Life Is Too Short Ch. 03

*****

I walked into Kelsi's house with enough food to feed an army. I know they all liked leftover Chinese, so overbuying was never the wrong choice. Pam was alone in the kitchen when I came in.

"Hi, Ted!" Damn if she didn't give me a hug again. Fifteen years without a hug or embrace, and now it's commonplace for her. She retreated from the embrace, then her smile dropped. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..."

"What? Giving me a hug? That's never a wrong decision."

"But you looked like I just made you take a bite from a poison apple."

"I'm sorry, Pam. It's just... you don't touch me for a decade and now you embrace me every time I see you."

"Give me a break. I don't know why I pushed you off for so long, but I really do want to give you hugs. I'm seeing a therapist, and I'm just starting to understand things and why I became such a bitch."

I smirked. I never called her that, but she said it herself. My smirk made her laugh.

"You were kind enough to never say it, but I can tell from your face that you've thought it."

"Listen, I was honest when I said I still love you..."

"And I still love you."

"I know, Pam. It just surprises me that we had to divorce to get close again. Can I ask, though, are you happy?"

"I think so, Ted. Not because you're not with me, but more because I can be myself without worrying about disappointing you and because I have Bret Junior to take care of. Look, in our early married years we were a perfect match. For whatever reason, in the later years things between us just didn't fit right. I know that's on me, okay?"

Kelsi rescued me by walking in while holding the most beautiful baby in the world. "Are you two playing nice?"

We loaded up the table with the feast just as Bret came in from work. I attacked the culinary delight as if I hadn't eaten in weeks. That's not to say Allie didn't feed me well. She was an awesome cook and hit my taste buds perfectly, but I really loved Chinese food. I don't know where the myth came from, but I knew I wouldn't be hungry an hour later. Chinese food brings out my inner glutton.

We were all having a good time and, as good as dinner was, I needed to get down to the main reason for my visit. After dinner, Kelsi and I excused ourselves.

"Dad, I need to feed him first, then you can rock him to sleep."

"Did you want me to leave while you feed him?"

"Come on, Dad. You've seen a boob before, and breastfeeding is a beautiful and natural thing."

She whipped out a breast that a daddy shouldn't be seeing and led a starving little mouth to its target. I wanted to be embarrassed, but she was right. It was a beautiful, loving scene that warmed my heart.

"Well, spill, Dad." What did you screw up with Aunt Allie?"

"What makes you think I screwed up?"

She looked at me with the universal "Duh" look.

"Oh, yeah. I'm the clueless one in the story."

I told her about my conversations with Allie, and how we were both trying to understand where things should go. I couldn't stop the little tear that slipped out while I waited patiently for her reaction.

"Here, Dad. Switch with me and you can rock him."

We swapped places and I beheld the little wonder in my arms while Kelsi put herself back together. She took a seat across from me, and I knew the questions were about to start.

"How do you feel about her?"

"I love her. I mean, I love her more than I thought possible. I've always loved her as a friend, but staying with her and really seeing the amazing woman she is, I... I ache for her, Kelsi."

"How did this start? You were just there to help them, weren't you?"

"Yeah, but months earlier your Uncle Dave told me to take care of her when he was gone. He as much as said that he would love it if his funeral was a double service as a wedding for me and Allie. He was serious. I never thought of Allie that way until Dave planted it in my head. Kelsi, she is just such a wonderful woman. We have a lot of common interests, and I know my retired years with her would be magical. But, she's not ready and I'm afraid I put too much pressure on her. She's clearly pulled back from me and told me that I may want to start seeing other women because she's not sure she'll ever be ready for a new relationship. What should I do?"

"Dad... Mister Communicator... have you told her how you feel?"

"Yes, I did. But I think that's when she started to pull back. Did I screw it up?"

"Has she said anything to you?"

"Not in the same terms I used. I've been trying to read her from how we interact and stuff. I think she feels the same towards me, but now it feels different."

"Look, Dad, I think you're asking me to tell you the obvious. If you want a future with her, be patient."

"Well, I might have messed that up a bit. I had an evening with Rena Hayes from church."

"Rena?"

"Sssh. You're gonna wake Junior."

"You mean that old slut?"

