All Comments on 'Little Packages'

And there's so much more to tell:

His family and friends reaction.

They get married, have kids.

Happily ever after!

Much more please

Well written and a very good story line. I like stories that don't jump right into the mix. Also, the length was perfect. Short (stroke) stories suck.

Nice one - well written. Don’t usually go for this type of story but enjoyed it.

I loved this story. The characters were well developed and believable, and the story line kept my interest to the very end. Please tell me there will be more chapters.

Wow! I am gob-smacked. for a first story this on is outstanding. Usually I get squigged out with daddy/girl stories, but this one felt so genuine and real even, so tender and sweet. thank you thank you thank you!

I love a story where the characters are real. Excellent work!

Nicely developed story. The range of needs and desires in humanity are truly a rainbow. Some are not good or healthy, while others help us to sense and experience fulfillment and happiness. All is fair in love, fantasy, and the pursuit of happiness, as long as none are hurt and each are willing. Play on!!

Damn, that was hot!! I hope there is more to come.

I am really looking forward to your next story. I like slow tempo of your story as well as the characters. This story can go a long way.

Different and really well done. Loved it.

Great story. Enjoyed reading it...twice. Thanks for sharing it with us. Frankie

Not exactly my cup of tea, but once I started reading I couldn't stop. Interesting story...

I start to read a lot of stories and something always pulls me out and I skim to the end.

But your story kept me inside, dreaming the whole time. That's rare. I loved your story from beginning to end.

I have never read much DD/Lg or Dom/Sub writing and this was a good introduction. Ben's thoughts and queries were portrayed realistically and I think it ended at exactly the right time! Looking forward to reading more of your work.

Beautifully written. Hope to read more from you.

Loved the way you developed your characters, the build up of excitement and a real approach to events occurring that made each event believable... Much appreciated!

I am genuinely floored by the response. At the end of a bit of a shitty day it means a lot that this got such an overwhelmingly positive response. So thank you for your kindnesses and overlooking the flaws. I wasn’t sure I was going to do another story but when I saw the response Ashley started babbling in my head so I got 1000 words down last night. Expect the next part in a week or so.

Great story and fantastic read. Thanks for the offering. Life is just full of surprises when you least expect them. Nothing like a young hot little redheaded firecracker like Ashley to breath life back into a middle aged man beaten down by life's cruel nature.

Outstanding!! Totally enrolled into the realistic situation, his and her looses; coming together and the beautiful bud of a relationship you’ve created.. cheers!

Truly outstanding. This story line deserves more exploration.

I enjoyed this story very much and would like to see you continue with the further developing story developing relationship.

Thoroughly enjoyed this story. Very well written and I found both characters relatable. Have certainly ran across both types. The con background was a great touch. Hope to see more in the future.

Interesting I used to live in Kingston so will be following closely l

I thoroughly enjoyed your story and look forward to reading many more in the near future!

wonderful story, please continue

What a beautiful, well written story. The pace was perfect and made it realistic.

To be liked...held and hold...cared about...be touched and touch...and to add to the happiness with loving (and playful) sexual experiences was...magic....and wishful.

Excellent story. The pacing, characters, hope and fears were well balanced and resonated with me. Thank you for sharing. 5*

I do not say this lightly. This is the best written and hottest thing I have read in all of my years on this site. There is simply nothing else to say.

Good build up ...part 2? 😎

Awesome character development, great back story, relatable timeline. Great job, please keep it up.

As others have said, this is a cut above virtually everything on this site. Spectacular, please keep writing!

Awesome story. Hope there's another soon.

Not much more to say. Loved the story.

Excellent story, please write more chapters, where she proudly becomes his wife and gives him babies... Keep writing, you're terrific!

Great story, I'd love to hear more about this couple...see where they go!!

Great fun! Keep it up ;-)

Very interesting and excellent development of the characters. I too would love to see further development.

What a fun story, and very well written.

This seems to be this author's first submission to Literotica, but is clearly not their first time writing. I look forward to more. :)

Very well done. I could picture everything. Maybe a few spelling issues, but I look forward to more.

