Live Without Regrets Pt. 01

"Hayden? Hayden? Do you understand what I'm saying to you?" Tonya asked.

Hayden broke her gaze from the window. She'd been looking out at Los Angeles, trying to find some meaning in the endless landscape of concrete and asphalt. She used to love talking to her agent, but lately it felt more like speaking to a disappointed parent.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"I need you to say yes to this," Tonya said.

"It's a documentary," Hayden said.

"It's still money. And it'll get you in good with Disney again. You do this and they'll think about you next time they're looking for voice work. More cartoons, more kid movies, more money. It all connects."

Hayden nodded. She felt numb.

"Okay, okay," she said, feeling smaller by the moment.

Tonya was an agent, but she also was sympathetic. She softened her tone as she saw Hayden curling into herself.

"Are you still having problems with Brian?" she asked.

Hayden shook her head, "I'm done with Brian. Done-done. I'm not gonna get hit anymore."

"He was a terrible guy and you never deserved to be treated like that," Tonya said.

Hayden nodded silently. Inside, she considered the way his slaps felt. She hated that she hadn't hated it. Ever since they'd arrested her ex she'd been an advocate for battered women. It was horrible that, sexually, she craved a strong hand. She'd read more about abuse and consent and the lines were clearing up in her head. Still, the last few years had left a string of bad memories.

Tonya continued, "Have you talked to Vlad, or Kaya?"

"Not lately," she said. Vlad was back in Ukraine, with their daughter. When Hayden had gone to rehab, letting Vlad have custody of their child seemed the logical choice. Now that she was self-reliant again, not having her daughter around felt like a hole in her life.

Tonya brought her focus back, "The movie last year was good. You're still working and we're making progress, but little things like this can pay big dividends down the road. Do the documentary. Do it right. It'll pay off next year."

Hayden nodded, "Mars rovers... got it. I'll be good."

Tonya gave a polite smile and sat back, "They'll send a car for you on Tuesday to take you to JPL. It's a NASA facility over in Pasadena."

As soon as the car door opened, she spotted the director coming down the steps. He wore a suit and tie and looked very official. He had one of those lives that she hoped never happened to her. Black and white and stuffy. Still, she had to make nice.

"Miss Panettiere, so nice to meet you. I'm Kenneth Johnson. I'm the head of the Mars program. We're so glad to have you here."

She flashed her red carpet smile and put a hand out. "Thank you. It's great to be here."

"I'm sorry, they didn't tell me about the change in schedule until about half an hour ago. I've got to get to a meeting, but I've got one of my people to take you around."

She frowned slightly, but suppressed it, "Oh, that's okay. I didn't mean to make trouble. Disney had to move things around, so they asked me to come this morning for the prep."

He waved away her concern, "Oh, it's fine. I'm gonna have Brandon take you around. He's good for this kind of thing."

"What kind of thing is that?" Hayden asked as he led her inside.

"Public relations," the director said.

"Oh. I was hoping to talk to one of your engineers," Hayden said.

"Oh, he's an engineer. He's just... talkative. Brandon is who we use for presentations. He's our PR guy. And he knows his stuff," the director said.

Down a non-descript hallway, they paused at a door that was decorated with movie posters and a couple of cartoon characters, "He's also a little eccentric," the director said, before knocking.

The door opened in a flash. Her first impression was a nerd. Glasses, boring haircut, classic studious looks. But as she took him in, she realized that he went beyond cliché.

For one thing, he was big. She guessed 5'10 and easily over 250lbs. He had bulk. She liked that. Boys were better when they were bigger. She liked his face. It had an honesty that was hard to find in Southern California. He was cute, in a way that she didn't usually go for.

His eyes went wide with recognition. He knew who she was. That wasn't strange, but seeing him light up with surprise definitely made him a little cuter. She flashed her trademark grin and waited for the introduction.

"Miss Panettiere, allow me to present Brandon. He's our resident rover tech. He'll take you around and show you how Adventure works. Won't you Brandon?"

He stammered for a second. She liked that she had that effect. Her days of turning-heads were far from over. And his head was pointed squarely at hers.

"Y...yeah... wow... hi," he said. She'd heard worse from stunned fanboys.

"I sent you an email earlier. I told you she'd be here and you'd be giving her a tour," the director said.

