Learning Slave Psychology Pt. 05

This is a really good opening paragraph for a chapter. Too bad you have to put the background summary after it. Frankly a reference to the previous text is so much better that’s what I’ll use. Meanwhile you can cut an ‘and’ this way: Today, I expected that I would be auctioned off on a real slave block and finding out my fate for the next 179 days.

Make into two sentences: My name is Nikki Sheldon. , and At the time of these events I was 24 years old.

New Paragaraph at: Why was this ex-cheerleader and recent medical school graduate a slave? Because I really wanted to be a slave psychiatrist. , and One of the requirements to reach that goal was to serve at least 180 days in a slave collar, so that I would understand the trauma my patients faced

Split the sentence into two. I’m finding I really dislike the ‘word, and’ form

New Paragraph at: For the umpteenth time in the 20-odd hours since I had voluntarily indentured myself, I

One of the questions that arose on second pass here in the next sentence is: was she the only girl the night shift had access to? If not how were the other girls treated? Very Differently for two reasons, one she was the Cheer Leader Slut Slave so had highest priority for sex, and two the good words of the Slave Vet. Would she even know, given how exhausted she’d be both before and after initial slave sex?

Also the night shift, is it a full night shift of 12 hours, or is it two shifts, evening and midnights?

I do like your note: I had studied slavery as much as possible before I took this step, so I knew what was expected.

In my stories that link to your world the first slave doesn’t have the background, doesn’t know what’s coming at all, so I give her a very sympathetic judge. His mom was a serious dom.

The judge gets her a dom by extraction, that’s show the judge four of your slaves of four years standing. She’s not the one he expected, but the daughter of that lady.

The Sheriff, not his nephew or great nephew despite the name, was a little too literal in his tacking his nice down) who surprised the hell out of everybody by stepping up and placing the metal collar.

A major note on the collar. I’m not sure what you’re using and you don’t say much beyond a big shock. Mine can do that, it also records your location every 15 minutes by either GPS or local Wi-Fi navigation. The later is for inside buildings where GPS is dodgy. It measures your heart rate, insulin levels, saline level of your sweat and can detect if a girl is fertile. It also has a fancy locking mechanism and is induction charged so is water tight to 100 m.

It can pick up and retransmit signals from throat installed tell tails. There are about 30 tell tails on your shoulder blades, and down your chest. Individual wires run up your throught

It sends all of this to the state Department of Justice who are responsible for the entire slave system until the amendment. It usually uses a ground cell phone link, but if there’s no contact in 3 hours can also use a sky-phone link. I would expect this to be very much a part of your system’s collars.

I’m interested in how the voluntary indenture came about. Some discussion of that as a political mater is in order.

New Paragraph at: By the time an unfamiliar slave handler appeared to bind me and take me to the restroom,

One of the things I expect in your system is that slaves will pee when and as, and often out of pure fear and stress. So a wash down first thing in the morning is 100% needful. That’ll be a fire hose or something bigger than a ½” garden hose.

Note on Brackets at:a position that caused my 35C rack. ( hey, I'm a slave—no namby-pamby language allowed, ) to display nicely.

This is the first encounter I’ve had with Rack to describe a girls tits. Is it a britishism?

Again a long paragraph I restart at: My nipples were erect from the chilly air. Did I mention that slaves, especially "fresh caught slave pussy," are usually kept naked?

Second pass, reading the note, it’s Dallas Sept. 14. If they’re lucky it’s not already in the 80’s F or upper 20’s C. They are lucky to be coolish, not extremely hot.

Nikki is wise to do her slavery in the winter, there is a much much smaller risk of potentially lethal dehydration at that time in Dallas, San Antonio and Houston.

In the stories of ‘the new law’ slaves are naked at all times, except when that imperils them due to hypothermia or excessive radiation (Sun burn).

On the Ranch my hero slave is frequently slathered with Coppertone 100 (also fictional but reasonable)

I’ll question your use of Staple in: The only thing I wore besides my shock collar was a megaphone-shaped piece of pink and white plastic, stapled to my ear

It believe they’d use a pin and codder arrangement that is more permanent (and what the cattle industry uses in 2023)

New Paragraph at: Now I was one of their prize heifers. The megaphone tag was a marketing tool, intended to suggest to buyers that they could purchase me and live out their fantasies of shafting a cheerleader.

