Live Without Regrets Pt. 01

She swallowed every last drop, letting him have this moment. He'd remember it forever. She enjoyed her little legacy as much as she liked the flavor. But as he softened, she slid him out, zipped him back up and smiled at his face for the first time in a few minutes.

"Feel better?" she asked.

He nodded. He was speechless again, but at least now it was from ecstasy and not nerves.

She patted his thigh, knowing he didn't know what to think and didn't have the blood in his brain to figure it out. She decided to help.

"No big deal. Just... something we did," she smiled. Then helped him focus, "Come buy me dinner. I have a couple ideas about dessert."

She couldn't help the purr in her voice. She had just had a big bowl of cream and she felt very self-satisfied.

His eyes were so thankful that it almost broke her smirk. Most guys got a little cocky (no pun intended) after a blowie, but this one just seemed grateful. She liked the lack of ego. It was refreshing. More and more he was impressing her emotionally. She had sucked bigger guys and bigger cocks. Guys with more money and more power. But she couldn't recall being with one that had such kind eyes. Eyes that bore into her soul in a way she wasn't quite ready for. She broke his gaze before they found her inner-most thoughts.

His heart was pounding as he opened the car door. She pulled out a vanity mirror and checked her lipstick while he came around. It was fine and so was she. She stepped out of his car and took his arm, folding hers around to let him lead.

"Looks like a nice place," she said, as he brought her across the lot.

"Yeah, I was here a few months ago and really liked it," he said. He'd picked up on her cues. He was classy enough to get blown without making a thing of it.

She tried to remember what wine went well with the taste of come. She thought about that as the hostess led them upstairs.

He got her chair for her. Whoever his momma was had raised him right. He's trying so hard, she thought as she watched him sit down.

She ordered a glass of red that she liked and he asked for a water.

"You don't want some wine?" she asked.

"I'm not really a drinker," he said.

She raised an eyebrow, "Not a lot or..."

"Not.. really ever," he said. It sounded almost like a confession.

She almost laughed, "That's unusual."

"People always want to know why," he said.

"Well, it does kind of beg the question," she said, putting her menu down.

He hemmed a bit and found his words, "I'm a big guy. I'm prone to being stupid sometimes. I just didn't want to give my self-control another challenge. I don't know what kind of drunk I'd be, but if it's mean or... clumsy..."

She nodded, "Don't quite trust yourself?"

"No more than I have to. And, to be honest, I want to keep a very clear head with you," he said.

"Oh yeah? Don't trust me either?" she said, giving a bit of a challenge.

"Not that. I just think I'm gonna want to remember every little detail of this night," he said.

Nice recovery.

She nodded, "Well, the water is probably smart. I think you might be a bit dehydrated," she smirked and winked at him.

He blushed. Oh, that's adorable.

"I'll take your word for it," he said, sipping his water.

She lifted her wine glass, "Should we toast?"

"Oh, I think it's bad luck to toast with water," he said. "Something about offending the gods."

"I dunno... you've been pretty lucky so far tonight," she said, with a giggle.

"I'd hate to tempt fate," he said.

"Well, what if I promised that your luck wouldn't go bad?" she said, leaning in and giving him those deadly eyes.

He smiled. His fear was gone. It made her glad. He raised his glass, "To keeping promises."

She clinked her glass and they drank.

"So... did you look up my Wikipedia page?" she said, putting down her glass.

"It was all I could do not to," he admitted.

"You're better off. Not all of it's accurate," she said.

"Well, I wanted to get to know you the old fashioned way," he said.

"As opposed to the Biblical way?" she giggled.

He blushed again and nodded, "Well... one thing at a time."

"Let's start with you," she said.

"Oh, um... okay," he said.

"Are you close with your parents?" she said. It was her usual opening for guys she took seriously.

He nodded, "My mom, yeah. I call her every day when I get out of work. I try to go back east to see her at least a couple times a year."

"Back east?"

"North Carolina. East coast. She lives near the beach. I like to go spend a week in the summer. Good to get away and it lets me see her."

"What about your dad?"

"He passed away my second day of college," he said.

She paused, "Oh... I'm so sorry."

"It was long ago. He was never the healthiest guy. When I was young, the doctors told him he wouldn't live to see me go to kindergarten. But he saw me graduate high school," he smiled wistfully.

