Lil Joey 03

Lil Joey 03

"Lil Joey, this isn't exactly a traditional challenge, but..."

"Oh, let me cut you off right there, Marcia, because I promise you that if you throw a challenge at me, then I will probably toss back a behind the back challenge to you to not that wear your tall knee boots for the next two weekends in a row, so?"

[Marcia can handle that, oops, Marcia's lips are starting to quiver and that is leading to leg shivering, which, oops, looks to be lending itself to a full body vibration and with too much eye bulging and all that seems to be creating static electricity in her hair, but she'll be fine.]

"OMG, what happened, Lil Joey? Why is Marcia turning grey and are you sure that she is breathing?"

[Marcia will be fine]

"Oh, it may have come up that a certain challenge might result in her not wearing her tall boots for two entire weekends in a row, that's all, Merri, so?"

"Are you fucking crazy? That's 3rd degree intentional attempted murder, Lil Joey! I'm calling 9118782!"

[Marcia will be fine]

[Yeap-Yeap! Flashing blueberries & strawberries. Yeap-Yeap!]

"[Click] base, car 409 requesting EMS Tech team to the Strip stat! Victim in full body convulsions. Code Super Nova starburst red! Who is responsible for this and I'll arrest everyone on the Strip until, ooh, oh, hey there [releases life-saving grip of the convulsing girl] Arianna, I didn't know that the Lava Java Coffee Shop was open this late, so?"

"(Giggles) Marcia will be fine, Officer Pete, so, release her boob and come inside of the Lava Java Coffee Shop and consider arresting me for not shaving for the last 11 months, tee he."

[Woo-Woo! Flashing oranges & strawberries. Woo-Woo!]

"[Click] base, EMS 187, female victim is shaking in her boots and since this is my first day on the EMS job and since I worked at Taco Barn up to yesterday, requesting input [click]."

"[Click] base here, Tech Tina, check for restricted air passages and unreasonable challenges, base over [click]."

[EMS Tech Tina turns to the crowd of gawkers]

"Well, guys and gals????"

Oh, that's me! LOL, for both.

"[Waves dainty hands in a weird fashion over the convulsing victim] Marcia, I rescind my unreasonable challenge and deem you challenge healed [extends thin arms into the air] and I repent by buying Tacos for everyone in front of Lava Java Coffee Shop!"

[See? Marcia is just fine. Well, now she is. And Tech Tina had an EMS Van full of Tacos anyways, so.]

"Well, well, well, there you go again, Lil Joey, causing a [munch, munch] fuss and making a commotion on the Strip, again!"

"Shut it, Barry! And just why is a Polo Shirt talking to me anyways, hmm?"

"Tee he, well, it's not because [munch, munch] the gawking crowd is a creating a distraction or anything, so, are we quietly slipping away while nobody is paying much attention to us right now and growing our friendship, huh?"

Well, something was growing! But my couple of times has made me realize that they, those things that grow, are fairly friendly. And we slipped away quietly down the Strip, so, what?

[A quick cheek peck because mushy Taco lips are not really attractive for lip smack kissing]

"Wait outside here and finish your Taco's, Polo Shirt, and I won't be long."

[The Tall Boots Shop on the Strip front door chime jingle, jangle]

"Welcome to the Tall Boots Shop and I already have three things to say. One, whatever you need, we have, two, what's all the commotion up the Strip with the sirens and flashing lights because I might be personally concerned about that and three, just what the hell are doing with a Polo Shirt on your arm, hmm, Lil Joey?"

"Paulette, shut it. One, I need to pre pay for two pairs of tall boots for Marcia because my double back challenge sent her into vibrating body convulsions, two, Officer Pete is busy with his night stick, so, don't worry about that and three, I mean, Polo Shirts are known to be, um, clean, right? Oh, and four, what the hell are those on the shelve behind you and why don't I own a pair, hmm?"

"Oh, those are a new crossover boot between what professional wrestlers have worn for years in the ring and with a thick rubber sole, so, tee he, starting now, you own three pairs (Cha-Ching) of the latest weird ass high tops! And the Polo Shirts are known to be "cleaner" as you say, but it will still be a hump, pump, thump and dump while leaving you in a slump of a lump on the bed situation, so?"

Well, the weird ass boots had a certain appeal. And so did Polo Shirt Barry, I guess.

But let's summarize that anyways. I've been humped more than a few times and a couple of different ways, so, check. And since I've administered the pumping twice (to four times), that's sort of a check. Um, thumping or getting thumped is the natural next step (gulp), so, technically, that box isn't checked off yet, but I imagine that being left in a slump of a lump goes in combination with being thumped silly, so, those three boxes should be connected at least with a dotted line. Check?

[The Tall Boots Shop on the Strip front door chime jingle, jangles the other way]

"Are you walking me back down the Strip to the Lava Java Coffee Shop area then, Barry, hmm?"

