Lil XTC 01

[Huh, some guys actually took a box of popcorn from Janet and then turn their attention back to goth goddess, Evie Maye and her creamy white un-bronzed breast globes]

"Well, if you men are judging me for not knowing as much about bronzers as other girls, then maybe our little "Pigtails Under a Blanket" party isn't for you! But really, guys [push up, bounce, adjust, push up, bounce] is creamy white skin all that bad, hmm? Also, OMG Janet, I'll take the bronzing help! Quick!"

[Gentle gyrating and forward twerking, I mean, bumping, back in the shadows because Ernie figured it out. And Lil XTC back stepped even further into the shadows anyways.]

"(Psst, Ernie, we should stop, I mean, that's Hank huffing and puffing up the Strip, right?"

"(Psst, Lil XTC, he's my crew leader, so, I can't cut and run, but, listen um, is that, babydoll teddy bustier corset sheer black thingamabob top thingy that Evie is wearing, I mean, even legal?"

"(Psst, it goes against convention, Ernie, but it covers up the same as some shirts. Well, if the shirts are as sheer and thin as can be, but, listen, um, keep it under control back there, I mean, I'm still furious with you and we're a long way from "Mushroom My Salad" side party tomorrow night, got it?)"

Guys don't get it. All they want to do is to get it and then say stupid stuff like "I hit it and quit it during the "Smash My Potatoes" party", am I right, folks? Also, referring to the party as a "Mushroom My Salad" party was a poor choice on my part. Ernie can do whatever he wants with the split in my valley, but that's all. In five years when I get released from prison for considering how to electrify the handle bars on a few motorcycles because, you know, they left me!

[Back to the next huffing and puffing crew leader because there is commotion on the Strip]

"What the hell is going on around here, huh? This type of commotion on the Strip doesn't happen without me knowing about it first, so, someone speak up! And I see you over there, Ernie! I mean, you're two heads taller than, ugh, Lil XTC! Who looks nice tonight, but ahem, someone speak up!"

Well, I'm a little afraid to speak directly to Hank, so, I flashed him a thumbs up hand gesture and a smile for his favorable comment about my appearance.

[Tap, tap, tap, send in the next waves of the harmless sneak attacks, tap, tap, text sent]

Well, restaurants pictorially advertise their savory food dishes all the time, so.

[A not so much thump, clump, va-va-voom, va-va-voom, thump, clump, va-va-voom, va-va-voom, storm strutting from the direction of the Red Bag Shop just down the Strip because Lilly thinks that belting her burlap bag dress is getting her sexy on, but oh my, anyways because she cut both sides of the burlap potato bag, so there was that.]

"[The world's most awkward, yet gentle face slap ever] hmm, a bad boy then Hank, hmm? And just where is your Loafer Shoe bad boy crew guy, Junior anyways because he's my dreamy choice for our "Seafood Platter & Clam Shell Bra" party tomorrow night, hmm? Speak up, Hank!"

'Bah, bah, bah, Lilly, you have skin! And sides! And thighs! And..."

[Oh, Junior slipped out from behind Hank's shadow quick enough then]

"[Shakes head from side to side] um, oh, hah! This is all bunk and I'm putting an end to it right..."

[Oh, Junior thinks otherwise]

"Well, hold up, crew boss, I mean, hey there, hey, Lilly, I mean, I mean, that's some sweet ass burlap bag that you're strutting around in tonight and um, your belt seems to be hiking the burlap up just a little too much for being on the Strip and um, I should give you a safe ride home, so, um, you talk now, Lilly."

[Aww, two love birds stare awkwardly into each other's eyes because they've heard that's a thing]

"OMFG, What the hell is going on here? Has everyone gone crazy? And I see you over there too, Lil XTC and stop smirking like that! Anyways, I'm in charge here since my crew owns the Strip and I say there is no such thing as a "Steak Bites & Bite Me Back" party and I'm putting my foot..."

[An improved thump, clump, va-va-voom, va-va-voom, thump, clump, va-va-voom, va-va-voom, storm strutting from the direction of the Red Bag Shop just down the Strip from Sandra with a quick stop by the Deck Shoes crew for a finger fanning of the chins, the chins that were already on the ground from Evie Maye]

"Tsk, tsk, tsk, such yelling from such big men, tsk, tsk, tsk on all of you. Anyways, other than all of you men and gals, who are not invited to our "Butter My Toast or Toast My Bottom" party tomorrow, how is everyone tonight, hmm? And when I say every one of you who isn't invited, I mean, Gregory from the Deck Shoes crew is excluded since I've been reading up on what a good girlfriend experience involves and the chase is a big part of the capture and the capture has the promise of a good 30 minutes, so? Or maybe 2 minutes from what I've read on Chang about some men, I guess, so? And who has the can of spray bronzer?"

"[Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah from all the Strip crews who gathered in a circle]"

"(Psst, Sandra, remove your glasses!)"

[Oh, Sandra whips off glasses and strikes a "butter this" pose]

"(Psst, Sandra, remove your other pair of glasses too!)"

[A blind Sandra whips off her other, other glasses and holds her "how's my Texas Toast look" pose]

"[More bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah from all the Strip crews who gathered in a circle]"

"(Psst, Lil XTC, I can't take much more, so?)"

