Let's try again

It's 2am and it's already been a long day. Austin had just come home and I heard him rattling in the kitchen. I breathed out a long sigh and wiped my face, still feeling a little bit of my previous tears on my cheeks. I blow out a breath get out of bed, making my way downstairs in one of his shirts and my panties. We'd been fighting for the past week or so and I was ready to stop. I wanted my husband back. Earlier I had put on his favorite pair of my panties and waited on the bed like he liked, but by the time 8pm had rolled around, I figured out that he wouldn't be home any time soon. I knew that he had a lot of work to do, but I wanted him to make time for me too. I had thrown on one of his flannel shirts to keep warm and tried to fall asleep, but it just wouldn't come.

I snuck down the stairs and looked over the banister at him. He was wearing his work jeans and had peeled off his shirt. He was washing his dishes from his late dinner after a long day of working at the ranch. His short blondish brown hair was tousled from a long day and I could see a large scrape on the right side of his lower back, probably from one of the horses. He had a bouquet of flowers sitting on the counter next to him. He braced the sink and looked down, blowing out a long breath. I snuck further down the stairs and he turned his head slightly when I made my way behind him. I wrapped my arms around his bare waist in a soft embrace, being careful not to brush against his cut.

"Hey babe, I didn't mean to wake you," he said softly in his low, rough voice. He caressed my forearm with one hand, sending shivers down my spine.

I knew why he was walking on eggshells. We'd been off lately and things had been tense because he'd been wanting us to start trying to have a baby. The last time we'd talked the conversation ended with him telling me to forget the whole thing and that he had to go to work. I had wanted to make my peace offering by waiting for him like I did, but that plan didn't work. I pressed my cheek into his bare shoulder, not even close to his height while he towered over me at 6'4". His tan skin was getting darker now that it was summer and he was working for hours in the sun. He had a little stubble since he didn't have time to shave after we had argued.

"Hi," I murmured, pressing my cheek against against his bare shoulder harder. I'd been wide away for hours waiting for him to get back. I'd been trying to think of what to say to him, but I couldn't come up with the words. "Are those flowers for me?" I asked. I kissed his shoulder gently and lazily dragged my fingers up and down his toned stomach.

"They died a little..." he said sheepishly as he turned to face me. "They looked prettier in the store." His fingers traced down my back as he pulled me against him. "How was your day?" He asked, leaning back against the sick and yanking me toward him so I fell against his chest. I could feel his slow and steady heartbeat against my fingers.

"A little rough, but alright. Just long. You know how it goes teaching kids," I laughed a little. I leaned into his embrace and closed my eyes, listening to his heartbeat steadily. I took a deep breath. "I love the flowers by the way. They're beautiful." While I loved wearing his clothes, being held by him for real was much much better. "How was your day? You look a little banged up." I pulled back slightly to look down at his midsection that had raw bruises and dirt burns.

"The horses gave me a little trouble today. Got tossed against the wall pretty good. The season is coming to an end though, so I'll be around more, don't you worry darlin'." He drawled, kissing my forehead before lifting me by my thighs and carrying me toward the stairs to our bedroom. He set my down gently on the edge of the rumpled bed and turned to the bathroom to wash up for bed.

I sat there, listening to him turn on the shower and let out a long sigh as he got ready. He didn't close the bathroom door, so I watched as he dropped his pants and underwear and stepped into the shower. He scrubbed his hair, shampoo dripping down his chest and sliding down further... I felt myself growing wet at the sight. I blew out a breath and collapsed on the bed, staring up at the ceiling and trying not to cry at my heartache. I heard the shower shut off and continued to look at the ceiling as I heard him in the closet, pulling on a pair of boxer briefs before sliding into bed with me.

I felt his strong arm pull my closer and plaster me to his side. He pressed his nose into my hair and took in a deep breath, seeking comfort. I knew already that he would be a great dad. I was the one who was terrified. I spent my whole day with kids constantly feeling like I wasn't doing enough for them, and I was terrified of being a terrible mom. I had witnessed first hands how terrible parents could screw up their children and I didn't want that. But when I looked up at him, his eyes closed and face relaxed, I knew how much love he had in him that he wanted to share with another little member of our family.

