Let Him Cry Pt. 04

"That's all?"

"That's the gist." But, as I mentioned before, I'm not a natural liar.

"What else?" I shook my head. She pressed, "Come on, Matt. It's important to me to know."

I considered, then told her as verbatim as I could remember. Afterward, she was silent for a while, then she nodded. "He's a good father. And I'm not surprised. I do think twice about men now. I have with you." The look that passed between us was serious. "Did you mind that I jumped in when she asked about family?"

"No, it was fine. Is Liv a black mark against me?"

She looked at me like I was stark raving mad. "Finding out a man is the marrying type will never be a black mark in my parents' book. And" I saw the flush spread. "I'm sorry that the word marriage keeps coming up. I'm not hinting."

"Were the three of you laughing at me while your dad had me in the living room?"

"Oooooh nooooo." The headshake and eye-roll completed her reaction. "Let's see. I got a repeat of the lecture she gave before that I was a damn fool and Baby Jesus was not happy. Then she mentioned that any man who--" She broke off. "Remember I said my mom was pretty down-to-earth with her girls?" I nodded. "Then, quite literally, she told me that any man who I had to screw to catch wasn't worth catching." She paused to see how I took that since it hit nearer the bone.

"You worried about that."

"I did," she agreed, "but you reassured me. Finally, she told Ana and me that, in her day, women knew how to keep their legs closed. However, since she had obviously failed in raising us, she hoped I had learned my lesson about preventing gifts from God, and she hoped Ana took a lesson from me. Oh, and that if we were relying on the man to bring condoms, we were idiots and hopefully we had gotten over any shame -- well-deserved she implied -- at buying them. Yep, good fun all around."

At my expression, she said, "Mom doesn't let the gap between how she believes girls should behave and how they do behave stop her from being brutally practical."

She pushed up against me and put her arms around my neck. "Good night, Matt. You did good. Thank you." The kiss lingered until we heard Rafi come out of the bathroom. "G'night. You know you'll be expected to show your face at these at least every couple of weeks?"

I groaned, which brought soft laughter. "They'll get better."

• • •

Over coffee and Danish on Tuesday, Bela and Ana plopped in front of me.

"Come to dinner again Thursday?" Bela asked.

"Umm."

"Please?" begged Ana.

Puzzled at her tone and Bela's extremely amused expression, "What am I in for?"

"Not you." Bela was openly laughing now. "Ana wants to broach the subject of bringing a guy the next week or so. It's a guy who's already been once and didn't wow Mom. Ana figures with you there, A) Mom will be on her best behavior -- fat chance I say to that -- and B) they'll still see you as a bit of fresh meat for distraction. That second is more likely."

"I will babysit all Friday night if you do," Ana wheedled.

At Bela's "did you hear that?" expression, I said, "Okay."

Dinner sucked less than the week before, but only because it didn't start with a talk with dad. My political opinions were on display. I don't know how my staunch middle-of-the-road views went over, but the only tense moment came when Bela's mother asked, "And how do you feel about unexpected children, Matthew?" I wasn't stupid; I knew what she meant.

"I believe it is the woman's decision because it's her body." I could see that was only marginally acceptable, but I wasn't going to lie and finished with the truth. "But I would be heartbroken if any child of mine didn't have a chance." The thinned lips relaxed. Mr. Navarro smiled. Bela hadn't prepped me for that one, and a glance showed an expression of utter relief on her face.

Ana escaped with nothing more than an incredulous, "Are you serious, mija?" and then a relenting, "Perhaps this time he will dress as if he's a guest at someone's house?"

Ana murmured in my ear again when saying goodbye. "Thanks for taking the fire. I so owe you. Have fun tomorrow night." The wicked look at she pulled back made it clear whose sister she was.

I got up early the next morning, knowing I was drafted. Earlier that week, "Please take off Friday? My furniture's arrived, and I need to move the stuff from my apartment. You've got a pickup truck and big, strong guy muscles." Wildly batted eyes, coyly pursed lips, one finger drawn teasingly over my biceps, and a dimple. Even though she couldn't hold it and broke up in laughter, who was I to say no?