I don't usually like the continuation of stories. Too many seem to deviate from the initial character traits and flame out, but I have a feeling that this is an exception. This was very well crafted and and begs for some conflict and resolution of the age difference of the main characters.

Nicely done!

Not the sort of story I'd normally get into, but you sucked me in! I think I'd usually see the situation as creepy, but you actually had me understanding and empathising with the male protagonist. Hope you're writing something(s), whether a sequel to this, or something new, keep up the good work!

An excellent story and very well written. A welcome change to read the work of someone with language skills (apart from, as someone else remarked, the odd spelling issue.)

This situation is not as unreal as some may think - when I was 53 I married a girl of 33 and it worked perfectly. After about 5 years I asked her if the age difference still worried her & she said that it had completely disappeared for her. The same applied to me. When I was 57 we had a wonderful little baby girl, perfect in every way. She even found it amusing that people thought I was her grandfather.

Keep it up, I'd love to hear more about these two.

ANONYMOUS

I rarely comment. Admirations are often repetitious: criticisms not always helpful.

I think this is a well crafted story: story line, flow (info & events introduced in interesting order), and language.

Now the "but". In my opinion, using an editor would lift this to a higher level. Spelling, and missing or incorrect words, would be simple corrections that are often missed after rereading the same paragraph over and over. You start to "see" what you meant; you already know what's in that sentence. Keep up the good work.

Loved it!

I'm not really into dd/lg, but you made it a real romance, with enough sexual tension and sex.

Freaking awesome and unreal!!! Not into long stories on Lit, BUT (yeah, a big butt) as with another story, 15 pages, your casual tone whipped up to a frenzy with the revisit of the horror in losing a lived one was magnificent. The only nit-pick is the usage of “...and I....” that should have been “... and me....”. An easy trap to fall in, that’s why I use the help of if it’s as such just myself, does it make sense to use me or I as though alone? I know we Yanks murder the English language, both spoken and written, but my minor in college (University if it makes you feel better) was English. Still, I’m a Yank 😁

5* only because Lit dies allow higher

If you take out the con experience and insert a fetish dating app, I'm living this dream. I'm 53 (widowed after 21 years) and she is 27 , a little and had some rough times. So the ages are off a tiny bit, but you've nailed all the emotional exchanges and logical concerns. Outstanding work! Thank you.

Thoroughly enjoyable. Thank you for sharing.

“Just abandoned mom and I.”

He may have abandoned Mom but did he abandon I?

BTW, when using “mom” or “daddy” as a name, it needs to be capitalized.

That is my daddy. (Not a name.)

I love you Daddy. (Name.)

I’m hooked on your writing!!! FANTASTIC READ

Fun old/young story.good enough for t5

Bill

Makes me want to go comic con. Good story line. Please keep writing it!

This is the second time through. I'd read the first parts when they first appeared but I've missed a few. Thought I should start again at the beginning and I'm glad I did. This is just as enjoyable as the first time. Humour, spontaneity and setting all help to make this a good read. Can hardly wait to see how this develops but hoping you don't add too many chapters.

Thoroughly enjoyed this story, I liked that it was longer, meant it kept me going longer. Can't wait to read the rest!!

Honestly, this is one of the best stories on this site. Your command of language, pace and imagery conspire to create a story line which I often re-read to more fully enjoy your phrasing. Well done! I encourage more chapters, while appreciating that you have a full life as well.

Minor error. Laval is in Quebec City. But UQAM, Magill, Concordia are all in Montreal.

I have enjoyed the story. I check for new chapters daily, hoping to find a new one. Then I read the story again and find things I missed the first time.

Solid work. In a healthy r/ship, sex is about 10% of the r/ship (can’t spend all of our time in bed, now can we?), but in an unhealthy one, it’s more like 90%, generally speaking. This story reflected real life quite well—nearly always makes for a good story. A series? Maybe—but not a long one, please. Love the characters.

Great story! I check all the time for a new chapter, but just have to go back and reread the beginning chapters because they are so good. I really like this first chapter!

