762 days, and I do NOT recommend you push that at all, better leave it under 760.

Detail Comments:

You write stories of heroes who are slaves. This is wonderful and makes reading them a whole lot easier. This and ‘Adjusting My Attitude’ both feature voluntary slaves who are much changed by the experience, and changed for the good. Your other stories of women enslaved for debt are more than acceptable, but the heroines (Cindy Jackson) are more varied, and that helps your overall cannon, and the individual stories.

I am looking forward to more stories of male slaves – for whatever reason be it debt or minor crime (Drug dealing). I see you’ve a story about a female slave for debt, I’ll read it and might process it like I have Learning Slave Psychology.

See my note on stories I want to see on top.

I don’t see getting here being that quick. Thinking about it the 34th amendment A I’d call it the 43rd amendment it is basically the Texas Federation (in 2041/42 Texas splits into 8 states, but they federate to act like one. It and California do the same and that makes politics more than a little crazy) law which has many features that are otherwise unconstitutional. Although very demanding (Full state modified Oath Of Submission from my fiction). The California act has many more restrictions on what can be done to and with slaves than Texas, which is why it is modified by the supreme court, not just dumped.

Given the need for almost a life time of the intermediate solution I see the passing of the 34/43 as being late first quarter of 22nd century [say 2115 or so].

That means you have a century of inflation to deal with, OR a new currency (when the old dollar exchanges for the Eagle at 1000:1)

Writing in 2075 my friend & alpha reader (we trade back and forth) uses a factor of 20:1 against 2015 values (with his estimate of inflation which is low right now). I am certainly writing in his world, with references to several of his unpublished (some incomplete at Rev. 0) stories.

This is likely incompatible with you world but that’s the way this cookie crumbles.

I’ve gone through Learning Slave Psychology twice. Additions in the first pass are marked with light green, and in the second with dark green. If it’s the same word then I’ve added a paragraph. I am a short paragraph fan. On the third pass, with a different word processor I’ve used blue at new paragraphs and additions. I’m using the same red for cuts, mostly Brackets which I hold as a no no in fiction.

Red without strike out means no paragraph here, usually where you’ve put the converstion tag & detail before the speech. Red With Strike Out means the word is gone. I use this often on and because I have used far too many of them myself.

It wouldn’t fully repeal the 13th amendment, It would reduce it, but not completely.

New Paragraph at: Heck, last year several northern states, where slavery is rare, convinced the Supreme Court… The darker green shows it’s second pass.

I’ve a big add here, and it isn’t comfortable, but there is no bottom to how stupid a US legislature can be. This is one of them: Beyond that, everyone agreed that slavery was not hereditary, that it would only affect those over the age of 18, it was originally age of consent – usually 16, but some of the new states wanted it as low as 12. It was reserved in all cases for those who deserved to lose their freedom.

I am planning a series of stories about ‘the new law in Iowa’ where those committing MINOR FELONIES or intermediate crimes get their sentences cut in half if they are indentured as sex slaves. This is done under a modified Oath of Submission, Not Oath of Servitude which they get if purchased or as a ‘plea bargan’ sentence that would other wise be essentially life. that makes it permanent that isn’t in the Texas code, yet.

This is because there is no drug that tame a ‘dangerous criminal’. The Spank Naked stories Naked In Public Posit this, and it is profoundly required, but in my fiction, and likely yours, the violent criminals still go to prison, sometimes a remote prison, like Agattu Island Alaska in the US or Meaghan Island in Canada.

This trend begins in Texas, but is carried on in California, and by the time the supreme court gets in on it it’s the California law that prevails.

The Texas story starts with one judge who stumbles on a wife who’s husband got dinged for drunk driving the second time. The wife enslaved her husband, and the judge ran with that – adding other minor infractions that are almost felonies or minor felonies. I’m not a lawyer and need one to sort out issues.

When she or her daughter retire the details all spill out. In this case the slaves are placed into a guardianship and it is permanent.

The emplacement of a guardianship can happen to my slaves after 2/3 of their sentence is complete. It requires that somebody “buys” them from their court appointed owner. That’s how court appointed owners make their money along with renting out the slave, or selling any children the slave has during their indenture.

