Levels

{Note to self: There should be an "Oh! Henry!" award for erotica. Mostly to piss off everyone involved with that other award.}

~~~~~~~~

The laptop had finally migrated back into our room now that we had settled into dual writer mode. I had been up early (It happens!) editing and cleaning it up to send. I hated to end on a preachy note, but couldn't think of anything more.

She yawned and blinked her eyes. "You look like shit," she said, "How long have you been at it?"

"I don't know." I turned around and crawled into bed. No witty lines. No foreplay. I buried my face in her crotch.

"What the hell? Did a new Harbor Freight catalog come?"

"I hate that Chinese crap."

"It makes you think of Chinese women. I know it."

"I'm not thinking of them."

"Oh pleeeeeeeze. Every man wants Asian chicks, and we know it. With their sleek little bodies and beautiful faces... They need to be stopped." I had her panties pulled to the side and was performing 'Lick-fest at the O2', but she became impatient.

"Hey!" she said, "Hey you down there. I have to pee. Okay?"

I looked up, "Can you pee while I'm in you?"

"What. The. Fuck? We sleep here, you know..."

"In the shower. Right now?" She stared at me a moment, then squinted.

"Okay."

"Great!" I pulled her up off the bed. She walked to the bathroom as my clothes exploded off of my body. She had stripped and turned on the shower. She was waiting for the water to warm up. I reached over and turned it off.

"I can't wait. Get in."

"God DAMN. I think you may need therapy."

"I do. Bend over."

"You can't go in dry, and I'll beat you to death with a bottle of shampoo if you try. Besides, you're not even. Oh. Of course you're hard. Imagine that." I got into the tub and lowered gingerly to my knees. It was uncomfortable, but I'd bear it. I wasn't the athlete I use to be, but for some reason still thought I was a complete model of physical prowess and could do back flips if I had to (ouch). I got to licking.

"Tell me when you're wet."

"You may actually know before I do."

"Reawwy?"

"Unless I'm walking or wiggling around, I don't always know right away. Oooh. Okay, do that but better. I really want to go."

"Ieng thhyyyyng."

"What if I pissed all over your face? Right now?" I backed away and looked up at her.

"I don't think that would be sexy. I'm not even curious."

"It wouldn't be sexy to me either, but right now I'm tempted to piss all over you for the sheer satisfaction. Never mind, the fear in your eyes will do for now. Get back to it." I did. I was lapping and tickling her clit, then back down to check, then back to the clit, then back. Vagina tennis. Finally I tasted: that creamy goodness. Nougat. caramel, and peanuts. Oh wait. That's a disgusting metaphor. Ug. I need brain bleach. The idea dawned that I could fuck the bad thoughts away, just like everything else in life.

I got up (slowly, my left knee creaking (truce please!)). She stroked me, and reached for my testicles.

"Ah! No. They hurt." That surprised her. I got around behind her. "You're wet now."

"I was there," she said, leaning over with her hands against the wall.

She wiggled that ass at me. That ass that was better than any ass on any woman who ever lived, or ever would. Devoid of dimples. Firm and muscular, but with enough body fat to make it smooth and sexy. It had a perfect ratio of hips to torso. It led down to thighs of supple something something. Her ass could make men, women, and even aliens from other planets want to drop everything and probe her.

I eased into her, trying not to poke immediately, but fucked it up and pushed against her anterior wall right away. She squirted a little, then stopped, then she realized that this was what we were supposed to be doing and let go. I stayed against her. I could feel her bladder shrink, if only as her relaxing and having more room to push.

It was sexy, like she was coming a long long time. But of course it was sexy. Anything that had to do with me being inside her was sexy to me, as long as she wasn't trying to break my ribs with her legs.

"Wow," she said.

"Erotic?"

"No, just relieving. But now I know what pregnant women endure. When you pushed, pee came out and I couldn't stop it." She looked back around to me. "Oh, I pissed all over you."

"It's okay, I'm pretending you were treating my stingray wound."

