Lil Bit 01

Lil Bit 01

Hey there, I'm Lil Bit and I'm a little bit needy, but I would also like to think that I'm a little bit appealing enough that you would be happy to help with me with my needs. Also, I'm probably a little bit crazy, but the longer you know me, LOL, the more you'll realize that I'm just a tad more than a little bit crazy.

But for the percentage of you who will help my needy butt out in my time of need, I mean, thanks. My life would be a little bit more difficult without you.

"You know, Lil Bit, when I said that I would drive you up the Auto Shop to pick up your little bit of a truck, I mean, do you even own a pair of 505's then?"

I mean, passenger side mirrors and vanity mirrors were only invented for checking the hair and the makeup, right? I mean, the driver should drive and the passenger should check themselves a little bit, right folks?

"Butch, do you mind if I scooch over closer to you and maybe lean against your shoulder just a little bit? I've never had a boyfriend and my hair today, right?"

"Geez, just stay where you are Lil Bit. We'll be at the Auto Shop soon enough and by the way, just how did you manage to trick me into giving you a ride today? Things to be a little foggy for me today."

[Scooches closer anyways]

"Well, for starters, I wore these shorts today and then these shorts brought out your inner fag and then we both kept our mouths shut forever more. I mean, I just tease you about that boyfriend stuff, but if I didn't tease you a little bit, I mean, I have a little bit of a "crazy" rep to uphold and all, so?"

[Butch glances over]

"Oh no, you just go back to puckering your lips for the mirror and leave me out of this crazy trading stuff. I driving, Lil Bit. Also, whatever it is that you are thinking, I'm already up two points for giving you a ride to the Auto Shop, so."

I mean, the math says two points minus his inner fag equals back to square one, so.

Oh, by the way, Butch is really nice and he's never tried anything fag with or on me, but I think I have him hooked just a little bit, so don't think poorly of Butch. He's the boy next door type.

"Butch, is it true or just rumors that while you were dating Kelly that you started to mess around with her sister Merri at the same time then, huh? I mean, with all of lurkers, I've been off of Chang, so?"

And that "trade for a tie" question was easy of me. I mean, the blow up on Chang last month, right?

"Oh, well, I mean, Lil Bit, I mean, listen, I mean, yeah, I was tapping them both at the same time, but never at the same time!"

Oh, I mean, then everything is alright then, right folks? I mean, as long as Butch wasn't banging them both at the same and all, right?

"Well, I mean, they are both very attractive, but listen Butch, did you try the "it was accidental because they looked so much like" excuse then?"

"Duh, but that didn't work, so?"

"Well, duh, they have different daddy's so they only look a little bit alike, but carry on then, Butch."

"Oh, forget giving me that "carry on" look, Lil Bit, I'm not crossing the line and saying which of Kelly or Merri was better in the bed or on their knees! I mean, it was Merri, of course, but I would never admit that out loud, so stop with the questioning eyes then."

"Fine, Butch, trade back then."

"(Finally) I mean, a couple of weeks ago, Lil Bit, I mean, were you dressed under that blanket then or were you sick or chilly then, huh?"

"Oh, wow, I mean, I didn't think you even noticed that, Butch, um, let's just say that I was a little bit under dressed under that blanket, which made things feel a chilly, but I was a little bit afraid that it would make you sick to see me in such a state of undress. I mean, I don't make assumptions about the things that you like, but if you would have whipped that blanket off of me, I mean, there was just a little bit of undies material disappearing between my buns, so."

"Oh, I mean, pause the game then and off of the record, well, never mind, Lil Bit."

"I already claimed "mouth shut forever", Butch, so?"

"Fine, Lil Bit, it wouldn't make me sick if I could warm things up a little bit with you, you know, under a blanket, but that's just talk and stuff, so."

"I mean, Butch, I mean "talk" and "fantasy" and fagging", I mean, it's all the same thing and my mouth is shut and I'm just a tease, but maybe we think alike, sometimes, ooh, ooh, ooh, turn and take the alley, Butch, turn left!"

[Screech, turn, not a legal turn]

"Pull up near those guys in the alley and keep the motor running, Butch."

"Pull up to the hoodlums then, Lil Bit?"

"You can peel out just as soon as the veins in your neck start to throb."

"Like NOW?"

"LOL, those are the veins in your temples throbbing, Butch."

Oh, oh, I picked a bad day to not make a bet that I could curl up and kneel on his SUV's front seat and fit! With my ass pointing at Butch, of course.

"Hey, Dirtball, hey, what's up?"

"Lil Bit, what are you doing riding shotgun with the collared shirt then? You should be under my arm, Lil Bit and riding my shotgun a little bit then, so?"

"Hey, watch it, Dirtball and show some respect. The collared shirt is my boyfriend, Butch, so."

"Ahh, geez, Lil Bit!"

"And we're on our way to the sex store, Dirtball."

"Damn it, Lil Bit!"

"My boyfriend, Butch is in the market for a leather hood with a mouth zipper, Dirtball."

"Lil Bit, the veins in my neck, Lil Bit, the veins in my neck!"

"Well, seeing how my STD issues are so out of control, Lil Bit, I guess you can ride the collar shirt's shotgun, but you're keeping him happy then, right, Lil Bit?"