Wouldn't normally have read a Dd/lg story but as it's in mature and was an older guy unusual in itself) started reading expecting a woman about 30 to appear, not a girl of 19. Anyway, by then I was enjoying your writing so kept going and glad I did. Yes, a couple of minor errors but nothing that really detracts from the enjoyment. 5⛤

See there's more so am moving onto them.

Great story. I do hope it is only the beginning. So many possibilities and I am a hopeless romantic.

I’m not normally into dd/lg but am enjoying this story. Well written, believable characters, and a good sense of place in the story.

Minor technical note…

"I was driving back to her mom's house from a bar where we had just seen some friends. And it was good. We were both laughing. And the light ahead of me was green, so of course I just drove through it, like I had with thousands of lights.

"But the other guy, the guy that later blew a .20, he didn't see it quite that way. So he went straight on through the intersection and slammed into the driver's side of the car, hitting us so hard the car actually flipped over.

If Ben is driving and Beth is the one killed on impact shouldn’t this be “slammed into passenger side”?

Looking forward to the next installment.

a wonderful and delightful story.. I enjoyed it very much thanks for making me smile..cheers

Good story! Similar thoughts to Metadi in that it seemed the wrong side of the car for a fatal, so there’s that minor inconsistency, plus you missed a trick on this last page - her saying “big boom” should’ve been “Big bada-boom” after all they’re both comic con nerds and wouldn’t have missed a trick like that (Fifth Element quote for non-nerds). Otherwise a well written good story, thanks for writing and posting, cheers Ppfzz.

I love everything about this story. It is caring and loving and real. These are such genuine people. Your convenient, serendipitous moments felt entirely earned by the end. Wonderfully done

Very well written, I love the role-play. No on to chapter 2. As someone else said about capitalizing daddy when she calls him “Daddy” this is her name for him, but in my mind I capitalized it anyway.

I am reading this story again.

Love it. I am 82 and after being widowed 8 years ago after 40 years together, I am 18 months into a relationship with a 59 yo Chinese woman and it is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am also sad that we will probably have at most 10 years together before I have to leave her.

I’d never read this type of story before. I thought it was great but wished you had written more about the relationship. You need to get an editor or at least a better editor as there are several errors - both spelling and grammar in the story. You did good. Keep up the good work.

Aha! I should have looked for Chapter 2 before I lamented the lack of more information. I would love to know his age though. That would give me a better feeling for how long this relationship will be able to go on. If he is 39 or 59 makes a big difference in how long they can be together.

This is so heartwarming story!

There were references to his age already in this chapter. And the amount of errors isn't a disturbing one. If it was published for money, yes then get an editor, but for free this is plenty fine.

When I saw so many 4.8's knew this was going to be a special series...

NOT a genre I usually read-while it is indeed 'mature' also kink/fet

still an easy 5...going to enjoy see how/where you take this

Wow.

Being in a May/December MDLB marriage myself, this strikes home in many ways, except that my LB is actually nearly 2 decades my senior. I'm definitely seeing this from a different perspective! The writing is very good, aside from a few editorial and continuity errors; but so far there's tremendous potential in this story.

This whole series is goated, highly recommend

Fantastic story, very well written from the opening hook to the promising resolution. I see others noticed some need for minor editing- I was *slightly* distracted by some voicing and pronoun continuity errors in the heavy action on page 5 (quite understandable, mind), but really just hiccups. The pacing was good; character and plot development, tension buildup, narration - all worked to craft an engaging tale. Oh, and the sex was hot!

Never been into Daddy Little girl but reading this I like how it’s going, nice characters and written with thoughtfulness, BUT you need to reread what you write before posting please, you change the tense in this and it spoils it sometimes first person and sometimes third, keep it first please.

Apart from that gripe I think it’s good

Amazing story. I cannot love this more. It was erotic and teasing as all hell, but there wasn't sex just for the sake of sex. It had a purpose and a feeling. Great job.

Yeah, the outside voices will be a battle, but worth it

Beautifully written, this is just the type of happening that all of us old men dream of.

So sweet. Really well written with nice characters and convincing dialogue. 5*

Wow! What a crazy ride. Great job!

You certainly are an accomplished story teller and this is the 2nd time I will read all of the chapters. Brilliant and thank you for sharing this with us.

