tagSci-Fi & FantasyLife as a New Hire Ch. 14

Life as a New Hire Ch. 14


This story plays fast and loose with Ancient History and Linguistics; be warned.

Caring is a curse you dare not go without.


(Somewhere in the midst of this nightmare, Cáel needs to earn a paycheck)

Felix had the physical confrontation he wanted. Somewhere in the back of my mind was that I had to do something inane yet again - like consumer test Ginsu Spatulas, or the equivalent. Felix noted the open hostility directed his way, but had neither the knowledge, nor the empathy to give a fuck. The elevator closed on his smug face. Work time.

"That didn't take you long at all," St. Marie chortled from behind me. I jolted.

"If I wasn't doing this, I'd be hand-feeding polar bears, so cut me some slack," I groaned.

"I was under the impression that your pugnacity was more of a defense mechanism, not male bravado," St. Marie probed.

"I am as much surprised as you are about this. I don't even like the girl involved. I've never fought over a woman before, but Felix used that woman to get at me - ineffectively," I mused. "My emotions don't...you don't want to be hearing any of this, do you?"

"No," St. Marie said. I stared at her. She stared at me. "Yes?"

"Have you ever done any bikini wrestling?" I blurted out. She blinked. "Gotta go. Work to do," and I fled. In the elevator I recognized one of the ladies from International Finance though I didn't know her name.

"What happened to your face?" she asked.

"Do you know who the Golden Mare is?" I replied. She nodded very respectfully. "Well, she hit me." The woman studied me. "I guess I shouldn't have hit her first."

"You hit '****' St. Marie?" She gulped. "I'm stunned you are still alive."

"You and me both," I sighed. "I'm starting to regret suggesting she take up bikini wrestling."


"Tell me about it. I was looking into her eyes and that was the first thing to come to mind," I shrugged.

"I repeat, I'm stunned you are still alive," she shook her head.

"What do you mean? I think she'd look good in a bikini," I stated. The door opened to Medical. "Have a good day at work now," I smiled. "I'm off to crush marbles with a sledgehammer." My real job was to be a genetic guinea pig. I had to sit naked on a gurney and let them take blood and tissues samples.

The sperm sample was fun. First I insisted that I'd been in a fight earlier in the morning and my elbows weren't up to the job. After confirming this, they had some poor 'new hire' jack me off. I held out as long as I could, to the point she gave me a blowjob - her first. Sadly, when senior medical technician informed her of the extinction of her oral virginity, they were both less than pleased yours truly.

I reminded them that I didn't shoot off into her mouth, or anything so crude. Next I informed them of a little known fact that my first ejaculate of the day (no mention of Brooke by me) was sterile and we had to repeat the process. No such luck. Damn microscopes. To prove I was a lousy patient, I feigned a collapse and a lack of breathing.

I didn't grapple with my CPR specialist. I very slowly and tenderly wrapped her up in my embrace. I told her that at the moment of utter darkness, her heartbeat brought me back to the light. I was a the point of penetration when a real doctor showed up and pulled the struggling Physician's Assistant away - she hadn't finished saving me, the young Amazon protested.

At this point the team threatened to give me a sedative. I responded with 'is it chemical, or a blow to the head'. They smiled and said they'd give me both if I misbehaved again. My counter-offer was a request for some Neapolitan ice cream. They conceded the issue, I got my ice cream and stopped being a jack-ass.

At 11:30 am, the first battery of tests concluded. As we were wrapping up, I asked why I had to be naked for the entire thing. They stared at me. Strangely, the Amazon who had prepped me for this nonsense had made herself scarce. Damn it. The doctors then gleefully informed me that I had to be naked for the second half of the test, after lunch.

I asked why. They smiled. Bitches. As I was fixing my tie, my phone rang.

"Hello, Android Cáel Nyilas here," I answered. There was some giggling - Brooke.

"Hey, Android Cáel, this is flesh and blood Brooke Lee," she snickered. Man, I had turned her around emotionally in only a few hours. Screw Felix.

"Have you eaten lunch yet?" she asked. I bit back my automatic response - asking if she was on the menu. We'd talked about Libra as I was leaving this morning.

"You, me and Libra?" I suggested. Brooke put her hand over the phone - the dearth of background noise was the giveaway.

"She may not want to see you," Brooke hedged. That meant Libra was listening in.

"We talked about this earlier, Brooke," I sighed. "I want a chance to at least talk with her." Not totally false. I wanted to fuck her again. That necessitated some amount of conversation so I was willing to put forth the ergs of energy.