"Yeah."

"Don't tell me. You had sex with that... you know... that..."

"Look, I'm not proud of it, but, yeah. You try going without sex for a decade and see what happens."

"Oh my, gosh! Mom really cut you off for that long?"

"Yeah. And, while a father shouldn't admit this to his little girl, I still have a VERY strong libido."

Fortunately, Kelsi was laughing. "Now I'm sorry I flashed you earlier."

"Okay, let's get past this."

"Oh, wait. Aunt Allie knows you were with the... with her?"

"Unfortunately."

"That wasn't the best move you could have made, but I think it will be okay. When we get together on Fridays, it's pretty obvious that Aunt Allie is really into you. You just gotta be patient."

"Are you sure, baby? It would crush me if she doesn't feel the same."

"Look, she has to be feeling lots of confusing things while getting over Uncle Dave, seeing you go through your divorce, and I'm guessing she doesn't know how to make it all work. But the grieving is the hard part, and there's no way to know when she'll be past it enough to really open herself up to you. Just keep that big heart of yours open and be patient. I don't think it's wrong to let her know what you're thinking, but it's better just to keep showing her how you feel, and avoid telling her so she doesn't feel more pressure."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. You and Allie have become really close. I hope that will continue and you'll put in a good word for me when it's appropriate."

"Sure, if I can. Dad, why did you need me to tell you this? You knew what to do."

I had to laugh at the wisdom of my little girl. She is amazing in her own right.

"Baby, I guess I needed someone who cared about me to kick me in the butt, and hold me accountable. In the past, that would have been Dave, but he's not speaking to me anymore."

She giggled. "If you did hear him, I'm having you committed."

*****

I spent a wonderful evening with my family, and headed home with my head full of thoughts and doubts. I guess I would just have to take it easy and wait for Allie to give me any indication if she decided she could handle a relationship. I felt good that I made my feelings clear, and I was confident that she would look in my direction if she was ready.

Allie wasn't home when I arrived at 9:30 and I decided to head off to bed. I heard Allie come in just before 10:00 and, like me, she went right to her room for the evening. Going to bed early seemed like such a good idea at the time, but my brain wouldn't switch off. Sleep escaped me as I kept thinking through directions the future might take. I knew I was overthinking things, but I couldn't turn off my mind. I mean, damn, it was only my future happiness and a life of love and joy that was at risk--not something important like the brand of tires I was going to get or which brand of beer I wanted to buy.

The next morning I left the house at 6:00 AM for my daily exercise. My brain was in overdrive, so when I finished I found I didn't remember a single moment. I recalled starting out, then it seemed in an instant I was covered in sweat and back at my car loading my bike on the rack.

All that damn thinking wasn't getting me anywhere. I decided to bury myself in preparations for my new single life and my new home.

I spent the next several days arranging for some of my stuff to be moved out of storage, and getting some other things together for my move. That Thursday, I planned to go to a cookware store to stock up on what I'd need. It was going to be a big order since I didn't take anything from Pam's house for the kitchen, so I basically needed everything. Allie was going to go with me, but she decided to go golfing while assuring me I could handle the shopping.

"After all," she said, "You're the one who will be cooking, so you should be able to figure out what you need."

"All I need is a takeout menu."

"Oh, grow up. That will get old and won't support the healthy eating you're trying to maintain. Just get the basics to make the kitchen function."

I hoped that I'd find a helpful clerk at the store, but the young kid on duty by himself was useless. So, I went bravely forward. One shopping cart full of pots and pans was at the register awaiting the use of my credit card, and I was at the cutlery display filling cart number two when someone came from behind and covered my eyes with their hands.

"Guess who?"

"I'd know the sweet voice of Marci Walker anywhere!" I spun around, and gave a bear-hug to the woman I had worked with for almost twenty-five years. "Damn, you're a sight for sore eyes."

With a playful pout, she shamed me for my disappearance after I retired. "Theodore Carter Young, you promised to keep in touch after you retired. You vanished on me."

I blushed out of embarrassment. "I'm so sorry. You know I love you, babe. The changes I went through with retirement loaded a lot more stuff on my shoulders than expected."

"Don't sweat it. I know. I retired two months ago. So, what are you doing? Buying Pam some knives?"