Two new paragaphs at: A girl likes to look her best for sale! Then

The comment about looking good for her sale is interesting, and in this case very complex. I look forward to reading the same segment for a woman who’s been convicted of something other than imbezzelment.

You can cut the ‘Then’ and start afresh paragraph with:

Bob, the handler who had led me around yesterday evening, appeared and took me off to another

New Paragraph at: I'd been so carried away practicing my slave positions yesterday that, when an observer

You can also kill the so, but that’s a tougher than usual call.

Good line, but perhaps you should push harder at: "You need to get over that embarrassment and instead market your skills. Genetics gave

In the text this looks like what I call a Cut Out, it seems as if some of the text didn’t make it. a cheerleader, or maybe a gymnastics student, am I right?

“Yes Master,” I said.

Thought so, my sister was a competition cheerleader in high school, but you look like you did it in college as well." No question, just a statement, although I nodded agreement.

I put in a reply, as slaves are usually expected to reply to direct questions which this was. The alternative is I nodded holding my friend silence, who is always the slave’s friend.

I’m splitting the paragraph at: The average slut who comes through here forgets to say 'Master,' or balks at an order, or thinks that she can get special privileges

I really like the first half of this paragraph it says Bob, the handler knows his stuff, and has spotted that there’s something very queer about Nikki.

New Paragraph at: You didn't. No—don't bother to apologize for the act. You're trying to get through this with the minimum of pain, and that's a good attitude.

No Paragraph at : He continued his quiet monologue, again surprising me. :

New Paragraph at :"That's why I went along with Doctor Matt and his cockamamie idea that you were Both of these are second pass.

My spell checker says its: Doctor Matt and his cockamamie idea that you were about to go catatonic. I don't know why he

Another paragraph break at: “I wouldn't have said anything, and your face told me you expected him to mount you

New Paragraph and move a phrase at: "But, by GIVING** your cute little ass to the state you made yourself cheap. Right now, the state and the slave market have only about $200 invested in you for shipping and handling." He sighed. :(I silently thought about all the "handling"

** Giving is a significant issue in Blimp, the novel set in 2024. It is Blimps generosity that saves him, that gets him taken as a slave when he is 5’9” and 590 pounds. Bob doesn’t see this, and that makes him more real.

New Paragraph at: “The Brothel owner will chain you to a bed-frame and let sleaezy guys with bad breath

My spell checker wants ‘Sleazy’ and I think it’s right.

Again paragraph at: “What do you think you'll be like, mentally and physically, after six months of that?" (I winced;

You might be right to use a semi-colon here, but in fiction a semi-colon should always be replaced by a period. winced. ; I had been warned that might happen. If I survived this experience, I had to convey

No new paragraph atstudents.)He went on in a low voice, almost as if he read my thoughts.

New Paragraph at start of speech at: "That's what WILL happen if you mount the block and freeze or try to retain some

Here I’d add a couple of words at: Instead, you need to show off your cheerleader skills and your cheerleader body. You want to find a way to make your price too high for the brothel owners.

Another paragraph at: “After that, I'll run you through some normal slave postures while you display the usual slave expressions and begging.

I REALLY like how the handler Bob is doing his job, and helping Nikki in when I say 'Handstand,' I expect you to do about what you did yesterday—arrange yourself so you're standing on your hands, facing the audience but upside down so gravity makes your knockers really stand out.

Another paragraph in Bob’s long speech: “Then do a split, first with one leg forward and one leg back, then bring them both back

You could be tighter doing this: So that's what We practiced that. After two run-throughs, he paused to let me drink some

Cut the ‘then’ and new paragraph at:platform. Then,

I hesitantly asked him why he was investing such an effort in me. He gruffly denied any

Start a new sentence at: any good intentions, saying that he wanted to maximize the profit margin. , but I privately

This is a good observation on her part. Makes Bob more human.

I’d cut the ‘I knew’ at: cunt. I knew h He was just trying to maintain the arousal I felt after slave postures so that I

I’d try: wanted to feel me up. They have to let the buyers examine the merchandise. I'd undergone or Big D has, in stead of ‘they have’

Split into two sentences, and then the last phrase is after a comma not a period: something similar when I was slave graded at age 18. , and The Big D Market followed roughly the same procedure, emphasis on roughly.