"I'll make the effort," Brooke promised. Making Libra a deal-breaker might have been sugar-coated chocolate for Libra. It would have also made them both suspicious of my suspicions.

"Please do your best," I said. "Where do you want meet?"

"My place?" she teased.

"Libra plus I would only have forty-five minutes with you, which is not nearly enough time," I reminded her. Sex.

"Libra doesn't have to know," Brooke was now pressing Libra's buttons.

"We are not going to go there," I insisted. They didn't own me and I didn't own them.

We were bantering back and forth, playing with sexual innuendo of the relationship kind. A good aphrodisiac is a woman thinking you are foregoing sex with another woman to have sex with her. Best of all (for me) for hooking Libra and me back together, Libra was going to let Brooke fuck me yet again. Win-win-win.

"We'll meet at Stanhope's," Brooke finished. I agreed to meet her there in ten minutes and off I went. Aisha, the Arabic swimsuit model/SD hottie called for me as I was heading out the door. I asked why. She didn't say so I ran for it. Screw them all; it was my lunch break. I made it to Stanhope's. I was fleet of foot and was getting the hang of hailing taxis.

Libra was with Brooke at an outdoor table at Stanhope's. I didn't fake surprise. My cover was that I had faith in Brooke. I kissed Brooke while Libra gave me the cold shoulder.

"Libra doesn't believe we've talked about her," Brooke opened up.

"You are the one who keeps shouting out her name during orgasm," I sighed.

"That's not a joking matter," Libra snapped viciously.

"It made you talk to me," I winked. Libra growled.

"I hate you," she seethed.

"That is a perfectly normal, if heart-rending reaction to our past two encounters," I admitted.

"I hope it hurt," Libra seethed. "Besides, I went out with Brian Fung last night." She was stating the obvious. I was okay with that. It left her open to my lie.

"Have you moved on?" I moped. Libra not seeing me anymore made me want to cry. Missing her was utter anguish - it was written all over my face. Non-verbal deception is as important as the verbal kind.

I was not beating a dead horse, I was coaxing a thoroughbred to the Triple Crown. Give the girl what she wants - verbally, sexually and, if you can pull it off convincingly, emotionally.

"I don't know," Libra stated which meant 'no, she hadn't moved on'.

"Let's go out tomorrow night," I suggested. Be bold enough to make the first move, but not so aggressive she feels pressured.

Being a man isn't beating your chest; it is stepping up to get your ego battered by the girl. If it wasn't for my first, failed romantic attempt, I wouldn't be where I am today. It hurt like Hell when she publically rejected me. These days, my bed was always warm so the pain was well worth it.

"Why not tonight?" Libra got combative.

"Felix and I had a disagreement at work," I grinned. "We are settling the issue tonight at six."

"What happened?" Brooke leaned in close to me, hungry for details. I was a bastard.

"He loudly presented me with these," I slipped Brooke her panties under the table.

"In the middle of my office and co-workers. Even my Boss heard it," I added. Brooke's deeply tanned complexion paled. Libra didn't see the panties, but she knew the score.

"What did you do?" Libra pressed.

"I told him Brooke was a grown woman and could make her own decisions about who she was with," I started.

"Brooke is a wonderful lady and she should be courted based on that. Felix had this bizarre idea that I felt possessive about her and thought he was using Brooke to hurt me over a slight at work," I wove forth the basic truths. "I'm not going to fight Brooke's battles," I affirmed which meant that 'yes, I was going to fight Brooke's battles'.

If you are a guy and you assume that the woman is actually hearing the words coming out of your mouth, you are deluded. The reverse is also the same.

"If a man has a problem with me, he comes after me, not my friends," I grew stern. This meant Felix was not a man. It also meant that I considered Brooke, thus Libra, my friends.

They were okay with that. This didn't mean they thought of me as a friend. It was similar to the family butler. I had to memorize every detail of their lives. If they remembered my birthday, I should feel blessed - symbolically speaking of course. I'd make an abysmal butler.

"Did he hit you?" Libra leaned across the table and stroked my cheek right below the place St. Marie had clocked me.

"That? Nah. An Archer fish tried to shoot my eye out so now he's fish sticks," I replied.

"With all your wounds," Libra hesitated, "Are you in the military?"

"Libra, I'm a disaster as a civilian," I chuckled. "I'd make an impossible soldier. Half way through basic training I'd start showing up in a kilt - 'cause it makes me feel free and breezy down there'."

"When they tried to make me change, I'd charge them with cultural insensitivity," I smiled.