On the last day of the indenture anybody can take the slave, but the slave has to agree to being taken. That has some interesting consequences in Iowa in 2103 or ’04

I do have a pair of ‘composite’ novels set in East Texas / Trinity State near Box Creek Fort. My friend the SF writer wrote a number of descriptions of a movie from Disney in 2035. I’m writing that novel set in my East City Texas / Trinity State in a world hanging off of his.

New paragraph at: This could occur in two ways: by committing serious crimes or by surrendering civil On third pass.

At some point, not necessarily in this story, a scale of length of indenture per 10,000 of 2020 US$ is needed. As is a list of “Slave Grades” from Prime on down.

Having read “How I Paid My Collage Loans” I’ve added: involuntarily. If the creditor was generous the indenture could be voluntary for a fixed term.

My other spell checker wants a semi-colon here: A Slave Veterinarian had to be a qualified M.D. Eventually; the division realized it also needed

New Paragraph at: Like the veterinarians, slave psychiatrists had to walk a fine line concerning the interests of owner and property.

Carl. You’ve just dropped an eight paragraph, big paragraphs at that, info dump at the beginning of the story. You want to start with Action, and feed all this data in over the first few chapters.

Carl this is your first line: I've always wanted to be a psychiatrist—Mom's a darn good one, and Daddy teaches psychology at college level.

You don’t have to cut it, but it goes someplace down story. You want the cheerleader line second, not: No, they didn't pressure me into this field, nor did they run experiments on me, like Leonard's mom did on that TV show. They gave me unconditional love and a strong academic environment; the rest was my own decision.

Sorry I missed it first time round but cut as shown. cheerleading and especially competitive cheerleading, I’ll use double strike through for second pass deletions.

New paragraph at: For eight years ( high school through college, in my case ages 12 through 20, ) I ran every morning,

And kill both sets of brackets in the text.

Second Pass New Paragraph at: I can see you're determined to get the stats, which will be relevant later in my story: 5

New Paragraph 3rd pass at: Yeah, regular frakin' all-American corn-fed girl, complete with high cheekbones and

Second Pass New Paragraph at: I never asked for any special consideration because of my appearance, but I know that

New paragraph, and you’ve got an opening bracket but no closing one at: ( If you're not familiar with the phenomenon, once a young woman turns 18, she can pay

Second Pass New Paragraph at: Once that became common, young women in particular began to escalate the degree of risk involved

Second Pass New Paragraph at: There are urban legends, of women in particular who, when they went to grading, being enslaved

Second Pass New Paragraph at: In the spring of my college sophomore year, when I turned 18, the cheer captain, Bobbie, pressured me and a freshman named Wendy (who had also just turned 18) to go through this

Second Pass New Paragraph at: Being devoxed (sprayed with a compound that neutralizes the vocal cords) for most of the proceedings,

this Devox is a fascinating notion, and just one of the several drugs the slave trade needs. The other is something to render the violent passive, and that’s a big one.

Safety note*** on Devox, the slave can’t be fed or given pills under its influence. They can’t guarantee the ability to swallow. You’ll want to do hand waving to cover this someplace. *** From Jimmy’s experience in Trying On A Collar

This is where you put in blank lines. In manuscripts that’s a # centered, I’ve seen *** centered as well.

You are seriously addicted to overlong paragraphs. A paragraph contains only one idea, Yours are averaging three or four to this point. I am commenting on this frequently, but I will insert as I please marking where I do so with a green first word or two. Bobbie told us to strip On second pass the first word is in dark green

In my stories the slaves clothes are burned, so there’s a real push to have those who’re going to be enslaved dressed in cotton, and absolutely not in silk or polyester. Those give off cyanide when burned. As a result of this most court houses end up with a powerful incinerator in the adjacent park (Where enslavement and manumission ceremonies are held.

Enslavement is at noon local time.

Manumission is afternoon coffee break at 14:30 or so.

I do have to work out the Manumission Ritual. The Class Five Character going Class One is enslaved during the manumission rituals. She’s getting out of prison after ¼ her sentence because so much of it went puff at the hands of the US Supreme court.

This ritual is complex as it entails the to-be-ex-slave revoking their oath of submission clause by clause. There are 26 of them – they have crib cards with the prescribed words.