"Uh, no. These are for my new house. Pam and I divorced."

"Shit, no! I thought you two were terminally married."

"Yeah, well, it's a long story. Hey, you're a foodie and really like to cook. I'm kinda lost, so can you help me shop for kitchen stuff? That's if you have the time."

She did help a great deal. She switched out some cookware that was in the first cart for stuff that would last and perform better, then I basically followed her around the store while she threw things in the cart while we chatted. After we filled three carts, I went to pay the sizable tab.

"I'm so glad you ran into me. Not only were you a great help, but I really miss seeing you every day."

"Likewise, my friend."

"Hey! Can I buy you lunch? I'd really like to catch up."

"If you're buying, I'm eating."

We loaded my purchases in my car, then I took her to a nearby restaurant where I knew we could sit and talk quietly.

While we reviewed the menu, ordered, and waited for the food, our conversation centered on our years working together and the various characters we associated with. It almost felt like the lunches we shared as co-workers. But I found that I was looking at Marci quite differently. We were both single for the first time in our friendship. I took notice of her beautiful green eyes that sparkled and her gorgeous full head of red hair with hints of gray that just made her that much more appealing.

And freckles! I loved freckles. Several inches shorter than my six foot, she was fit and thin but perfectly proportioned. Like Jimmy Carter's confession, I had lust in my heart. As the dishes were cleared, I wanted to move towards a more personal conversation.

"So, Marci, now that you're retired, what are your plans?"

"I was fortunate that I could retire early like I always wanted to. Between what my husband left me when he passed, and my careful financial planning, I'll be able to travel and see the world. I have a couple of friends that want to join me, so I'm just looking to enjoy life. How about you?"

"Pretty much the same, but I always hoped I'd be doing it with Pam. I'm not sure I'm the type to live the single life."

"I believe that about you. Any prospects?"

"Nothing concrete, although I'd be remiss if I didn't admit that I have hopes...uh, including the lovely lady sitting across from me."

"Why, Ted, are you making a pass at me?"

My old nervous habits were on full display. I was absentmindedly running my hands through my hair, my right foot was tapping rapidly, and I could feel my cheeks flushed with embarrassment. My mouth and brain suddenly didn't want to work together.

"Uh...well, you know...geez. Marci, I've always been...you know, really attracted to you. I've never been in a position to explore that before, well, the whole separation and everything. But I'd be a fool if I didn't ask if you would be interested in being seen in public with an old, retired guy like me?"

"Well...after having nothing but a red-light stopping me for so many years, the green-light of your divorce has me thinking of jumping your bones right here and now."

I suddenly found myself coughing and choking. "Uh, really?"

"Do you wanna test me?"

"Uh, not here and now." The more she laughed, the more crimson my blushing cheeks became.

"I'm serious, Ted. I've wanted to get close to you for so long, but I'm not a home-wrecker and would have slapped you silly if you tried anything while you were married. But I need to warn you, don't forget my stance on getting married again."

"You always said you'd never tie the knot with anyone. That's still your position?"

"To be honest, in the last hour I've been questioning that position. But, basically, yeah. That doesn't mean I'm closed to a long-term exclusive relationship."

"Then, can we start with dinner and dancing this Saturday, and see what happens?"

"I'd really love that. One requirement, though."

"Oh-oh. What?"

"Not one word about the old job. That stuff is done, and I don't want to relive it."

"Deal! I'm in total agreement. Hell, I can't even remember the name of the company."

"Good boy."

I drove her back to her car, went around and opened her door for her.

"Mr. Young, I'm really looking forward to Saturday night." She leaned in and gave me a gentle kiss that immediately lit my fire. That little smooch quickly evolved into one hell-of-a hot, tongue filled lip-lock. Marci, being a very observant woman, clearly sensed a wide-awake Mr. Johnson poking into her belly.

"Wow!"

"I'll say! You've made me soak my panties."

"I'll pay the cleaning bill." I kissed her again and then felt her rubbing my little friend over my pants.

"I'll just throw them in the washer with your shorts. You seem a little moist here, too."

"I wonder if we're giving a thrill to the folks watching security screens."