"You know it's because I'm scared, right?" I whispered, my voice cracking.

He didn't open his eyes when I spoke, but I knew he heard me. A few tears ran down the side of my face and dripped onto his chest. I felt his chest rumble and he held me closer, bringing his other arm around me to embrace me. "I'm sorry," he murmured, "I shouldn't have pressed. I was wrong to try to convince you before you're ready to start trying." He leaned down to kiss my forehead softly, brushing the tears from my eyes. "I won't bring it up against until you're ready," he whispered in a slow, soothing voice.

That only made me cry more. "I just don't want to screw up. What if I'm a terrible mother? What if I get everything wrong? What if... I disappoint you?"

He laughed, which surprised me, and pulled me fully on top of his chest. "Baby, you are the biggest perfectionist I know. Even if you mess up it'll be ok. Hell I'm gonna mess up all the time. All that matters is we give our family all of our love and everything will be fine. You could never disappoint me. You are everything to me, Grace." He ran his fingers through my hair, soothing me. "You know what a fuck up I was and you set me straight. Going the way I was going I would have ended up in an early grave. You were my saving Grace, as you've always been. I've always wanted a family and I can't think of a single woman who would be better than you to have one with. You know I ain't got a family of my own growin' up. We would give our baby everything."

I nodded, my tears only growing at his sweet words. I knew he was right and my fears were probably natural. I pressed myself closer to his warm body, which was extremely nice is the cool breeze of the fall evening.

"But if you're not ready, we can wait," he conceded.

"You don't have to wait a few more months to ask me," I whispered, tracing my fingers down his chest. "Ask me again."

In a flash, I was on my back and he was towering over me, caging me in with those huge muscular arms that could be so gentle at the same time. His brows were drawn, his face hopeful but wary. "Are you sure this is what you want?" He whispered, dropping to his elbows and caressing my cheek with one thumb. His other hand was in my hair, tugging gently. "I don't want to push you before you're ready."

"Yes, I'm sure." I whispered, leaning up to kiss the tip of his nose. "Ask me again."

He gulped in anticipation and his hazel eyes stared into mine like he was the cutest puppy on the whole planet. "Can we make a baby?" He whispered, the words quiet in actuality, but they felt loud in this room.

"Yes," I answered, ending his anticipation. "I'm sorry about the last time you asked me. I was caught off guard. I've always wanted to get pregnant, but I just had to think about when I wanted to. But I realize that now is as good as any time and there's nothing more that I want than your baby inside of me," I whispered. I moved my face closer to his and pressed our foreheads and noses together. He eyes were squeezed shut and his jaw tight, overcome with his emotions in this moment. "I love you," I pecked his lips with my own.

"Nothing you want more?" He whispered, his hand trailing up my shirt against my bare skin.

I blushed a deep red when his fingers started unbuttoning the shirt I was wearing, exposing my near naked body to him. I always felt embarrassed when he looked at me naked like this with so much concentration.

"You know, it's not fair that you're all muscular and handsome and I'm all... soft." I say, crossing my arms over my stomach and curves. He's told me countless times that my big hips are perfect for having a baby, but I just wanted him to like my naked body.

"You're all perfect," he said gently, his eyes taking in every square inch before grinning at me. We'd been together for five years, and somehow my body still excited him. "Are you ready to do this? For sure?" He asked.

"I'm ready. And hey, I bet not using condoms is going to feel amazing... we have at least nine months of that to look forward to," I joked. As he kissed down my neck, chest, and stomach, I mused, "you know, I hope the baby looks like you... and has your smile." I poked his cheek when he smiled up at me in response.

"And I hope it has your eyes. And we better hope it isn't anything like me as a child or we'll go to an early grave," he chuckled, moving between my legs and tracing his fingers gently over my soft (now damp) slit.

I whimpered in pleasure and closed my eyes, concentrating on how good he was making me feel just my barely touching me like this. My lips parted slightly and raised my fist to my mouth, sinking my teeth into it to quiet my moans. Instead of being nice, his fingertips found my clit and gently brushed it before tracing circles around it. He reached up and grabbed my wrist, pulling my fist away from my mouth and murmured, "let me hear you baby," before sinking a finger inside of me to the knuckle before retreating out. I cried out and grabbed his hair to anchor myself. "Good girl," he nipped my thigh with his teeth as he praised me. "You don't keep anything from daddy," he admonished. "Now moan for me like a good girl," he said, pushing in two fingers this time.

