- How To
- Lisa's Suggestions for Happy Swinging
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Since I started posting stories of my playtime adventures I have received numerous requests asking how to get wives involved in this lifestyle. On the surface this seems like a simple question but we are dealing with a woman so it gets complicated. We are complicated creatures.
In today's society some of the old moors have been toned down, but they still exist. Girls are brought up to think that having casual sex is something that only sluts or tramps do. This is not all girls but probably a majority. Secondly they are taught to be lady like and ladies don't have casual sex. These influences can dampen a girl's sexual desires because of the negativity attached to it. I know for me it took awhile before I felt comfortable with my sexual desires. I did what I wanted but felt like a bad girl for doing it. So the first obstacle that has to be overcome is to help her change her attitude toward sexual activities.
For me I was liberated from those guilt feelings when I started going to swingers clubs and realized how many other women had the same desires I did. I wasn't alone, but part of a large group. So my suggestion would be to go slowly and help her feel comfortable having sexual desires that are outside her normal comfort zone. Watch porn together and when she feels comfortable watching suggest she fantasize about that being her. Make sure she knows you don't think less of her for doing so. Letting her know these thoughts and fantasies excite you may also help.
In my experience there are very few women that feel truly comfortable with their bodies. We all want certain parts to look better. Be sincere and let her know how good you think she looks. She will be able to tell if you are not sincere. Try and make her feel like a sexual goddess or at least special in your eyes.
Probably the most important part of any relationship is HONEST communication. This is even more important in an open type relationship, because there are perceived threats in an open relationship. Make sure your partner knows they are very important to you, that you love them. In your open, honest communication set ground rules that you can both live with. You can always change these as you move forward. Whatever you do don't break the rules you established. It can create a very bad situation. Assure one another that swinging is purely sexual recreation, not a search for a better partner. Women are jealous by nature so be aware and don't give her reason to get jealous.
If you follow these suggestions you just might succeed in convincing her to give it a try. Now comes the part you didn't expect. A very large contingent of men are insecure deep down on the primal level. You need to face this before you go into this. I have seen several instances where couples have gone to swing clubs and the woman hooks up with a guy and the husband sees her enjoying the physical attention and his insecurity erupts and he causes a scene. The whole purpose of getting into this lifestyle was for both of you to increase your sexual pleasure. So if she is having a good time, be happy for her.
You must also remember in all swinging situations both parties have to agree to play together. There may be times when you set your sights on a certain woman and she may not want to play. This really is not a rejection but her choice not to play at this time. On another night she may have said yes. By nature men are more sexually oriented than women. They want all the women they can have. Women on the other hand are content with fewer satisfying encounters, for the most part. There are women like me that like quantity but we are the minority. So don't get discouraged or angry when your dance card is not as full as you would like it and your partner is off having a good time. In the end, if you are patient and understanding the cards will equal out. Another factor is that most swing clubs allow singles and single guys always out number single girls. This means women have a larger field to pick from. So we have more to choose from and most are not looking for quantity so your chances of scoring are less than your partner's.
After any kind of swinging experience, make sure that both of you spend some quality time with each other and reaffirm your love and commitment to each other. All too often we get caught up in our daily schedules with work and other events and we forget to take the time and let our partners know how important they are to us. Open relationships can be very pleasurable but only if the couples involved spend the time and show the commitment that is required to keep the relationship strong and happy. All good relationships are based on mutual trust and in an open relationship this goes double.
I hope these suggestions are helpful. Before I met my husband I made a lot of mistakes and fell prey to others that were untrustworthy and insecure and things ended poorly. So these suggestions are the product of my experiences. They work for us.
- COMMENTS
insincereover 10 years agoCan you please give me ideas on how to hold an erotic masquerade party? It needs to 'unfold' delicately as my husband isn't as broad minded as me. I'd love to surprise him with this but not go over the top
Anonymousalmost 13 years agoAre you referring to heathland or 16th Century black people? Or do you mean "mores"?