"Perhaps we should save this energy for Saturday. Can you wait?"

"Not a fair question."

We lightly kissed again and parted ways.

Running into Marci completely changed my plans. I still felt the same about Allie, but I needed to see where things went with Marci. Allie said I should see other women, so maybe this was the plan the good Lord had for us all. I didn't know, but I owed it to myself to go through the doors that opened up before me.

At dinner that night, Allie tried to look pleased for me when I told her I met an old friend from work and had a date with her Saturday. Maybe my female-mood-sensing radar was getting better because I got the distinct impression that she wasn't happy that I found dates so quickly after she urged me to do just that. She did her best to look supportive, but she was more quiet than usual.

*****

Saturday night was pure magic. Marci wore a low-cut emerald green dress that highlighted just how beautiful a woman she was. I wanted the date to be really special, so I took her into Philly to one of the top-rated seafood restaurants on the East coast. Marci had a lobster and crab dish, while I enjoyed oysters and an incredible cioppino entrée. Sharing each other's dishes really flamed the romantic sparks shooting between us. Something about feeding bites to each other was sexy as hell.

The dance club featuring light jazz was located much closer to our homes. We intended to make a late night of it, but the slow sensual music and the sexual tension between us was overwhelming, so we cut out early, kissing and groping the whole time we walked to the car. We made out for a few moments before hitting the road, and held hands (and a few other things) all the way to her place. I feared that being in the sexual penalty box for the last decade may have damaged my desires, but the hot and intense sexual energy we shared silenced all my fears. Nothing short of an act of God was going to hold me back that night. Ted was back in the saddle!

Just before 1:00 AM, I figured I better be courteous and let Allie know I wouldn't be home so she could plan to go to church without me. I thought she'd be asleep, but she immediately sent a thumbs-up. When I saw it, I felt a pang of guilt and a touch of sadness, but Marci quickly brought me back into focus.

*****

I walked through the front door at home mid-afternoon on Sunday. It didn't take long to see Allie was not happy with me.

"Missed you at church. Kelsi and Pam were asking about you, not to mention Rena."

"Yeah. I didn't count on staying last night."

"First date and you slept with her overnight."

"What do you want me to say, Allie? That I'm sorry?"

"I'm just disillusioned... and maybe a bit disappointed. Geez, Ted, for 67 years you've only been intimate with one woman, then in one week you've tripled the notches on your bedpost. I'm not sure you're who I thought you were."

"What did you think? That I would be a monk or eunuch for the rest of my life? I need love and affection. Pam starved me for so long that, well, maybe I'm bingeing to make up for it. But you know I want a life-partner that I love and who loves me back. I would have been happy if she were only the second woman in my bed. It didn't work out that way. I'll give you that Rena was an unexpected notch and a big mistake, but I'm not hunting notches and you know it."

Her face turned red and I heard Allie shout for the first time in my life. "But first date?"

I sat at the kitchen table and forced myself to be calm. The last thing I wanted was an argument.

"Yeah, it was our first actual date, but Marci and I have known each other for twenty-five years. We've always been close and have shared a strong attraction. Neither of us ever acted on it because I was married, and we both respected the sanctity of the marriage vows. Last night was like an explosion of pent-up energy--the culmination of decades of repressed lust. Please don't make me feel bad about it."

The silent pause was long and uncomfortable.

"I guess I'm sorry, Ted. You have every right to do whatever you want. I may have, well, overreacted."

"I'm sorry if I was inconsiderate."

"Okay. So, we're two sorry people. And, I... uh, don't have anything planned for dinner."

"Do you want to go out, or can I pick something up?"

"I'm not in the mood to go out. How about Chinese?"

"It's never a bad day for Chinese."

*****

As the weeks progressed, I was seeing Marci several times a week and I usually spent the night. The closing on my house was approaching. Marci Knew the closing on my house was approaching, so one night she asked to see the plans. I got a set out of my car and showed her the blueprints for the renovations.

"These plans look really good, Ted. I can see the kitchen in my mind now."

"The kitchen plan is great, but look back here in the master suite."

"Ooo, does that whole wall of windows with the French door in the middle look out over the big meadow behind the house?"

"Yep. And the deck outside will be screened in and it's very private."