All Comments on 'Little Things Ch. 05'

While I don't believe that the chapter four ending was terrible, I am glad that you revisited Sam and David's story. Now we have some real basis for Sam's decision, and know that it wasn't a one time thing/trauma or pity.

As with the other chapters, it was well written and almost lyric. Other than the switch of "Mare" for April at breakfast, a perfect story. Conflict, tragedy, triumph and longing - and a potential happy ending as well. Not some idealized fantasy, but something closer to an ideal realism. A reader could not ask for more...

Kudos and thank you; you are clearly a talented writer...I am glad to have read your work.

God, I cannot believe I made that mistake. :|

Best short story I hav ever read, you should continue with this and turn it into a short novel.

Great job, amazing talent!

I didn't commment on the first four parts because I wanted toread ALL of it first. It was an amazingingly good read from start to finish. Great and amazing talent!

First time leaving a comment. After reading all 5 chapters, I can honestly say that this was a great work of art. I look forward to your future works.

I also waited to read it all before commenting, and agree that the fifth chapter brings it to a more satisfying conclusion. I also agree that you are a very talented writer. I appreciated most of all, I think, that it was written from the female perspective, and reflects a mature and healthy sexuality. Please keep writing.

Really liked this tale. Haven't read alot of stories here. This one I finished because it kept my interest, and didn't have everybody screwing everybody. Nice romantic story and well written. Thank you for the effort and time.

First and foremost, thank you for the honorable mention. I'm glad you were able to take the opening my small suggestions allowed so that you could write this absolutely magnificent chapter.

Thanks for humanizing Ape (pun intended). Personally, I think it added a lot to the story - but then it was a plot point I none-too-subtly lobbied for.

I started to worry a little when the big sex scene fell in the middle of the chapter, that maybe something disastrous was going to ruin everything. I'm also glad you didn't end it with a sex scene. The ring scene was pure genius (and uber-romantic), and exactly the right ending.

Romantic bro-sis stories are my favorite genre, and the romance was so expressive in this chapter that I could feel it flowing between Sam and Dave. The longing, angst, anxiety, joy, and hope were palpable as well. This time, the ending definitely gave me a sense of closure and satisfaction.

As to a previous commenter saying you switched "Mare" for April at breakfast... no, you didn't. Sam was talking to Marie. April didn't come out until a few minutes later.

No, I did accidentally put 'Mare' instead of 'Ape' at one point - I just immediately uploaded a fixed version once it was pointed out, since that's an atrocious error to make.

Anyway, I'm glad you liked it. It is pretty important to me that even the supporting characters are at least two-dimensional, and I try to shoot for the full three...I tried to make even the ex-boyfriend who nearly assaults Sam be, if not sympathetic, then at least halfway understandable in his perspective. April was a lot closer to the center of the story, so I definitely wanted her to come across as...well, 'real.'

Didn't you forget something? Eric from "Little Things Ch 4 of 4?"

Think about it: David is a big husky farm boy and football jock. He's heading to college on a full football scholarship. He's big, he's strong, and he doesn't mind getting personal with a little pain (evidence: football scholarship).

Eric, a runty grease monkey, nearly rapes David's sister, the girl he is madly in love with, after David warns her to stay away. Eric also kicks her out of the car, in the snow, in some remote lover's lane overlook, without any kind of outer ware, leaving her to freeze to death. It was only good fortune that she was able to call David to rescue her.

There is no way in the world, gentle giant or not, that David is not going to do anything about what Eric did to his sister. At least at the end of Ch. 5, you could have added a newspaper blurb about an anonymous tip that sent EMT's to Overlook, where they found a badly beaten Eric.

Fair point, GirlWatchin. It is indeed hard to believe that he would not have done anything about it, despite his forgiving nature and Sam's insistence that he let the matter be.

