Little Packages Ch. 06

"Why the cranky face?"

"Nothing. I told Ben we were on our way and he hasn't responded. I'm worried he's mad at me," I said.

"Why on Earth would he be mad with you?" she said.

This was an odd friendship Meg and I were building, but she was one of the few people I could talk to about my relationship with Ben. My school roommate Gillian was in Toronto and, when she was responding to my texts, was no help in figuring out men, what with her being a lesbian and all. Michelle's responses were either to joke it off, tease me, or talk about herself.

So my go to for relationship advice was a slightly bitter divorce lawyer, who was also my Daddy's best friend, and who had seen my ass on our first meeting. Oh well. Desperate measures.

"I kinda woke him up when I jumped him last night and he was a bit cranky. I'm worried he's mad at me," I said.

Meg laughed.

"So a middle aged guy got woken up in the middle of the night by his sexy, much younger girlfriend, because she wanted to get laid. And you're worried he's mad with you? C'mon, Kit. Think that through," she said.

"Well, when you put it that way," I conceded.

"Look, his parents were up and ready to go at the crack of dawn this morning. He might have forgotten his phone or it isn't charged. They might not be giving him a chance to breathe. Don't stress about it. They love you. You're doing great," she said.

Which cut to the heart of it. His parents.

"Yeah, but what if they don't," I said. Even I had to admit that came out whinier then I would have liked.

"Then you'll join a very large group of people who don't get along with their partner's family. There are t-shirts and weekly meetings. You'll be fine," she said.

We hit traffic heading into Kingston and inevitably we began to slow down and eventually came to a stop. Everyone was trying to get into town for Canada Day. Meg looked unphased. Living in Toronto means you're used to wasting hours of your life stuck in a car going nowhere.

To my surprise I heard myself saying, "I don't like disappointing him or making him mad."

God, I sounded like a little girl. And then I realized that I was feeling Little and submissive. I was so fuzzy when I woke up this morning I hadn't processed it. And normally I have Daddy around to take care of me in the mornings and he wasn't here. So I was acting whiny and bratty around Meg. She looked at me, then back at the road. I turned crimson and was wondering if I should explain what was going on when she took a deep breath and sighed.

"Look Kit, I can tell there are...aspects of your relationship with Ben where you're a submissive. You don't always do a good job of hiding it - the collars you wear are a dead giveaway - and I'm not an idiot. Plus, well, let's just say there were some clubs I used to visit in Toronto when I was younger," she said.

I must have had a shocked look on my face because she emphasized the next point.

"I never told Ben or Beth and I don't want to start answering questions now, ok?"

I nodded.

"Lord knows I'm not a relationship counsellor. But I've been a divorce lawyer for a lot of years. I work at shelters. I can't tell you how many times I've had women say those exact words to me about not wanting to disappoint their man and only trying to make him happy..."

I cut her off. "Ben would never..."

She held up her hand. "And I'm not suggesting for a second that he would. But you're submissive and a lot younger. There's a power imbalance there you need to be mindful of. That means you've got to take care of yourself. I'm glad you want to make him happy and you care about him so much. But if you don't take care of yourself first things can get messy. Ok?"

I nodded and fought to keep from pouting and suspected I was only a little successful. Plus there was the whole thing about her figuring out part of our relationship. The traffic eventually began moving and most of the rest of the trip we were quiet. Meg navigated through the traffic and found a place to park that wasn't an infinite distance away from Pan Chanko. I was utterly unsurprised that this was where we were meeting for lunch. It was Daddy's favourite restaurant

We were mingling with crowds dressed in red and white and sporting Canadian flags. I was cheering up because the crowd's energy was so upbeat. But I was still quiet and as we approached the restaurant it finally got to Meg.

"Are you ok, Kit? I'm sorry if I came down hard on you in the car," she said.

"I'm fine. I...I'm still feeling out of it...from last night," I confessed. To hell with it, it's not like she hadn't figured things out. "Normally if I wake up like this Ben is there to take care of me. He wasn't there, so you had to deal with me....like this. So I'm sorry if I was weird."

To my surprise she draped her arm around my shoulder and gave me a little squeeze. I could feel myself settling into it, craving the touch and affection.