They are then asked if they whish to remain subject to their master / mistress OR any other person as a slave recognized by the state. This is more popular than expected because naked slaves have everybody’s eye, and some doms really are that good at it, They then dress in polyester clothing with fluorocarbon coating on the fabric. That’s toxic as all hell when burned. So much so it can’t go into the County Incinerator.

It is profoundly hoped that they are not enslaved again due to criminal activity.

I have my slaves undergo a binding ceremony becoming submissive. There are no ‘life’ sentences in bondage. Those criminals are still in prison in the first three decades of Criminal Indenture Laws. That’s how long it takes to get the pacification drug worked out.

This comment was really useful for me in preparing to write the Manumission Ceremony.

Car Dunker decides she’ll cross the isle and become a dominant female in a short while, after her magic day that is only a few months away. She will have a nightmare with her parents school board. She’s been in study circle for the 18 months of her indenture. She is in first year at Oxford University in the Confederated Kingdom now under William V. The Hudson County School Board want her back in Texas tenth grade saying she leaned nothing in the previous two years.

They are perhaps unwise. She’ll know more about it than most of her teachers.

My normal rule, 95% of the time, is to start a new paragraph when someone new speaks as in "Back hands, slaves,” Bobbie commanded. —we obliged by crossing our wrists

I’m a little surprised that Devox is readily available. You might want to spend a few words on that someplace: Pam shook up a spray can of Devox and ordered us to open wide—a few seconds later, we were voiceless as well as naked and bound.

Second Pass new Paragraph at: With more promises to take care of us, the girls helped us (fondling us in the process) to

Second Pass New Paragraph at: Damn Bobbie—this was part of her plan to get us excited sexually. Imagine being naked, chained, and voiceless when you're suddenly surrounded by your male peers, including three

You say: I had dated. One of them, Charlie, had gotten my virginity a few weeks earlier after I turned 18.

I note that nothing happens before 18, and that seems to me peculiar. Some girls start way early. My Alpha Reader’s brother was 12. So there seems to be a legal reason for it. Please advance me the logic behind it, if not the statute number.

Second Pass New Paragraph at: Even worse was the presence of defensive lineman Allan Blake* who, despite my polite attempts to discourage him, persisted in acting as if I were his bed-mate.

* I’m pleased you mention him this early, as he does show up late in the book.

Now for the hard questions: Are Defensive Linemen more prone to general ass-holid-ness or is that generally spread throughout the football team with the worst one is randomly distributed? Is it more common for it to be the Team Captain, or someone just marginally on the team? Not having played gridiron football in the US I’m curious since I am writing there. Mind most of my characters are on the swim team, and treat the grid iron team like they’re a bunch of not to stable psychotics bent on murder.

Spell checker caught: It was very unsettling to be naked, defenceless property, led around and stared at by the people wearing clothes. Note my spell checker dis agrees with how you have it in the text.

Second pass comment: Again I hate brackets in fiction. Sorry but that’s just me. Also you are talking to the audience in: they did. (Gulp.) Burly handlers led us into the back, which meant escaping from the football So the thought Gulp should be in italics, not sure how much of pain that is in setting text on the system.

Present is also known as Display I believed. What is your source for slave positions? Mine is: https://www.houseofdasein.com.au/blogs/news/practical-slave-positions

I also have a list of ‘unusual slave positions’ in addition to the usual nine or so. I know to detail them every time I use them.

I don’t think you are quoting him in: describing us as "prime pussy, " "slave meat, " and "horny sluts. " So I expect you would us ‘prime pussy’

Be careful with this advice. I’ve just worked my first to be published story and I ended up switching to Italic the emphasised words. I’m even more adrift as to whether it is ‘word’, or ‘word,’

I’ve taken the USDA’s beef grading standards as the list you’re working from. A reference to it would be useful. A few words on what moves ‘Pussy’ and ‘BeefCake’ from one to the next would likely be a good addition to one story or another, but not all of them.

See document: Posted by Larry Meadows, Director, AMS Livestock, Poultry and Seed Program Grading and Verification Division in Food and Nutrition Jan 28, 2013

Spell checker doesn’t like it I could neither move nor speak, lying completely defenceless and moist with alarm and arousal.

