tagSci-Fi & FantasyLife as a New Hire Ch. 07

Life as a New Hire Ch. 07


This story plays fast and loose with Ancient History and Linguistics; be warned.

Chopperfan327 Edits some more.

Thanks to a group that now spans half the globe -Woot!

Believing in yourself is not enough. You must impress that belief upon the Universe.


My pain was legendary. Fine, my pain was epic. Okay, my pain was really bad, only exacerbated by a busy weekend. Sunday had started out fine. The girls hadn't minded being cooped up in my place for half of the day. We all worked out in the morning, which Nikita found odd. Then the young ladies explored a 'man pad', which was totally new.

Loraine and Nikita developed a complex relationship. Nikita was martial enough, older and far more worldly. They conflicted over me - Loraine wouldn't accept that she'd never conquer me and Nikita was stymied by the Amazon creed involving men. Europa bonded with Timothy in all kinds of odd ways including the exploration of the world of tattooing.

Aya discovered a new favorite position. I had lain belly-down on the sofa while Nikita gave me a back rub. Right after she was done, Aya climbed on top of me, laid her stomach on my back and relaxed, soaking up my scent and warmth. Only when we got them home did Loraine whisper to me that she'd never seen Aya that calm and at peace for such a continuous amount of time.

That warm fuzzy, along with Nikita being downright sympathetic and attentive for the rest of her stay rolled right into Timothy's and my date Sunday night. That ended up in a 'bizarre unless you are me' frolic late Sunday night. Timothy was a fun time for Nadia, Ulyssa's older sister, then finished up their date by pretending to pass out back at their place.

I'd seen Timothy drink steadily for four hours with barely a buzz. Still, that ended up with Ulyssa, Nadia and I in a three-way until one in the morning. That was when Timothy pretended to wake up and call out my name. The ladies and I wrapped up the sex session quickly and 'us' guys departed because, ya know, we had work in a few hours.

Timothy even changed my bandages again. I gave him a few bills to up our medical supplies. He took a few more from my wallet because he prophesied me being wounded would be a common occurrence. He followed that up by giving me a bear hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"You are a lifesaver, Bro," he sighed. "My break-up left me really down and you've restored my faith in life and love. Keep it up." Then we both went to bed.

I followed that up with an early wake-up call from Katrina telling me to show up thirty minutes early and report to the Medical Division. That led me to biking, one legged, through the city (Nikita and I had retrieved my bike Sunday afternoon) by dawn's early light and reporting to the witchdoctors at Havenstone. Thus my legendary, epic, really bad pain.

The Doctor at Doebridge had practiced traditional Amazon healing methods. The cute chick who escorted me into the Medical Division had actually heard we were in the 21st century. She sat me on a gurney in what passed for a modern Emergency Room and had me take off my pants. Then she asked me if I wanted pain-killers, or a local anesthetic.

"No, I'm a man," I bragged. I saw the bewilderment in her eyes. Was I saying 'no', or was I claiming to be a weak, frail male? "It is too late for your people to be nice to me now," I clarified. "You are monsters and I accept that, so let's get this over with so we can get back to our jobs."

"What are you talking about?" she tried to be disarming. Could it be she wasn't a full-blooded Amazon?

#To ease my pain, show me your bountiful bosom# I said in Old Kingdom Hittite. The nice, young doctor blinked. She knew of the lingo, but not the speech itself.

"No on the anesthetic," I sighed. "Please work professionally and quickly so we may return to our duties, Doctor."

"Of course. I'll be right back," she nodded then headed off to 'get some supplies' - in other words 'call Security'. They showed up lickety-split, doctor in tow. I recognized one from the Armory. To be polite, I let her know I recalled her.

"Oh, it is the Kindergarten graduate," I grinned. "Who is your lesbian playmate?"

"Oh goodie," Kindergarten snarled. "I get another crack at you."

"Wait," the buddy cautioned her. "Shouldn't we investigate the claim that he knows an unknown tongue?" She looked to me. "Well?"

"The Doctor needs to leave the room," I stated.

"You don't tell us what to do, male," Kindy snapped.

"Okay, how can you verify I speak your Mother Tongue without violating some protocol if she is still in the room?" I sounded bored. Home-schooled and not in a good way.

"I say we beat it out of you," Kindy kept being stupid. Come on, like she was going to stumble upon a conspiracy in her lowly position, armed with her limited intellect.

"Bring it, Kitten," I smirked. "It's not like I'm going anywhere." The two security types drew their Tasers. I reclined onto the gurney and folded my arms over my chest.