-What- he would do is a little less clear. I have a difficult time seeing David deliberately setting out to hurt anyone, though if he ever would, I suppose this would be the circumstance for it. Perhaps a more poetic, indirect punishment - drag him out far from town and leave him there in the snow, making sure to take away his own phone.

Though if it helps, you can look at it this way - the story's from Sam's perspective, and neither David nor Eric would be spectacularly eager to alert her to any punishment that may or may not have occurred.

A bit too poetic at times, but very well written nonetheless. You don't gloss over inconvenient details in your scenes and you didn't include ones that don't do anything to the story. The atmosphere is nicely setup and you can really feel the story.

The characters aren't walking talking plot devices. Everyone had a filter, no one just gave convenient details out. The first time I saw April, she reminded me of Barney, I knew I was gonna like her. She is freaking hilarious, adorable, sexy at the same time. You should write a story about her next.

Your main character wasn't a dull reactionary piece of meat that only knows how to say "Uh, um, yeah etc..." She wasn't too honest to herself either, I really enjoyed that. It really felt real when she would do one thing and regret it afterwards. Too many stories show too many characters too convicted on their lust driven decisions. What I didn't like though was how her brother was put on the pedestal. Too good, don't you think? But that's a given considering the point of view. He was probably the least interesting character in the story for me. Sorry.

Overall, an adorable plot, good scenes, pacing, characters, style and execution.

P.S. You should write more, like one story around April's conquest for a incest roleplaying lover or something.

P.S. 2. You probably have one of the most amazing talent for writing not just in Literotica (don't tell them I said that) but fiction in general. Don't waste it, if you do I'll kill your whole family.

It's rare that a story on Literotica leaves a pit in my stomach following the ending, knowing I won't get to know anything more about the characters and what happens next.

You really are an amazing writer. I think I ran across another story somewhere that you commented on saying you were a professional writer. (?) If so, it shows. And I've spent money on published novels I would gladly throw in the trash for another one written by you!

You appreciate honest criticism, but I honestly can't say I have much. Nothing you haven't already seen. I loved the realism of the story from the start, and although I felt there could've been a touch more backstory about the evolution of David's feelings for Sam, it wasn't particularly necessary. Just enough was given, I think, to allow a glimmer of understanding on reflection.

I was likewise concerned about the blatant reveal to the room-mates: it didn't seem natural at all. Even with April pushing as she was, her yearning for the kink and being faced with the reality are two separate things. Even so, someone who is willing to say anything would seem to be more likely to say too much, and with the wrong audience. And mostly I think, that scene was just about the only place in the whole novel (like I said, that's how I see it...) that reminded me of 99% of the other submissions in this category. For just a moment, I thought it was about to descend into frenzied orgy! Sorry, should've trusted you a little more :)

Yeah, maybe some of your phrases were a little repetitive, but I strongly disagree with the comment that it was a bit "too poetic" at times. I never once thought you went over the top, and the ways you conveyed the emotions of the characters through words and imagery really painted a real picture for me.

Again, please write more. Period. Despite my seeming fascination for taboo family relationships (!), whatever category you should choose, I'll read it with certain assurance that it's going to be something amazing.

Thank you for the kind words. I always enjoy hearing from those who liked my work - helps me imagine that I maybe could be a professional author one day. I'm not, in actual fact; I had aspirations once (and I suppose still do, in the back of my mind), but my plots always seemed to fall apart before I could finish them.

I'm about 80% done with another story right now, but I don't really know when it will be finished...I've unfortunately lost much of my enthusiasm for it. It's that uncomfortable situation where there's enough work done that I want to polish it off, but it's difficult to make myself sit down, focus, and write. Perhaps another month or two...

Just simply epic in its entirety Veary well done fantastic pace, a true work of art with a hope of some reality thank you. Truely one of the best stories on this site please keep writing!!

Without a doubt the best story I've read. Nothing about the size of her breast or his cock. Finally! Someone that is able to tell a story. There have been other stories that are well written,...yours is worth reading a second or third time.