Petrosky Color Codes In my fiction there is a MAJOR GRADATION between slaves. Those who do not cum while being flagellated are beige slaves, with harnesses to match. Those who do cum under flagellation receive colored harness: Green, Blue, Yellow, Dark Brown, Black, Red and those for sale White. There is a matched set of grades for Doms. I’ll send you the word file on request.

Give details as to basis of gradation for Prime minus, and Choice plus. Someplace put out a bible that lists all these details and the amendment. Second Pass I presume these reflect USDA Beef grading standards, in so far as they go.

Second pass new paragraph at: After scrambling into my shorts and shirt, I was finally able to remove the temporary collar

First Pass: A full description of the Temporary Collar is in order. I presume leather, or plastic, but with a variety of ‘D’ rings, possible name plate data &cet.

See elsewhere for my descriptions of the government slave collar in 2080. It’s quite the piece of kit giving location, breeding condition, temperature, which also notes if you are going into heatstroke – that should even in your world ring bells and get you out of the heat, soaked with cold water &cet.

And a variety of other items including blood sugar and with telltales in your throat or close any number of biological conditions. My alpha reader has telltales for liver function, but they are in the lady’s arm read by her gauntlet telling her electronic digital companion but five years before the first enslavement.

My Alpha Reader has conditions that require periodic blood tests so I’ve a list of 24 blood tests that’ll have in body tell tails talking to my collar, and a dozen other bits of information that go to the county court house about every 15 minutes.

For it to work my slaves receive a number, always increasing, and increasing with duration of sentence and age at enslavement, of telltales in their upper body. The government telltales have leads that go up into the throat that allow them to transmit ultra-low-power radio waves to the collar. It can also recharge them as it is recharged using induction at night.

Free person telltales are in the forearms.

The Pro-Plague / Anti-Vaxxers hate them as much as all the vaccinations that slaves get the first 48 hours, HIV, HEP salad, STD salad, and any number of others developed since COVID-19 made mRNA vaccines a ‘thing’.

Second pass insert at: whereas the reality would have been prolonged intense misery.

Second Pass New Paragraph and insert at: And the rapidly growing population of slaves was woefully under-served by psychiatry: in the whole of Texas,

Second Pass New Paragraph at: To be a slave psychiatrist, I discovered, there was one additional requirement that was so

Thank you for The additional requirement was that the prospective psychiatrist had to spend a minimum of 180 days as an indentured servant. I take that as the legal term for temporary slaves!

In my fiction to become a registered dom in a county where there are already three or more registered doms the initial act required a minimum of six days as a sex slave at a registered dom who is not your trainer.

By the time it gets to Iowa, the last mainland state to take it, that is extended to 14 days. Then you train as a dom for 4 – 6 months. It’s a fixed number of hours usually 750, before you get your licence and can get put on the rotation to take sex slaves.

You are allowed three state sex slaves, and three ‘private’ sex slaves.

Second Pass: Kill the AND at the beginning of a sentence and new paragraph at:of 180 days as an indentured servant (the legal term for temporary slaves)! And

It had to be real: no simulations, no getting bought by your parents or spouse and kept in

Second Pass New Paragraph at: If, for some unrelated reason such as minor crime or indebtedness, the student had already served an indenture or slavery of at least the minimum duration (as documented by the

You should hint at how many places can be shipped to a major slave market. For example would Amarillo or El Paso be sufficiently large for one, or would they be sent someplace else? This occurs at:indenture, being publicly stripped and then shipped to a major slave market, processed and

Second Pass New Paragraph at: All my dates knew that academics and discretion came first—I would drop anyone who

New Paragraph at: Once I found that I could trust a guy, I would practice my sexual techniques assiduously

In this paragraph you also talk about encouraging the boy friend to play rough. I do like what you have that nerd do. They’re often shy, and badly burned in prior relationships so when they do get the chance to serve ladies in a husbandly or in his case masterly way they go all out at it. Do use this again.

Second Pass New Paragraph that is all: But it was fun!

I like the passage: I didn't want every thug in the school hitting on me. But I’d love more details and a few examples. This is also more of your telling the story, not showing it that I’ve hit on you for before.