[Oh, that Ernie has it really figured it out now]

"(Psst, hush, Ernie, control it. Here comes Randi. But I like it, but, um, shush and control it."

[Um, it's more of a dancing and skipping up the Strip than a strut, but that's geeky and bouncy Randi]

"Hey guys, huh, let's see, that's about 5, 10, 15, 20, oh, about 20 guys who won't be in attendance at our "Creamy Dipping Sauce & Saucy Creamy Dipping Dancing" party tomorrow night at Lil XTC's place, so, too bad for you men, but all of you ladies are invited because we need some tips and some bronzer and while we're at it..."

[Well, that tracks, because here comes another huffing and puffing crew leader up the Strip to see what all the commotion is about]

"Well, well, well, once again, the Black Denim crew has to step in and squash all the commotion on the Strip, again! Which, one would think that the other weak ass crews here would be getting tired of us saving your asses by, oh, Randi, I mean, hey there, hey, Randi, um, I wasn't yelling, so?"

"Tee he, hey there, Mad Dog, but your "hey there, hey" is a waste of time on little ole me since I'm in the same gravy boat as Evie Maye, so?"

"Huh? And I wasn't yelling, Randi. We're the good bad boy crew on the Strip, so."

"Tee he (whisper, whisper, not much of my skin has much seen sunlight, so, everything is creamy, but dreamy, pasty white, whisper, whisper), so?"

"Bah, bah, bah, you're my woman, right, Randi? And crew leaders can have a girlfriend! And I wasn't yelling."

"Tee he, ask me again at the "Beef Tips & Nips" party tomorrow night, Mad Dog! Also, hell yeah, I'm your girlfriend [spider monkey jumps onto Mad Dog's chest]! Tootles until tomorrow night everyone (because I have a boyfriend now! Eek!)"

[Um, sometimes a "yes, I accept" kiss is the same as way too much PDA? Or PDH (public dry humping)]

"Lil XTC, now I'm dying!"

[Um, Ernie said that a little too loudly! But guys, right? There comes a moment when screaming out "argh, argh, argh, ooh, ooh, ahh, ahh, ugh" over rules the privacy of a moment.]

Well, he meant he was throbbing and grinding himself to death on my buns as best as he could and it felt like a trick to get me to back step us even further into the shadows of the alley access walkway. I mean, it worked and all, but I was afraid of the possible mess since I knew what to expect. Oh, I knew what to expect from videos on Chang, not because I have successfully booty bumped someone off before. Twice.

So, um, LOL, he won. And Ernie won even more since we had back stepped so deep into the shadows of the alley access walkway that spinning around and dropping down to my knees felt awfully natural, like way too natural, but that's what actually happened. But since it was with my new boyfriend, Ernie, who I was still furious with, I mean, well, it happened and tee he, huh, that didn't take long, tee he! Or for short, booty bumping may have more value that I ever thought to get the ball rolling. And it was better than what could have happened because you know guys, right? Once they start going all "spew, argh, spew, argh, spew, spew, ahh", it's a mess!

But I had a boyfriend now, so, whatever.

LOL, I so didn't have a boyfriend. But I quickly learned what to expect after the fourth "argh, argh, argh, argh", right? And does it have to happen with such a fury? Sheesh.

And, LOL (thankfully), a quick fury because I thought enough time would have passed that the crowd of crew guys would have dispersed by then. It did not work that way. Thanks to Evie Maye's discovery of wearing a babydoll teddy bustier corset sheer black thingamabob top thingy with a matching set of sexy night stuff black leather skirt, um, with some of this and with some of that and accented with some other stuff outfit on the Strip.

Um, I'm not very used to what had just happened, so, I staggered out of the alley access walkway just a little woozy, again, but I didn't pass out.

"OMG, Lil XTC, are you in need of medical attention? Quick, someone call EMS because Lil XTC, who looks nice tonight, is woozy and choking in the shadows of the alley access walkway from probably slurping down a Twirled Whipped Swirly too fast! And there won't be a "Scallops & Strapped Sandals" party tomorrow night without Lil XTC! Who looks nice tonight, by the way."

"[Cough, choke, spit, gag with a fury from a fury, cough] I'm okay, Stan, I'm okay [gulp], but I'm glad that you're here, Stan because [cough, swallow] my once small and quiet "Oysters & Ooze" party is getting out of control and I've already ordered all the food that there is in Middleton and I need crowd control, Stan, crowd control, I say [cough, gulp, ewe, gag, pull it together], so, did you goth guys vote then, hmm [gag, gulp, don't spit, cough]?"

"Oh, we voted alright, Lil XTC and we voted that from now on, Evie should dress like this every 1st and 3rd Friday nigh and then we voted again and tossed in the towel and agreed that Evie should look like this every Friday night where Friday ends with a "y" and then Lou voted a couple of extra times for her hair and then..."

"OMFG! Finally, someone said something about my blow out! Which, tee he, I actually got yesterday at 3pm, so, maybe I owe Dexter a return glow up for his 3pm statement, but, um, ooh, you were just telling Lil XTC that our crew has the lead on crowd control tomorrow night at the "Pork & Poke" party, um, right, Stanley?"

Well, it may seem like my "girls" only party had plenty of guys involved, um, well, I'm not sure what happened there, but stayed tuned for the actual "Braised Beef & Bronzed Boobs" party coming next.

End Lil XTC 01