Lemon to Lemonade Ch. 01

I saw the look on Bev's face when I said it and I thought I'd made a mistake. "So you decided without any discussion between you, to change him into the perfect husband?

I cringed at how it sounded and didn't know what to say. "Ohhh my dear, you have fallen into the classic trap a lot of people fall into. To change one thing in a person, you change the whole person! Change enough and you end up with nothing of what you were originally attracted by."

My frown made Bev sit and think. "Take my knitting for example. I change the tension on the wool, and the sock no longer is as soft to the touch. To fix that I have to change the wool thickness, maybe use bigger needles. The point is if you keep going you end up with something that is nothing like what you started with or wanted."

I was slowly seeing what Bev was getting at. "What you're saying is that I didn't take into account what other attributes were attached to James's zealous reaction to his name. His strict belief in what he saw as right and wrong."

Bev nodded giggling to herself. "In a confused sort of nut shell, yes my dear. You also loved to show off your husband like some trophy and then pack him away for when you needed him again. You bought yourself a husband at the husband shop, didn't you? How much did he cost you Kelly? How much did it cost and what did you use as payment to buy your husband?"

My conversation at the courthouse came to mind. James had basically said the same thing when he asked me what I thought marriage was all about. I had answered stupidly 'What do you mean by that?' I now realise that my answer and Bev's insight said it all.

Bev stopped to count stitches and then continued, "What you didn't do was love James the person with all his faults, the man who loved you and all your faults with every ounce of his being. Can you say that you have no faults? This is a man who pledged his life to you on your wedding day? The same man who worked long hours just so you could flounce around being society's Florence Nightingale with all your charities you supported with his money? While impressing your so-called friends with your high fashion and trinkets, you were a child in love with an idea of being married and nothing more!"

I felt like throwing up. I don't know if I could go on with this and Beverley could see the pain in my face. "Not nice to confront your id and look it squarely in the face. I know, I've had to do it at times and I hate it every time I do. It's an ugly entity residing in all of us Kelly. The trick is to know it's there and to harness it for good. Let it have its head and you become the very monster that destroys your very own soul!"

"How did I miss learning about this? Was I absent from school when they talked about our id? Wasn't I listening to mum or dad when they had the birds and the bees talk with me?"

Beverley tittered and then scowled as she dropped a stitch. "Now look what you made me do!" She went back to cackling like an old witch as she counted her stitches, it annoyed me she was making light of my concerns and she noticed. "Ohhh lighten up Kelly. The damage is done woman and there is no going back. Look at the bright side, your idiocy may have killed your marriage, but it didn't kill you. You're still breathing enough to learn from your mistakes!"

I sat and waited until Bev smiled and then looked over her glasses at me. "There are no classes or lessons on learning about yourself Kelly. That is where your parents failed you my dear. Your mother knows this and so does your father. They cotton-balled you sweetheart!"

I shook my head in confusion. "I'm not sure I understand what you mean?"

Beverley sighed dramatically. "I'm too old to be giving you the facts of life. However I feel that if you and your parents are to survive this I'll have to try." Her hands went back to knitting as she looked me straight in the eye. "Your mum and dad tried to give you a better life than they had. Not that that isn't a worthy goal, but some things need to be hard to make us appreciate them."

Bev stopped knitting, rolled what she had into a ball, and laid it on the table beside her. "Would you like a little insight from a stupid old lady into the follies of marriage and family life?"

I looked Bev directly in the face and laughed, this woman maybe old but far from stupid. "Well yeah, in my opinion, a step up from my moronic to your stupid is a step forward not back, don't you think? So fire away." We were both laughing at that.

When I was a young lassie much younger than you, the family unit was set up very different than it is today! Men were the masters of their domain! What my father said was law, and my mother, my sisters and I bowed to his authority. Now don't get me wrong here, I don't think that was any better than what we have today. Just the way it was."

Beverley held her hand up to shade her face. "When I got old enough to marry and have children of my own, things did change. They didn't change a great deal mind you, but they did change. World War II helped women get out of the kitchen and into the workforce. That laid the groundwork for women of your mother's era to go for equality. I believe the advent of the pill also changed the dynamics of relationships and family life."

Bev looked up at the sky. "How about we go inside and make a nice cup of tea. I think I've had my fair share of sun today."

As I put the kettle on, Bev settled herself onto one of her kitchen chairs. "It's a human trait to try and give our children an easier life than we have had. Your parents fought tooth and nail to send you to the best schools, buy you the latest fashions and give you the life they never had.

Bev set the cups up and I poured the water into the teapot. "What they failed to appreciate is people rarely heed those lessons or appreciate the things they themselves don't fight for. Briefly, give a child candy and he'll expect it, and throw a tantrum if he doesn't get it. Have him work for the treat and he'll enjoy his candy so much more when he does eventually buy his own!"

I sat down and pondered my life up until now. For the life of me I couldn't remember not getting anything I asked for. If I asked, I got! Turning to Bev, "I heard my grandmother say on many an occasion. 'Spare the rod, and spoil the child?' I thought then that she was a mean old witch that just hated children. Now I see that maybe she was right in a fashion."