When it was over, Bela and I were collapsed on the couch in her living room. Rafi and Ana were playing some game involving a lot of shrieking. "Ana's taking him back to the apartment to make a giant fort out of all the boxes. It's his playroom until my folks rent it. He's tired and she'll drag it out until he falls asleep there. How about takeout?"

Pieces of maki fed a bite at a time into each other's mouths with our fingers, while soaking the grime from the day away in the tub... "Have you ever had sex in a bathtub? Neither have I. Want to try?... I can't pour wine with you constantly-- Oh! Ooh. Yeah, okay."

A new king-sized bed. We were sprawled naked across it.

"I'm in a wet spot," she announced. I felt her shift around. "There's more than one."

Reluctantly, I pulled myself upright. "Where'd we put the sheets?"

As we stretched a fresh set of bedding, she asked, "Do you know of anyone who is leasing commercial space downtown?" At my startled look, she explained. "My landlord is raising the rent on Grano next year. By over a third. I'm not sure I can handle it. He's said he'll let me out of my lease if I want."

"Holy shit! Why?"

"I don't know. This is killing me. As soon as one thing gets solved, something else comes up."

"I'll see if anyone knows of something available. Umm, are you really thinking about work right now?"

She had the decency to look sheepish. "Not before. Just now while we're making the bed. I'm stressed and when my mind isn't busy, it all comes flooding back." She smoothed the edge, surveying the expanse of white. "Wanna dirty another set and help take my mind off things?" she asked hopefully.

"Woman, you've worn me out."

"Then snuggle?"

When I awoke to her getting out of bed, I could see it was still pitch-black outside. "Work," she said softly. "You can stay if you want." She pushed my hands away, giggling. "I don't have time."

The next week I tracked down the building owner. The long and short of it was, "Redevelopment. I think the land might be worth more than the building in that location. There's still most of a year left on her current lease, and another long-term lease after that might put me out of the window of opportunity. If she accepts the new price, okay. If not, I have options."

"The building's not making money?"

He shrugged. "The coffee shop's okay, but the parking for it in the back chews up a lot of space I could use. And the two apartments are pretty old and not bringing in top dollar. I tear down, use some of the parking lot to rebuild with four brand-new apartment units, find a commercial tenant that doesn't require so much parking... it just makes sense to me."

• • •

"Hey, Taty. Macchiato?" I asked.

She glanced over at Bela.

"Could I talk to you? In the back." When I joined Bela, she shut the door carefully, then turned squarely to face me. "I understand that I have a new landlord."

"Who told you?" I had intended it as a surprise. I'd be helping her, plus refurbishing the two apartments would give me another project as a company.

"My old landlord."

"Oh... well... yeah, I bought it. With the bank's help of cour--"

"This building?" She cut me off. "Out of all the buildings you could have bought in this town, you bought this one?" Those sounded like questions. They weren't. They were accusations.

"You said you were upset at the rent increase and I thought..." I trailed off. Talk about being off-balance from the get-go.

"And it never occurred to you that that might be a conflict of interest? That maybe dating me and being my landlord wasn't exactly a great idea? You didn't even talk to me about it!" Her tone was aggressive.

That irritated me. I had tried to do something nice for someone and now they were landing on me with both feet without even bothering to consider my motive or hear me out.

Again.

If there were concerns, a reasonable "Can we talk?" would have been appropriate. Then I could have explained why I was pretty sure there wouldn't be a conflict given the way I was arranging things. As that flashed through my mind, Bela ran out of patience waiting for a response -- after all, it had been a whole two seconds -- and went on, her voice decidedly heated.

"And what if we stopped seeing each other? Hmm? What if I decide that I don't want to date you anymore? Now maybe I have to worry about my business? Does it make you feel more secure to have something to hold over me?"

Whoa! That last did it. The tone, the implication that a breakup was on her mind, and the snide question pushed me over the line between irritation and anger. Pushed hard. "You're thinking about breaking up?"

"You pick my employees. You try to parent my kid. Now you do this. So, am I thinking about it?" She shrugged. "What do you think?"

Well, the cards are certainly on the table, aren't they? "You forgot build your house." I turned to go, ignoring the sarcastic "So I did," from behind me.

At the door, I turned. "I guess I'm just an asshole, someone who'd fuck up another person's life if we didn't work out. Thanks for sharing your opinion." I pulled the door open. "I'll go now but, hey, I promise I'll restrain myself from keying your car on my way past."