"I'm about 3 emails away from yours," Brandon said, tearing his eyes away from her to look at his boss.

"Well... show her around. She's going to host the Disney thing tomorrow night. You're good with tour groups."

"I'd be happy to," Brandon said, smiling again as he caught her eye.

"I've got to get over to building 70. Call me when you're done," the director said.

"Sure thing, chief," Brandon said, not looking at him at all.

"Nice meeting you," she said to the suited man as he turned to leave. Then she looked back at this cute engineer caught in the headlights of her 1000-watt smile.

He put a hand out, "Miss Panettiere, I'm Brandon... I'm 90 percent sure that's right. Looking at you, it's hard to remember."

She laughed, "Oh, aren't you sweet? And please, call me Hayden."

"I'll be good if I can avoid calling you Claire, or Cheryl," Brandon said.

"Big fan?" she asked.

"Hard not to be," he said.

She blushed just a bit, enough to not seem haughty, "Aren't you sweet? Well, it's great to meet people who like my work. So... you can tell me all about this Mars rover that we're gonna talk about?"

He grinned, "I sure can. Adventure is my girl. I've been on the team since I got here. We've got some fun stuff I can show you," he said, stepping out into the hall.

She stole a glance at his office. It looked small and dark, festooned with toys and posters.

"This is your office?" she asked, more to set him up.

"Oh yeah, it's not much. Most of the time I'm over at mission control," Brandon said.

She pushed the door a bit and poked her head in. It was cramped, but it didn't smell, "What are you working on now?"

She leaned forward and could sense him looking at her, but he kept his eyes off her ass. He's either gay, or he's a gentleman. Could go either way.

"I've been playing around with the orbit calculator this morning. It's not really a Mars thing, but you wanna see?"

He was an excitable little puppy and she felt like playing fetch with him, "Sure... show me," she said, pushing inside and finding a chair.

He followed her in and sat at his desk, pulling his laptop around so she could see.

"What's your favorite planet?" he asked.

"Um... is Saturn too cliché?" she asked.

"Not at all," he said, then clicked a button on the screen, "And when's your birthday?"

"August 21st," she said. He punched in a few more numbers and then wheeled himself to the side.

"So, I'm telling the computer to plot us a flight to Saturn that leaves on your birthday. Let's see where it takes us," he said.

A green line on the screen started spreading out from a circle near the center, crossing over a few others and arcing around to a larger circle on the outside. On the right, a bunch of numbers scrolled past.

He read them and spoke, "Seems like we'll need to swing by Venus once time, then Jupiter, but we can get there in about three years."

"What?" she asked, slightly perplexed.

"It's a gravity slingshot program. This shows that we could launch a rocket from Earth, we could aim it towards Venus and it would sling around the planet and use gravity to fling itself all the way out to Jupiter, where it would do it all over again and then head for Saturn. The whole trip would only take about three years."

She gave a polite laugh, "Very cool. So you know how to find your way to Saturn?"

"Well, the computer does, but yeah. With these numbers and a big enough rocket, we could go see the rings. Wouldn't that be something?"

"Well, I'm kinda busy for the next three years, but sure," she said, smiling a bit. He got up from his chair and she did too.

"Well, in that case, let's go look at a Mars rover..."

For the next couple of hours, he showed her all around JPL's Mars lab. She asked a few questions here and there, but mostly let him talk. She was far more interested in him than his words. Mars was interesting enough, but she liked the look of this young buck. She guessed he was a few years older than her, noted his lack of a wedding ring, and made a bet with herself that he was absolutely oblivious to her attention.

She got traces of a Southern accent, but suppressed. It was something he tried to hide. She was intrigued by that. She watched his strong arms gesticulate grandly when he talked about his rover. She made the right comments and only stole glances when his back was turned. By the time he walked her through mission control, she was sure that she was going to make a move.

Coming back to the front entrance, she saw the towncar was waiting for her. She was fine letting the driver wait.

"So, you feel ready to host our little show tomorrow night?" he asked.

"Yep, I have what I need. Are you gonna be there? I might want to interview you," she said.

"Wouldn't miss it," he said. The twang slipped out a bit. She smiled.

"See you tomorrow, then. Good meeting you, Brandon," she said. She smiled and waved as she walked down the stairs. There was plenty of time.

