Like Butter on a Summer Day Pt. 01

Despite my feeling about Kat, I had to be careful. I didn't want to out myself to someone who may not be gay. After all, she may have been scoping me out as a potential threat to her interest in Steve. If I wasn't gay, Steve would be quite the catch, so I don't blame her if she was interested. I didn't have to worry about Steve because he knows I'm gay and is okay with it. I thought back to that day when Steve called me into his office ...

***

I had no idea why Steve wanted to see me when he called me into his office. Usually, when he invites me into his office for these informal chats, he's excited about something and wants to share it with me. Today, Steve seemed somber and reserved. When he started talking about the rules and regulations about homosexuality, I realized why he wasn't his typical cheerful self. I nearly died thinking that my career was over.

Steve sensed my panic and said, "Alex, its okay. I'm not one of those Neanderthals who think homosexuals are evil and need to be thrown out of the military. I'm just trying to caution you that you need to tone it down a little."

"Wh ... what do you mean, Steve?" I asked shakily. I had tried to keep my relationship with Lauren sub rosa, spending all of our together time in Atlanta, 100 miles away. In fact, as soon as I could get off, I was heading up to her place for the night. My bag was already packed and in the trunk of my car.

"You need to try harder not to openly ogle other women," Steve explained. "I've noticed it ever since you first reported to me two years ago. If I've noticed it, it's possible that someone else, who isn't as open-minded as I am, could take notice. Also, I've watched you interact with your male colleagues, and it is completely different than how you interact with your female colleagues." A look of embarrassment came over Steve's face when he continued, "I've overheard some of the guys comment on how you were such a stone-cold bitch when they were trying to chat you up."

As I listened to Steve, I thought about how I interacted with my co-workers. If I was being honest with myself, I had to admit that I did spend more time working with the female airmen than I did with their male counterparts. I could see where the males might resent that I wasn't as open and friendly with them as I was with the females. Finally, I looked up at Steve with a sheepish smile on my face and said, "Okay, Steve, I'll make sure I do a better job of being more even-handed in my dealings in the future. Also, I'll try harder to not ogle the females any more than I ogle the males."

"Good," Steve said. "I'll do my best to officially ignore anything that could lead to you getting in trouble, but I expect you to help me to do that by being more discreet."

"I will, Steve," I said. "Thank you for being so understanding."

"No problem," Steve said. "I've seen many fine airmen get cashiered simply because of their sexual orientation and not because of how well they did their job. We need the best people we can get in the Air Force. Now, go and be the best that you can be."

"Yes, Sir," I replied as I got up and left his office. I vowed then to make Steve proud of me since he had so much faith in me.

***

I made it to the restaurant fifteen minutes early and made sure our table was ready. When Steve and Kat showed up, we were immediately taken to our table. I had to be extremely careful because Kat was dressed in tight jeans and a polo top as I was, and they hugged her body like a second skin. Her hair was down in a low ponytail, and she looked lovely. I did notice that she was discreetly checking me out. I looked questioningly over to Steve, and he gave me a barely noticeable nod.

That nod meant that he was aware that Kat was a lesbian like I was. He wasn't going to encourage anything between the two of us, but he wasn't going to make a big deal about it either. I relaxed a bit and felt more comfortable for the rest of the dinner. Luckily, Kat sat across from me, so all we could do was exchange coy looks from time to time.

We had a great time over dinner. Steve regaled me with tales of some of the people he'd run into when he was overseas at conferences. He would tell how people who weren't native to the English language got confused by some of the colloquialisms we use when carrying on a conversation. I also had that experience when I traveled abroad working on the author's committee writing ISO 12207.

My breath would catch whenever Kat laughed. She had a sultry laugh that just made my insides melt when I heard it. There were a couple of times when our eyes met, and we just gazed at each other while the rest of the world went away for a short time. Frankly, my nipples were getting hard, and my pussy was getting hot and wet.

Every time, before things got too serious, Steve would jump in with something to say to bring us back into focus. We would both guiltily turn our attention back to Steve and pretend nothing had happened.

