All Comments on 'Lesbian Vampire: That Which Haunts You'

What? No permanent resolution? This was a bit hard for me to follow, perhaps I didn't remember the previous chapter as well as I thought. And it needed a good proofing, so many typos! I don't think it was a satisfying ending.

What? No permanent resolution? This was a bit hard for me to follow, perhaps I didn't remember the previous chapter as well as I thought. And it needed a good proofing, so many typos! I don't think it was a satisfying ending.

I have loved reading this story but it feels unfinished. I can't see them giving up on the search for Lara and her followers.

Notwithstanding Alicorn's Luminosity, I'm not generally a fan of vampires, so it's testament to your writing that I followed this from the very start. I'm a sucker (cough) for urban fantasy that doesn't stray the magic world too far from the waking world, and making it a proper mystery just makes it that much better. You've done an excellent job of teasing out the rules of the universe without just dumping exposition—and given the obvious sequel bait, I look forward to its further development.

As people have said, the text itself could use some tidying up. You may want to revisit it after further practice: sentence structure is a little clunky in places, and unfortunately the sex scenes suffer the most. My biggest gripe is not breaking paragraphs when the speaker changes.

That said, the spirit is definitely strong. This was a thoroughly enjoyable read, and definitely a worthy draft for a proper book.

I thank you.

Fantastic. A story that can keep going.