"I should have seen what was going on sooner. Look, he loves you, you love him. Don't worry about anything else right now," she said, giving me one last squeeze and then letting me go.

"Thanks Meg," I said.

We arrived at the restaurant just before noon, and I saw Daddy with his parents. He immediately popped out of his chair and came towards us. He looked mortified.

"I'm so sorry, we were in such a rush to leave this morning that I forgot my phone and mom didn't remember to plug her phone in last night," he said.

"Don't worry about it," Meg said, and whispered something quickly to Daddy. He nodded and then came over and gave me a big hug. I melted, absorbed into his touch. I didn't know how badly I had missed it this morning. He then gently took me outside and steered me to a nearby bench where we sat down.

"I am really sorry, Kitten," he said, holding my hand. "This morning was just a whirlwind. I forgot my phone and I didn't have the heart to wake you before I left. I should have left a note, but I didn't even think about that until I was half way into town."

"It's ok," I said, only kinda meaning it.

"No, it's not. I'm your Daddy and you're my little girl and I've been so wrapped up with my parents I haven't done a good job taking care of you. I'm really sorry about that," he said. "I wouldn't have left you alone if I knew you might wake up in your Little headspace."

He really was sorry and worried about me. Immediately I felt better. I understood what Meg was talking about, but when I was like this I just craved my Daddy. His touch. His smile. His love. I could feel myself relax and the unhappiness ebb away.

I managed a grin for him. To make him feel better.

"I forgive you, Daddy. But you'll have to make it up to me later," I said, meaning to tease. But then I wanted to make sure this didn't happen again. "And Daddy? If I say I'm horny and I really need sex, well, it's ok to say no if you're feel sick or I've been a brat and you want to 'punish me'. I understand.

"But I was super horny and you said no because you were worried about what people might think. And that did weird things to my head."

He nodded and looked a little embarrassed.

"Ok. Fair enough, Kitten," he said. Then he leaned over and whispered. "Next time my little girl needs her little pussy filled with Daddy's cock you just tell me and I'll take care of you. I promise."

I squirmed and could feel myself soak my panties. If I wasn't still a bit sore from last night I'd be looking for a dark alley.

Daddy saw the look in my face and smiled.

"Our favourite church is only a little ways away," he said.

I wondered how serious he was and how much he was teasing. I leaned up and whispered in his ear.

"Rain check," I said and then nipped his ear. I noticed a satisfying bulge in his shorts. Good. He can sit uncomfortable through lunch too.

He squeezed my hand.

"Brat."

"And yet you love me madly," I said.

"I absolutely do," he said. And once more my panties got wet. God damn it.

"Hungry?"

Now there was a setup line, but I actually was starving because I'd skipped breakfast. I nodded and we stood up. He kept holding my hand, which I liked.

"Well let's get you fed," he said and we headed back to the restaurant.

****

Lunch was good with Daddy sitting next to me and holding my hand from time to time, which was nice and helped me when I was still being a bit spacey. I told both Mike and Helen that I woke up not feeling well and Ben let me sleep in. If they had their doubts they were polite enough not to say anything. Even Meg managed to keep a straight face. They even did a nice thing over lunch. Helen handed me a small wrapped package. After saying the usual "you shouldn't haves" I opened it. Inside was a Claddagh ring. It wasn't flashy, but it was old and beautiful.

"Mike bought it for me when we were dating. He was at law school and studying all the time, and, I wasn't bad looking back then, and there were other offers..." she said.

I swear Mike and Daddy both rolled their eyes at the exact same time in the exact same way. It was a miracle I didn't rupture something trying not to giggle.

"So he came back on break and gave me this. You called it 'a downpayment' I believe," she said.

"You old romantic," Meg said. Mike actually looked mildly embarrassed and I got the feeling that didn't happen often.

"So I wore it until he got me the engagement ring, and then my wedding ring. And then it kind of got buried in the jewelry chest. But I found it a few months ago. And it's a shame it was buried so long. So I got it cleaned up and I thought you might like it. Lord know it won't fit around these old fingers anymore," she said.

I looked at it sitting in the box when Daddy took it and held up the ring in his fingers. He then looked at me.

"Downpayment?" he said, smiling. I wanted to punch him, but instead I found myself getting flushed and nodding my head.

