Letting Go Ch. 01

"So, what's your girl name?"

"Madison", I respond sheepishly.

"Cute," she says smiling ear to ear. "Hi, Madison, it's so nice to see you," with Ramona seeming to emphasize, "see." It's true, I guess - wow, Ramona is the first person to see me - the true me.

I answer quietly with my head down, "you too." Ramona puts her finger to my chin and lifts my head, kissing me on the side of the lips. She moans and grabs my arms and squeezes.

"You're a beautiful sprout, so let's water you and sun you and shower you with love." I couldn't help but giggle and nod my head. We sat up in bed, and I told her about Madison.

Ramona and I met during freshman orientation. I waved goodbye to my parents and turned quickly towards the front door of Wyatt Hall, my dorm room. Ramona walked up to me in high-waisted denim shorts and pink long sleeve crop top. She said that I looked "fascinating" and she bet that I had good taste in music. I shared a playlist with Romana and I listened to hers while I unpacked my suitcase.

We ran into each other in the hallway later on. Ramona agreed that having a college experience like the characters in the show, Community, is our goal - "at least the first three seasons," we said in unison. We're both Spoonies, too, (more on that later) and that truly cemented our relationship.

Ramona is radical. And I mean that in every way you can mean it. She's tough and honest and passionate and compassionate and cool. She's majoring in sociology and gender studies. Her wavy Mexican chocolate hair frames her round face, with a curvy, tanned 5'5" body. She "gets" it. And I get the sense that will "get" me, ya know?

I enter university a 5'10" chubby white boy with a beard and a bubble butt trying to be ready for the world without a sense of who I've been, who I want to be, and who I am becoming. I am quiet and a nerd, which Ramona tells me she prefers. I've opened up to Ramona more than I expected. I've learned to hide myself from others. Since I was a preteen I'd wear my older sister's clothes. Her skirts and heels especially made me feel pretty. What began as a curiosity led me to feminization captions and sissy hypno, which has only helped me better understand who I am - who I can be. I've fantasized, dreamed, desired, and hoped to share my secret and become a woman - with a woman's help. I even started imagining sharing Madison - my feminine self - with Ramona. It felt right, but was I ready?

On the surface, maybe we didn't seem like we "should" fit, but fit we do. Our attraction isn't a secret - it was a mutual understanding - and we both were waiting for the right moment, it seemed. The days turned to nights, which turned to weeks. Ramona and I were inseparable, and I love every second of it. Ramona and I are like soul twins or something, we're convinced. I was sure that I couldn't have been the only one feeling this tension, we're soul twins after all. I had dated in high school and my teen boy horniness certainly got me past some sexual milestones, but I've never felt like this. She's been inviting me to share myself, and explore myself with her. And so here we are.

Three weeks into the semester I walk to my dorm on a tiredly warm autumn afternoon after class.

"Did you see this shit?", Ramona exclaims, shoving her iPhone in my face. "What? Oh, that? Sure, I saw that. What do you expect?"

"That's my point!" I see her squirming in her own body as if she was making the ripples of her orange corduroy overalls. She bounces twice and her breasts join in under her tight black top. I smile slightly as I finally take my mask off and enter my dorm room.

Ramona was upset that our professor still hadn't posted the assignment. "I'm gonna tell someone. How can they expect me to work like this?"

"I support you 100%. Let's get him fired!", I say mostly joking. "Right, so, what's happening? Coming in?" And we both jump onto my bed in my, mostly, empty room. I'm still in the process of decorating. I brought butcher block paper and taped it to my wall. Everyday we've been adding something: a sticker, a quote, a picture, a drawing. Ramona has quickly taken to this ritual and grabs the hanging markers and draws yet another penis. This one is curved both left and right and we agreed this is the perfect shape for a cock.

Throughout our four-week relationship, we've been sharing personal stuff - but she's been asking me about sharing that deep personal stuff that you usually wait to tell people, ya know? Radical openness, she told me, is the truest submission. Offering your whole self to another person does sound submissive. I feel my cock stir.

She wants to do that with me? Am I ready for that? Is that what I want?

We can see each other's eyes from across the room and instantly know what the other is thinking. This feels new and exciting and special and just what I fantasized about. Trusting and understanding someone is new and exciting and special and...

I sit on my bed and put on the playlist we've been curating. We drift in the music for a while before I reach for my side table and grab my cannabis gummies. We both pop in 10mg and melt into the moment. We look into each other's eyes and I open my mouth expecting sound, but nothing.

Am I doing this right now?

Ramona looks at me and cocks her head. I looked anxious: "moreso than usual," she tells me, prompting me to tell her what's on my mind. I'm shifting on my white sheets, grabbing the corner of my grey throw blanket. My mind is racing:

"Do you want to kiss me? Do I want to kiss you? Fuck, you're so beautiful. But, will you like the 'me' I need to show you? You will, right?"

Imagine a world where I ask her any of those questions - I smile to myself. "What is it?", Ramona seeming concerned. "Alright, you need to tell her," my better angel is insisting now.