"Oh, every red traffic light because he's a safe driver. Also, my boyfriend Butch Burns pops off at every red traffic light, Dirtball. My boyfriend Butch is a one-minute man, but he bounces back in just a little bit and then he starts crying again for my skills a little bit more, so."

[Screech, vroom, peel out, vroom, screech, vroom, dirt and pebbles flying]

"Damn it, Lil Bit, are you trying to ruin my rep a little bit then?"

"Ahh, come on, Butch, I mean, I was just teasing and having fun with Dirtball, so. Besides, with the way I was kneeling on your front seat and yelling out the window and all, so?"

"Well, let's never mind about all that, but if you're going to wiggle and waggle your butt in front of my face, well, it was a few gropes, slaps and maybe just one kiss, but let's remember that you already stated that your mouth was shut forever more, so?"

"Oh, that's an easy promise to keep, Butch and I'm in it just as how as you are and ooh, ooh, ooh, turn Butch, turn right! Last stop, I promise!"

[Screech, turn, still not a legal turn]

"Well, why are we pulling into the Chinese Food restaurant then, Lil Bit? I mean, don't they have you over for Chinese food at their home like all the time then?"

"Yeah, but since the Yang's are Chinese, I mean, it's just food, so. Listen I won't be but a quick moment, Butch."

I mean, I had placed a special order with Mr. Yang and I needed to pick it up, so. Besides, with the restaurant windows and all, Butch would be just fine staring and gawking, LOL, at the daughter, Zhu, not me. Well, maybe a little bit at me, so.

"Well, look who it is then, Lil Bit, you know, my mother's "other daughter" and all. And by the way, thanks to you Lil Bit, now I should be wearing double undies and a ponytail all the time, so thanks. Also, a thong and skimpy bikini bottoms isn't the worst combination. Anyways, I assume that you're here to pick up the bag of rigged fortune cookies that my father made for you, right Lil Bit?"

"Well, they are only rigged a little bit, Zhu, but I needed a gimmick to gain a little bit of acceptance at an upcoming mixer, I mean, I thought that if I could state the fortunes before the people cracked open the fortune cookies, you know, right, Zhu?"

"Which isn't crazy at all, I mean, that's so much better than, I mean, mingling and talking, right? Anyways, here is the bag of 100 rigged fortune cookies, four per package and tell your friend Josh to stop bothering with me about if I wear the thong over or under the skimp bikini undies and who is your boyfriend waiting just outside for you then? Also, hurry up and get out of here before my momma sees that her "other daughter" has a boyfriend and invites you over for, you know, food."

"Oh, I mean, that's my neighbor, Butch and he's just giving me a ride up to the Auto Shop to pick up my truck, so."

"Oh, I mean, are you a little bit with him then, Lil Bit?"

"I mean, he likes me a little bit and I like him a little bit, but that line in the sand, right Zhu?"

"Well, Lil Bit, add an "e" and get on with it then."

"Huh?"

"Add an "e" and turn that little bit into a little bite. You won't die!"

Huh, I mean, huh, right? That almost sounded, ah, doable, maybe?

"Oh, my other daughter, Lil Bit is here!"

I mean, that was a handful and difficult to get out of once Mrs. Yang came around from the back, but you know, whew, Butch waited for me.

"LOL, well that was fun to watch, Lil Bit! I mean, does Mrs. Yang really check you over so closely then, LOL?"

"Shut it, Butch, but yeah, which just pisses Zhu off, LOL. Also, make sure that Zhu gets an invite to your mixer and by the way, I'm distributing these non-rigged fortune cookies at your mixer tomorrow, so?"

Huh, I was expecting to hear "no" or "forget it" or even "30 minutes or less", but he just drove on down the road, so.

"I'll wait a little bit until I see you behind the wheel of your truck, Lil Bit, so."

"Butch, are we going to have a forbidden moment tomorrow night or not then? Not that anyone should ask that in advance, so."

"Oh, that is exactly something that is never spoken of in advance, but I mean, maybe we'll see if there a forbidden moment spoken of in one of the most certainly rigged fortune cookies, so."

Well, that's something that should have been spoken of before I had 100 rigged fortune cookies made that had like six fortunes in total and not one of the six pre-rigged fortunes said a damn thing about a forbidden moment! So, circling back to the beginning, I mean, maybe I'm a little bit crazy and a little bit stupid, so.

"Huh, fortune cookies then, Lil Bit?"

"It's just a novelty party thing, Darla, but may your good fortune of bliss come true tonight, so?"

[Snap, crackle, crack, read]

"You will enjoy a little bit of bliss tonight if you have at least three cocktails. Huh, well, alright, Lil Bit, we'll see what happens then. Try one Brain, sweetie."

[Snap, crackle, crack, read]

"You will endure a little bit of pain from a kick in the nuts if you mess with my other daughter. Ah, I mean, huh?"

[Snatches the fortune cookies back. Hides bowl of remaining fortune cookies]

"Well, it was just a novelty party idea and not all ideas, work, so."

I mean, the only thing I could do was to throw them all away, right?

End Lil Bit 01