All Comments on 'Leben Ch. 01'

Great story. I can not hardly wait to see it unfold. However I hope it is not 2 and 3 weeks between submissions. Like your other 2 stories I am following, the length of time between submissions makes almost have to go back to the previous ending to know where I am at.

It's starting off well! Thank you!

It's a bit difficult to follow, honestly. I think that you've got a really interesting idea for a story, but you need an editor - or if you can't find one, study the grammar of dialog and work on breaking your paragraphs up more! (I would find it especially helpful to have *some* sort of marking around thoughts. Quotation marks or italics are both standard.

The way this written makes it a very hard read, it feels like someone’s first ever go at writing which I don’t think it is given EvilAlpaca’s foreword. Let’s just say that imho it needs some work.