Bev was smiling as she rotated the teapot six times in one direction and six back the other. "Precisely my dear, not literately, but figuratively speaking yes. You never had a chance to learn the hard lessons life is meant to teach. They wrapped you up in cotton wool and then expected you to go out there and be good and live with others."

I frowned. "What I did wasn't my mother's fault. I did it all by myself!"

Bev grinned. "I'm pleased you understand, and yes it was your fault that you allowed those hussies to brainwash you. However your mum and dad have to take a small amount of blame for your downfall, as does James. They allowed you to get away with what you saw as rightful dues. They basically gave you a gun and no lessons on how to use it! No insight into what damage a gun can do."

I was getting confused as to what Beverley was trying to say and she saw it in my face. "Think of the freedom and power you had. Have you heard the saying, 'Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely?'

I shook my head. "No, I can't say I have."

"It was first put forward by a gentleman by the name of John Emerich Edward Dalberg Acton, or more simply put, Lord Acton in a letter to Bishop Mandell Creighton in eighteen eighty seven."

I shrugged my shoulders, "So?"

"Beverley chortled. "So my dear, the women of today are playing with firearms they know little about. The girls of today don't understand just how much power they wield. They have gained power at the expense of men while retaining all the power women have always had over men."

"Don't you go saying that it's not true. We both know what a bare leg or seductive smile will do to men. You commented to me a while back that your mother was trying to turn you into a nineteen twenties housewife. Making out that you should be barefoot and pregnant with apron strings tied to the sink."

I remember my rant about how I felt mum was subjugating me with all the demeaning household chores I was doing. "She was punishing me! You only have to look at what I'm wearing to see that," I stated flatly.

"You could say that. But it was more to give you an idea of what she had to deal with in her life from her perspective. She is trying to show you how easy you had it growing up and hopefully appreciate what you have."

I sighed. "Ohhh I appreciate what I had. The problem is I didn't appreciate it at the time! What did you mean by women playing with firearms? Are you saying today's woman doesn't have to right to social equality? If it is, I'd find it distasteful coming from a man and downright incomprehensible coming from a woman!"

Bev sighed, at my comment. "No Kelly, I know what it sounds like, but that's not what I'm saying at all. How about I give you a history lesson into the dynamics of relationships between the sexes down through the ages?"

I shrugged, this conversation was starting to get aggravating and my hackles were bristling as Bev droned on. "Okay, how about for simplification we group the timeframe into age groups, my grandmother, my mother, me, your mother, and finally you. That way we can see the changes that have occurred though the relationship between men and women. Five generations of women, although from different families, down through the ages."

"Sounds simple enough even for me." I was fast becoming irascible and I had to check my temper.

Beverley was sharp as ever and scowled. "Don't you be getting testy with me young lady! I'm just trying to help you see why you were thinking like you were."

I suddenly felt sheepish and apologised, then sat meekly ready for my history lesson.

Bev continued, "Okay, as I have already said, before my mother was born, in my grandmother's day, the head of the household was the man. There was no refuting that, and even the law was on the man's side. As bad as it may seem, there were rules in place to see that most of the time the wife was looked after. As in every generation, there were those that skirt society's convention, but mostly it worked. Gentlemen held doors for women and laws either legal or moral were in place to ensure the husband didn't abuse his authority. Again there were the few that flouted the system."

"Boys and young men were taught at a very young age to be respectful of females. The saying, 'you don't hit girls' given to boys comes from this age. Young men were made to understand that their power was a privilege, not to be abused, but to be seen as a duty. Children were taught to mind their p's and q's, although it was more for teaching which way the tail went on the letter, however it gained acceptance to mean 'be mindful of your action with others'. But in all, men had the power and years of practice to wield that power for the good of the community in general."

"Before you go off and say it was also stacked in the husband's favour, yes it was but he also had responsibilities to both his wife and daughters. You've heard how men complain about how unfair the legal system is for the father and husband these days. Well that comes from that time when the wife had no way of supporting herself if there was a divorce."

"In the same vein, a daughter had no way of making an acceptable living until she married. She had no assets to speak of except for her dowry, again something set up to ensure the woman had support.

"Since then women have jobs of their own and money to look after themselves. The courts no longer lay blame for adultery and the guilty party isn't punished unless it's the husband. Moreover, he's punished no matter if he's in the wrong or not. Take your divorce! Without that prenuptial, James would have been punished for your adultery, not you. You would have walked away from your marriage with half of what James had worked for all your marriage, an yet he had done nothing wrong!"

Back a hundred years ago, James wouldn't have needed that prenuptial. You would have been guilty of adultery and sent packing by the courts. If there were children involved, then you wouldn't have been allowed to having custody because of your immoral behaviour. Women have gained an advantage without paying a price for it."

I felt frustrated that I couldn't deny any of what Bev was saying.