Wonderful writing, lots of lovely metaphors and imagery. I like a slow burn, too...even if it keeps me up too late! I feel like you could still do a slow burn but maybe this final chapter could've had a bit more sex in it, as a payoff. It's kind of like a dramatic romance movie where the characters spend most of the movie finding each other, with only a few happy minutes at the end. More sexy happiness!

I like the crass mouth on Samantha, as I am also that type of lady. Her initial misandry and constant self-doubt could've, I thought, rang more true if we had had more of her backstory to explain what would've led her to that point. I dislike it equally when I hear women say 'men are pigs' as when I hear guys express similar sentiments about women...I think a bit of explanation would've kept her from seeming a little sexist (even though, from how she references her feelings, it's obviously from personal experience and insecurities).

Great writing, I look forward to reading your other stuff. I just put up a couple chapters a few months ago and would love to hear your thoughts on it, we seem to have somewhat similar writing styles. I am working on a third chapter for Forced but have kind of slowed to a crawl on it.

A lovely love story, drawn out and with normal problems that would happen between a brother and his sister.

I have read it over two days , it has caught me a little unawares in that I didn't expect it to develop as it did.

Just brilliant writing. Well done.

More please.

This story definitely belongs inside the pages of a published erotic novel. I mean, the build-up to Ch. 04, just wow. Then, you decide to reward the readers with this unplanned chapter, describing the sex scene with loving detail.

Bravo sir/miss, bravo.

I'm aware that at the beginning of this story, you said that you felt it veered into cliche and that you failed to capture a female point of view accurately. Well, I'm a man, so I can't help with the female PoV. What I can say is that a little cliche is not necessarily a bad thing, so long as you do it well, and in my opinion this is done very well.

The thing that separates erotica from porn, as far as I'm concerned, is emotion, and you've put a lot of that into this story, showing the emotional and psychological dilemmas that come along with incest, as well as showing the romantic side of it: the idea of siblings, who already share close emotional bonds, being everything to one another.

On a last note, some people complained in the comments for Chapter 3 that David is too "whipped" and other terms to that effect. If they're referring to how he never pushes his relationship with Samantha, I would actually say that's a good thing. It shows how much he loves his big sister that he doesn't want to force her to do anything she'll regret later.

All in all, this is one of the most emotionally affecting stories I've yet read on the site, and I'd like to thank you for writing it.

they needa get 10 star to vote... this one way over 10 tho

I was blown away!

Please continue writing!!

PLEASE!

I have to ask you why you write the way you do? I honestly don't have all day to read your stories but there is nothing I can do about it once I start reading... first there was "How they may be", then I read "Blood and Iron" and now this amazing piece. I honestly need some sleep but I just know I am going to start on "Reality is Different"... now I noticed that there seems to be something wrong with my browser because it refuses to go over the page to the rest of the listing of your Story Submissions - I will try another browser and see if that fixes it!

Keep adding to "Little things" if you can, would, be cajoled, begged to continue this story as there are so many things left to say and places to go with it.

Your writing is exemplary and your timing superb. Just can't wait to see what you do next and I will put you in favourites if the webmaster ever gets my account to log in!

Thankyou so much for the stories, wink2945.

This is how a love story should be written!!

This was a good follow up to chapter four. I worried based on your own comments at the end of chapter four about how chapter five was going to roll out. Coming out openly about their relationship might not be the best, and the worries that April might spill the beans could potentially come back to haunt them seem well taken.

That said, too, the parents might not be happy if David decides not to return to farming, but that's outside the scope of the story more or less. Maybe Sam can start her Masters (provided there's a forestry program there; it's a small college we've been told) while David finishes his undergrad degree. That would give them more time together at school before finding work that both of them can pursue.

This addition to the edition is much more settled as an ending. Nothing's for sure, but their relationship and how they will cope is dealt with more fully. Though we may want more, it's a good stopping point.

