Levels

"It won't, trust me. And we will, but this has to be first."

"Things don't always go well when I trust you."

"It's just clear tape. It's not that strong. See..." I put a piece on the bush above her vagina and pulled it away.

"Ow! FUCKER!" I was horrified, looking at the tape, but there were no hairs on it.

"Just kidding," she said laughing.

"You almost gave me a heart attack." I'd previously learned that her pain quickly led to my pain.

"Okay, go ahead and try. It yanked a little, but not bad. Should be fine where I'm shaved."

I folded open her labia to reveal her happy little clit. I got another piece of tape to lay across, but...

"Um, you're wet."

"Yes."

"I don't think it will work when you're wet."

She looked up at me again, "Well I was already thinking naughty thoughts, remember?" I'm kinda intrigued about this too you know."

"Well... Don't be wet."

She paused a moment then said, "Okay."

"Not working. Think dry thoughts."

"Maybe you can lick it dry."

"No, just gimme a second," said. I got up and ran into the hallway bathroom. I detached the whole roll of toilet paper. From the bedroom I could hear her, "Beige. Beige. We should paint the ceiling beige." Evil thoughts came to me, and I grabbed a bottle of liquid. I was chuckling to myself as I stumbled back to the bedroom.

"Okay," I said as I gathered some toilet paper, "I'm just going to dab you."

"Okay," she answered.

"Don't think about sex."

"I'm not, I'm thinking of the Venture Brothers."

"Good. Wait... Why?"

"Because you said dab."

"Dab?"

"Dab."

"Oh. Right," I muttered. "God dammit, now I'm thinking about it."

She giggled, "Good. Now we can be clinical."

I... applied the toilet paper to her clit. I carefully pushed the paper into the sides and on the top. It didn't appear to be working.

"It seems like it doesn't get dry," I said.

"It can. It just looks like it isn't."

"Don't worry," I chuckled, popping the lid open on the bottle, "this should work."

"What is it?" she said looking up.

"Rubbing alcohol."

"YOU DO AND I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!" She had pulled up her legs and was propped up on her arms, eyes like the eyes of someone who was really mad.

"I was kidding!" I said backing away, "It was just a joke, I would never do that."

"Throw it out of the room," she said. I snapped it shut and tossed it out the door. "You really think I would? I wouldn't. You have to know that.

"I'm not chancing it," she said, "if you even got some on your fingers this is over. You're not touching me."

"I didn't, honest," I said. "God. The neighbors had to have heard you. I wonder what they think is going on?"

Little did I know that next door, our neighbors were saying:

Her: "Hear that?"

Him: "Yep."

Her: "I bet they're about to have sex."

Him: "Yep."

I gently grasped her ankles and pulled. She lowered then to the floor and laid back down.

"Just toilet paper. Let me try again."

"Not yet. I'm thinking. Hand me my phone."

"Where..."

"Into my hands."

"IS IT. Where. is. it?

"Charging, next to yours. Don't they look cute together?"

"The hell? You unplugged mine. Where's your charger?"

"In the kitchen, in case we want to charge phones in there too."

"But... Aaaargh." I stifled a complaint, saving it for later. My mental scales weighed pussy vs phone and pussy won. I plugged my phone back in and grabbed hers.

"Here," I handed it to her. She unlocked it. It contained things I would never know. "What are you doing?" I asked. I decided to pad her vagina with the tissue, drying her off in general. Of course I had to run my finger through her for a guilty taste.

"Looking this up before we do something stupid. Again."

"Is it?" I asked as I checked her clit again. It seemed like clits always looked wet. Maybe they were. Wonders...

"Well, the nipple thing is a bad idea. I could even have an allergic reaction."

"Did... Are you?"

"Doesn't seem like it, but it's not a good idea anyway. It's bad for the skin."

"What about your clit?" She looked across to me like I was a complete fucking moron, which at that moment, I guess I was.

"Anything bad for my nipple is a zillion times worse on my clit."

"Oh. Right. I guess it was a dumb idea." (Turns out it was a monumentally dumb idea. We dodged a bullet of bottomless stupidity) (the only explanation available is that alcohol was involved)(the drinking kind).

"Don't be glum. I know a great way you can make it up to me."

"You want some grapes?"

"Heh. No. I'm feeling sad and dry. Terribly so." She squirmed, "and a little itchy. I need some way to get moist again."

"I'll get the squirt gun."

"Put YOUR MOUTH, RIGHT THERE, RIGHT NOW."