"What would you do if they let you get away with it?" Brooke snickered.

"Take up horse archery...because you never know when you'll be without fuel and bullets on the modern battlefield," I postulated. "If they let me get away with that, I'd stay, but I'd join the airborne."

"I like parachuting," Brooke nodded. "Have you ever done it?" She bet I hadn't and she was right.

"Never before in this lifetime. I really want to see if I could get my horsed trained to do it first," I chortled. "Lord knows, nobody else has. The first Airmobile Horse Archery unit. That would be pretty cool."

"The horse would break her legs," Libra frowned.

"Use an air mattress platform for the horse to stand on, sort of like those air bags stuntmen use, but smaller," I reasoned. I wasn't sure if Brooke and Libra were more stunned about the plausibility of my suggestion, or that I had created it off the cuff.

We ordered lunch and drinks. Service was very efficient so I had only pushed my salad aside to have my grilled shrimp replaced it when a shadow fell across our table. It was a stormy Aisha.

"Cáel Nyilas, you are coming with me," she spoke with deceptive calm.

"No," I replied then ate a shrimp. She put her hand on my shoulder. I brandished my fork.

"Listen up," I grumbled. I tapped my wristwatch with my fork, "I've got 35 more minutes on my lunch break. I'm eating with friends...okay, almost friends..."

"I'm Cáel's friend," Brooke rallied. Aisha bore down on my collarbone, so I stabbed at her hand with the fork. She moved it out of the way first.

"Come now," she growled.

"Very well," I sighed. "Since you certainly have never heard this from a man before meeting me, I'll clarify. NO, I'm not coming with you. Go away you annoying twit. If that was unclear, let me add - no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no and no."

Aisha looked over her shoulder. There were two more SD chicklettes. Woot!

"Last chance to keep this simple," Aisha threatened.

"Brooke and Libra, you need to stand up and back away," I instructed them as I stood up as well, "I'm going to need your chairs as weapons." The girls grabbed their food and backed up.

"Don't make a scene," Aisha whispered.

"Ex-squeeze me? I'm eating lunch. In thirty-five minutes I'll be back at work. You are the one being a total bitch for annoying the fuck out of me here," I glared. "All you had to do was tell me why you wanted me back at Havenstone, but you didn't feel the need, so now we have this stand-off."

"It is not a stand-off and I don't explain myself to you," Aisha glared back. She even showed me she had a gun. I laughed, pulled out my phone.

"What are you doing?" Aisha made a swipe for the phone.

"Making me late for work," I chuckled. "I'm dialing 9-1-1."

"Do that and you will be in a world of trouble," she threatened.

"You haven't thought this out, have you, Aisha?" I snickered. "If it was important to my job, Katrina, or Medical would have called me. If it was a calamity, Hayden perhaps. Barring that, I can't wait to hear your excuse for starting a public brawl."

"I told you to come with me and you had best obey," Aisha hissed. That was the tipping point. Recycling old, failed arguments is the sign that your opponent has lost.

"Yeah...right," I shrugged. I sat back down and began eating. A second later, Brooke and Libra joined me. Aisha retreated to the curb and waited...and got ticketed because it was a No Parking Zone.

"Who was that woman? I've seen her before," Brooke commented.

"She's that woman from the first night we met," Libra answered.

"She's not my boss so I don't care," I tried to recapture our earlier mood. It was only partially successful. The three SD ladies kept their eyes on us until dinner was cleared away and it was time to go back.

I kissed both Brooke and Libra goodbye with a promise of a date the next night. When I tried to walk past Aisha, she grabbed my arm. From my point of view, a ride to work was a ride to work and this one was free. I travelled in silence. Miraculously, they didn't answer my request to go to Medical, though we were at least going up...and up...and up. Crap.

They deposited me in Hayden's office then departed. It was Hayden, Katrina, St. Marie, Elsa, and Tessa. The door shut ominously behind me.

"Cáel, I like you," Hayden began. "Unless you are working on an assigned task, you are not allowed to defy a woman of Havenstone who gives you a clear concise order, especially one from the Security Detail." It didn't take me a second to formulate my treatise on the Rights of Man.

"No." That didn't go over well. Into the emptiness, I forged ahead. "You can't expect for me to be given conflicting orders and expect me to succeed. You people have a chain of command for a reason. I follow that chain like every other member of Havenstone."

"You are not a member of Havenstone," Hayden pointed out. That I had to think about.