"Sit up, damn you," Kindy's partner demanded.

"Why? So when you stun me I fall to the floor? I think I'd rather flop around on the gurney, thank you," I mused.

Our conversation brought attention. A few women were starting to gather around when one pressed through. I didn't know her, but she had some familiar features.

"Cáel Nyilas, I am Traska Maza, Violet's sister. Come to my side," she ordered. Okay now, I didn't HAVE to obey that. Once more, a nice lady was giving me an out and I took it.

I swung slowly off the gurney and hobbled to her side.

"Kneel," and I knelt with a grimace. "Now what is your problem with our breeding male?" she added the last part in Amazon.

"Wait," I blurted out. "I'm no one's breeding male yet!" In Amazon/Hittite. The crowd stirred.

"True and you are making it a truly glorious hunt, but we will take you as our prize in the end, Male," Traska smiled down at me while petting my hair while speaking in Amazon. Sex.

"He speaks the...Tongue?" the Doctor stammered.

"Of course he does," Traska nodded. "Otherwise it would have been quite difficult for him to refuse Hayden breeding rights on Saturday."

"He refused Hayden," Kindy gawked.

"It is against corporate policy," I explained. "Being a good boy is getting the crap kicked out of me as it is. Heaven help me if I actually broke a rule." They chuckled - psycho bitches.

"Cáel, rise," so I struggled to my feet. "Go to the gurney and let the doctor tend to your battle scar," Traska commanded. As I staggered back from whence I came, the term 'battle scar' resonated to both me and the women.

"This does not settle the crime of him speaking our language," Kindy kept blathering.

"Did it occur to you to contact Elsa, or Katrina, or even the office of Hayden to gather information on what was going on," Traska sighed, "before racing to attack a wounded male in the middle of this vast structure we control? What was he going to do? Hobble over to a hurricane-proof window?"

"Even if he managed to somehow break one, he would be throwing himself down four floors to the sidewalk below? Admittedly, if he did accomplish all that and escape, he would be a threat. I'd still want to breed with him for that would be one tough, determined male," Traska chuckled. She walked off, the guards stood around uselessly and the doctor tended my wounds.

I called Katrina, updating my situation, she called someone else, who probably called someone else, who called off the guards.

"So, who do you think you will be breeding with?" the doctor hinted. Seriously, I could pick up a girl in a war zone. A lonely female doctor in an ER that only treats women wasn't even a contest.

"Actually, no one," I winked. "I'm gay. I can't get it up around women." Recall, I had no pants on and my cockhead had a mind of its own, which didn't bother me. What did bother me was its mind being more dominant than the one on top of my shoulders. The doctor patted my package. My cock was pleading 'we haven't had sex in six hours - we are dying over here'. Lying bastard.

"Oh really," she teased.

"This is not fair," I groaned. "Your ass is so finely sculpted and tight," I couldn't see most of it because of her lab coat, but hey, "and your lips look like they could suck a golf ball through a garden hose." Be careful with the last line. Make sure your target likes fellatio first.

The Doctor pursed her lips and gave me a wink. Was I lining up another prospective Havenstone woman as part of some grand master plan? No. I'm an idiot with an out of control libido. I am always hitting on women. I can't help it, thus my numerous scars and colorful stories.

"I can, you know," she purred. Golf ball - garden hose - feels so good.

You know you are making an impact on the workplace when this happens: after leaving the doctor, I was taking the elevator up to my floor. The door opened and two women stepped in, suddenly disappointed.

"Oh...you are already dressed," Brielle sighed. Her companion was equally peeved.

"Arrow wound," I informed them. "I had to go to medical. They stripped me there."

"Damn it," her companion snapped her fingers. "Maybe we should tag his itinerary?"

"I think Katrina would frown on that," Brielle shook her head.

"Well, can you take off your clothes really quick?" the companion turned to me.

The door opened on my floor.

"Sorry. No. Gotta go to work. Have a nice day now," I retreated to the safety of the office.

I'm an idiot. On all the desks in the sizable office space housing the heart of Executive Services was a long box...from Nerf. Oh, Sweet God - Buffy was out to make me cry.

How did I know it was Buffy? If Desiree wanted to know something about me, she'd slap me around until I answered. Buffy was far more insidious. She'd spy on me. To give her credit, I had a box as well. I too could get that wonderful feeling that Custer's last trooper felt as the Sioux and Cheyenne closed in. Sure I could shoot back, but it wouldn't do any good.