Her: "Sounds like they're getting to it."

Him: "Yep."

I started with a light kiss to her labia. I felt bad about the whole debacle, so my plan was to kiss it and make it all better. She was still squishy down below, which was a good sign. I licked it from the bottom all the way up. She now appeared properly moist so I went back to licking inside her. I tried to dig my tongue in, but I have a tragically short tongue. She knew it and said it was "fine", and that my dick made up for it.

Except that my penis wasn't any bigger than the actual national average either, but she said it was "fine" and that my sense of fashion made up for it - of which I have none. I had finally learned to shut the fuck up and stop asking if I was adequate. She wasn't going to stroke my ego, no matter how many nice things I said to her. It was a matter of honesty, which goes both ways, just like your father.

It's even possible that she had learned to fake squirting ejaculate, and was truly evil. I'll never know. I was doomed to live with my insecurities. I've had them long before I met her, and would have them long after she was gone.

Oh right. Sorry. I guess I kinda left you hanging there. Back to the sex.

My tongue circled around her clit, teasing.

"Don't tease."

"You like teasing."

"I've been laying here spread. You've been playing with my clit like a chimp with a doorknob. We're past that. Cut out the subtlety and lick me like Lassie. I'm close, so I want the controls."

I licked. Slowly. Then again, and again. She was beginning to tremble. She reached down and pinched the top of my left ear lightly, tweaking it around slightly. She grabbed my other ear as well.

I sped up, but was still using long licking strokes. Her hands on my ears was her way of controlling me. She's tweak one ear to go faster, and the other to slow down. It was like she got to dial it in. I don't know if that seems weird, but In the 5000 years of recorded history, I can't imagine that we'll come up with anything new. We can only re-discover things. Cleopatra holding the tops of Marc Antony's ears. I can see it.

The crux is that when she's almost there, she tweaks my right to slow down, but I speed up. It's like she loses control of the situation. It drives her over the edge. I can see why she would get a kick. Better yet, I know that she does. Try it yourself, but make sure your partner knows not to tear your god-damned ear off when they finally cum. You've been warned.

I've been with more than a few women, and she's the only I've known that likes big long licks. I don't actually care, I'll do whatever. She was only trying to be funny with the 'Lassie' comment, but I do know that she used to have a big Irish Setter that she was really fond of. God, I hate when my mind even goes there. I have to hum a tune and think of engine parts to get it out of my head. Not that I find the concept repulsive. It's more that I'm intimidated because I know I'd never be able to compete. Anything that can drink water with just its tongue has me beat. I'm lucky to leave a dimple in an ice cream cone.

"OoooOOoooo," she said, "Don't stop."

"I eonnn", I said. I kept going, paying attention to her tweaks on my ears to speed up and slow down. I never thought I needed such a thing, but she liked making me change speed like a fuck toy. Again, I think it's all about being in control (then losing it).

Cream was coming out of her vagina, and I wanted to lower for a big lick but she wouldn't let me, forcing me to stay on point. She was trembling and making little whimpering sounds. I loved that. She was signaling for me to slow down and use big long licks. I sped up with the tip of my tongue digging around her clit like I was searching for Twin Tower survivors.

"Oh! Fuck you! Unnnnnnnn!" Her vagina sucked in air with a snuffling noise, and then back out. She was bucking and her vagina looked like slow waterfall. She was squeezing her own breasts. That turns me on so much. If she wasn't in the mood, her breasts were as erogenous to her as the back of her skull. When she was, they were. I don't have a part of my body that works that way (that I know of).

I grabbed her nipples and pulled them up while she was squeezing. Not hard, but I knew she liked it. I had to ease away from her clit as she put her foot onto my shoulder. Once I thought it would be nifty to keep going, because something in my mind thought it would be better and drive her wild. I was wrong. Her leg was there in case she needed to kick me away. Both feet meant back the fuck off or she'd kick me through the wall. One meant things were still cool, and I thought it was kinda cute.

I waited a few seconds and then raised past her leg and laid my cheek on her tummy. I hugged under the small of her back. She wrapped her legs around me and ran her hands through my hair. Her stomach was so warm and smooth, just the right amount of poofy. It could be flatter, but I was smart enough to know how good I already had it.

"Kiss" she said. I wiped my mouth on my sleeve and crawled up to kiss her. I loved the way she delicately kissed, and how soft her lips were. I'd told her that every with every kiss I'd think of it all over again. She didn't like it when my lips were covered with her own juices, and I agreed. It was kissing, not eating corn on the cob. Love radiated from her like body warmth. Oh. I guess it was body warmth. I raised up to stare into her eyes like a maniacal psycho.