Start a paragraph at: A can of Devox took away my voice, making me feel still more helpless even though no slave's protests could ever change her fate. Then I and the other merchandise (about a dozen

Two notes on this bit: no slave's protests could ever change her their fate. Then I and the other merchandise, (about a dozen women and two men in the first batch of the day) were strung up against restraint poles,

First the her, and then the ratio of women to men make me feel you’re a woman. Second issue is that there should over all be more men than women, most of the men are branded. Perhaps the Big D doesn’t get anything but ‘beefcake boi’ but I’d expect it’s the only processing center in the Dallas Fort Worth Metroplex so they’ll get all the boii from the Dallas & Fort Worth courts.

New paragraph, and move the tag at:"wolves," Slave Handler Bob tweaked my nipples and clit to keep me excited.

"Be hot and be brave, cheerleader cunt," he whispered.

This would be a good instructional expereance for those who might be close to the line on criminality, not on debt issues. It is a strong educational expereance, if they can have enough empathy to see themselves potentially strung up like this: some of these guys (and a few gals—I wonder if they thought of themselves being strung up like that?)

In my fiction I refer to “Magic Days” where you have: seemed only two weeks beyond their birthdays

Another paragraph at: Then came the real slave merchants, who were detached and quiet, almost polite by comparison.

In: include my birth-date, measurements, previous grading of Prime Minus, length of indenture, (6 six months), reserve price (Bob told me it was $3000, ) and so on. Following Bob's advice, I

For numbers under ten spell them out. My spell checker didn’t like birthdate so I stuck in a hyphen.

You appear to use 2019 values. If this story is set in 2119 (not unreasonable) then it should be something like 300,000).

Your line the Big D livestock brand continues, . (Brand? Ouch. Legally, I was not a convict slave: brings up interesting territory.

My slaves both male and female are circumcised, ringed: Septum, Prince Albert, Gauche, nipple, Males get three inch diameter pectoral rings, libia rings for the girls. The circumcision leaves the clitoris / glans intact but fully exposed.

All the non-pectoral rings are one inch major diameter, all rings are 3/16th niobium wire.

Males also get two ‘tie bars’ through their cocks. This happens after they finish growing out their head hair after whelping a child. This applies to both slave dad & slave mom if they’ve still got foreskins on the day.

They are branded a year later. This is on the right side, under the arm with the ranch’s regular brand from the 1840s, they have managed to keep it.

These events are done either: Sunday between Christmas & New Year & Saturday after July 4. OR when there are ‘visitors’ on the ranch in even numbered years in February.

You say: Recently, there had been some instances of slave rustling so perhaps branding made sense, but I sure didn't want my butt burned.)

Re branding. My great houses brand under the right armpit. Private brands by lovers go under the left armpit, both on the ribs.

Split the sentence at:enjoyment about the opportunity. , and I imagine they did the same thing to hundreds of slaves each year. ( Tthoughts like that certainly depressed any pride I might have in my looks.) They

Also kill the brackets.

At the line:I knew I was slave hot and well juiced that morning.

I have a comment. In Change of Lives the prospective slaves have been given a blue or pink pill to ensure a high level of arousal. The Blue Pill is Cealis. The Pink pill is in development at this time.

I’m anti brackets and this is a good place to start a new paragraph: (I'm not going to be embarrassed about that. Just imagine you'd been through the process

Use a gerand at: with the antidote to Devox, and gave giving me a bottle of water to recover. When he came to

No problem at the moment with bottle of water, but given the nature of the local I’d see them using a fountain not bottled water. These are cattle not people so it’s a common fountain.

She’s talking to the reader again, or to herself, so it’s in italics at: elevated to full Prime. Not something I wanted on my bio sketch when I started my medical practice!

I’d change the wording a little from ‘didn’t’ that implies lasyness to: I just didn't couldn’t get myself to think of slave poses as gymnastics.

That implies a level of achievement in gymnastics that makes it a more substantial judgement on her part.