As I passed Taty, who was staring somberly, I told her, "I changed my mind about the coffee." I dropped a ten on the counter. "Keep the change."

I thought about that glossed-over conversation after the incident with the teacher conference. Listen to your gut, Matt. I drove home feeling like I wanted to explode.

CHAPTER VII

I was determined that my life would never go into a tailspin over a woman again. It helped that things were busy. We'd taken on a lot of construction work. I held the hands of old clients while they got used to Craig being the front man. I had accountant visits because I was carrying a lot of debt now. Well, the company was.

I also had lawyer visits to finalize some stuff I'd started because I wasn't just an asshole who fucked up people's lives.

It ripped me up every time Bela crossed my mind. I'd had a hole in my life pretty similar to this one once before. The good news was I knew I'd eventually get past it, even if it took a while. The bad news was I knew how bad it could get. But, as I said, no tailspin, so I stayed pretty much off the sauce and threw myself at the world.

Work. A little more work. The occasional dinner upstairs or with a few other friends willing to reconnect. More work. My evening drink with Taty, both of us careful to avoid landmines.

I knew she wasn't really staying out of it. No matter what she'd said -- lied, I corrected, but sort of white lies, so I forgave her -- I knew she and Bela were best friends now, and I'm sure she heard a few rants.

"No Bela talk," I'd said preemptively the first evening. "Let me get over it in my own way."

She recognized the tone. It was the same one she used with her children that said, "This isn't open for discussion." She'd nodded and stayed true to her word.

"Have you given any more thought to my job offer? I'm just curious."

"I'm not quite ready to answer. Soon." After a while, "Matt, tell me about your new apartments. How much will the rent be?"

I told her. "Are you moving out?"

"I would think you'd want me to get out of your hair."

That's not a denial, as someone once said to me. "I see."

The head tilt, a long one. "No. You don't. It has nothing to do with Bela." She put up her hands defensively. "I know you said no talk about her. Fine. I'm just saying that I'm not taking her side, and this idea has nothing to do with wanting to get away from you." She grimaced as if to say, "There. I'm done."

I wasn't convinced. My face showed it.

"Matt!" Her voice held exasperation. "Look, you're a moody bastard at times." My eyebrows went up. She nodded. "It's true. And you say and do stupid things sometimes."

"Why don't you just say what you really think?" I murmured. I wasn't smiling.

She ignored me. "But you will never be anything but my friend. Maybe not my 'let's do lunch' girl-talk friend. There's..." She hesitated, searching for a way to say something. "There's a little too much gratitude on my end to be that casual."

A flicker of the Taty smirk. "Plus, you're not a girl." Then it faded away again. "But a good friend. And I don't take sides against good friends." She stopped talking, watching me to see if it sank in. "Now you can say something stupid."

"Another glass of wine?"

"That's actually not stupid." She held out her empty. When I came back with the full ones, she said, "I want to stand on my own feet. I'm not right now."

I knew that. "There are four: two in the building where our office will be, two where Grano is." I suppressed the flicker of pain that had become a constant companion. "We can waive the security deposit because I know you pretty well."

She sat thinking for a while. "I don't have quite enough saved for first and last quite yet. When will they be available?"

"Two in a couple of weeks. Two a month or so after that."

She nodded and went back to thinking.

I did too. Now's the time, I thought. "Be right back," I said. I returned with a folder and set it down in front of her. Flipping it open, I explained. "The first page has all the rental numbers I just gave you.

"The second page shows a drawing from the factory we're converting to condos. It's one of the two-bedroom units, but I had my guy alter the drawing to cut a little from some rooms and shrink the walk-in closets a bit, making enough to have a third bedroom. Everything will be smaller, but completely livable.

"The third page is a financial workup that shows the purchase cost, the maintenance fees for the homeowner association, and taxes. At the bottom of that page is a mortgage calculation: total cost, current APR on a thirty-year, monthly payments, et cetera. It also shows the taxes and closing costs, which the bank has agreed to keep to a minimum because our entity is registered as a nonprofit. Here is the down payment number. Utilities are a wash.

