All Comments on 'Lilly aka G4m3rGir1_69'

This is the feverish wet dream of a thirteen-year-old. Piss-poor writing, cardboard characters... Just shitty.

But the grammar errors destroyed any chance this had of being good.

Do yourself a favor and get an editor.

I liked this story about to kids with a connection and little else in common. Yes the mechanics of the writing could use some help, but you told a bleeping story about characters that went someplace. That is what storytelling is about. Writing skills can be learned and mastered, the gift of telling a story is much more difficult. That you've got. Learn the rest, keep at it, I'll keep reading.

... More than most can say.

You can tell a story, create a credible plot, even build some tension. Now you need to hone your craft.

Use a spell checker, use a grammar checker, take advantage of the free editor program available on literotica. Keep writing and reading, it't the only way to get better.

Not a bad effort, really. If you like stories about gaming and gamer girls, you may want to check out my Gamer Goddess series, in the exhibitionist & voyeur category. It's usually in the first five of the Top List.

Keep writing - I think you've got potential.

good story, hope you continue the story, keep writing even if this story doesnt continue and i'll read it.

way too many metaphors

Plz continue the story also in other chapters plz still include the gaming theme

It's a great story. But I think your aware of your spelling errors. But I like you're sense of reality. Most of the writers I follow kind of exaggerate some attributes in the story. But you keep it real. But it's almost too real, almost, you still passed in my opinion. Anyway, you did a good job, you just need a little improvement.

You tell a good story, you just need to work on the nuts and bolts of writing. A big part of this is as you were told above, use spell checker but also back that up with a dictionary. We've all seen the autocorrect errors, and Word will try to make your grammar weaker sometimes rather than improve it.

You got great praise from Tx Tall Tales, and Gamer Goddess is one helluva story. I heartily recommend you read it.

I would also suggest that you check the editor list, and find someone to assist you in tuning your stories. There are lots of us on that list, and helping writers is what we do.

Best of luck in your writing.

Mike

A sequel would be nice :D

This is the best story I've read on here and I've read hundreds by now. This is the only one I felt the need to post a comment on as well. Thank you good sir.

Nice face to face meeting

Good story, but another chapter would be great.