Life in a Small New Hampshire Town Pt. 03

"But...?"

Shiloh

'This was so easy when I was having this conversation with him only in my head.'

"Yes, 'but'. I want you to sleep with me but I'm not ready to have sex. Crap. I'm not doing this well. I'm so conflicted. I want to be held by someone I like, who likes me, yes, and wants me. I'm afraid of the next step. I'm afraid of why I'm attracted to you. My motivation. I can justify asking you to dinner last week before I knew about your leg, your history. But that has to be a factor in my attraction. I don't want it to be the wrong reason. I'm scared because I've repressed my feeling for four years. But I am not afraid of you."

'Shit! I just realized I implied I wanted to have sex with him. Maybe he can't. Double shit! I'm making it worse.'

Erik

A lot to unpack there. Something else happened at the end. A look of almost terror swept across her face. I brought her hand up and lightly kissed it.

"Time for a little break. Let me get some water."

I thought a short time out would be good for both of us. I handed her a glass and sat beside her.

"Sip. Let's start at the end. You looked almost terrified. What was that?"

"I'm almost too embarrassed to say."

"If you're going swimming and you anticipate the water's going to be cold, sometimes it's best to jump in. Get it over with quickly. Jump in."

"I said that I wasn't ready to have sex with you yet. Afterwards, I realized that with your injuries down there, maybe you can't. I didn't think that through."

Shiloh

Erik started laughing. The last reaction I expected.

"Relax. That's a conversation for another time. Let me just say that what's left is complete and functional. I only lost one testicle."

"Only lost one testicle? How can you be so nonchalant about it?"

"Many guys lose everything down there to IED's. So actually, I feel lucky. Now let's get this elephant out of the room. Yes, I'll stay tonight, on your terms. I like you; I'd like to get to know you better. I know how difficult this must have been for you. I admire your bravery. I'll do my best to make you comfortable with any decisions you make."

"Oh, Erik."

I leaned over and kissed him. He pulled me into an embrace that seemed to last forever.

"Why don't we finish this wine and move on to some small talk?"

Erik was right. I needed a breather, so we engaged in triviality for an hour or so as we finished the wine. Feeling brave again, I asked,

"Can we talk about sex?"

"If you're ready to, of course."

"Like, I suppose, nearly every girl of my generation, we talked about sex in high school, a lot, but I never did anything. This despite my mom being brought up on a hippie commune and not knowing who my father was. That changed when I went to college. I had a few boyfriends, had sex with a couple of them, always with a condom, and frankly enjoyed it. Then came Dick Semen. I never again wanted to have anything to do with men; I didn't think I could trust a man again.

I have slowly realized that I wasted the last few years. I'm not going to say it was love at first sight, way too soon for that, but there was something about you that was different, that ignited a part of me that I thought was dead. I want to move on with my life, I'd like you to be a part of it. I worry that I'm moving both too slow and too fast at the same time. I worry that, if it happens between us, I won't be able to enjoy sex, that you won't like sex with me."

"First, a little background. I'm 28, joined the Army at 22, was hit by the IED at 24. I too had a few girlfriends in my 20's. I haven't had sex with anybody since 2014, only my right hand. So, I probably don't have any more experience than you."

"I haven't even used my hand. Or toys. Totally asexual." I blurted out.

'Except last night.' I added to myself. Then, 'I can't believe I admitted that.'

"Now we have two things in common: Past trauma and no sex for the last four years."

"Can we go to bed now?"

"Only if you are very sure this is the right thing to do. I can still drive home. Give you time to think about it."

"I've already overthought this. I only ask you to be gentle and respect any boundaries if I chicken out."

"This couch will be my 'Plan B'."

I leaned over, kissed him again, took his hand and led him to the bedroom.

"I thought that Sierra slept here with you."

"There's another room behind that door. The realtor said it was the 'birthing room'. Evidently babies were born there and stayed there until they were old enough to move upstairs or were forced out due to the birth of a younger sibling. What's now the bathroom is large enough to have been a bedroom. Maybe a room for the second youngest to stay near mom until it was old enough to move upstairs. Who knows what tales this old house could tell us.

"There's a baby monitor next to my bed. Normally, Sierra sleeps all night, so she shouldn't wake you....us."