I moaned, my brows drawing together in concentrating as my legs shook on either side of him. My cheeks heated, and I knew that I was in for it tonight. We hadn't had sex is two weeks thanks to our tension, and I could already tell that he was ready to release all of that pent up frustration. He placed a small kiss on my clit, making me jump, and chuckled darkly to himself. He sucked my clit into his mouth, grazed his teeth against it, and twisted his fingers inside of me, all to drive me crazy.

"ahh!" I squealed, tightening my thighs around his head. I grabbed a fistful of his hair as he ate me, concentrating on not getting too worked up before we had really even started.

After plunging his fingers in an out of me a few more time, he suddenly pulled them out and left me empty, sitting back on his heels. He smirked as he looked down at my body, already a trembling, whimpering mess.

"What babe, you're already a mess? After what? A minute of my fingers?" He teased, leaning over me. He brought his mouth to my ear, his tongue flicking against it before he whispered, "what are you going to do when you get my raw cock, hmm? Scream for me? Cry for me? Beg for me?" He asked, and I could feel him stroking his dick slowly, obviously enjoying the little fantasy. "How many times do you think you'll cum for me tonight?" He slapped his dick against my pussy a couple times and I whimpered. "Aw, poor girl," he teased, "you can't even wait for it, can you?"

"no," I moaned, wriggling my hips, which he pinned down with one arm.

"ah, not so fast," he said, torturing me, "only good girls get rewards. After how you've been treating me you're going to have to do something for daddy first to earn his cock and his cum in that tight pussy." He sucked on the skin at the base of my neck, making my eyes roll back. It was a good thing it was Friday night, so any bruises he left would disappear by Monday.

He sat on the bed next to me, leaning against the headboard, stroking his dick lazily in his hand. His dick was a solid 8 inches, cut, and standing fully erect for me. I knew what he wanted for his apology and I wasn't going to disappoint.

I crawled over him and kissed his shoulder first, loving how his hand came to the top of my head to tangle in my hair. I felt a delicious burn as he pulled on my hair, forcing me further down his body. I straddled his legs and grasped his dick in my soft hand. I looked up at him and I gently kissed the tip, then sucked it into my mouth. His chest rumbled in pleasure as I took him further in my mouth. His hand tightened around my hair and he pushed my head down, forcing me to choke on his dick. He held me down on his dick for a few moments, making me gag on it and coat it in saliva. He loved it when I got sloppy.

"Good girl, choke on my cock," he praised, scratching my head in comfort. "Mm, that feels so damn good baby girl..." He chuckled when he noticed me trying to subtly hump his leg as I sucked his cock. "You love this, don't you?" I nodded, flattening my tongue against the underside of his dick. "Good girl," he praised again. I continued to bob on his cock for a few minutes, listening to his low grunts of pleasure as he comforted me by continuing to scratch my head and run his fingers through my hair. "Mmmm, Daddy forgives you, baby girl," he confessed, gripping my hair and yanking me up to kiss me. He gripped my throat as we kissed, always having been very possessive of me.

"I want you, now," He growled against my lips. He brushed his thumb over my lower lip and shoved it into my mouth, stroking my tongue with the pad of his thumb. "I need you," he confessed. "Let me get you pregnant."

"Yes daddy," I said around his thumb.

"You want me to take you a little slower tonight, baby?" He said, his voice condescending. He kissed my forehead and wrapped his arm around my waist, flipping me over onto my back.

I let out a little yip when he flipped me, but it soon turned into a moan when he started kissing my neck. "Y-yes," I stuttered out, feeling my whole body tingle with the physical pleasure and the mental pleasure of knowing what was about to happen.

"as you wish princess," he grinned against my skin. "You know I still think of the first night that we had together," he mused, kneeling between my legs and lifting my left one to kiss my thigh, then my knee. "How needy you were for me."

