Lily's Playlist Pt. 01

***Disclaimer***

This is a slow burn, lots of chapters, fun and drama. If romance and chicklit with erotic mixed in is your thing, read on 😄

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The Bitch is Back by Elton John

I stood outside the door of Ethan's two story home, the confidence that got me there quickly fading. The skinny jeans, blue tee, and vest I agonized over that morning felt too casual and too hot at the same time. It was still spring, nowhere as hot as it could get in Dallas, but I was so uncomfortable. The old me wouldn't care. In fact, the girl that Ethan knew would have thrown on basketball shorts and a t-shirt and wouldn't have given it a second thought. I knew my feelings had nothing to do with my outfit or the weather, but the man I came to see. One of the last times we were alone was about two years ago. He told me he had feelings for me, and I told him I was moving to California. I tried to push those memories back, but they came anyway.

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-Flashback: 2 years prior-

I relaxed as I stretched out on my bed fully dressed. I just got home from my graduation dinner. I was officially a Doctor of Physical Therapy. My adoptive father wasn't as pleased as he would be if I was graduating medical school, but I didn't let that dampen my accomplishments. I realized that I owed him a lot, but not my life. I needed to make my own choices.

My adoptive brother Cam was there too. He was reserved, holding back not only his disappointment and anger at me, but his pride. 2 weeks ago changed everything.

My phone rang from my nightstand. It was Ethan. I sighed before answering.

"Hey"

"Is this a good time? Can I come over so we can talk?" he asked.

"Sure"

I hung up the phone and waited 20 minutes before I heard knocking at the front door of my best friend's and roommate Rocky's house. I let him in, trying hard to ignore the way his eyes roamed over me in my dress and cardigan. He hardly ever saw me in anything other than my scrubs, casual clothes or nothing at all. I shake those thoughts away and lead him to my room.

"So what's up?" I asked, facing him.

"Congratulations." he said simply, handing me an envelope.

"Thank you. You didn't have to do this."

"I didn't. EJ did."

I watched him as he ran his hand through his hair. I went to open it but he stopped me.

"Can we talk first?"

When I nodded, he led us to my couch.

"I'm sorry about everything that happened with your brother." He began as soon as we sat down.

I cut him off. "It wasn't your fault. Don't worry about my brother."

"Ok," he continued, "Well I guess I just wanted to tell you that I know everything between us has been...."

"Completely fucked up?" I supplied, sarcastically. A smirk appeared on his lips.

"A little," He admitted. " but regardless of all that, it's been...amazing"

I knew the shock was evident on my face, but I recovered quickly. "You're not so bad yourself." I grinned, winking dramatically.

He chuckled. "First of all, that wink was really creepy." I laughed at that. "Second, I'm not talking about the sex. Well, not only the sex." He clarified.

When he grabbed my hands and looked in my eyes, my stomach flipped- with both nerves and desire. "It's been amazing getting to know you. I want you in my life as my girlfriend."

I took a deep breath and stood, dropping his hands. I paced around the floor.

"Lily, say something." Ethan said, watching me.

"Say what?" I responded.

"Anything. What do you think?"

"I think that we said it wasn't... it couldn't be serious. This was a rebound for you." I said, trying to pull him back to his senses.

"I know what I said. Maybe it started out that way, but it's not that way anymore. At least, not for me." Ethan explained, standing up to face me. " I have real feelings for you Lily. I love-"

"I'm moving to California" I blurted out, before he could finish.

"What? Why?" He said, confused.

"I've been offered a fellowship and I'm taking it." I applied before any of the drama happened with my brother, but these last couple weeks had been the final push for me to go back to California and complete the list of goals I set for myself at 17 before I moved to Texas.

"Ok..." He responded. "Ok. I'm ok with that. However long the fellowship, I'm willing to make it work. We can make it work."

I shook my head. He was not apart of my plans. He couldn't be, no matter how I felt about him. "No... I don't think that's a good idea."

"Don't think. Just tell me how you feel?" Ethan pleaded.

"I told you how I felt when this first started. This was just temporary. It was just fun." I said softly. I watched his eyes darkened, before he nodded, turned around and headed out the house. I let the tears fall as I opened the envelope.

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-Present-

The thought of the letter in the envelope snapped me back into the present. The little crayon drawing with Dr. Harris written on the top gave me the last bit of courage to push the doorbell. I had no idea what the future holds for me and Ethan, but I knew for sure I wanted to re-establish my relationship with his son, Ethan Jr. I waited for maybe a minute before I heard the doorknob turn. My nerves went haywire when the door finally opened.

I smiled, nervously when Ethan's eyes met mine. His eyes widened in surprise as he looked me over. I took that time to study him too. I know it's cliché, but he was the epitome of tall, dark and handsome. He was taller than me at 6'2, with smoldering dark brown eyes and smooth pecan brown skin. His lean built frame made the plain jeans and t-shirt he was wearing look so sexy. He was wearing his signature Nikes, a blue pair I have not seen before. He looked better in person than in the minimal photos on his social media that I occasionally stalked.