"My mother was born in eighteen ninety five and she saw the start of the women's movement. In challenging the male's kingdom, women were given the vote and things started to change, although not so fast, society could cope with it. I was born in nineteen twenty five and I saw the outbreak of World War II. Again things changed a little faster. Women were forced into the workforce to supply arms and infrastructure for the war effort. When the war ended, they stayed because there was a shortage of healthy men to take over."

I was suddenly enwrapped with Bev's history lesson and sipped my tea in stern concentration of what Bev was saying. "Up until my era women were still treated with respect. There were society morals to uphold. For instance men didn't swear in front of women, they held doors open and were courteous. Yes, it does seem a little demeaning for women to be treated like a child who needs to be guided through her entire life, especially when you look back on it from our perspective today. The point I'm trying to make is that there were rules of conduct in place for both genders."

"Now we're coming up to the present day with your mother being a baby boomer!"

"Baby Boomer?" was my questioning reply.

Beverly chortled with shoulder shaking with laughter. "Yes my dear, she's the product of post WWII, nineteen fifties economic and population boom. Before then, there were two decades of hard times. You're mother grew up knowing how hard her parents worked for what meagre processions they had. By the time she was old enough to marry and have children, people were living on the fat of the land."

"That is when true feminism first took hold. With the advent of the pill and women working for themselves, men's rolls were savagely rewritten. With the pill on hand, women didn't need to be the conscience of morality. Back before your mother's time, it was we women who were taught they had to stay chaise in order to control the male's sex drive. Very little contraception in those days and abortion was not a hospital procedure. It was something resorted to by desperate women and generally with disastrous consequences, any woman turning up pregnant out of wedlock was ostracised for being loose with her moral duty."

Beverley took a sip of her tea and waited for me to digest all this. I queried, "So what you're saying, irrespective of how one feels about the treatment of men and women back a hundred years or so, they had rules to keep society from falling apart into general chaos?"

Bev put her cup down nodding. "Every generation has its checks and balances to ensure harmony. However, they are written up by society and they take time to prove themselves. Now we come to your generation. Social change as far as it pertains to women has risen at an exponential rate and far outstripped society's ability to keep up with it."

"Effectively what you have is selling the gun before the manual has been written on proper handling. Back in my day if a man rubbed himself up against a woman, he was labelled a cad, a letch or a dirty old man and shunned. Women were despised as harlots and hussies. There were social attitudes that kept morality from crumbling."

"Today we have sexual harassment laws that take their place, but the government moves slower than a snail when it comes to change. I see women these days blatantly harassing men sexually. If a man did half of what I see young women do today, they'd be brought up on sexual harassment charges. In my day the women of today would be social outcasts, condemned by their peers as nothing but whores and common prostitutes. Men in general don't know where they stand when it comes to what is right and wrong anymore. Political correctness has gone mad trying to balance the scales. They have lost their superiority to women, who haven't yet worked out how to use the gain for the good of society. "

"Women have always had the power to lure men to do their bidding. Now they have more power because they really don't need males to survive. The rules men played by don't translate to women, because of the differences in the way both genders think. Women today are like a child in a candy shop and no one to keep them in check. You my dear are a prime example of that child. You were queen of all you surveyed and took what you wanted, irrespective of the consequences. You thought of no one but yourself."

I was frozen to my seat with this revelation and Bev saw the stunned look on my face. "Let me clarify my thinking here. Not all women these days do it. Most are very responsible human beings. The few women who do, have dropped through the cracks in today's outdated moral regulations and newfound bureaucratic mumbo jumbo. You Kelly were one! Society only works if you give as much, if not more, than you take."

Beverley patted the box I had brought in with her knitting. "People have helped me, and I give back to the public in the only way I can. You took and never gave. Why is that Kelly?"

I had tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat, "Because I'm selfish and stupid?"

Beverley smiled sympathetically. "A little bit Kelly, but more so, you hadn't been taught to use the power you inherited from previous generations for the good of everyone. Humanity is basically selfish. It comes with the individuality of its constituents. To live with others, man has to compromise for what he wants and what's good for those around him. Most times helping others gains you ten times the help back."

Bev sat there looking the kindly old woman she was. "To bring it all down to two simple statements, 'Look after those who look after you!' or 'Don't bite the hand that feeds you!' It's that simple Kelly."

I left Beverley that afternoon with a lot to think about. I needed time to digest everything I'd heard, and how it pertained to my situation. My thoughts were dark as I lay on my bed. Tears came and went remembering just how I'd acted and I felt revulsion. I was starting to really understand what I had done to James and it made me both angry with myself and sad that I'd let this happen.

Bev had said it was partly my parents fault and maybe I should be annoyed. Not so much for what they did, moreover, what they failed to do. However, could it not be said, they acted in good faith, not understanding what they themselves were doing? I saw the bottom line here.

No matter at whose feet I wished to lay the blame, I still had to accept the fact that other women were brought up not very differently than me and haven't done what I had done. They had worked it out, so why hadn't I? The answer stuck in my gut like a lump of rancid meat making me nauseous. I was a stupid, selfish, self-centred slut who thought of no one but her own interests! The responsibility was ultimately mine and it made me realise there was only one person who can turn this around.

To Be Continued

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