I love ddlg and I'd really love to be in a relationship in this context and because my own body has both male and female bits I can visualise myself as either the daddy Dom or a little girl (although I am not a hermophradite and can say this as I am posting as anonymous and no one will know my true identity so it doesn't matter) and I know that I could fit into either role and love it, thank you for sharing your story with me because I really do love it.

What an opener! A lot of these stories, especially mature, can be a little awkward starting off and a little implausible. But Kit and Ben's relationship seems natural and real. I love the chemistry between these two.

I came here from the Reddit thread about this story.

I read it to the end, but I was expecting a lot more considering the hype. There are some formatting issues that are quite distracting, it's five, not 5, but the writing's just so dull. The biggest disappointment is the dialogue which has just been thrown together in single sentences. Stories like these are fantasies, but they have to be grounded in realism or they just come across as ridiculous.

Speaking of which, all the "breed me" stuff is just incredibly cringy. When the content doesn't make your skin crawl, it bores you to death instead.

I rarely respond to comments - people are entitled to like or dislike my stories - but I am intrigued that there's a Reddit thread about this story. Can someone send me the link?

However, while I'm here....

It's useful to remember that this is my first story ever published. My hard drive is littered with the corpses of failed stories, but I took a chance on this one and genuinely thought it would be the only story I published, so I crammed a lot in there. I'm thrilled with the response, but I'm not immune to the many, many problems in logic, pacing, grammar and more in the story. I think I got better, and by Chapter 5 I'm in full stride, but no one should listen to an author who says "Yeah, I know there are problems, but just give it 80,000 words and it gets better."

Having said that, I'm "repackaging" Little Packages for release on ebook sites this November. It'll still remain here, and free, if people want to read it. If you want to read it with most of the mistakes corrected and fine tuned, then you might consider throwing a few dollars my way. If for no other reason then to help pay for the cost of the gorgeous Djinnintheshade covers I'm commissioning to go with them (she the artist for my profile pic). All 13 chapters will be in three books and at a reasonable price.

Anyway, Anonymous, I hope you give Chapter 2 a try. It really does get better as it goes along.

Although it's a smut, it's my comfort story. I started reading back in 2021 but never commented. Since then I've read all the chapters 3 times. Now, here I am, back for the 4th time. Thank you so much for this wonderful story.

Part 2 please. Hope they continue to grow their relationship, and his parenrs and Beth's mother should fucking chill, its his life

Aha, there are many parts to this story. Thanks

Please keep it going and thanks for sharing!

So good, a real treasure. 5 well-earned stars, thank you.

Wow. Wonderful. So heartwarming for a kink story. I love these characters.

At first, when you introduced the wife at the start of the story, I was worried I was not going to like the story as I don't much care for when people cheat on their spouses. Really puts me off. But I decided to stick with it nonetheless, and as horrible as it sounds, I'm glad she wasn't alive anymore. Vindication! One thing that might have been nice though is if you included some of the kinks as tags for the story, so one knows what to expect. 5/5 and will keep reading. Thank you! The line ' "Need a hand up?" asked Darth Vader. ' was brilliant in its simplicity.

I am a story junkie. So, when I tell you thst this is one of the best, most crative , well written story thst I have read in a while - just excellent. Beautifully written. Great characterization. Dynamic pacing. Total attention getter ! And to think, you are just starting out ! Congratulations ! Keep it up !

Very good story. It hit so many of the desires in my mind. The connection was real which made the sex even better.

The sensitivity of your writing had me thinking you were a woman writer. Your story, characterizations, and delivery, taken together, are exquisitely satisfying. The tenderness, absent in most stories in this genre, humanizes the characters and is moving. Thank you

Wonderful. Thank you.

A perfect romance-best fantasy-very kinky story. In fact so perfect that my 1st note to myself on seeing there was a Ch2 was "not sure if I need to read Ch2" - and now I see there are 13. OK I'll try some of them :)

Has that authentic feeling to it as opposed to some far fetched fantasy. Will definitely be reading more of the chapters. Great job.

Just incredible. Loved the story because it touched on so many of my own fantasies. Thank you for your craftsmanship, it was such a terrific thing to read.