Finally, we finished eating, and everything that could be said was said. We got up and walked outside, where I chatted with Steve while Kat went to get their car. We exchanged goodbyes, and Kat drove them back to the VOQ. I got in my car and headed back to my lonely apartment. My dreams that night were hot and sweaty, and Kat's black eyes dominated my dreams.

***

The morning of my ceremony was a madhouse. Whenever a general officer was involved in an activity, it made things exponentially more complex and chaotic. Stephanie was running around like a chicken with its head cut off, making sure everything was set up correctly. However, I assured her that the exposure and the experience she was getting would help her future career.

I was nervous because I found out that General Yates was planning on attending my promotion ceremony. I was pleased that I was getting the attention because I deserved it for my hard work. I have basically given my entire adult life to the Air Force, and recognition like this would be compensation for my empty life. Yes, I had friends and work acquaintances but no one to love or be loved by.

I really wished Virginia could be here to share this with me. I had almost called her a couple of times to beg her to come but stopped myself at the last minute because the consequences would be unbearable. I realized that I've given up my right to love who I wanted to for the sake of my career, and I wasn't really sure it was worth it anymore.

I stared at myself in the mirror in the bathroom, saying, "Buck up, Alex," while making sure my uniform was in order. I put on my game face and headed out. It was time to get this over with.

I smiled when I came up to Steve outside the auditorium. Steve and I chatted while Kat and Stephanie were getting everything ready for the ceremony. Any thoughts of having any time with Kat were dashed as things were crazy the whole time. Steve did his best to calm my nerves, and by the time the ceremony was to start, I was ready to go.

Meanwhile, Stephanie had made sure my brass oak leafs had the backings taken off so they'd be easy to remove and that my silver oak leafs were ready to be put on. The protocol officer finally showed up. Kat and Stephanie huddled with him to make sure everything was laid out correctly for the ceremony. The official photographer showed up and took a few pictures of Steve and me before going into the auditorium.

Just before it was time, General Yates came up and met us. He first greeted Steve and shook his hand. General Yates then greeted me and shook my hand. He said, "I've heard good things about you, Alex. Keep up the good work." He then headed into the auditorium.

Steve looked at me and said, "You ready?"

I smiled and said, "Yes, let's get this done."

The ceremony started, and we went in and up to the front of the room. When it was time for Steve to say a few words, he said, "I am honored to be here today. I am especially honored that Major Summers has asked me to pin her on today. This is the third time that I have had the honor to do this. I remember how honored I felt when Lieutenant Summers asked me to pin her on when she made Captain. Then I remember how honored I was when she asked me to pin her on when she made Major. Now I have the immense honor to pin her on for making Lieutenant Colonel today. Major Summers deserves this promotion. She has been a big force behind the software process improvement effort that the Air Force has led for the DoD. Her efforts have made it possible for our SDCs to be among the best in all of DoD. I have great confidence that Major Summers will make an even bigger impact in the future. There's a command out there with her name on it someday, and the sooner, the better."

With that, the rest of the ceremony went smoothly while his words rang in my ears. When I was introduced to the audience as Lieutenant Colonel Summers, I was smiling so widely I hoped my face wouldn't split. General Yates was the first to come up and congratulate me, the official photographer taking several pictures. Then I spent another twenty minutes greeting everyone else who attended.

Finally, the greetings were over, and I could go out and mingle with everyone who stuck around for cake and punch. Before too long, Steve had to beg off because he needed to get back to DC before heading out to The Hague. In a severe breach of protocol, I pulled him in for a hug and thanked him again for doing this for me. He was surprised by my actions but rallied and hugged me back quickly before we separated. A few people looked at us, more in surprise than anything else, but nobody said anything. I watched Steve go, Kat trailing behind him. Frankly, I stared at her ass until they turned the corner. I never saw Kat again, but I would always remember her.

I turned back and spent some time mingling with the crowd, eating cake and drinking punch. I thanked Stephanie for all of her help before I headed out myself. I had an appointment with a photographer to get my official photograph updated. I wanted to get it done as quickly as possible to send a copy to Virginia and Judy as soon as possible.