I went into the bathroom, completed my nightly rituals, but kept my clothes on. I sat on the edge of my bed next to Erik."

"Your turn."

He left for the bathroom, returning shortly.

"I wasn't expecting to stay here tonight. I don't have anything to sleep in."

I took a deep breath and said, "I want you to undress me. Completely. I want you to see all of me. Then I want to undress you. Completely"

I turned on the small table lamp on the far side of the bed, the side closest to Sierra's room, turned off the overhead light and returned to the bed side nearer the bathroom.

"I'm very nervous. Please be gentle."

Erik

I sat down next to her and pulled her into an embrace. Kissed her as gently as I could.

"If I see you naked, you know there's a 100% chance that I'll get hard. I won't do anything with it, but you should know it's going to happen."

"I know that I'm probably being a terrible tease to you without offering anything in return. I ... just need to move in to this slowly. I really want to do more, but..."

"Shush. I'm not here for a quick one-time thrill. What you are offering is a future, one I want to be part of. I want to see you tomorrow, next week, next month. I needed to warn you what to expect will happen."

I knelt down and removed her shoes, moved back up, and sat next to her again.

"Okay?"

She nodded yes. Another kiss. I probed her lips with my tongue, but she didn't respond, so I stopped.

"May I unbutton your dress? I almost hate to remove it; you are so beautiful right now."

"Yes." She said softly, with a quiver in her voice.

Her dress had about a dozen smallish white buttons. I started at the top and worked my way down. I looked up at her face. She tried smiling, but it clearly was forced.

"When you are ready, we probably need you to stand up to remove your dress."

She hesitated, but only for a couple of seconds before we both stood, I in front of her. The dress had separated slightly. As tenderly as I was able, I grasped the two halves of the dress just below her neck, kept my eyes focused on hers, and slowly moved the dress towards her shoulders, down her arms and let it fall to the floor. She stepped out of it. Still looking into her eyes, I pulled her into a hug, wrapping both arms around her. I felt her trembling against me. I kissed her on her forehead.

Shiloh

As my dress fell, Erik's gaze never left my face. That and the embrace that followed somehow comforted me and gave me courage. I pushed myself away from him, breaking our embrace.

"Leggings, Erik. They need to come off."

He knelt down in front of me, barely glancing at my front as he passed. He hooked his fingers in my leggings at the hips and pulled downward. When that didn't work, he slid one hand around to my ass and worked that down while still working one hip. I helped at the other hip. Together with some helpful wiggling on my part, we got them off. He stood up, but this time he slowly looked at my body, from toes to my face. His expression hadn't changed. 'What are you thinking, Erik? Say something.'

"I like your matching panties and bra. Sexy. Just like the rest of you."

"What about......"

"Yeah, I admit it. I was wondering what charms they're hiding."

He's totally disarming me, avoiding acknowledging my scars. Okay, two can play that game.

"Time, Erik. What charms are you hiding. Arms up."

I think my response caught him by surprise. Actually, I surprised myself. He laughed and raised his arms. I took ahold of the bottom of his Polo shirt and lifted it off. His abdomen had a few scars, not as many as I expected. His chest was wide, lightly haired, topped by broad shoulders. I pulled him into an embrace, offering my lips to him. He responded by kissing me. I allowed his tongue into my mouth, mine playing tag with his. Backing off, I said,

"Time for those khakis to go. I'm feeling alone in my nakedness here."

"Are you sure you're ready for this, Shiloh?"

"You are in my bedroom, by my invitation. Remember, last week you dropped your trousers in my living room. I saw everything. Well almost everything."

I can't believe how bold I'm being. I reached out, unbuckled his belt and unzipped him. Moment of truth here. I stuck my thumbs inside his pants at the hips and pulled down. What struck me was not his prosthesis or his scars, but the bulge in his boxers. I was surprised at his reaction. He must actually like what he sees. Revising one of Mae West's most famous quotes, I said, "Is that a banana in your boxers or are you just happy to see me?"

He cracked up laughing, which triggered my own laughter.

"I guarantee it's not a banana. I warned you it would happen."

"You did. I'm just surprised you have that reaction to me."

"You, Shiloh Roberts, are a very attractive woman. You are less than two feet away from me, nearly naked and I am a man. Enough said."