"So which way...." he said, fumbling with the ring a bit.

"Heart pointing towards the fingertip," Meg said.

"Left hand," Helen said.

"Ring finger," I added quietly holding up my hand. I'm almost sure it wasn't shaking.

He slid the ring on my finger and it fit almost perfectly. I doubt we'd have to resize it or anything.

I wished the others weren't there. I wished I could be alone so I could kiss him like I wanted to. I wish there was a hell of a lot less clothing between us.

Instead, I turned bright red and marvelled at the ring. It wasn't an engagement ring, but it was more than good enough for the moment. I leaned across the space between us and gave him a quick kiss and whispered in his ear I'd thank him properly later.

Then I remembered my manners and turned back to Helen. She seemed quite pleased.

"Thank you, Helen. It's beautiful," I said.

After lunch we were content to just walk around downtown Kingston. There were bands playing, plenty of events, and activities set up to celebrate Canada Day, so it was a nice way to kill a few hours. Plus it was sunny, but with enough a breeze to not make it too warm. Still, Daddy fussed with making sure I had enough suntan lotion on. I grumbled but he bought me cotton candy which distracted me. I had come out the other end of being Little and was pretty much back to normal, which was a relief. Trying to function like that in public was hard.

At one point Helen got wrapped up talking to a group of ladies showing some antiques. Daddy and Meg saw some game of chance I didn't recognize, but they did and it apparently reignited a rivalry that dated back to their time in university. Daddy apologized and I laughed and told him to go kick her ass.

That suddenly left me alone with Mike. I looked up at him and suddenly felt a bit nervous for the first time in hours. It was weird; it was like looking at an older, but serious version of my Daddy. And I know Daddy and Meg and told stories about how he could be a difficult man to warm up to, but I found myself liking him anyway. I could tell he was trying to change.

"Kit, would you mind going for a little walk with me? If I stand here long enough Helen is going to rope me into a home decorating conversation with those ladies and I'm going to have to pretend to be interested in old tables," he said.

I laughed, said sure, and we ambled away from the others. Meg could text me when they were looking for us. Besides, I had the feeling Mike wanted to talk to me away from the others for some reason.

"So how big of a scare job did Meg and Ben put into you about me?" he asked.

I looked down at my feet for a moment. I mean, I'd already managed to piss off Helen once during their stay here. What was I going to say to him?

Shit, when in doubt....and when you're a bad liar....just go with the truth.

"They said you were a good man, but that you worked hard and had high expectations of others. And that sometimes that caused some....stress between you and Ben," I said, hoping I wasn't about to piss off potential in-law number two in as many days.

To my surprise, he just nodded his head.

"That's a fair description of who I was," he said. "But I think it's a bit unfair to have told you that. I think you've put a huge amount of pressure on yourself the last couple of days."

No kidding, I thought. We were ambling down Ontario Street and every now and then I caught him glancing out towards the river and smiling. Kids with maple leaves painted on their face ran past us laughing. I suspected we looked all the world like a grandfather taking his granddaughter for a stroll. It made me smile a bit.

"I love your son an awful lot, Mike. And I think I managed to offend your wife yesterday, so I really don't want to upset you as well."

"You didn't offend her," he said.

I must have shot him a pretty skeptical look because he laughed. Then he took a deep breath and sighed.

"She was upset because she didn't realize she was doing it until you pointed it out. Then she was pretty deeply mortified. And then a little scared. We were planning on giving you the ring anyway. A little 'welcome to the family' gift, but I hope you'll take it as an apology. Neither one of us are particularly good at saying we're sorry, I'm slightly ashamed to say," he said.

There was a lot to unpack there, but one word jumped out more than others.

"Scared?"

He said nothing, but we turned off the road and headed down towards Battery Park. There was an unoccupied bench and he aimed for it. We sat down and I waited for him to speak.

"After the....accident, we obviously grieved with Ben. But after a few months he was still not coming out the other end of it. And I just didn't get it. I didn't. That's just who I was. She died, you grieved, you moved on. I didn't understand why he couldn't," he said.

"Oh Mike."

He shook his head and I knew he was ashamed of himself.