October 1994

Just as I got back to my desk from the cafeteria with my coffee, the phone rang. I picked up and said, "Lieutenant Colonel Summers. How may I help you?"

"Hello, Lieutenant Colonel Summers," I heard, in that sultry voice that always makes me shiver. "Congratulations, Alex! I'm so happy for you."

"Thank you, Virginia," I said, trying not to tear up. "I take it you got my photograph?"

"Yes, I did," Virginia replied. In a low voice, she said, "You look so beautiful in the picture. I could tell how happy you were even with the serious look on your face. I ran out and bought a frame for it. It's up on my mantle now."

Hearing that, I teared up, despite my best effort not to. I quickly looked around to make sure that no one could see or listen to me. I said, "Oh, how I wish you could've been here, Virginia."

"I know, Alex. God, I would've loved to have been there," Virginia said. I could hear the emotion in her voice, and I knew she really meant it.

"But," I said, acknowledging reality, "it wasn't meant to be."

"No," Virginia grudgingly agreed. Trying to lighten the mood, Virginia changed the subject and asked, "So, are you going to get your own office now?"

"I'm on the list," I said, brightening up. "It'll be soon, but I can't wait."

"So, what are your career plans?" Virginia asked.

"I'm definitely going to try to get a command at one of the SDCs when the opportunity presents itself," I said. "In the meantime, I'm thinking that I should go to the Air War College. It'll help me get there one day."

"That's great," Virginia enthused. "I'm so proud of what you've accomplished. Attending the Air War College will be a feather in your cap. You'll make a great commander."

"So," I said, changing the subject, "how's it going at Raytheon?" I was curious if Virginia and Judy were spending a lot of time together or not.

"Oh, it's going great," Virginia said. "I've got a great team, and we're getting a lot accomplished." She then went on to cautiously say, "I really like working with Judy. We've hit it off right from the start."

I tried to make it sound positive when I replied, "That's great, Virginia. She's a real go-getter." Inside, I knew that I wasn't going to like what I heard next.

"Alex," Virginia said, and I could hear the regret in her voice when she went on, "I think Judy's the one." After a short pause, with emotion choking her voice, she said, "I'm so sorry, Alex, but I have feelings for Judy, and I'm sure she has those same feelings for me."

Hearing those words hurt. The only thing I could think of to say was, "The heart wants what the heart wants ... and to hell with reason."

"Yes, it does," Virginia whispered.

I paused, swallowing a couple of times and trying to get my feelings under control. Once I was sure I could talk, I said, "Well, I'm happy for you, Virginia. I really hope things work out for you."

"Thank you, Alex," Virginia said. "I know it's not something you wanted to hear, but I will never lie to you."

"I know," I said. "Well, I better let you go." After a pause, I whispered, "I still love you, Virginia."

"I still love you, too, Alex," Virginia whispered before I heard the click when she hung up.

***

A week later, I received a package in the mail. When I opened it, I found a letter from Judy and a picture of her with her two daughters. Judy looked so beautiful, and her two daughters looked so beautiful too. I could see why she was so proud of her daughters. I teared up when I read the letter. Judy spent some time telling me about her daughters and how they were doing so well being on the high school swim team. Judy also wrote about how she was falling in love with Virginia. She didn't know that I was still in love with Virginia, so reading that part of her letter hurt. I could see that Judy was really sincere about her feelings for Virginia.

By the time I finished reading the letter, I was sobbing. As I lay in bed that night, I vowed that I would find someone to love who loves me too. I was resigned that it won't be Virginia, as much as I wished it could be. "You need to just let go," I chastised myself as I fell asleep. My dreams were troubled as I went from room to room looking for my heart and not having any success ...