"Your 'not a banana' is getting bigger."

"This is not a conversation for tonight. Meanwhile, I need to remove my prosthesis."

I knelt down and removed his right shoe and sock while he removed his prosthesis. I untangled his pants, picked them and my dress and leggings up, and placed them on a nearby chair. Erik managed to get under the covers. I returned to the far side of the bed, turned off the light and climbed in beside him. The room was partially lit by the moon with additional light coming from the yard light on the front of the barn.

"Erik, thank you for not staring at my scars."

"Why would I stare. Lord knows I have more than you. The VA determined they cover 16.7% of my body. I'm not sure if that accounts for my missing parts. Why they have someone paid to calculate that beats me, but they do."

He's so matter of fact about it.

"I.... I want to snuggle with you. I want to feel you against me. Earlier I said I wanted you to undress me completely. I need to revise that slightly. I realized I'm not brave enough to take off my panties, yet."

"I feel that we are moving very fast tonight. I don't want you to feel any type of pressure. Good things come to he who waits. Perhaps I should run out to the barn and find something that we can use as a bundling board."

I laughed at the absurdity of the idea, causing Erik to break out laughing also.

"You have a knack for saying the right thing at the right time to relax me. I want you to touch me. Everywhere you want except inside my panties. I'm not quite ready to go that far tonight. Would you take off my bra, please. It releases in front."

Erik

I moved closer, unhooked it. Between us we got it off and she dropped it on the floor. We were both on our sides as she shifted closer until our bodies touched. I could feel her breasts pressing against my chest, turgid nipples very prominent. Simultaneously, I could feel my erection against her, constrained only by my boxers, and felt her tremble.

"Are you okay?"

I started backing away.

"Please, Erik...."

I caressed her cheeks, lightly held her head, looking into her eyes as I approached her, tilted my head slightly to one side, closed my eyes just before our lips touched, kissed her. She had closed her eyes as I approached, closed the space between us. I maintained the kiss, felt her lips separating slightly. I slipped my tongue between them, found her tongue with the tip of mine, started the tongue dance attributed to the French. She responded, more aggressively than I expected. Eventually we separated to catch our breath, followed by a second kiss, more intense if that was possible.

I backed off slightly, moved my hands to her shoulders, started sliding them down her sides to her hips. Shiloh rolled onto her back, I stayed on my side, moved my hands back up her sides, stopping adjacent to her breasts. I was looking at her face, she turned her head slightly towards me, there was enough ambient light to see her eyes as they focused on mine. Shiloh nodded her head ever so slightly in the affirmative.

I moved my hands to her breasts, my right-hand skimming across the scar next to her left breast, barely touching it, not stopping until I cupped her breast. I felt a momentary shudder as I crossed over her scar, but it passed quickly.

I cupped them, kneaded them, caressed them with my fingertips, avoiding her nipples for now. I raised myself into a half sitting position and lowered my mouth towards her left breast while still caressing her right one. I stroked the tip of my tongue across her nipple, swirled around it, continued to fondle her right breast.

I slid my mouth down, sucking hard on her nipple, areola and surrounding breast. I covered my teeth with my lips, clamping the base of her nipple fairly hard while teasing the tip with my tongue. I sucked hard on it while moderately pinching her right nipple.

Surprising me, her body stiffened, clearly an orgasm.

Shiloh

When my body relaxed, my first thought was, 'What did he do to me'? Followed by, 'I never expected I could respond like that.' My last thought before I drifted into post-orgasmic sleep was, 'Maybe I am normal.'

Erik

Shiloh's breathing slowed, deepened. Sleeping. I snuggled up to her and slowly drifted off to sleep myself.

Early Sunday Morning, Sept. 30

Shiloh

I woke up just as it was beginning to get light out. The baby monitor was silent, so Sierra was still asleep. Erik was spooning me. I could feel his morning erection tucked against my ass, even through two layers of undies. Surprising myself, I didn't freak out. After all, he had given me an orgasm last night, had touched the scar next to my breast, hadn't recoiled when he touched me.

'Don't be stupid, Shiloh. Of course, he didn't react. He lives with much more extensive scars daily. He's accepted his body as it is. I need to emulate his lead.'

I moved away from him a little and rolled onto my side, facing him. He mumbled something indecipherable and rolled on to his back. His erection tented the bed covers.