"I love you B", I said. She stretched under me like a cat, then squeezed me with her arms and legs.

"Mmmmmmm I've got you soooooo well trained," said cooed, "I can't get rid of you yet."

"I wouldn't fit in the trash."

"We have a hacksaw," she said.

"It's my hacksaw," I corrected. No one touches my tools.

"After I use it, everything's mine," she corrected.

"Good point."

"You're poking me though your pants. Are you going to take them off or has your dick finally learned to unzip them from the inside?"

"So we're saying goodbye to the evening?"

"Yeah," she sighed, "Fuck it."

My clothes were off. Superman and the Flash have nothing on me. Just a quick flurry like the Tasmanian Devil. Later, I'd spend fifteen minutes looking for my right shoe. She reached down to stroke me.

"Whoa," I said, "careful, it's loaded." I slid back down to her but she grabbed my head and stopped me.

"Where are you going?" she said. Then she grinned and said in her naughty school-girl voice, "Hop on, mister. I want to go for a riiiiiiiiiiiide."

"Where's your other sock?" I asked.

"What?"

"Your left sock. Gimme a sec." She looked at me perplexed.

"Socks. That's a thing now? Since when?"

"Lift," I said. She put her foot up as I slipped it on. "I don't know. Last few times you had your socks on and it was really sexy."

"I have some stockings I could..."

"Nope," I cut her off, "just socks." She lifted up on her elbows.

"Why?"

"I don't know. Because my bike was stolen when I was a kid, or something. It just is."

"Huh. Socks..." she mused, "Should I cheer?"

"No. Please..." She looked at me and smiled sweetly. She put her hand on my cheek and pulled lightly.

"Come here," she said quietly. Instead, I grabbed her knees and pulled her back so her ass was on the edge. I entered her and came.

Thank god I'd met her. I've had some relationships that never took the time to understand. Condoms made sex pointless. They presumed I was done when I was just getting started.

I was still hard and fucking away. Things were squishy and hot as I thrust into her. She pulled my hands up to to her breasts. I squeezed them top to bottom, pushing up firmly with my thumbs. Not from the sides, and never smoosh them flat. The nipples could wait. I had no idea why, or what it made her think. What I knew was that she had her own likes, and little things like this would never do me any good with any other woman. These were my keys to her.

I like leaving her legs down. As we fucked she would begin to bring them up. Some kind of eroti-meter. They hooked behind my back in a holding pattern while I was thinking about fucking her while I was fucking her. Double the sexy.

"Oof," she said, "mmmf." Her legs were coming up from my waist so I grabbed them to lift. I held them to my chest and had her in an "L". She was exhaling little squeaks.

"Ah. Ah. Ah. Uh."

I felt her socks beside my face and came. I began pouring on the steam. I pushed her legs back, pulling at her ankles so she would bend her knees. I got her left foot to my mouth and bit the bottom, holding on.

"Oh! Oh I'm... Uck...." Her eyes were shut tight and her mouth open. An image I'll save next to the others I'll never forget. I let go of her foot so I wouldn't lose my teeth. I held her tightly as she tensed up rock solid. Her vagina pushed me out and she squirted over me. I wanted back in but had to settle for between her thighs, over her clit. She squirted me again.

She relaxed and went rag doll. She gasped once then settled into deep breaths. I let her ankles down to the floor gently. My hand covered her vagina, beating her to it. Palm on her clit, fingers covering her. She covered my hand with hers and made me rub her the way she would do herself. Where she would press, I would press, and rub, and slide. Some of it wasn't delicate as she smushed my hand into her. I loved that.

She rooted through the covers and came up with my T-shirt that has a newspaper article of Nolan Ryan's 7th no-hitter. She wiped herself off with it and tossed it to the clothes hamper, missing by a mile.

"Poor Nolan," I said.

"He would approve," she smiled. "Toss me up on the bed," she said. "Attend me. Chop chop." I picked up her heavenly thighs and pivoted her around, then dumped her over. She ended up facing away on her side. "We must commence the royal snuggling," she said quietly, "get up here."

"I'm drenched," I said.

"We'll wash the sheets tomorrow."

"I'll bet we don't."

