All Comments on 'Life with Twin Sisters'

more of these people please

That was too short. You could have doubled that word count and it might still be a one pager. Also, if you aren't going to get an editor, then at least run your story through an online spelling and grammar checker.

When the girls turned away from each other unable to look themselves in the eye. This is like being unable to lick your own elbow; you cannot look yourself in the eye. During proof reading try recording then reading while listening to the recorfing. This is not my original idea, but is a great way to pick up/out little blips in your work.

All three girls cuddled with each other . . . Did I miss someone joining in?

A fun story that forced recollections. Not two at once, just Mom catching me having sex . . .

A story is better if you start at the beginning, not near the end

More

You lost me at the second sentence.

I realize that a great many readers from the comments published below missed your opening words in the preface where you stated that this story takes place in an alternate reality. But at the same time, you didn't provide enough informative narrative to provide an understanding of how things work in this other universe. Hence the comment that it felt like you didn't start the story out at the true beginning.

But at the same time, I'm going to side with those readers whose opinion is that this was poorly written and executed. It's just a jerk off piece and a bad one at that. 2/5