All Comments on 'Little Elephant'

Thank-you for a beautiful story.

Thank you, a new favourite, a delight.

Thank you for the beautiful story

Very good story!

Wish it had been in 2 or 3 parts.

5

Ben is too hopeless a wimp.

To Speak? Or not to Speak? Puh-leeeze!

And he's afraid of his shadow..but want to be dominant...so he asks permission?

And he's Mum's Boy?

No. Just no.

To your continuing credit...Your sense of place and character voice is intact.

KEY Fixie: Especially before we FINALLY get Ben's full name...

I repeatedly couldn't tell whose head we were inside??

Plus.....Nell...Nella...and Nelson???

You MUST make clearer the transitions! At least when the characters switch.

I still love your writing...Just not this one.

That was fucking amazing!

That has got to be the hottest story I have ever read on this site.

I can almost see the young boy in the first pages of this the insecurities the doubts, and then his finger on the self destruct button, I kept saying to him no, don't you bloody dare she doesn't deserve this. Then he responds to her kindness, her love, not quite happy ever after. There will be doubts and insecurities down the road but I have faith in them now they will make it, a warm vibrant love. Well done Sara you have such strong characters. Quite often the women, I wonder why.

Bob

Beautiful!

Tender, and full of powerful emotion. Easily 5 stars

....for all your comments!

KingCuddle - I'm sorry this one wasn't enjoyable for you. And you are right to point out that the names are probably confusing - my mistake.

Just on the question of tracking which viewpoint is whose in this story (and for any of my other stories that are told from two points of view) - the point of view switches on a regular pattern - a/b/a/b/a/b and so on, and the switch is indicated by three of these +++. So this story starts with Nella then Ben, then back to Nella and so on.

For all you lovely commenters - thank you! I was wanting to write about someone who is conflicted - about a lot of things - and trying to find his way; wanting to find it with his best friend but afraid of the consequences too.... I think as Devilboby says, it's a relationship that will probably always be fraught with difficulties. But we hope love will help them succeed.

Sarax

From the start, a complicated beginning. Friends, desire, word games (oh how I wish I had your vocabulary!), the communication between each other, as well as inside their own minds. You outdid yourself this time.

Then into insecurities, our heroine’s strength and our hero’s mental illness (aren’t all true artists a little mad? It’s why they see the world in a unique way from us mundanes). Finally the lovemaking that was - control and giving up control. Can two people be more intimate?

Thank you for this story. 10 stars (if I could)

Soooo good. I love the depth of your story and the 'real" characters in it. You solved a lot of puzzles in how difficult issues could be solved and how love can conquer. The change in point of view is often distracting in stories for me; here I had no issues, the fact that you didn't announce who's point of view the story was going to go into, helped it flow naturally for me. And so clever; lots of little Elephants can become one huge one, but if you take them on separately it becomes easier to send them out of the room. Thank you so much, I haven't noticed what's going on in the world for the day.

In effect a simple story. Yet, so expertly woven that the details make it really special. To me, your talent really shines in the way you can so smoothly interweave, thoughts, action, and conversation. Your the one author that sticks in my mind to push me to find those little touches when I write. Thank you.

Sara, sterling writing as usual. Better, in fact, because the details you put in the lives of your characters and your clever descriptions are part of the love-making scenes. Others have commented on the way you keep Ben's need to really play domination games sub rosa. So perhaps you missed an opportunity when you didn't make the corset scene one in which the corset is bound a bit too tight, or Ben reacts a bit more to how it affect Nella's skin. Doesn't really matter, the story works as is, getting into the minds of a developing romance. But drama lies in conflict.

One puzzle: perhaps it is deliberate. You are masterful at building the tease and tension of a love scene, but for some reason you throw the climaxes away. I know they can be hard to make convincing, but I am looking forward to you having a character metaphorically fly apart or go up in flames or drown in a whirlpool at that culminating moment. What are the sexiest moments you can recall, or imagine as a man or woman reaches that crest you have been building to for a whole scene or even a whole story?

Inspiring. LK

Two fully developed characters, playing off each other, his bouts of ... panic? depression? The tenderness of the first time they make love, the sensuality of the first photo shoot leading to doubt, anxiety and second guessing... now THAT is how to tell a story!

Your characters are firmly believable, their turmoil vividly recognizable. The fear of transition between your protagonists is acutely and almost instinctively identifiable. The sensuality is expressed with turgid prose, striking like a hammer into the sensibility, drawing the reader into the vortex of their angst and passion. So well done!

thank you!

Spectacular story. You create such tension in the characters, and the sex scenes smolder then burst into flame. I resonated with Ben wanting to dominate yet also needing to honor Nell. And Nell has to take charge in their relationship to show him that she wants what he does. This yin/yang with both characters in their personal and professional lives works perfectly. I took some tips for my own writing. Thank you so much.

You are just too brilliant! I love the passionate buildup, the realistic elephants that emerge, the heat your amazing characters generate. Please write some more!

A little long for my tastes. Well written, though. Plenty of depth. Following Ben’s mental flailing was treacherous.

You write so well I am shocked when there is an error. I will be the asshole now; you used taught when you meant taut. And prevaricating means lying. Having said that, I LOVE how you write. Thanks.

Marvelous! I really don't have the vocabulary necessary to describe my appreciation for ... everything: the mix of emotions, the ebb and flow of varying emotions (love, fear et cetera)

I like it that Nella is a lawyer (she uses the jargon of the trade in her musings)

I just like it

I fear that this is probably the last Sara2000Z story I'll read for the first time - I hope you are finding as much satisfaction in your current pursuits

so excellently written. and a compelling, if very dramatic, story! you pull off the two perspectives thing well!