December 1994

We were finally ready to do a CMM evaluation at the SDC at Robins AFB. I was going down a few days early to get everything set up for my team. I got there Wednesday morning and met with Lonnie Totty, the head of the SDC. We huddled for the day in his office, preparing for the disruption that would occur next Tuesday when my team would descend on the SDC to do the evaluation. Both Lonnie and I felt that his organization had a good shot at getting a CMM Level 4 rating. By 5 PM, we had things roughed out. I headed over to the Visiting Officers Quarters (VOQ) to get my assigned room. Once I'd settled into my room and changed, I was ready to head out for dinner. Since I was familiar with the area, I knew where I wanted to go. There was a nice bar just outside the base, McNabb's Pub, where they had an excellent selection of bottled beers and decent bar food.

When I got there, the place was filling, but there were still plenty of tables and stools available at the bar. I found a bar stool and sat down. The bartender, a fit woman a few years younger than me, immediately came up, introduced herself as Jan, and asked me what I wanted. I asked for a Yuengling Dark Brewed Porter and a menu. She smiled and handed me a menu before she went off to get my beer. I couldn't help but notice that her shorts hugged her ass tightly as she walked away, raising some heat in my pussy.

She quickly was back with my beer, smiling widely at me as she noticed I was checking her out. She had brown hair in a no-nonsense pixie cut and beautiful green eyes. I smiled back at her when she lightly touched my arm with her fingertips and asked me if I was ready to order after she put down my beer. My breath hitched, and I'm sure my eyes dilated when she did.

I ordered a smokehouse burger and fries, and Jan headed off to put my order in, working her walk, so I got a real nice look at her ass. I took a swig of my beer and looked around, seeing who else was here. I noticed a nice-looking woman sitting alone at a high table. She was wearing a lovely spaghetti strap top and tight jeans with her blonde hair in a low ponytail. She had her legs crossed and was bouncing her foot up and down in a sexy manner. When she looked at me and smiled, I was taken by her piercing blue eyes, and I momentarily thought how much she reminded me of Virginia.

I smiled back at her, my eyes running over her body. She was fit and toned, and when she moved, I could see the muscles moving under her smooth skin. Just then, Jan came up to me with my food. I reluctantly turned away from the woman and faced back to the bar. As Jan put my food down in front of me, she leaned in and whispered, "Are you military?"

Wondering why she was whispering, I whispered back, "Yes, is it that obvious?"

Jan smiled at me and said, "Yes, it is." She then took a quick look over my shoulder at the woman and then back to me before she continued in a low voice, "That woman is Office of Special Investigations (OSI). I overheard her on the payphone once before. I think they're doing a sting to try to root out lesbians on the base."

When I heard that, I got angry. It was bad enough that I had to hide my sexual orientation to serve my country. It was another thing to know that, even after "Don't ask, don't tell," that OSI was still doing stuff like this. "I can't believe they're still doing those," I voiced my thoughts in a low, angry voice.

"Yeah," Jan said. "I thought President Clinton did something about that."

Getting my anger under control, I touched the back of Jan's hand and said, "Thanks for the warning. By the way, my name is Alex." I smiled as I pulled my hand back. I noticed that Jan's breath had hitched and her eye's dilated when I had touched her.

"No problem, Alex," Jan said, recovering quickly. "I just didn't want someone as sweet as you to get in trouble."

Jan went back to tending the bar while I ate my burger and fries. The crowd was getting more extensive, and it was getting noisier in the bar. I did look back over toward the OSI agent a couple of times and smiled at her when she smiled at me. I wanted to make sure she didn't think that I had been warned about her by Jan. I was still fuming about the whole thing inside, though. The fact that she was so pretty and reminded me of Virginia would have fooled me long enough to expose myself if I hadn't been warned.

Once I was done with my food, and Jan had come over to see if I wanted another beer, I asked her if the OSI agent was there every night. Jan said no. Apparently, the OSI agent spent time at several different locations and usually was here about once a week. I thanked her and said I might be back since I was in town for another week. Jan smiled at me and said that she hoped to see me again.

I got up and smiled at the OSI agent as I made my way to the exit. I got in my car and headed back to the VOQ. I was still upset to find out that OSI was still doing stings like that. There wasn't anything I could do about it, and that really frustrated me. Once I was back in my room, I heaved a sigh of relief that the ordeal was over. My dreams that night were unsettled as I was being chased down darkened corridors and alleyways ...