Seriously enjoyed the tale. All in one sitting, except for that six hours where I passed out in front of the computer, neck crick and all. Tiger Balm is my friend. Apparently I survived and was able to finish the tale.

5* all the way.

....full of bittersweet memories,and enjoyably written.

Shame it's the end,but thanks for the pleasure of reading it.

Loved Samantha and much of the storyline, but even April came across as a stronger character than "Davey." Was a little put off with Ch 1, they touch; Ch 2, mutual masturbation, etc. But the sex was intense each time, so that overcame the predictability. Nice wrap-up at the end.

Now, as for Davey. No way he's a QB, too indecisive and QBs can't be indecisive or they lose. And he's dense; I mean, if he can't see Sam's okay with the "relationship" as long as it's a game of pretend.....

4-stars all around.

dope...the feels ...the romance not just the erotica gave me great pleasure

write more stories like this one...two thumbs up not just the bunch of stars

Finally a good incest story, so few and far between. Really good read, the emotion and romance. The inner struggle so detailed. Wonderful, just wonderful.

Really enjoyed your style of writing! Awesome use of the English language. 10 stars

I have to agree with all the other comments on this story. It's is the best I've ever read on this site. Bar none. Thank you for writing such a wonderful, spell binding story. You almost messed up the ending with chapter 4 but you pulled it out with chapter 5. Chapter 5 also made it seem "real" when considered after the first three chapters.

Once again, thank you for writing such a wonderful story.

The old guy

Loved it, didn't want it to end. The characters, the dialog, the descriptive narrative all absolutely brilliant an emotional and evocative story.

I really liked the story and I'm not often pulled in by stories with female leads. It was really well written and descriptive with poetic prose used throughout. However, throughout all the chapters the weakest character was David, which is strange because he's the romantic interest and the secondary focus for the whole story. I tried thinking over what I wasn't getting, how I wasn't seeing him when your fill your paragraphs with descriptive flourish, and the best I could come up with was that you were describing too much what Sam was feeling, rather than what she was observing. I don't know if I'm describing it properly but it felt like we were inside her head getting all the information from her second hand. So we were front and centre for all her hang-ups and internal anxiety but we couldn't see what she didn't want to focus on. In some places I think it worked well, as a block for filtering out focusing on David as the love interest, she just saw him as her little brother. But when you wanted to bring him more into focus the description didn't shift, you would describe some of his features but it was like a generic description of her ideal. What with David's meek personality and lack of dialogue, allowing him to follow Sam's lead constantly it meant that I didn't get a good grasp of his character, other than a large, lumbering, blonde football player. I got a better grasp of April as a character and she was only in parts of two chapters and David was in most of all 5 chapters. I would say you were missing a defining moment, when Sam's image of him shifted and David asserted himself, so that the reader had a chance to make that change with them. As it was, David felt a little too much like a lost puppy, even up to the end, just following along on his big sisters heels.

Anyway, that was what I came up with after consideration. I didn't have a firm enough grasp of David throughout the story and so it lacked. I still really enjoyed it and I really like your writing, so keep it up and take my comments with a grain of salt. It's just my personal opinion and everyone's got those.

I loved this story, it wa well written and hope you do more with this. it would be nice to see them get together again and see where it goes with them. wonderful job.

Thank you for finishing the story. It's been a few years since you've posted anything, and I don't know if you will again, or even if you still read comments posted here, I just needed to say thanks. I hope you will post here again; at the least, are still reading comments.

5 stars, and a favorite story now.

What a ride this has been, there were parts where I loved the story there were parts where I disliked the antics of the characters, I have loved to see a threesome with ape in the last chapter. The poor guy deserved that for putting up with the "cynicism" of his sister and being a straight-up bitch in the ch 04

Well that was a journey for sure. Great overall, with only a few bits I wasn't too fond of (but hey, nothing's perfect). Shame there's no epilogue to show us the next 5-10 years or whatever. But we'll just have to assume they make it, I suppose :)

Really glad you published Chapter 5, terrific story, great characters