Lil Fry 02

Lil Fry 02

I'm not trying to toot my own horn, but from the end of the last chapter, I mean, that's right, I managed to cash in six, six I say, six relationship relations raincheck tickets! I mean, all six were by proxy between a few of my pervious suitors and raincheck ticket holders and a few local women at the sunken riverboat memorial ceremony, but sex is sex, no matter if I was directly involved or not, the end.

Anyways, what's important is that the remaining ticket stubs in my side pocket is down from ten and currently sits at four and that's pretty amazing for Pete's sakes! Oh, wait, um, I recently ran into Pete over at the "Stop & Rob" convenience store and he started something, so, um, my ticket count is back up to five, I guess.

And I'm going to gloss over why I was at the "Stop & Rob" convenience in the first place, but defend myself against being addicted to the bubbly Champagne since serving Champagne at the recent sunken riverboat memorial ceremony, another the end. Except for OMG, it's so tasty, right?

So, moving on from being a bit of a big trending deal as a stand-in Champagne server a few weeks ago at the sunken riverboat memorial ceremony, I mean, my unexpected serving tips made it possible for me to put an upgrade plan into place and that's where my story starts today. And the place that helped me out with that was the big box tech store and the upgrade plan was to switch out my current flat screen TV for a newer one and then trade back my previous flat screen for the really, really old flat screen TV up at the family cottage, whew, the beginning of the end.

And I can go more into my new flat screen TV instead of my next adventure if that's what you would rather hear about, so? Oh, no, okay. But it's really thin and light, so? Still, no? Okay.

"Thanks for buying your new flat screen from me, Fresh Cut Potato, so, can I talk to you off to the side over here for a moment while Cassandra finishes ringing up your purchase, hmm?"

I mean, as I clearly stated in the first chapter, I'm Lil Fry. I'm not Fresh Cut Potato or Crinkle Fry or Golden Fry or Small Fry or Twinkle Cut Fry or Golden Fry or even Herb Seasoned Fry! I'm just Lil Fry, the end. Unless you really find me to be hot and Lil Seasoned Fry slips out once or twice.

And Lys is one who would be hard to not speak with off to the side. And one who always treated me fairly. I mean, she could get my name right and all, but whatever, I guess.

[Shove, shift, dig, dig, shift things around, dig, shift]

"Ahh, Lys, what are you doing, hmm?"

[Dig, dig, dig, shift things around, dig, dig, dig, ah-hah, found it!]

"Oh, I'm desperate for one of your infamous raincheck tickets, Lil Fry, because I ran into Jack Jackson at the club recently and I need a week or two to figure out what's what with him, but without him losing interest in me just yet, so, I need a stupid blank relationship raincheck ticket. Hold still."

Well, Lys dug around for something else too, but we can gloss over that part, I suppose.

"And then I figured that you never played pocket pool with yourself, so, ta da, now you have, by proxy, tee he!"

Well, I guess we don't need to gloss over that now, so.

"Anyways [looks over the blank sex raincheck ticket stub], Crinkle Cut, thanks again for buying your new flat screen from me for the sales commission and all, but I also have a side note about how that guy, that guy Luke, may or may not have been measuring up and counting the number of crinkle cuts that your fries have [still looking over the blank sex raincheck ticket stub], so?"

"Luke? I think we must know two different Luke's, Lys, because the Luke that I know, gazes at me with dead eyes and he never blinks!"

"OMG, what makes you think that I would hook you up industrial accident Luke Lookers, hmm? I'm talking about sandy haired Luke Looters! The guy from the backroom, who just carried your new flat screen to the bed of your truck just now, which, well, I guess we do know two different Luke's then, tee he, but anyways, so?"

Oh, yeah, shoot, that guy, Luke, the other Luke from the big box tech store who showed off his guns as he carried my new flat screen box to my truck, yeah, that, that guy Luke then. He had nice eyes. And they blinked.

Oh, I guess this is where you all want to hear about how my new flat screen TV fit easily into the bed of my truck, right? No? Well, it fit perfectly with room to spare, so.