Add a paragraph at: Every cheerleader has had to endure the crude comments of over-sexed young men who undressed her with their eyes,

At: my boobs pressed into the next girl's back while my I recall from first reading and it might not be there something to the effect: There were X girls and two guys in the chute. chute

I would really like to read a story about a guy going through this. Just the same process, well muscled and cute as hell, but fully male – up for a year or two, not long enough to be branded (I expect that’s criminal) or more likely on debt issues.

On second reading I notice you had two men between the poles, but they’re not in the chute. Is this a continuity error? Or did they go to another auction block? If so you need to mention it.

Paragraph at: We were all nervous and uncertain about what was to come but knew that we had to keep stroking ourselves

You don’t need the ‘as’ or you need ‘as possible’ at: keep stroking ourselves so we would appear as slave hot when our time came. I kept telling

Good move referencing smell at:I smelled not only my own arousal but that of the other women and men around me.

As noted before you should have men in this process, infact I think they’d be the majority, yes most of them for selling illegal drugs at a low level, the big boys are too dangerous to put into indentures they go to prison, and nasty ones.

I’d go with: My turn came soon enough. Fortunately, the lights were so bright that I couldn’t barely see anyone in the audience.

This is ‘black magic’ where the lights are so bright you only see what the light controller wants you to see.

I suggest: practiced auctioneer who quickly got the bidding above $8,000. Yet, When Bob ordered my handstand as and I begged them all to use my cheerleader cunt, even the auctioneer was distracted and to be stuttered to a halt for a moment.

Paragraph: I brought my legs back up together after the second split, held them for a 4-count, and then back rolled into the next position,

This sounds close to Worship, but in that one the hands are out above the head, not holding the ass open. then back rolled into the next position, It was "Slave Fours," with my ass high and showing both

New Paragraph at: By the time the auctioneer declared a winner in the bidding, about three minutes that

I’d do this: my sale would reflect in his yearly bonus. , but

I didn't believe him.

Paragraph: As he left, he remarked, wistfully, that he wished he had met me under different circumstances.

You change speakers so you must start a new paragraph, I’ve moved the tag: "I won't ask you which one you like more, Master," I giggled, as I remarked ing

You changed speakers so you have to change paragraphs at: To which he replied "Well, I've seen a lot more of one than of the other." Becoming serious again,

I’d add a few words at:he said he was sure that I would have no interest in him after I regained my freedom—He’s assumed that no ex-slave ever wants to be reminded of being processed and sold.

New paragraph at: I made a mental note to look him up when I was wearing clothes again. Any guy who could r

Use commas not brackets for the aside:Any guy who could retain respect for a slave woman he met under such demeaning circumstances, and not even demand sex from that woman, ( which was one of the perks of his job), was worth knowing.

You don’t need a capital in He for the tag:"I gather you really are a cheerleader cunt?" he began.

This is a critical paragraph in the processing in part of the story. You’ve done it well. I wouldn’t paragraph at Busted! That should be in italics, then you paragraph at the beginning of speech.circumstance—or should I say, one educational requirement? That would require a physician to become a slave for six months." Busted! But he didn't seem likely to make an issue out of it.

"Well, Master, I'd be happy to talk with you then, assuming I survive. After all, you literally saved my ass last night, so I owe you at least a piece of it."

I like her offer of services too.

New Paragraph and it’s mostly italic at:(Damn! I thought. Another keeper. Who knew there were TWO gentlemen working in a slave mart?

Also kill the brackets

At the line so just tell me your real name."I would have had him say: “Just tell me your slave name.” that has two advantages in this situation.

First It keeps her name off the billboard, and allows her to engage in more extreme sexual acts. At least that’s how I construct it in my fiction. Second with a short indenture she may want to go back to being somebody else.

This is a tricky bit of business, introducing a major character well into the story. Well done! Do kill the brackets! It’s all in italics New Paragraph at:(What—did he already know my name? How?)

Again kill the brackets and do it all in italics at:(Gulp—this is getting real!)

Paragraph at: “OK: I'm going to use you as a submissive in my club, plus maybe some other jobs as we go along.

I’d move the good extended tag to the back of the speech, I also made a text change saving a word and started a new paragraph with the new speech at:"Despite your current position, you don't look at all like a submissive to me. Aren't you the least bit frightened, Nikki?" He looked hard at me, then said, saying almost as if he were talking to himself.