'Wow. That must be something to see.' That thought prompted my next. 'I want to see it. Him. His erection. His penis.' I gently moved the sheet and comforter off him, uncovering his legs and boxers. He still seemed to be asleep. I looked at his scars but refrained from touching them, feeling that I needed permission. For some reason, I didn't feel the same about his penis. I couldn't really tell how big he was, but he had a good size tent, topped with a large wet spot at the apex.

I knew if I tried to remove his boxers, I'd wake him. I decided on the next best thing, knowing that he'd probably wake up anyway. I reached one hand up his leg opening and the other down from his waist, meeting at his erection. I had had some boyfriends at college, the internet had been available for a while, we were subjected to sex ed in school, such as it was. I wasn't ignorant, just not very experienced. I spread his wetness around his glans, down his shaft. Using my right hand, I stroked up and down his shaft. I spread his pre-come around his glans, out to the corona, down the underside to his frenulum, back up to the tip of his head, scooping up more moisture. Erik was muttering, thrusting his hips up on my downstroke.

His eyes flew open, he raised his head and asked,

"What are you doing?"

I smiled at him. "I believe it's called a hand job, Erik. I thought you'd know that by your age.

"However, I think you'd be more comfortable if you lay back down. Also, it'd be easier for me if we could remove these boxers. They're really restricting me. Besides you don't want to go home with come covered undies, do you?"

He lay down, lifted his hips, and I removed his boxers. His penis sprang back, pointing towards the ceiling. I spread more of his pre-come on to his shaft and picked up where I left off. Soon he was squirming, thrusting into my hand, making un-intelligible noises.

"Shiloh, soon..."

He never finished the sentence. His first spurt flew several inches into the air, landing on his belly. The second landed on his left thigh. I aimed his penis towards his chest where the next several landed on his belly. Once he stopped, I got up, fetched a wet wash cloth and hand towel and cleaned him up. This of course involved touch to several scarred areas. He didn't react at all. When I started to clean his now flaccid penis, I realized the head was covered. Hadn't seen that in my limited experience.

"I don't know what to say, except 'Thank you'. That was incredibly intensive."

"Don't say anything. I wanted to do it. Believe it or not, it was some kind of therapy for me. Penis fear mitigating therapy."

He laughed.

"I need to use the bathroom."

He stood up on his leg and started hopping towards the bathroom, bracing against the wall with his left arm.

"Wait!"

He stopped. I moved in next to him, placed his arm over my back and shoulders. We hobbled into the bathroom. I stayed there beside him.

"You don't have to do this. I can manage okay."

"I don't have a pee fetish. I'm not turned on by watching. But I'm also not disgusted by it. We all have to pee. Consider me a human sized grab-bar. I just gave you a hand-job. No need for false modesty now.

He shrugged, did his business, washed up and we returned to the bed.

"Don't go away. I need to go too."

When finished, I left my panties in the bathroom, returning to the bed totally naked. His eyes travelled down, lingered a bit at my crotch and looked back up.

"I think you forgot something in the other room."

"Nope. No need for false modesty on my part, either."

I can't believe how comfortable I am with him. We lay down next to each other. He reached over, ran his hand over the scar next to my breast. He started kissing it at the top, leaving multiple kisses down its length. He ran his hand ever so lightly down the scar from my belly button to my pubes. He repeated his kissing technique from top to bottom. He did the same for the scars on my thigh and calf. I noticed he studiously avoided touching my pubes with his hand and kisses.

"There, all better now."

I didn't know what to say.

"You know, you are extremely attractive, Shiloh. When you are relaxed, your face radiates. Your breasts are just the right size and we know from last night they are incredibly responsive. Nice flat tummy, perfect ass, I love your full bush, nice legs. But those are just physical attributes. You're smart, kind to your friends, clearly a good mom to Sierra, run a successful business, and have bravely challenged your demons. You're one hell-of-a person."

"But I'm still self-conscious about my scars. Some anyway."

"You know, they only cover a teeny tiny bit of your body. And remember who you are talking to."

I blushed at that.

"Sorry, Erik."

"Don't be. You know, you should try wearing shorts, maybe somewhere that you're not known. The scars on your legs are on the inside, practically invisible."