"Take this," she said as she handed me the shower head. I held it facing away from us as she turned on the water. I pointed the shower at her feet so she could get the temp to her liking. I thought how it would be funny to spray cold water on her back, but I didn't want to find another girlfriend.

"Up my leg."

"I'm the one covered in piss."

"I'm still setting the temp. Okay higher. On my back. Turn it to 'massage'. Higher. Right there."

"I'm getting played."

"I could have pissed, gone back to bed, and we could have got off twice by now. All this was your idea. Now treat me." I sprayed down my own legs, then pointed it back to her shoulders. I started moving in her. She turned her head back to me. "Wait, no not wait, keep going, I mean 'hey', you haven't come yet."

"I know."

"Have you been jerking off all night?

"No, it's from writing about fucking. It's like I've been teased. I ache. Please take the shower head, I need both hands." She took it, set it for 'spray' and hung in back up. I grabbed her hips and began thrusting as she leaned against the wall. It wasn't good enough for me just doing that. I had to feel all over her. Up her back, her shoulders. I reached under her and squeezed her breasts the way I liked, then the way she liked. I pinched her nipples and pulled down, like weights. She whimpered at that.

"Uf. Squeeze now. Squeeze them again." (Why?) (okay, I finally know why. There's story #3 right there, though she's still not comfy writing sex from her perspective. Don't worry, barriers will come down.)

I moved one hand to massage her clit. My other hand was across her breasts, but I'm changing this so that my hand grabbed around her neck. I squeezed her neck, pulling her back. Holding her like that as I drilled her. She couldn't move. Held fast and being violated. She tried to call for help but couldn't speak.

"You thought you could get away, but you never will. I'll find you. Whenever you go back to your prim and proper life, I'll find you and fuck you." I twisted one of her arms up behind her, then thrust into her roughly. Her ass rippled and it shook her whole body.

"Please let me go," she managed to gasp.

"I won't," I hissed, "I think you need to be restrained and fucked for your own good." She had her hand on my arm gripping tightly as she leaned in closer to read the screen. She flipped the laptop closed and dragged me to the bed.

........

And then it was all over and I was totally fucked-out and didn't care about writing any more. My fingers danced over the keyboard on auto-pilot. Following my stream of consciousness. Should that be a comma? No, compound. Fuck it. I don't care.

I type fast. Sure, she types fast too, but I'm faster. I'm better at everything. Not sure where I was going with that. I think I was supposed to be writing how the shower scene ended up, but now I don't give a shit. You may need to skip this and read something by someone else. Go get yours. It's all good. I feel relaxed and pooped. Whooof.

I'm hungry.

~~~~~~~~

I woke up. I did whatever I do in the bathroom that should never be spoken of. I found her in the kitchen with my laptop, playing a game. She was up earlier than me because I'm a lazy piece of shit who doesn't see the joy of early mornings. She whispered "Shhh, come look."

"It's all done." she said.

"Is that the end? It's not the end if you're still typing." She typed more. I stood behind her watching. I was thinking of kittens and flowers. They gave me a hard-on, just like everything else. I was silent. I wanted a large green dildo for my birthday. I laughed.

"Don't!" I said.

She just sat there silently looking at me with a grin on her face. She typed without looking at the screen. She typed faster than I ever could. She was a better writer. She dressed better. She also drove a car better. She had me mesmerized, and completely in her power. Tonight I would give her a pedicure and be happy to do it.

"This is weird," I said. "Really really weird. Like a Twilight Zone or something." I couldn't help but think of the booger that was almost hanging out of my nose. I checked, but there wasn't anything there. Was it a phantom booger? Like when people lose a limb? I laughed again. She tricked me because I'm a sucker.

"You're writing... while... I'm... the greatest... something in the history of the universe." I said. "Hey, I said greatest lover," I whined like a little bitch.

"Happy Valentines day!" she beamed at me.

"I love you," I grinned back.

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