Katrina had already unboxed her toy. It was loaded, resting on her desk. It was a six shooter.

"Honestly Cáel, is your problem with my native tongue, an inability to tell time, or an unwillingness to follow common sense instructions?" Katrina gave me a warm, maternal look. She was referring to me engaging in strenuous activity in the first 48 hours after having been wounded.

"After this afternoon I do not have any other dates planned so I can take it easy," I promised.

"As long as you understand that many of us are risking our lives to help you keep yours," Katrina pointed out. "What did Elsa want Saturday night?" The look of shame on my face was probably what Katrina expected though not what she wanted to see. "Tell me," she groaned.

"Oh...okay...she kissed me once but I stopped her - against policy," I started.

"Yes?" Katrina muttered. She knew this was bad.

"Oh...then I vigorously sucked and bit on her nipples while finger-fucking her anus and vagina until she orgasmed - hard," I confessed. Katrina put her elbow in her desk, forearm uplifted then planted her forehead on her palm.

"By the Goddesses, you could walk blindfolded through a minefield only to trip over a cricket," Katrina mumbled. Katrina sensed my confusion.

"Elsa's and Rhada's/Madi's families are in a blood feud. They would kill you for looking amorously at the other," she explained.

"Whoops...I didn't make either one like me," I pleaded.

"I believe you, Cáel," Katrina looked up and smiled. "If I didn't, I would have Desiree toss you down an elevator shaft - from the thirtieth floor."

"It wouldn't work," I grinned at her. "I'm part flying squirrel. I've got those little underarm flaps and everything."

"Patagium," Katrina defined that bit of anatomy for me.

"Stop being smarter than me," I furrowed my brow. "It is unattractive in a female." Wack - Nerf hit. Right then Daphne and Tigger walked in and took in the situation.

"Can we all take shots at Cáel?" Daphne inquired. Oh hell no!

"I'm actually recruiting a Rebel Alliance," I offered.

"What's in it for us?" Tigger asked.

"Dubious glory, improbable hope, an unfamiliar future and the unique experience of pitting your defiance into the Eye of the Abyss before the End," I promised in Old Kingdom Hittite.

"Does that kind of oratory work on males?" Daphne mused. Violet, Fabiola and Paula swept into Katrina's office.

"What is that?" Fabiola inquired.

"I'm looking for the proper terminology to entice some ladies into a rebel faction," I replied pleasantly.

"What are we rebelling against?" Paula questioned as Dora hurried in.

"Meeting," Katrina interjected, calling us 'new hires' to order. I was still doing a lousy job, even on my day off. Everyone else walked on water and was heralded by a chorus of Angels.

"Katrina," Violet stepped forward. "What is he doing wrong? With all his utter failings, I figured there would be a fire, wreck, or near fatality by now."

That was unlooked for.

"Employee trainers have found his work to be substandard," Katrina answered. "I agree with their reports. Is there anything else?" That meant the discussion was over. The rest received their daily assignments, leaving me alone with Katrina. I stood waiting.

"Cáel, you are wounded. You are not going into the field," she informed me. "You will be handling my office affairs and classifying work orders." What did that mean? Katrina was not forthcoming. It was becoming obvious that I'd need the Long Island Medium to get me through the day.

"And I liked this office too," I muttered.

"What was that, Cáel?" my boss inquired.

"Don't mind me. I'm only contemplating how I can possibly screw this up," I shrugged. "I figure there is electrical wiring that could burst into flames, a sprinkler system spontaneously activating, and several thousand women who I don't know, yet could seriously inconvenience."

"You have great instincts," Katrina smiled. "I believe in you." Helpful - that was not. Despite that, I managed to navigate the order process with some success. Promptly at 8:45, Katrina got up and left the office. Not to the bathroom - gone-gone. She left the door open. That way women in the office could come by and exchange fire with me.

I nearly put a bolt into Trent Grant when he stopped by to see me. His knock saved his Nerf-free status.

"Hello Kale," he began.

"Cáel," I sighed. "Kale is a cabbage...anyway, as you were saying?"

"Oh, I wanted to come by and see how you were doing after that...accident," he said warily.

"That was screwed up," I grinned. "She was so worried that she might hit me that her fingers slipped. Trust me, she'll never make that mistake again."

"I can't believe you are not suing Havenstone over this," Trent smiled back.

"Over this?" I smirked. I stood up and walked around my desk, swallowing my pain and infirmity to put on a convincing act. "Trent, I've had a girlfriend do more damage over one long, hot night than this scratch."