"[Finishes filling out the raincheck ticket] so, what do I do now, Crispy Crinkle? Just hand Jack Jackson my relationship raincheck ticket to him, hmm?"

"[Snatches the sex redemption ticket] give me ticket stub, Lys, because finally, ah-hah, finally I know everything [adds a couple of things to the back of the raincheck ticket stub] because now, I have to take care of everything!"

FYI, LOL, I knew nothing! Just read back to the first chapter, tee he, but I manage.

So, is this where I go into great detail about how I was going to take my previous flat screen up to the family cottage as a switch out because that's so exciting? No?

Well, since you probably remember from the first chapter, I rarely wear shorts and my family cottage could use a TV upgrade and my legs could use a little sun in private to tan them up to a perfectly golden fried fry color, so, did you want to hear about that, hmm? Oh, I should talk about that then, hmm? LOL, even I would pass out if I ever had the nerve to tan in a bikini outdoors!

But I may or may not have the nerve to prance around in short "at the cottage" shorts, we'll see.

Anyways, first things first.

"So, Golden Fry, what about our Luke then, hmm? He's our TV switch out connection guy and there might be a connection between the two of you, so?"

"Oh, Lys, I mean, switching out TVs might have connection issues, so, I mean, it's really more about making the switch out up at the family cottage than at my house here in town and I mean because I don't even know why it's that way, so?"

"Check, there's a connection spark, so, go on, Crinkle Cut."

"Yeah but, since nobody has been up to the cottage since Memorial Day, I mean, there is cottage opening checklist to go through and all because..."

"Check, there might be a cozy review of the checklist, check, so, go on, Golden Fry."

"I mean, the power, there are all those circuit breaker switches and everything, I mean, it's a..."

"Check, our connection guy, Luke, can switch the power on, so, go on then, Twinkle Crinkle Fry."

"But I mean, the water pump cleansing and flushing process and all because..."

"Check, twisting water knobs together at the cottage, check, so, go on, Wrinkle Fry."

"Oh, but the bedroom linen and all because..."

"Check, a cute wrestling match near the bed while all wrapped up in fresh linens, check, go on."

Hmm, that one almost sounded legit!

[But shakes head back and forth] I mean, it may sound like Lys had all of the answers, but come on, what guy on the planet, who apparently likes crinkle fries, would ever spend the long holiday weekend with me up at the cottage, especially when the family cottage is so secluded that the driving directions are go north on riverside drive for two hours and turn right just after the very last electric pole, hmm?

[Blinks blankly at the blog recording video camera]

Hah, let's see industrial accident Luke Lookers try that!

Besides, our family cottage is so north along the Middleton River that it's rocky and pebbly and other than a small flat area to sun tan in, I mean, the only other thing to do is to flyfish in the river down the embankment and what guy cares about that, hmm?

[Blinks blankly at the blog recording video camera, again]

"OMG [snatches back the completed raincheck ticket from the daydreaming Lil Fry] give me that ticket back [scribbles something else on the back of the raincheck ticket and tosses it back to Lil Burnt Fry], you know, for such a small fish fry, you're terribly impossible sometimes, Lil Fry!"

I mean, I don't know, I thought I had everything under legit raincheck process control, so.

"Oh, I mean, thank you for carefully packing up my new flat screen in the back of my truck then, um, Luke, so, um, I mean, maybe we'll see each other around sometime, so, um, you're the guy to call if I have connection issues, right, I mean, I should probably have your phone number handy or something because I'm, um, because of some reason, so?"

"Oh, I mean back, um, we have a connection geek squad on call, but I know what I'm doing, so, I mean, it's probably best that we exchange phone numbers because of some reason, so?"

"Yeah, but, I mean, back, back, that circuit breaker #6 up at my cottage goes "zit, zit, zit, pop" because I think the metal box outside for the embankment steps lighting system might have gotten some river or rain water in it and it needs to be opened and inspected, but I mean, I can point out the little metal electric junction box and all, but, um, for some reason, that's all I can do, so, um, unless that sounds like a ice tea moment because that's something that I can do, I mean, for some reason, so?"