The next night she gamely hosted the documentary for the landing. She managed to get him on camera for a few questions, but the highlight of the night was watching 30 super-nerds jumping around and hugging each other as the Mars probe landed safely. She felt their elation right through the glass divider and when she spotted her new friend finishing off a bad dance move, she gave a girlish giggle and sent a thumbs-up his way.

After the show was wrapped, she lingered a bit, not wanting to miss an opportunity. When he was nearby, she tapped on the glass and pointed, sending him around to meet her in the hallway.

"Congrats! That was quite a show!" she said.

"Well, the real work is just beginning now. The rock-hounds will have all sorts of fun things to do."

"So happy for you," she said, putting her arms out for a hug.

He wrapped her in his arms and she liked the feel of it. That was the last test. She knew it was time now.

"Hey... I just wanted to give you this," she said, handing her a card that she'd written on earlier. This is my number. If you wanted to have dinner or something," she said.

"Oh wow..." he said, staring at the card as though it held the secrets of the universe.

"I wasn't sure if..."

"No... I'd love to have dinner. That'd be amazing. Um..." he stammered a bit, like an overloaded computer, "Um... I'm gonna be here all night doing Mars things, but... um... could I call you tomorrow night? After I get some sleep?"

She grinned and nodded, "Sure... anytime. Just.. uh... don't show that to anyone else, kay?"

He nodded fast and tucked the card in his shirt pocket, "Not a soul," he said. She believed him.

She hit him with another smile to seal the deal. Not that there was any doubt.

"Great job tonight. Call me when you wake up."

She headed for the entrance and her towncar. She knew he was watching her ass as she walked away. His team had just put a rover on Mars. He deserved the look.

He called. He didn't text. She liked that. The call came when she was sitting in a makeup chair at the studio. She waved off the make-up artists and hit the button to accept.

"This is Hayden," she said.

"Hayden! Wow, hi! It's Brandon, from JPL."

"Hey Brandon from JPL. How's it going?"

"It's going good. Adventure is safe on the ground and she's sending back new pictures..."

She grinned, "Did you finally get some sleep?"

"After about 30 hours of work, yeah. Felt like I took a 3-month vacation," he gave a little laugh at his own joke. She joined him.

"Well, you must be famished... how about we get some dinner?"

"I was hoping you'd say that. There's a steak place over in North Hollywood. I'd love to take you," he said.

"Steak sounds perfect," she said, letting her voice stretch perfect out in a little purr. "I'll text you a place to meet. Pick me up around 6?"

"I'll be there right at 6," he said.

"Awesome. See you tonight," she said.

His car was respectable, though if she was honest with herself, she'd admit that she hadn't really known what to expect. It was a sporty little hybrid. Red, but compact, so it came off more playful than flashy. It matched what she had thought of him. He had a good face, but didn't really know what to do with it. She was forming a few ideas on that front.

He got the door for her and she smiled and called him a gentleman. It made him a little bashful and she got an amused little smile behind his back as he went back to the driver's side. His eyes were wide now and she realized that the dress she'd picked out might have been a little over the top. He was in a crisp NASA polo and it dawned on her that she might have made more of a statement than she'd intended.

"You look... amazing," he said, pausing.

"You looked around for a while before you found that word," she said with a giggle.

"I kept trying to think of a better one... amazing doesn't quite cover it," he said, not taking his eyes off her.

She gave a little mmm that turned into a laugh, "Sweet boy with the flattery. C'mon. I'm hungry," she said.

Ordinarily she wouldn't have said something so blunt, but she felt an ease with him. And she knew that he could be wrapped around her finger with just a couple of words... or a flash of her tits. Still, the game was half the fun. Might as well draw it out.

He pulled into traffic and turned at the end of the block. She noted his white-knuckle grip on the wheel.

"Nervous, Brandon?" she asked, raising an eyebrow and the cadence of her voice.

"Oh... um..." he stammered, looking for a lie that would make himself seem confident. She cut him off before he made that mistake.

"It's okay. I'm really glad we could do this," she said. "How's the probe doing?"

"So far so good. There's still a lot to get through, but it's gone pretty well so far."

"When do you have to get back?"

"Not until Monday. Most of the engineering is just checking things off a list, until she's unpacked and moving," he said. He was fine talking about work. She noted that.

"Well, it's good they let you out," she said.