"[Cringles up Tacos paper wrappers] absolutely, Lil Joey, but I don't think it's a big secret between the two of us and the two of us only, that my goal is to hump you, pump you, thump you silly and then leave you crying in a slump of a lump on your bed, so?"

Well, that was a tad out of sequence, but he didn't mention dumping me right afterwards, so.

Besides, Barry actually broke down and walked us both to his Polo Shirt crew's spot on the Strip, so.

"Hi Polo Shirts, I mean, hi guys. Barry just found me wandering aimlessly up and down the Strip with this shoe bag in my hands and came to my rescue and that's all. Anyways, Edward, you're looking good these days, as are you, Brian and you as well, Peter, so, hi guys."

When you're not their favorite type of person, right? Awkward. But Polo Shirts, right? They have to grin and bear it.

"Oh, and a follow up because those eight moments were a tad awkward, what the hell, Edward, you smoke? Is that a box of cigarettes rolled into your bicep sleeve, when did that come about, hmm?"

"Aww, shush, Lil Joey and you saw nothing! I mean, they're candy cigarettes, but it looks cool, right?"

Hmm, no comment. But the impression under his sleeve did catch my eye, so, I guess, I don't know.

"Oh, that's cool as cool has ever been, Edward, I mean, if the four of you only wore matching black Polo Shirts tonight, I mean, I'd take over and march us down the Strip to mix it up with Goth Minor crew right now!"

"Hold please! Tee he."

Well, SOB! Always check the trunk of their sedan before opening your mouth, right? Just don't end up in the trunk.

"(Fucking Polo Shirts are exactly the same as well to do dweebs!)"

"[Shuffling with Polo Shirt change out] what's that, Lil Joey?"

"Oh, Edward, I was just mumbling to myself that I expected to see some pasty white skin during the shirt change out process, but apparently, you guys must always play as the "skins" team when you're playing those mean games of croquet then, hmm?"

Well, their chests had seen the sun, so.

"(Cha-Ching, someone finally noticed) oh, we play "skins" once in a while, I mean, it doesn't matter, so, let's get with strutting then, okay?"

"[Slides candy cigarettes up into Edward's bicep sleeve] there, this look should get you nowhere, I mean, somewhere, so, let's go."

I don't know, but all of a sudden, it felt like I had a little skin in the game, so.

"Oh, this is not happening! I mean, Lil Joey, you're harmless and neutral, but the Polo Shirts, even in black, I mean, nope! Unless your friend with the swooping hair bunch crossing his eye wants to share his cigarettes, so?"

Well, SOB again! I never really noticed Edward's swooping patch bunch clump of hair that crossed his forearm and teased his right eye!

"Oh, well, that's up to Edward then, Blue Toes, but I'll chime in right now and say that they are a much healthier brand of cigarettes, so, well, they're candy cigarettes, so, should we just start running now, hmm?"

Well, SOB! Is running exactly the same as engaging in a new bromance group hug and giggling?

And I was happy that they went the healthier way of smoking, but, ewe, at first, ewe, the Goth Minors were prepared to share and pass around one candy cigarette!

"Oops, oops, Edward has plenty of fake smokes, tee he, so, everybody gets their own to suck on!"

Great, an even bigger new bromance group hug and giggling.

"Well, well, well, here you are again, Lil Joey, causing another bromance commotion on the Strip!"

"Jason, shut it! But it's what I do, I guess, I don't know. Anyways, Jason, have you..."

"Eddy! Eddy my man! Hook me up, bro with a cig!"

Well, next time I'll just to enter the Strip from the most southern end then since that's where the Candy Cigarette Shop is since that's all it takes!

"(Beep, honk, beep)"

"Lil Joey, you look out of place hanging out with the, um, with the, um, with the this and that crews, so, jump in and I'll slip you back up the Strip where you belong, so?"

LOL, they say to never get a car with a guy after dark.

[They never listen, creak open goes the sedan door and slam shut it goes!]

"Hey there, boyfriend, I mean, Boyd. My Crossover is parked up the Strip near the Lava Java Coffee Shop, so, hit it like you want to hit me before you quit me!"

LOL, they say to never give a guy even a glimmer of hope.

"Turn left if you want to taste my lips, Boyd!"

[OMG, they just said it! Don't give them a glimmer of hope!]

"And park under one of the alley street lamps that doesn't work if, you know."

[And there it goes as the rulebook "flutter, flutter, flutters" out of the window]

Well, Boyd was my boyfriend once before at a video tournament day. Well, sort of, but it's listed somewhere in my "been humped, been pumped, been dumped" resume from above, so.

[Parks literally anywhere in the alley since none of the alley street lamps work]

"Lil Joey, are you going to make fun of me, huh?"

"Hah! Ask me in the back seat of your sedan, Boyd!"

[Sedan doors fling and flay open and there is a quick change of places!]

Um, no, but as I remember things, my boyfriend Boyd, is um, somewhere between a thick pencil and under what might be considered fairly normal and believe it or not, that helps.

Wait, that might be misleading. I'm still at mouth and hands level, so.

End Lil Joey 03