"Oh, I mean, back, back, back, I mean, I can twist a screwdriver, I mean, a screwdriver twists the same as water knobs, so, I mean, is there always ice tea available after a little flyfishing then, because for some reason, I mean, I flyfish like everyone else who lives in Middleton, so?"

Well, I had to cut it off right there because of some reason before that guy, that other guy, Luke, ended up with a relationship relations raincheck ticket stub! And I never handed a ticket stub out without a quick make out session first. But we exchanged phone numbers.

Besides, for some reason, I mean, it felt like Lys put me on another mission, right?

"So, I mean, hey there and no more than hey there, Jack Jackson, so?"

"Oh, um, it's Twinkle Crinkle Cut, right? The queen of the cafeteria fryers back in school, right? The infamous weirdo who lives by the raincheck ticket code, huh? And how does that work because I recently ran into Lys Linders at the club and I wouldn't be at all mad if I had a decent way to keep myself in her thoughts, so, how does that work then, huh?"

Well, that was a first! A double-double, switchback, reversed raincheck ticket situation!

"Oh, Jack Jackson, since I wrote the book on the relationship relations raincheck ticket code, I'll help you with that. Question 1, do you believe that what happens at the cottage, stays at the cottage, hmm?"

"Um, check, I guess."

[Scribbles on the back of a fresh raincheck ticket stub]

"Good, question 2, would you always be willing to wear house provided boxer shorts while enjoying your morning eggs and bacon, hmm?"

"Um, that's weird, Small Fry, but sure, for morning eggs and bacon, so, check."

Oh, there are normal boxer shorts, nasty boxer shorts, designer boxer shorts and holiday boxer shorts, so, my cottage, my rules, the end.

"Great, question 3, my cottage circuit breaker #6 goes "zit, zit, zit, pop" and the embankment steps box needs to be opened and looked at for water damage, so, would you be willing to help this guy, Luke, with that before you go flyfishing, hmm?"

"Um, check, I think, but um, am I going flyfishing, Lil Crinkle Fry? I didn't think that a simple "I owe you sex" raincheck ticket was this complicated, so?"

"OMG, Jack Jackson, is that a "yes" or a "no" because there is a proper and thorough raincheck process to be followed and I'm the expert!"

"Um, geez, check, check, check, um, calm down, Hot Fry, check."

Sheesh! Some people, right?

Hmm, Lil Seasoned Fry vs. Lil Hot Fry, hmm? I mean for a cute bedroom nickname. And I mean for another time because technically, that guy, that other guy, Luke, didn't receive a raincheck ticket, so, the odds of him officially getting invited were as slim as his odds of getting lucky with me because for some reason, that's how my relations raincheck system works!

And I never ever said that I made sense in this chapter or in the last chapter.

"Alright, Jack Jackson, last raincheck ticket question then, are you willing to bring a bunch of bottles of the bubbly because if my cottage date gets an eyeful of Lys in a secluded riverside cottage bikini, I mean, I'm going to finally have to deal with that, so?"

Oh, well then, that was a big check, check, check from Jack Jackson! And a big "gulp" from me.

But you know, I had an escape plan since I forgot to mention to that guy, that other guy, Luke, that the TV service up at the cottage was just over the airwaves with a power booster box, so, I went back.

LOL, and then, oh boy, he made sure that he received a redemption slip for the way he tasted my lips behind the big box tech store!

"[Smooch] oh, we carry a boosting burning stick for that type of TV reception, Lil Fry [smooch], so?"

Oh, that guy, that other guy, Luke, carried a burning stick alright! And he tried to burn my fries with it right there behind the store.

And then I burned my raincheck ticket pad behind the store, but only because I didn't want my first time to go without a little practice, which, yeah, yeah, yeah, the practice run was with the same guy, that guy, that other guy, Luke, who was going to have a nice weekend, but it's my senseless story and that's my story and I'm sticking to my story, just the same as OMG, that guy, that other, guy, Luke, stuck it to my inexperienced mouth! Sheesh! What's the hurry?

[Ding, ding, ding]

Oh, the break bell, tee he, that was his hurry.

End Lil Fry 02