"Yeah," she said, "Fuck it." She pushed the sleeping bag off the bed as I joined behind her. My erection was finally at half-mast. I fit it between her thighs and spooned behind her. We gathered whatever parts of covers we could find and pulled them over us.

Our bed is an explosion. Miss-matched covers all twisted and piled, bottom sheet coming off a corner, pillows from different colored sets. Some little stuffed animals (a couple turtles and my stuffed scorpion, because scorpions will always be manly and cool). Some clothes that are supposed to be clean. And the sleeping bag for when we make a mess but are too fucked-out to do anything about it. I hate making the bed. She hates making the bed. Messy partners.

I was rubbing my feet against her socks. Getting harder.

"You really like the socks?"

"It's because it's all you're wearing. That's all I know so far, but it's cool. If you put on clothes, I won't bother you."

"No. For the rest of the evening I'll keep catching you staring at me."

"Not happy how you make that sound."

"If I followed you around, and you caught me staring, and I said nothing was up but finally said I was horny, what would you do?"

"I'd..."

"Don't answer. You'd take me right then and there wherever I was. I appreciate it. I even abuse it sometimes and tease you till you get hot and bothered, then I can make quips about how it's all you think about."

"I knew it!"

"No you didn't. So I fully intend to fuck your brains out again, but I wanted to take a breather."

"Really, I suspected all along..."

"No you didn't. It's okay. You don't need to feel ashamed for being horny. I like that I get you this way. Most of the time." She scooted to lay on her back and pulled my head over to kiss her.

"What do you mean mffft wwwv d tmmm?" She let me go finally, pouted and said, "My nipples are cold. I wish someone would help me with them." I scooted down and started with her right. No wait, that's my right. So it was her left. Whatever. They were each going to get a turn.

"Don't start thinking you can distract my train of thought with sex," I said. *smooch*

"Distract you from what?"

"No idea," I laughed. "Have I ever told you that you have really great tits?"

"Call them jugs, it's sexier. Maybe whoppers." She laughed.

"Breasts. Big..." *smak* "beautiful..." *kiss* "breasts." *squeeze*.

"Mmmm," she smiled, "Just let me know if you find any lumps."

"You ever think it's odd to look for lumps in lumps? It makes me think of those little Russian peanut dolls."

"Peanut dolls?"

"They're shaped like peanuts." She reached for her phone again.

She tapped a little, then said, "A Matryoshka doll also known as a Russian nesting doll, Stacking dolls, or Russian doll, is a set of wooden dolls of decreasing size placed one inside the other." She looked at me. "No one calls them peanut dolls."

"What did you search for to get that?"

"Russian peanut dolls."

"Vindicated."

"How?"

"Search engines. If no one else thought they were peanut dolls, the search wouldn't know to lead you there."

"It shows that the word peanut is missing from the entire article. It hit because of the words Russian and Doll." She tapped some more, then said, "Peanut Doll leads to Jeff Dunham."

"Oh. Ouch. You're right then. I'm sorry."

"Oooooooooooo," she squealed, "I love it when you talk sexy!" She pushed me over and got on top. I had to scooch over to what was the only non-lumpy part of our Queen-sized bed. It was still lumpy. She smiled, "Do I need to stuff a quarter up your ass to get you going?"

"Hang on," I said, feeling under me. I came up with a stuffed turtle.

"Oh, we crushed Crush."

"We did a hell of lot more than that to him. He smells like fuck." I thought a moment, "at least he'll get more chicks this way."

"The wrong kind," she said, "a bunch of slutty turtles that will give him turtle crabs." She tossed him to a corner of the bed.

"Wait, what do crabs get?"

"More mouths to feed," she frowned.

"Where's that from?"

"From me. Just now. Off the cuff," she said, peeling off a sock for effect. (Hee!)

"No! Socks stay on!" I exclaimed. She looked at me warily. I took the sock and slipped in back over her dainty foot. "At least just this one last time. I'll never ask again. This will be a special farewell."

"Get the fuck out of here."

"Okay. You can take them off."

"Of course I can," she said, but kept them on. \(^.^)/

She started sliding herself along my erection. As she did it, her inner labia slowly worked themselves out to lay so they were peeking out on each side. A beautiful pink flower. I remembered the questions I always wanted to ask her about her labia when that happened, but never did because it would stop what was happening. Afterward, I always forgot my question (she told me what it felt like finally, you'll get what I mean later in the story).

"Think you can make me come against my will?" she asked?

"I'll try, but I'm not sure how that works." She reached for my little stuffed scorpion.