I wondered if he was dissecting every little thing about me like I was about him. I hadn't changed that much physically. My hair was layered and chestnut brown with ombre tips, something my poor graduate student self did not have the time nor money for back when we were hooking up. My body was toned from the chicken, fish and turkey diet my father lived by that I mostly adhered to and my commitment to work out at least 5 times a week. Everything else about me was the same: same hazel eyes, 5'9, permanent bronze skin due to my mixed ethnicity.

"Lily... Hey." He recovered with a small smile.

"Hey." I said, nervously. We stood there, staring, until I cleared my throat. "Sorry for just dropping in on you."

"Oh. It's ok. Come on in." I sighed in relief as he opened the door to let me in. I followed him as he led us to his kitchen. "Can I get you a drink?"

"No, that's fine. Were you on your way out?" I asked, noticing the quiet of the house, his shoes, and the keys on the counter.

"I have time." He answered plainly.

"I just realized you changed your number. I tried to get in touch with you at your office, but Shelly told me that you've been working remotely."

"Yeah, it's Spring Break for EJ. I was spending some time with him." Ethan explains.

"Awesome. Any plans?" I asked him, trying to ignore how weird this conversation was: small talk like strangers.

"You know my mom always plans something; this year was a stay-cation in Grapevine. We're going to do Legoland."

"Aw, I'm sure he's going to love that. I watched the Lego Movie because he recommended it. I was singing 'Everything is Awesome' for like a month" I commented. He gave me a genuine smile and it gave me the confidence to continue.

"Um, I actually wanted to talk to you. I don't know if you heard that I was moving back to Dallas, but I am." I paused to wait for his reaction. When he just stared, unaffected, I felt uneasy and flustered all over again. "I was wondering if it's ok if I started hanging around again. For EJ. With EJ I mean. Geez, let me try that again." I took a deep breath, avoiding his eyes. "Is it ok if I start being a part of EJ's life again?" I finally asked.

Something flashed in his eyes, but it was gone before I could decipher what it was.

"When did you ever stop? He always brags he's the only kid that gets year-round gifts from his best friend Lily." Ethan replied.

I felt tears well up in my eyes. EJ and I kept in touch over the phone and with the care packages I sent him, but I didn't think he would remember how close we were or the nicknames we called each other.

I smiled to hide my tears.

"I really gotta get going now." He said abruptly, heading to the door.

"Of course." I followed him to the front door. I was stepping out when he stopped me.

"You need my new number right?"

"Right, so I don't have to stalk you to get in touch with you." I joked, putting his number in my phone.

"Alright, see ya"

"See ya soon"

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-Flashback: 3 years prior-

I sat holding EJ's hand in the hospital room. I kept going over and over all the signs I missed. I MAJORED in kinesiology. My dad spent all of my youth grooming me to go to med school and be a doctor. I was so glad I decided against that: I couldn't even diagnose asthma in a 4-year-old. His mother Megan said he was getting over a cold when she dropped him off to go on a date with my brother Cameron. Megan was a temp at Cam's job and a single mother who didn't have a ton of time to date. I gladly babysat EJ when I could and after 5 months of them dating, I'd grown attached to him. Nothing tipped me off to something being wrong wit EJ until he started wheezing and rubbing his chest. Now he laid in a hospital bed, sleeping, with an IV and a breathing mask.

My self-deprecating thoughts were interrupted as a man rushed to EJ's bedside. His face noticeably paled as he looked him over; A face that looked eerily like EJ's. A nurse followed him into the room.

"Are you his legal guardian?" The nurse asked him while overlooking EJ's chart.

"Yes. I'm his dad." he answered. I felt my body tense in disgust at that half-truth. Maybe he was his biological father, but he sure didn't act like a dad.

"Your child has been diagnosed with asthma. He suffered an asthma attack, but the medicine and oxygen are doing their job. A doctor will be in shortly to talk to you. Is his mother still on her way?"

"Yes. She should be here soon." I answered. She nodded and left the room.

"Where is Megan?" EJ's "dad" asked me.

His cold tone threw me off. "On her way." I answered briefly, matching his tone. The last time I talked to my brother, they were leaving his apartment and heading back to Dallas. It was a 30-minute drive, but I was sure traffic and hospital parking was the reason they hadn't arrived yet.

"Who are you?" He asked, finally looking over at me. "Why wasn't Megan with my son?"

"I'm his babysitter." I crossed my arms, pissed at his line of questioning. He had no right to ask questions, considering he wasn't in his son's life enough to know who watched him. "She deserves a break every now and again- being a full-time working mom is hard when a man abandons his son." I answered sharply, barely containing my abhorrence. I noticed him grimace before his face became emotionless. I gave myself a mental pat on the back. Served him right- he deserved to be shamed, and more.

Just then, Megan raced in the room. I quickly stood to let her sit by her son. "Oh EJ." She gasped. I noticed she flinched when she looked over at EJ's dad. I could not believe he had the nerve to be upset with her....

"What happened?" Megan asked, sitting down, turning away from Ethan to me.

"He had an asthma attack while we were playing hide and seek." I answered.

"Oh god." she moaned.

"Megan-"EJ's dad started.