I blushed profusely and said, "What can I say, I can't resist a man in uniform."

He was referring to the night we slept together before he was deployed. He did his two years of service to pay off his father's debts and buy the farm from him, and whatever he had left over went to help pay for my college degree. As wonderful as that night was, there was something that I could never forget that happened a few weeks later.

"I need to tell you something," I confessed, tears welling in my eyes.

"What is it?" He asked, his brow furrowing. He massaged my thighs with his large, warm hands.

My breath caught in my throat and I had to wait for a wave of tears to pass before I could try speaking. I blew out a big breath and looked at the ceiling instead of at his eyes that would always melt my heart.

"That first night we were together wasn't as simple as you thought," I said, blinking heavily and releasing a few fat tears.

He sat back and studied me, then laid to my side and wiped his thumb under my eyes to catch my tears. "What is it babe?" He asked, nervous.

"Part of the reason why I've been so scared of getting pregnant is that... that first night..." I swallowed hard and stared at the ceiling, not being able to bear looking at him. I let out a shaky breath and then continued, "well, I had a miscarriage six weeks later."

He was silent for a long time. I knew it was a lot to process. I turned onto my side, facing away from him and curled up tight and cried. Hot tears streamed down my face and I grimaced, unsure of how mad he would be at me. He laid on his back next to me, silent and still as a log, while my soft cries filled the room.

"I'm sorry I never told you," I sobbed, "I don't even like to think about it. I didn't know what I was supposed to do and then I lost it... and I didn't want you to have to go through what you were going through and worry about that."

"You should have told me," he said in a rough voice. "We would have gotten through it together. I should have been there for you. I would have come home, I would have--"

"That's why I couldn't tell you. I know you would have come home and I couldn't do that to you," I curled up tighter. "And then it didn't matter because then it was like it never happened in the first place."

He turned onto his side and spooned me, pulling me close into his body and tucking my head under his chin. He held me close while I cried, and said, "Babe... I wouldn't have been mad you know. I know you didn't want to inconvenience me or anything, but I'll always be here for you. Always have been. And I would have supported you whatever."

I nodded and wiped my tears. "I'm also just worried that... if I couldn't before, I won't be able to have a baby."

"Don't worry too much ok?" He said, pecking my face, trying to get me to smile. "We don't have to start trying tonight. We can wait a bit."

"No I want this," I reassured, "I want this more than anything. I'm just worried that it might not happen right away or at all."

"There's things we can do if that's true, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it baby girl. But tonight let's just focus on the cumming part," his voice was filled with teasing.

I sniffed and let out a deep breath, "okay." I gave him my bravest smile and wiped the tears from my eyes. It felt good to know that we were in this together, even if it didn't work out the first time we tried.

He kissed me again, and I got so lost in it that I didn't even notice he was already pushing inside of me. He wrapped his arms around me tightly, one around my waist and one with his hand cradling the back of my head. His fingernails dug into my side with the most amount of love, and I felt everything in our kiss and in our lovemaking. We would normally fuck, and he would show his love and devotion through kinky shit, but on occasion, we would make love like we were desperate for each other. Tonight was one of those nights. In fact, we hadn't made love with this much emotion since the night he left for the army.

"I love you," he murmured, breathless. He brushed my hair back with his large palm, cradling my cheek as he peppered kisses all over my face. The strokes of his cock were raw and firm, and I squeezed around it with my pussy involuntarily. "You're fucking perfect," he continued.

"I l-ove y-ou t-oo," I skittered out, finding it hard to catch a full breath. I gripped into his shoulders and wrapped my legs around his waist as he continued to thrust in and out of me.

He sat up onto his knees so he could look down at me as he continued. There was so much love and adoration on his face that it felt like time stood still for a moment as I tried to comprehend it. How could I have that much affect on one person, especially someone this good looking?

I lost my train of thought when he slipped his thumb into my mouth. I sucked on it like the good girl knowing that if I did what he wanted, he would reward me. Just as I suspected, he pulled it out of my mouth and used his now moist thumb to rub circles around my clit, causing my walls to tighten around his cock and my eyes to close and my head to throw back. A moan tumbled from my lips and I grabbed his forearm tightly.