"I know. Four months in and I yelled at him to get over it already. And he didn't yell at me. He didn't scream at me. He just stood up from the couch in our living room, came over, looked me in the eye and said, 'Mom's going to be gone one day, Dad. What will you do then?' and he just walked out. We didn't speak for months afterwards."

I didn't know what to say.

"Have you ever had a moment of clarity, Kit?" he asked.

I shook my head.

"You only ever get a few of them in your life. I had one when I met Helen. One when I held Ben for the first time. And I had one right after that conversation. I'd worked 50 hours or more a week for more than 40 years. I love my job, and I'm very good at it. 'Lawyers don't retire, they just die' is a joke I used to make. Helen never laughed because she didn't think it was a joke; she thought it was what was going to happen.

"But Ben said that and I suddenly realized I only had so much more time with Helen. And then what? More hours at the office until they found me slumped over my desk. I was horrified by the thought of it. Horrified.

"So I semi-retired. I put in a few hours a week, mostly mentoring articling students. I suspect I'm driving Helen nuts being around so much. We've had our routines over the years. She's used to her groups and volunteering, and suddenly I'm trailing after her like a lost puppy. But I should have done it years ago.

He stopped talking for a moment and looked out over the river. He started talking again, but didn't look at me.

"She's....forgetting things. And becoming a bit more confused and frustrated," he said. Then he looked at me and I could tell it was an effort for him to not get upset. "Do you understand?"

I nodded, and then managed to find my voice.

"Do you know for sure?"

"No, not for sure. Not yet," he said. "We took Ben out this morning because we wanted him to know his mom was getting some tests and tried to be vague. He knew something was going on by the way his mom was behaving around you, so we had to tell him something. He knows we're not telling him everything, but he's letting it be for now," he said.

I reached out and placed my hand on top of his. He took it and gave it a squeeze.

"I like you, Kit. You're funny and full of life and I think that's exactly what Ben needs. He's night and day since you came into his life. I'm not going to lie and say I wasn't worried at first about him dating someone so young, but I'm pleased to be wrong. You're a ray of sunshine and I'm grateful you love my son," he said.

"But I need to know you're going to be strong enough to be there for him if things get bad with Helen. He fell a long way last time. I don't want that to happen again."

This was a lot to process. It's not that he was asking a lot of me. I love my Daddy. Being there for him was a given. He joked 'For better or for worse' at Disney, but I'd marry him in a heartbeat if he asked. Insane, maybe. But I loved him and I couldn't imagine finding a better man. I was just trying to figure out how to be there for him.

I took a moment. I looked at my hand and the new ring on it which glowed in the sunshine.

"I love your son so much I'm already dreading having to go back to school in September," I said. "I'll still see him on weekends and, if I know him, he'll end up coming up to Montreal if I'm struggling or anything. He's the kindest man I've ever met," I said.

"He gets that from his mom. It used to drive me nuts as much he was like his mother. Now, I thank god for it."

"You're too hard on yourself. A lot of the good things you have I see in him. He's smart, organized, cares about the job he does, and he loves me, just like you love Helen, I think," I said.

At that he did turn away for a moment, and I could see him take his hand and run it across his eyes for a moment. I remembered being frustrated a few days ago at them coming here and taking away precious Daddy time. Now it felt like the most selfish thing in the world.

That was the moment my phone chose to buzz. I glanced at it. Meg.

"Where are you and Mike?"

"Went for a walk. Heading back now."

I hated to disturb him, but as I looked up from my phone he was already composed and beginning to stand. A little redness in the eyes was the only clue he had been upset. He held his hand to help me up. I took it and stood beside him.

He still loomed over me, much like Daddy does. But I looked at him and tried to emphasize how serious I was.

"I love Ben. I'll be there for him, I promise."

He gave my hand a squeeze and let it go.

"Thank you, Kit. That's all I can ask," he said. He then waved his hand back to the street.

"Shall we head back? No doubt by now my wife has bought an antique table that I'm going to have to try and figure out how to get back to B.C.," he said.

I took his arm and we began walking back.

***

Daddy looked a little confused when we eventually came back, but Mike just said he wanted to get to know me a bit better and to tell me embarrassing stories of when he was a kid. Daddy looked skeptical, but when his father leaned over and quietly said "I wanted to apologize to her about your mother", he nodded.