"Ye...yeah... I'm.. um..." he started.

She smiled as he found his words.

"I was really... um... surprised... you asked. Um... I just... I don't usually..."

"Don't date much?" she asked.

"Is this a date?" he asked. She could almost see his heart crawl in his throat. It was good that he kept a tight grip on the wheel. Otherwise his hands would be shaking.

She gave a little laugh, "Yeah... that was the idea. I thought it was sort of implied."

"Oh... I just didn't want to assume," he said, fast and tense. He was scared that he'd slipped up already.

"You don't do this much, right?" she said. It could have been an accusation, but it wasn't.

"It's been a while," he said.

"What's a while?" she asked.

"Um...."

"It's okay. What's a while, Brandon?" she pressed.

"Um... about two years. A little more..." he said.

Now her eyes went wide, though not as much as his, "Wow. That's a while, all right. Was there a problem?"

"I had a hard time getting back out there since I came to California. Just... I'm pretty cautious... didn't want to..."

"Get hurt?" she prompted.

He nodded.

"She burned you bad?" she probed.

He hemmed and shrugged. She had him on the ropes, "She tried to make it easy. I thought it was one thing... apparently I was wrong."

"And it made you gun-shy?" she asked.

"Amongst other things," he nodded. Then pulled in to a parking lot, "We're here."

"Two years... coming off a heartbreak... and a date with a celebrity... that's a lot of pressure," she said, smirking.

She thought she might be putting him into a panic attack. To push him more would just be cruel. And she did genuinely like what he was putting out.

"It's okay... I think I know a way to help you relax," she said, putting a hand on his arm.

He looked bewildered by her.

"Sit back... I'm gonna take the edge off," she said, reaching for his zipper.

"What?" he said, eyes huge as his seatbelt came loose. She didn't let him stop her. She was in control all the way.

"Just relax," she said, reaching into his pants and finding his cock. She liberated it and it felt warm on her fingers. Big, but not up. It was understandable. He'd had no clue this was coming. He let out a cute little puppy-dog moan as his skin reacted to hers.

She worked his shaft a bit with her fingertips, just getting him into this mode. It didn't take much. He was still young, but just out of practice. Quickly his cock responded. She leaned in, getting her breath on it for the first time.

So... he's a grower, not a shower... I can work with that, Hayden thought, watching him swell through six inches. He maxed out somewhere between seven and eight. Big for a white boy.

Her tongue slid over his rounded head and she knew that he'd remember this moment for the rest of his life. She had done this kind of thing before, but he was getting a lot of firsts all at once.

She swirled her tongue and took him into her mouth. He let out a moan that had a gravelly edge. She could tell that he knew how to growl. Something to look forward to, she thought.

He grabbed the armrest and she didn't need to look to know he had a death grip on it. She wasn't going slow and he was dealing with it well. She debated easing up a bit, but there was always the chance they'd be spotted. Might as well try to melt his brain.

"Fuuaaaaakk," he said, almost like he was afraid to curse in front of her. Like she'd take offense. She smiled around his cock and pushed down to take all of him at once. He moaned and she felt his fingers brush over her back. He was trying to control himself. It might be a losing battle.

"Ohh, Hayden..." he said. She liked how her name sounded in his mouth.

She reached behind her back and found his hand. She led it to the back of her head. She preferred take-charge guys and felt like he could be one... with a little encouragement.

His fingers in her hair were what she wanted and what she got. He put just a bit of pressure, not choking her, but he clearly knew that this was allowed now. He moaned and she hummed down his shaft which gave him his first glimpse of God.

She could feel him starting to pulse. Poor boy was fighting her and losing. He wanted to draw this out, but she was in control. It felt good having this big guy and his big cock subject to her whim. But this was still an appetizer. And she was eager to get to the main course.

Her lips formed a tight seal and she sucked for all she was worth. The tongue on the base of his shaft was the knockout punch. He came in a rush. In a hard spurt. He buried a thick rope on the back of her throat, almost before she was ready. She had to focus to swallow before the next rope invaded her mouth.

The sound he let out was a cute little death rattle. He'd walk into fire for her now. He probably would have before, but still.

He tasted salty and heady. The ropes were thick and weighty and plentiful. She could tell it had been at least a few days since his last orgasm, and whatever he'd been having recently wasn't as good as this. Mission accomplished.