I will note that Thor’s Fist does a lot of Air Tight in his A taste of slavery, and you can take that as a recommendation. At 1,000,000 words it is quite long, and doesn’t tell nearly as much as you do (It shows a fair bit more) but that’s all to the good.

benefits" together and encouraged them to make me airtight

This is a wonderful scene that you jump into the middle of. Lead the reader in by showing him the set up at: I asked the guy with the largest equipment to lie on his back on a narrow table, after

In that scene I would add: my rear end, which had been pre-stretched pre-flushed and well lubricated. In my fiction most of the time the boii are flushed before morning swim (then get their weight up the ass – sometimes 20 Lb or more) and often afternoon. To the point there’s an enema machine on a grid that connects to the sanitary sewer system.

Second Pass New Paragaraph at: It was difficult to breathe at first, and the guys became so excited that they were soon

I think you should put a line break here: I knew that consensual rough sex with friends was a pale imitation of sexual service as a slave, but this at least convinced me that I could survive the latter.

#

Senior year, I finally confided my career ambition to the one person I thought could provide advice on the matter. Harold Walker,

You are significantly changing scenes, and I’d like you to walk up to the office door telling us about Nikki’s feelings, and give a detailed description of the conversation. And likely end up with a fair bit more conversation.

Looking over this scene it deserves a chapter. You’ve got the level of detail that’s a big helping establishing it as a viable segment of story, and you mostly show what’s happening. The addition of some motion in a meeting like this is always difficult and needs to be done with some sensitivity.

Second Pass New Paragraph, and kill the brackets at: I must have looked very young and innocent to him. (I look young and innocent to everyone, I'm afraid; one price of being cute is that everyone thinks you're naive), so he continued.

I do like that you start a new paragraph where he starts talking.

New Paragraph at: "OK, I don't usually share this with people, but let's start with my own experience. I

Dumb writing rule. You type out numbers under ten, I was salvageable, so she sentenced me to 3 three years of penal servitude rather than slavery for life

New Paragraph at: “I spent those years picking up trash, cutting brush, and other boring tasks along state highways and interstates.

He’s lucky or unlucky to not have been taken by a Fast Food restraint. They’ll want low sex grade low violence (which may be why he’s not there) slaves. It’s shit work and the low pay makes for much bigger profits for the restaurant owners.

When a number is below ten, or at the beginning of a sentence spell it out, above ten, and not at the beginning of a sentence numerals are OK: I was on a 15-slave chain gang with 3 three contractor guards, and we spent weeks at a time camping out away from civilization.

New Paragraph at: “Many nights, after the slaves were fed their gruel and chained up for the night, the guards would

A couple of words describing the slave’s food will go a long long way.

New Paragarph at: “By that time, I was so lonely and depressed by my bleak existence that I was willing to

This is a very good point I can’t make in my stories (it doesn’t happen, at least not so far. Perhaps when I do ‘Cause-I-Can’s story [He’s a widower who deliberately goes out drunk driving for the first time in 60 years or so] but there’s no voluntary, and he can’t get a Dom licence – insufficient funds he thinks, sides he’s time short in his late 70’s)

As noted elsewhere I’ll wonder how many slaves shorten their sentence by making it capital? Rome lost 1/3 of its slaves to suicide.

Good pun at: So my sentence to 'penal servitude' was really penile servitude."

This massiviely dates your story. Penicilin hasn’t been used to treat VD since my alpha reader was doing his undergraduate work in the 1970s, That’s why I’ve replaced penicillin with antibiotics in: Fortunately for me, I got to see a slave veterinarian who gave me enough penicillin antibiotics and salve to patch me up.

New Paragraph at: “But if you mean what think happened about the abuse? Nothing—I knew better than to

Also I see a shorter sentence to carry what you want. Your call if you’d’ve used it.

New Paragraph at: “But if you mean what think happened about the abuse? Nothing—I knew better than to

I like how you show how what is clearly sexual slavery is perverting the judicial system in your statement: Most of the judges still get kickbacks for finding pleasure slaves and sending them to specific markets." He paused, as if thinking.

Spell Checker again hyphen in closeup after which he took close-ups of me on my knees, showing everything.

New Paragraph at: He bent to his computer and logged into a data base, then asked me for my slave identification number.

I note that the US Slave Identification Number is not the Social Security Number, or at least I presume so. You may need to note that somewhere.