I scanned each impassive face in the room. I wanted to cry - not out of fear; out of frustration because I really had tried so hard to make this work.

"You are all a bunch of cowards and I regret ever wanting to be part of this place," I spat.

"Your opinion of us does not matter," Hayden started.

"Cowardly act number one," I interrupted. Hayden's gaze hardened.

"It is your time. You publically defied a Havenstone employee on a mission concerning you," she continued.

"Cowardly acts number two and three," I growled. Now St. Marie and Elsa closed in.

I turned to face them. I wanted to go down swinging, no matter how futile the gesture.

"Cowardly act number four - suddenly, when you desire, my insolence matters," I set myself for what was to come.

"Don't fight," Tessa commanded softly. Katrina kept her own counsel.

"That's your fucking problem, right there," I shouted. "This isn't the Sunshine Scouts. This is a martial society. I fight, because that is what every bitch here is broadcasting. I didn't hit Rhada when she hit me. I called for help, like any sane individual. When no help was forthcoming, I called for someone to get the police. Again, you did nothing."

"Fuck you all. Rhada attacked me, so I put her down. Madi attacked me, so I put her down too - and it all your damn fault and not one of you has the courage to face that fact," I shouted. "You attack me for fighting back at the same time you tell me to fit in. Now which is it? Am I to fit in to a martial culture, or am I not? Make up your damn minds!"

"You do not get to talk to us like that," St. Marie murmured.

"Somebody better talk to us like this," Katrina finally spoke. "Face facts: Cáel is here because he resists. He resists because that is the lesson we are teaching him, Sisters."

"What do you mean?" Elsa regarded Katrina.

"When Cáel is challenged physically and resists successfully, or even unsuccessfully, he grows in the estimation of our Sisters. No one admits it, but it is the truth. The harder he fights, the more he is valued. It is a very simple principle. He has never believed he is a member of the Host, a Runner, or even a recruit. He does not strive to be an Amazon of any kind," Katrina lectured.

"Then we expect him to do ridiculous things like walk off with an Amazon he barely knows who doesn't even explain where he is going, or what he is supposed to do," Katrina shook her head. "Somehow we forecast his desire to be treated with a modicum of respect to be a threat? Respecting him does not make him an Amazon; it makes him a warrior in our cause."

"The Council has not decided on that portion of the New Directive yet," St. Marie stated.

"Warrior-Fathers," Katrina declared firmly. "My niece, Aya - you all know of her - she went to camp this week and SHE formed her own war band with her fellow students. Fuck you all very much - It works!"

"Katrina," Hayden cautioned.

"Hayden, I am tired of this half-measure bullshit. There is no being half-alive. We live, or we die. We made a mistake then we made another one. Let's not make it three." I raised my hand.

"Yes?" Hayden finally acknowledged me.

"Can I go back to work now? Sitting here is like commenting on the rain. I have a lot to say, but it won't affect the rain one iota," I reasoned.

"You are not going to run?" Tessa asked. I knew she was joking.

"Well, I can't get past the front door. I can't escape out the garage and I left my diamond-tipped glasscutter and 150 meters of rope in my other jacket," I informed her.

"I guess I'll have to use the 15 kg of C-4 I have stuck in my shorts. I know it makes me look like I took a colossal dump in my underwear, but trust me, it is only a weapon," I grinned. I tried to get around Elsa. She brushed her hand over my chest.

"You are special," she purred.

"You scare me," I mumbled.

"I know," she grinned happily.

"Bye Pony-Lady," I waved to St. Marie.

"Cael," Hayden called out. I halted, but didn't turn around. "You will stop referring to the Marshal of the Amazon Host as 'Pony-Lady', is that clear?"

"Yes Hayden. Good-bye St. Marie," I said as I departed.

"Are you sure he is not mentally defective?" St. Marie questioned.

"He is," Elsa replied. "He laughs at Death." See, what did I tell you? Now you can run out and pick up an infatuated female psychopath of your very own.

(Later in the day)

Knife-fighting class was taught by this painfully thin yet tall Amazon with mostly grey-white hair. There was nothing wrong with her reflexes, or sight. She regarded me, her only student, with passionless eyes. She had me sit down cross-legged, she did the same opposite me, and we spent an hour talking about the philosophy of knife-fighting.

Knives were hardly ever the first weapon of choice. That was part of the lesson - knowing when to choose a knife to fight with. We talked about all kinds of blades, focusing on the short, hilt-less blades every Amazon carried. I had to get one special-made. It was the size of my palms. If the blade was too small, it would cut up my hand when I used it.

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