I’m half tempeted to start a new paragraph killing the ‘and’ but didn’t. I split the sentence at: I have absolutely no control over my life or my body. , and I can't imagine what you'll do to

Oh my, this was going to be a minor comment, but you’ve got a continuity error here: my name is Paul Phillip Sousa, but you can call me . . ."

Late in the story he’s Paul, but here you list him as Phillip, and clearly you’re heading toward John Phillip Sousa who sends / sets many people to marching.

Paragraph at: As a minimum, every free adult can expect and demand that the slave address him/her as Master or Mistress;

Split the sentence, and it is When, not if at the beginning. Also my list of slave positions, see above, gives that as ‘Expose’, which I’ve changed in: as Master or Mistress. ; if When that person enters a slave's surroundings for the first time that day, the naked slave normally assumes the Expose kneeling position, exposing breasts and

New Paragraph at: That Expose posture and exposure constitute a profound act of submission, of subordination. As a slave, I have to abase myself by assuming the Expose posture kneeling and showing you everything I would like to conceal. , and You get to stand upright while you look at or feel it as you wish.

I’ve added and emphasised the Expose Posture, and gerunded show while splitting the sentence

This raises questions and a very intensely scary scene for any slave in the first part of the transition to the amendment: In theory, a free person could also demand sexual service from any slave, provided no children could possibly witness the act.

The law in its early form doesn’t say so, but relies on your next paragraph to cover for it’s omission.

However, in my fiction any person of 12 years, with parental consent, may handle a slave. This is important because so many slaves are in high-school, and many rural schools are either middle & high, or full K-12 Composite schools. Composite schools usually ship their slaves to a near by, that is within a few hundred miles, to a full high school or rarely a Middle & High School.

Note, there is no bottom limit on the stupidity of a US Legislative body in my fiction. The events of 2023 came close to proving this estimate optimistic (Default).

The event I’m contemplating writing is a slave is left someplace on a residential street when a 12-year-old spanks them. The slave tells them to use a stick or their belt. The child is not to touch them with their had.

Not much of a fig leaf, but the 12-year-old is insistent. The slave is beyond terrified.

The child’s mom arrives and scolds the child. The child says he has the right to do so since he is a fee person. The mother then informs the child he does NOT have his mother’s permission to touch a slave. The Slave advises the mother he used his belt to whip her ass. She turns showing the mother the straight narrow stripes. Her mistress shows up at this point.

The issue is brought before a judge for ‘clarification’. The four cameras & mike in the collar are active, and the slave presses the record button so the data is kept until down loaded. That is only an hour later so no issue.

The kid was in the right, since his mother had not forbidden it. More important in the judicial finding the fig leaf is acceptable. It is fortunate that it is not commonly known that the Judge whipped a slaves ass when he was 14-years-old. OTOH his mother was present supervising him at the time.

I think another paragraph goes here, but the above comment pushed really hard: In practice, I had never made such a demand of a slave and rarely witnessed it while I was a free woman

I’m coinging again at: all women and most men were reluctant to engage in sexual acts in public—expecting the slave to expose themselves himself/herself was

This saves a word, and a often hard to see slash mark ‘/’

New Paragarph at: When the slave was alone with one free person, or (as on my first night at the slave market, ) multiple free persons who worked together and trusted each other, sex was expected

Also kill the brackets.

Again another paragraph makes the page lighter at: In this case, the guy's equipment was rather small—less than 5 inches erect—so I could mentally

Not sure you need a new paragraph here but it was fun: "Paying lip service" to something had a whole new meaning. I guess you could say that I lived up to my "

For pretty much the same reasons as teehaa. That said it just makes the presence of the ‘devox’ or de voicing spray as all the more sickening, I mean no disrespect to those unable to literally voice their thoughts and desires, but by default my comment does seem offensive (esp to me) : to deliberately mute someone’s voice because they don’t matter or have the same basic human rights as others, then yeah it is sickening.

Tess (UK)

It's so refreshing that not every person the slave encounters acts like a brute, heartless asshole. It's far too common that the autors in this section dehumanize not only the "victim" but the "agressors" too. And I really don't like stories about pure miserie actet out and acted upon non-humans.

And second it makes the encounter with the occasional asshole so more impactfull.

5* GREAT!