"You are really okay?" he worried.

"Trent, if someone had really tried to kill me, I would have gone to the cops and we wouldn't be here having this chat," I assured him. Trent took a deep breath, expelling his doubts with a comfortable lie.

"So...what's with all that?" he motioned to plethora of darts I had stacked up.

I was being shot at far more often than I could return fire. In the minute Trent had been with me, three ladies had peeked in then withdrawn.

"How about you, me and the fellas have after work drinks sometime?" I suggested. Trent almost got snooty then some long slumbering primal instincts kicked in. I was a survivor and he could sense it.

"Sure. Tonight?" he offered.

"I'm working on a hot Brazilian tonight," I grinned. "Tomorrow?"

"Brazilian? Oh, okay. Tomorrow then," he nodded. "You should be careful about dating," he added. "We think that is how Khalid screwed up and got transferred."

Those jackasses had known this for how long and not clued me in? Gee thanks guys.

"What do you mean?" I appeared confused. "I've been getting 'trim' left, right and sideways just not at work. I nailed four ladies this weekend alone - after being shot."

"Aaahhh...good then," Trent grunted as if gut punched.

"Besides, Khalid wasn't transferred. He volunteered for an experimental top secret program involving social engineering - real cutting edge stuff," I lied. "If we do the right thing, an opening might become available for the rest of us." I am a bastard. "The Nerf guns are a team building exercise my personal favorite trainer implemented."

"You appear to be getting along well here," Trent acknowledged. "I mentioned your name and several women looked at me funny then smiled and pointed you out." Sigh.

"Trent, you probably won't heed my advice, but here it is anyway," I said. "I know you were in a fraternity. Think of yourself as a pledge and every woman in your department as a senior brother and you'll get by okay."

"Come on now," Trent smiled smugly, "some of them don't even have a formal education. They use this archaic apprenticeship system."

"Yeah, except you are only starting out in a system they've graduated from," I gave it one last try. Trent nodded. He was right and I was a hick.

I hoped he got along well with Khalid because he would probably be seeing him soon. Trent waved goodbye and I raced for Katrina's desk - and Nerf gun. I made it back to my station before three ladies came at me. I got two of them, taking only one hit myself then it was back to work. Brian showed up thirty minutes later and Felix stopped by ten minutes after that.

It was the same deal. I gave them the same lie, did my song and dance, gave them my warning they would ignore and finally raided Katrina's bathroom for painkillers. She had this herbal crap which I downed like candy. At 12:10 Buffy arrived. She shot at me but I parried with my reading lamp and then shot back twice, hitting her once.

"Why do you have two guns?" Buffy growled.

"Cause I'm smarter than you," I snarled back while desperately reloading. Daphne walked in with both a pistol and a large bag of Mexican take-out.

"Die, you reprehensible Pig!" Buffy howled as she popped off two more bolts.

Daphne shot Buffy in the side before Buffy finished. I was in love all over again. Buffy turned to put a dart into Daphne who raced around to my desk.

"I guess this makes me a rebel," Daphne laughed. She popped off two more shots.

"Sure," I chuckled. "Welcome aboard." Buffy was on the edge of a volcanic eruption.

"Cease-fire while we eat lunch?" I pleaded. Buffy mulled it over; the alternative being storming over to me and administering a pistol-whipping.

"I hate you," she seethed. She did lower her pistol and walk over to my desk.

"I've missed you," I responded. She didn't buy it - yet.

"How many whores did you screw his weekend?" Man, she was volatile.

"None. I don't pay for sex," I sighed. "I still missed you," I moped. Buffy trembled with rage.

"Cáel, be careful," Daphne whispered. Buffy shot me - in the left thigh. I staggered, clamped my teeth down to stifle my scream and only Daphne's efforts stopped me from keeling over.

"Buffy!" Daphne snapped. "That was too much. Stop it."

"It is okay, Daphne," I gasped. "I've made her angry." Daphne didn't get it, but I did. Buffy stomped straight into my space and gave that deep jaguar-like growl. "I liked the Nerf gun idea," I added. "That was truly clever." That got her. Buffy linked her fingers behind her back.

"Thanks," I whispered then leaned in and rained down little puffs of air all along her neck, ears and face. She especially liked me blowing on her lips. Her mouth opened and her tongue played along her lips as I was only millimeters away. Daphne leaned around me to see what I was doing to make Buffy moan so sensually the way she was.

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