You’ve used the same pattern as the Social Security Number. This begs the question is there a relationship between the two? How did that affect the passage of the amendment? [Not well I bet]. I’d expect that a different algorithim would be needed and ideally a different number of digits (just to be clear).

At the very least it should be three times three (like the Canadian Social Equivalent)

My spell checker’s over heating Split Birth_Date in: You can see your name, birth date, reason for being graded—voluntary evaluation—th

New Paragarph at: “Just that rating will get attention from the people who receive your application for indenture,

This time I’m moving your paragraphing. I put it at: both of my openings were on display. I blushed bright red and Professor Walker closed the pdfs hastily.

"Sorry,

Again I move the paragraph so the description is in previous paragraph at: when he sees this file?" I replied in a low voice.

"Classify me as a pleasure slut and ship my butt off to a high-end slave market."

I am death on ‘And’ as the first word in a sentence in text (if not in real speech). Starting without it here is probably the better choice, but I’m not 100% on this one "Exactly," he replied. "And there's another thing that will prejudice people against you.

I’m not sure prejudice is the right word, but damned if I can think of a more appropriate one. You’re driving at having people make the wrong assumptions, and that may not be prejudice but it’s something just as bad.

In the previous iteration before the 34/43th amendment Second Offence Drunk Driving got you a six month indenture. You could be sold (making it permanent) after 4 months. “I've never heard of anyone being sentenced to just six months slavery or being debt-in

I’ve inserted ‘minimum’ because it makes the sentence meaningful at: indentured for only a few thousand bucks, so the usual minimum term for slavery or indenture is 12 months or longer.

Many of my indentures for basic crimes, Second Offence (Lifetime) Drunk Driving, Drunk Driving with property damage, DD resulting in person in observation for more than 24 hours are 6 months. However, that’s per offence, and they are often multiple so Car Dunker gets 6 mo for DDw/ property, & 2 x 6 mo for dd/w 24+ hr observation. For a total of 18, and that’s over 12, so she get’s pregnant right quick.

In the Statutory Slavery I’m writing in response to reading your material the forced birthers have made it mandatory for persons indentured for more than 11 months to become pregnant. They have allowed the resulting child’s families right of first refusal of the raising of it, mostly.

I have one where it is NOT offered (At 19 he’s got two counts of sexual assault & stupidity and 10 years as a gay slave called Limp Dick [No Slave Number]). The three other guys have four SA’s each and are perminant residents of Huntsville Prison.

I’m really liking Suck-You-Bus (Dom) Car Dunker (Her slave), County Driver (Lady Adamantine’s slave in the same HS English class) and 1950 Lion. I’m breaking all the rules about the story class. I was hoping they were two ‘shorter works’ but they’ve novelized heavily. Thus I have 3 Works In Progress (Blimp, Change of Lives Car Dunker & Change of Lives Spanker)

Sorry for running off at the keyboard at youl

I’m not certain but I think a different word choice is in order at:our petition will not state your true purpose—slave psychiatry—because that might will prejudice people one way or the other so you don't get a "’normal’" experience,

New Paragarph at:specific reason or owing a particular amount, what will people think?"

The light dawned.

"That I'm one of those submissives who find slave grading and even branding too tame, so they indenture themselves for the minimum time as a sexual thrill?"

I love that you do have this, but that’s after 60-years when it’s not available.

A variety of paragraph changes at: “Whoever buys you will think you can't wait to be humbled, whipped, and then screwed in all three openings. Again, I apologize for being so crude, but I want you to see how serious this can be." Sigh.

"You're right, of course, Professor, but I really want to enter this field of psychiatry."

New Paragraph at: “If you still want to do it, I'll sponsor you, but there won't be much I or the school can do while you're enslaved."

I fully understand why you’ve a synopsis at the beginning of each post. I’m wondering if a list of preceeding posts in order wouldn’t do better? This at: If you've followed my story until now, you know that from age 18 onward I wanted to

New Paragraph at: First, I had to get through medical school, which consumed most of my attention but not all my thoughts over the next four years.

I will ask if you’ve any notion of how hard ‘medical school’ is for the character and in general. I have a friend who was let go from medical school, I’m not 100% clear on why, but believe it may be because she is a nerd (that brings issues for doctors)