BillH27284almost 13 years agoHey guys,
Been a swinging couple since we met, and you nailed it. Know your rules, don't violate, change them as you feel comforatable. The end.
seawardsailoralmost 13 years agoThanks, Good artical, Hope to hear more advice when you have time. Any and all is good. Please keep it up
Anonymousalmost 13 years agoMores is the Latin plural of mor/mos and means "acquired customs and manners"; social and moral conventions
roomfor1morealmost 13 years agoAfter reading your posting I found several problems with your story. First problem is your posting really does not go into any great length about the issue women face about the message they receive about being a good wife and being a good girl. You suggest that porn and going to swinger's club is the solution. However you forget to recognize that the process to help a woman get comfortable with the idea can take years, it may not always be possible to over come that hurdle, and it requires her husband to be supportive.
Second problem, you neglect that not every couple that may read this article lives near a swingers club. Those who live in rural states for example Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota, parts of Nebraska and Kansas may live live literally hundreds of miles from the nearest club. How do these couples who want to try swinging participate? Since they do not live near a club does that mean they are excluded from the experience?
Third problem, is you equate swinging to an open relationship. Personally, I disagree with that comparison. From my experience only a small percentage of couples that try group sex (e.g. threesome, foursome, orgy, greedy girls / bukkake, gang bang) actually make it a part of their sexual repertoire. In addition, I do feel there are qualitative differences between swinging and an open relationship. My feeling, the difference lies in the degree to which emotional monogamy exists in the couple's relationship. This means not all swingers have open relationships and not all couples that have an open relationship are swingers.
Fourth problem, is your logical structure of this opinion piece. For example, about 2/3 of the way down you state, "If you follow these suggestions you just might succeed in convincing her to give it a try." To me this seems out of place and should come at the end. This gives, me as the reader, confusion as why you continue on and do not properly conclude your article.
Fifth problem, you talk about issues that males can have even though this article is written for males to help their female partner over come some common issues that are encountered or for females to guide them in taking their first step. To me this is something that should come in another piece, I find it is irrelevant, and I find it serves as a distraction.
Sixth problem, I find that you neglect the issues that women can face, such as wanting to preserve the relationship and investing time in building the relationship. Along that line, you neglect to mention that compromise is needed but not at the cost giving up core beliefs. Finally along this line, you neglect to mention that using pressure, using this type of activity to fix a relationship, or using it to add spice to a relationship can lead to problems. Such problems that can be encountered may included feeling guilty, depression, anger, or it can bring forward underlying relationship issues.
Seventh problem, you neglect to mention that this activity is not suited for every couple, especially those that have relationship issues or issues of jealousy. Also you do not mention that it is risky and the decision needs to be carefully considered.
Finally, I will agree with other posters about the amount of advice you are asked for on how to get a wife into this is not a lot and the advice you has posted in this article, I feel, is severely lacking.
Anonymousalmost 13 years agoThe last comment mentioned the "Anon Taliban" so what is your REAL name? mr or mrs blueslk? of course you are a "Anon Taliban" as well that hates other peoples opinions. That sounds just like the REAL Taliban. He or she should join the real Taliban and join the Nazi party as well they hate free speech too.
blueslkalmost 13 years agoThe ATs (Anonymous Taliban) strike again. What must their lives be like?
Anonymousalmost 13 years ago"Since I started posting stories of my playtime adventures I have received numerous requests asking how to get wives involved in this lifestyle."
BULLSHIT.
Anonymousalmost 13 years agoHaving been in open (and healthy, no STDs, silly fearful trolls) relationships most of my life, I found your suggestions to be familiar advice, written clearly and backed up with solid observations about women, from a woman. A real view of the inside of a lifestyle many fantasize about, but rarely have the faith in love to experience. Probably why scared men gotta be haters... And yeah, the morals of a society is spelled "mores", yet I understood what you were talking about, as would most people who'd understand the word in the first place.
