Life Sucks

"When your solicitor played the video, I couldn't believe what I was seeing, the stockings, the bare pussy and licking him clean. All things I had refused for you. Even worse was what I said, how I was looking to treat you. You were everything I could have wished for yet I not only failed you, but I also seemed to be happy to abuse you. I have cried so many tears over that. How could I love you and suggest what I did? How could I have thought like that?

"It must have destroyed any love you had for me. It was completely unforgivable.

"I need to make sure you know, you did nothing to make me do what I did. You were the best person I have ever met, the best lover and companion.

"The only person responsible is me, my vanity, ambition, placing myself over us.

"My parents are still mad at me, what I threw away. I deserve it.

"No words I say can convey how sorry I am. Over my placing my promotions over you, treating you like shit while fucking that bastard. I've cried more tears than I ever thought could exist when I realise because of that, I've not only lost you but also the family we wanted.

"If you have any questions you need answered ask, I'll tell you anything you wish to know."

I smiled sadly, "I don't need to know. I'm free from all you were doing and planning. I realised when I watched that video, I'd never really known you. I couldn't believe you'd ever contemplate an affair but your words and actions showed just how little I meant to you. I was just a piece of shit to be humiliated for your entertainment.

"It helped me lose any love for you I may still have harboured. Perhaps your counsellor can find out why you'd think it was okay to do what you planned to someone you professed to love. If you hated me, what would have been planned, my funeral!

"Amber, we won't meet again. Take care of yourself."

She shouted, "Walter!" She calmed, as she quietly said, "There's so much you don't know but maybe need to. The counsellor has exposed so much. For you to hear it all would take a few sessions.

"The very short truth is that I'd never have done what I said. I never had a strap-on. He'd suggested it once as he saw you as a cuckold. I made sure he knew you'd never be a cuckold and if you found out, he would suffer. I told him if he tried to have one used on you, you'd use it on him. He tried to demean you in the beginning but I told him your cock was twice as big as his and you could manage four times a night. He managed once. If I'd gone to his room later, like he wanted, he would have needed to take a Viagra. I doubt it would have worked. The party was his way of trying to be the big man and it backfired.

"Under hypnosis the counsellor found, I used his earlier suggestions to boost his ego because I had another plan not involving him.

"I wasn't happy I couldn't spend time with you. Even the small time we spent together, we argued because of me. I told him he was making it obvious and you'd react. The fuck in that room was my idea, to get it over with. I cleaned myself thoroughly and was looking to spend time with you heating you up. I was looking forward to you fucking my brains out. Taking me with all your repressed anger, reclaiming your wife. He didn't know that. He would have heard how much better a lover you were. He'd suffer his ego being battered.

"When I came back, you were gone. I realised you'd found us as it was the only reason you'd leave without me. I never had sex with him again.

"If he had tried to continue our affair beyond that night, I'd have made sure his wife found out. I know you'll think this is all bullshit but it is the truth.

"Walter, I'll always love you. I will help if you need me. I don't expect anything from you."

She looked lost.

As I walked away without looking back a thought came to me, "Surely she couldn't have harboured any hope we could be reconciled!"

Tomorrow's a new day, a new job, a new love?

I don't think so. Once burnt, who can you trust?

So, did my life end or start at that party? I've no answer!