"Can I find out what's wrong with my son please?" She sobbed, refusing to look at him. I looked between the two of them, totally confused by their dynamic.

"Well, thankfully the babysitter had the common sense to bring him to the ER. I'm trying to understand why you hired a babysitter to go Christmas shopping. My mom would have watched him." He questioned her.

In the moment, I realized what was going on. I felt my eyes widen as she shot me a quick, guilty glance.

This lying, cheating, bitch -

I couldn't finish my thought because my brother Cam came into the room. He immediately went to Megan's side as all eyes focused on him.

"Where were you Megan?" Ethan asked her softly. Something in his tone and the way he was looking at her broke my heart- it was a mixture of disbelief, anger and a tiny bit of hope that she had a good explanation for her lies. I knew the situation was hopeless- I hopped up and grabbed Cam's arm.

"We need to go. Now." I said, sharply pulling on his arm.

"What? No. I'm not leaving them alone." Cam said, protectively, shaking me away.

"Cam-" I begged on death ears.

"No stay." Ethan demanded, harshly. He looked at me and my brother coldly. "If my fiancée wants you here, you should stay."

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***Present***

My phone rang, bringing me out of my trip down memory lane. The conversation I had with Ethan reminded me of my first conversation with him: awkward, confusing, and full of deception. Only now I was the one telling lies. I knew that I wanted to be a part of Ethan's life too, not just EJ's. I grabbed my phone and saw it was Rocky calling me.

"What's up Rocky?" I answered, holding the phone between my head and shoulder as I drove.

"Hey girl. Where you at?" She says cheerfully.

"On my way back to your house. I just left Ethan's."

"I just got off work. Meet me at Fuzzy's. I wanna hear all about it before Brandon gets home." She exclaimed.

"Alright. I'm on my way." I smiled.

"I would take it as a good sign. You know how protective he is about EJ. He knows inviting you back is inviting you into his life as well. He could've just said no; he had every right to." Rocky said, matter of factly as she sprinkled burnin' butt sauce on her fish tacos.

I looked up from my shrimp burrito and glared at her. How could she think that?!? I wanted to deny it, but the way she narrowed her eyes at me made me stop.

Racqelle got the nickname Rocky from our friends in college because she was the verbal heavy weight champion. She wasn't one to pick fights, but they all ended with a TKO with her fast wit and no-nonsense superiority. She was 5'5 and petite and even I had serious doubts if I could take her out in a fight. We've been friends since our first year of college and we've never had a major blowout, even when we lived together while I attended grad school. The way she was looking at me, I knew she was equipped to go to battle for that statement.

I took a bite of my borracho beans. I enjoyed the bacon and beer flavor as I tried to see her point. After the scene at the hospital, when Ethan found out about Megan cheating, he cut me out of EJ's life. I completely understood him needing time to adjust and figure things out. I wasn't going to debate that, but I knew how it felt to be abandoned at a young age and not understand why. My mother raised me until I was four before giving me up for adoption. I still had questions. I wasn't going to do that to EJ. When Christmas rolled around that year, I made sure to send him a tablet, preloaded with games and our pictures together so he knew I hadn't forgot about him. Ethan eventually came around to me being in EJ's life. That situation was worse than now. Why would he want to keep me away?

Rocky shook her head when I explained and asked that.

"That situation was out of your control. You and your brother were misled by Megan. This situation was all on you and you fucked it up." Rocky declared, taking a bite of her fried potatoes. "Big time" She emphasized.

"That's not fair. Just because I didn't want to be with him-"

Rocky scoffed and gave me her 'tell that to someone who believes it' smirk.

"I wasn't ready to be with him," I corrected, "it doesn't give him the right to just cut me off."

"Yeah it does, if it makes him uncomfortable with his son. You going behind his back to keep a relationship with EJ when you left? That would be enough for him to cut you off."

I blushed with shame. I got to say goodbye to EJ and I promised him I'd keep in touch. Ethan told me at the time I didn't need to. He told me he would explain my absence and sooner or later EJ would accept that I was gone. That thought was so depressing, I made sure to call Brandon, Ethan's younger brother and Rocky's current boyfriend, on the days I knew he was watching EJ to talk to him. It lasted for a few weeks until I got a call from Brandon. He went off on me, telling me it was not fair to put him in the middle of me and Ethan. He had no idea how upset Ethan would be when he learned I was still in communication with his son and not run it by him. I apologized profusely and called Ethan that night. He didn't answer. He texted me back and let me know it was fine that I was still talking to EJ. I never got a chance to apologize...

"Look, I understand why you did it. Do you understand why it is a big thing that he's okay with all this? I mean, even Brandon thought you were a bitch for that." Rocky explained.

I winced at that. Brandon was once the number one supporter as far as Ethan and I being together. The fact that he felt that way really made me feel worse.

"I think this time around, you have to be honest about every possibility to how this might play out and what you want." Rocky finished.

I nodded sadly.

"Snap out of it. You've been back for 8 hours! I wanna have fun. Not think about sending you back to your daddy!"

I smiled at that. "That ain't happenin'. The bitch is back!"

"Bitch! Go get us more queso. You finished the last of it!"

We both busted out laughing.