I sit up straight, my back against the wall. I take the deepest breath I can muster. Time seems to slow. "Ramona," she nods, "for much of my life, I haven't felt like I could be the 'real me.' I'm trans and I needed to tell you. I'm sorry." A tear drips down my left cheek.

Silence.

A truly mysterious and unwelcomed phenomena for me right now. I'm trying to read her face as she's processing all of this. Her eyes shift over my body and she looks into my eyes and smiles.

"What's your girl name?"

Something primal, deep within her boils over and a flame lights up in Ramona's eyes. She grabs my arms and pulls me on top of her. I'm straddling her, grinding into her womanhood. Her thin waist and thick hips and thighs give me plenty to focus on. "Hey. Up here, darling," as she tilts my head up. Our eyes lock again - still - and our lips meet for a kiss. My tongue is tentative at first, darting in and out patiently. Suddenly, Ramona grabs my face with her hands and takes over. Her feminine energy consumes me. Her hands explore me, reveal me. I am euphoric, blissed.

"I feel you growing," she smiles, and I nod, groan, and smile, perhaps creating the double meaning. Foreplay for me has always been a means to an end, but I feel alive - finally - in this moment.

"Oh my God, is this what is feels like?"

"What," she asks reassuringly, "to be a woman?"

"No, to feel beautiful."

Smiling, she invites me: "Come here, girl, lay next to me."

My cock stirs again - "girl."

"I'm going to unzip your pants, okay?" I appreciate her checking in with me. "You're so brave and lovely and I can't wait to see you. Let me make you feel so good."

I kick my pants onto the ground and my panties are revealed. They're stretched out from wearing them once a week since I grabbed them from Ramona's laundry three weeks ago. "Oh!", she says taking in the scene. "That color works for you," examining the aquamarine bikini cut panty with the growing bulge.

"Thank you, you don't mind that I borrowed them?", I ask hoping. Ramona insists that I can use them to start my collection. "I'm going to make you cum, now, baby", and she leaps between my legs and spreads them wide. I'm feeling so vulnerable, and open, and ready. Her ruby red lips glistening in the light; she kisses my pantied cock. Moans of delight escape her mouth. Pleasure oozes from mine. "Let's take these panties off. Let me take you."

She grabs my ass and squeezes, lifting me up, pulling my panties down to my ankles in a smooth motion; she takes my breath away. I slowly slip my panties onto my desk at the foot of my bed. I am in total acceptance of my position. Ramona dives into my crotch and begins licking the length of my 5-inch shaft.

"Do you like this, baby?" I moan a response, nodding, unable to create a string of words.

"What do you like?", she asked knowingly. "You...licking my-", I strained. "Your girlcock, sweetie?", Ramona wondered. She knew and I knew she knew that, but I'm sure she knew that, too. And I was eager to answer. "Yes, my girlcock!", I whined in freedom.

"Have you ever played with your pussy?" I'm nodding my head still, and Ramona smiles and leans in closer to me. "Tell me about it, baby?"

I whisper to her, "In the shower sometimes I play with my hole. It makes me feel so slutty." Her eyes widen and she slowly inches her fingers up my body to my mouth.

"Suck", as Ramona slowly sticks in her index finger and twists it in my mouth. "Now, I promise I'll be gentle. I'll go as slow as you want, okay? But you are going to cum like a girl today." My heart skips, and Ramona notices and blows me a kiss.

Her mouth returns to my waiting erection. Pleasure washes over me like a tidal wave. I'm shaking as I feel the soft pokes beneath my balls, searching for my moans. We're both cooing and she finds my waiting hole. My girlcock is getting polished by her thick lips and spectacular tongue, and my eyes roll into the back of my head. "Yes," I demand, "please," reeling with delight.

Her finger slowly enters and I let out a soft, "ah." Just once, and she sinks it in and I gasp, my asshole tightening around her finger in satisfaction. Ramona hears me moan and uses that as the signal to work my slutty hole open with another.

Then another, and she's filling me. Filling so much more than my pussy.

Something in me breaks open. I'm plunged into a deep feeling of bliss, as waves of light and sound and color and energy intermix and wash over me. She hits my spot and my breathing intensifies. I'm panting wildly and Ramona grins as my eyes awaken and meet hers, as if reborn. She grabs my cock with her other hand.

"Mhmm, mhmm, cum for me, lovely," she begs, "cum for me. Mhmm, it's okay to let go. Let go, sexy."

With that invitation, I let out a silent moan, and my body stiffens and I cum into Ramona's hand.

Let. Go.

She looks at me, curiously, and I smile, moving her hand closer to my mouth. "Looks like you could use some protein," as we laugh together. I nod excitedly almost without realizing it.

I see Ramona's eyes glow with excitement. "Want to share?" I lap up the pool of cum and we we kiss again. She takes a sip of water and looks at me.

"So," Ramona starts as she sits up, flipping her hair to the side, "what's your girl name?"