"The big thing to notice is how close to the rental the purchase monthly is. Yes, it's a little more, but it's also building equity. I don't know what you'll make at Grano, but I know what I'd pay you and it's doable." A misgiving struck me. "That's not pressure to take my offer. I'm still okay if you say no."

She studied it in shock for a moment, then her eyes lifted to mine. "When were you going to bring this up?"

"Never."

Her face creased. "Umm." She gestured at the papers.

"I was never going to start this conversation. If you asked, fine. If you didn't..." I shrugged. "Look, you're a brusque witch at times." I grinned at her sharp look. It felt good to return the favor. "It's true," My falsetto mimicked her.

She shook her head, but I could see the smile lurking.

"But seriously, you told me quite clearly how important your independence is. I respect that. If you wanted to move out into one of the places we were doing, I knew you'd ask me about them. I was ready in case I needed answers for you. Otherwise, this would sit in a desk drawer."

"If you could realize that," she burst out, "then why--" She cut herself off, shook her head. "Never mind." She went back to studying the paper. "I don't have the down payment."

"You can save it soon enough living here."

It was the second time I'd ever seen Taty cry. This time she didn't duck away into her room. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, stood, and came over and kissed me. Not a peck on the cheek, a smack on the lips and a long hug that wrapped me up tightly. There wasn't even a single ounce of sex in it. It was "thank you" and "I can't believe this" all rolled in one.

My reaction amused me: I guess she finally trusts that I'm not looking for a bed warmer.

• • •

I walked into Grano. Bela and Taty exchanged a glance of trepidation.

"What's this?" Bela asked when I handed her the paperwork from the attorney.

"The lease agreement." I could tell that scared her, but that wasn't my goal. I was shooting for "I'm doing fine" with a soupçon of "Fuck you."

"You can have your attorney review it, but I'll tell you the highlights. One, it's a ten-year lease on this space with the initial rent at the current rate. Two, rent increases are limited to the annual year-over-year rate of inflation published by the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Three, you can cancel with notice, but the lessor can't. The rest of the terms are pretty boilerplate for commercial rental and all contact is handled by a management agent we're going to use. It's not transferrable by you, but I promise the company will be reasonable if you sell your business. Sign and return it by the end of the month."

The fear disappeared as what I said sank in, but the distant, closed-off expression didn't.

I continued, "There's one thing I'd particularly like you to note. The date on my signature, notarized by the way, is before that wonderful moment" -- yeah, I wasn't above sarcasm -- "of telling you the news. So, this isn't some lame attempt to patch things.

"All I was trying to do was ease the struggle you were constantly complaining about." Her eyebrows shot up at that statement. "It was supposed to be a surprise that took one piece of stress away."

"Matt! You still didn't talk to me."

"Whatever."

She started to say something else, but she was talking to my back as I pushed out Grano's door.

A week later, I was seriously reconsidering my commitment to Taty. She was a friend. She also wouldn't let me get away from Bela. But I didn't need a reminder from Liv to know which of those two things was more important.

"Matt, I think I'd like to do this condo thing," Taty said one evening. "What's involved?"

I walked her through the details, ending with, "The same type of agreement as the Abode people have. You put in sweat equity. For the apartment, you have to put in two hundred hours."

As soon as I said it, I had a premonition where that would go. Sure enough. I sighed inside that Monday when Taty and Bela arrived. "Ruth, why don't you help me upstairs on some wiring? John, you've got everyone else."

That evening, as she was helping me load the dishwasher, Taty said, "I know you're uncomfortable, but she's my best friend and she wanted to help. You don't have to talk to her about anything but building stuff."

"I'm assuming she doesn't want to talk about anything either."

"No, not really." Taty's face was unreadable.

We made it work. It was frosty at first, transitioning to cool after the initial awkwardness passed. I made it a policy to have her work with others. The only problem times were bad weather when we were all inside. Even then, the building was large enough that I could usually keep us separate.

But it made Taty feel good to have her friend help, so I bit my tongue and stayed civil. It wasn't much different from when I'd had to work with Caitlyn on the Abode project. Except for the feelings of loss -- those were new and needed careful managing.

It was pouring outside, and John called to say that Madison wasn't feeling well. So, I was holding down the entire fort while he managed his two little ones. Paint and trim day.