"That must have been terrible," she said.

"It made for a heck of a freshman year. I was supposed to be studying chem 101 and trying to get into parties. But instead I was dealing with lawyers and accountants."

"Was he wealthy?" she asked.

"No, not really. He was a cop. He just was kind of obsessed with leaving something for me. He wanted to make sure I'd be taken care of if... if what happened, happened."

She nodded, "My daddy is a firefighter, well, was. He's retired now."

"That must have been hard. Worrying about him coming home at night," he said.

"No worse than being a cop, I'd imagine," she said.

"It wasn't too bad for us. He wasn't on patrol for most of the time I was growing up,"

She nodded, "Brothers and sisters?"

"No," he said.

"What made you want to be an engineer?"

"I didn't like jogging enough to be an astronaut," he said, with a laugh. "You have to be in great shape for that. I'm better sitting behind a desk. And I like to design. I like to create. Building a rover, it's rewarding. Seeing it go from just an idea to a reality it's like..."

"Seeing a child grow?" she said.

"Oh, um... I suppose. I wouldn't really know," he said.

She winced, "My daughter is with my ex, in Europe."

He gave that look of sympathy she'd seen on so many faces, "Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to..."

"No, you didn't... I said that. I just know it's a thing for some guys. I didn't know if you knew."

"I knew," he said.

She looked at him.

"I knew you had a daughter. I didn't know the rest," he said. He was starting to backpedal. "I wouldn't have said that if I'd..."

"You didn't say anything wrong," she said, putting a hand on his. "It's fine. I just wanted you to know."

He nodded. They sat in the tension for a moment. She found her starlet smile and flashed it.

"What do you say we just keep the focus on you? God knows I spend too much time talking about myself anyway," she said.

He wrinkled an eyebrow and looked at her, "Um... no. I don't think that's a good idea. I want to know the real you. I'm not afraid of whatever you'd afraid to tell me. You took my nerves away. You shouldn't have any either."

She looked at him like they were sitting at a poker table. He wasn't going to let her be a celebrity. He wasn't content to go on a date with a movie star. He wanted what she kept hidden. Damn, he's good.

"You're sure?" she said.

"I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours," he said.

She gave a little sigh and smiled, "Let's see... my dad beat up my mom. When I was a teenager, my agents gave me pills to make me perky and I got addicted. I had a baby with my fiancé who then left me and took her to Europe. My new agents are fighting like hell to get me back into the A-list. And, oh yeah, my last boyfriend is in jail for beating the shit out of me. How's that?"

He took it in and nodded, "Okay... I've only been in three serious relationships as an adult. I haven't had sex in more than three years. I go to strip clubs because it's simpler than trying to find a girl who's interested in me. And I've got some weird fetishes, so I'm pretty afraid of being judged even if I did get a date."

She smirked, "You're on a date right now."

"Yeah, I'm also bad at thinking things through. I'm a terrible engineer, by the way," he said.

She giggled, "Three years?"

"My ex stopped sleeping with me before she broke up with me. And I was too scared to hire someone," he said.

"Three years?" she repeated, incredulously.

"I buried myself in work," he said.

"And porn, I bet," she smirked.

"It's a big internet," he said. "I've only gotten through about half of it."

She laughed, "What the hell do you like that's so weird?"

"That's really more of a third date conversation," he said.

"You want a third date, you gotta tell me now," she said.

"What happened to date number two?" he asked.

"Don't fuck this up and find out," she said, "Tell me."

"I like bdsm, okay?" he said, folding his hand, "All that domination stuff. Bondage... slapping," he grimaced.

"Not the kind of thing you'd want to admit to a battered woman?" she said.

"Bingo," he nodded.

"Consent is everything for stuff like that."

"Absolutely," he said.

"You ever hit someone who didn't consent?" she asked.

"Never have, never would," he said. She believed him.

"But you like all that power stuff," she said.

He nodded, "Power and control, yeah."

"You're not the only one," she said, giving him a Cheshire cat grin.

He perked up and raised an eyebrow, "Yeah?"

"Take charge," she said, leaning in furtively.

He nodded. Before he could say more, a waiter came up to the table. Hayden sat back in her chair.

Brandon's voice shifted a bit, just a bit deeper. "I'm gonna have the porterhouse, medium rare. She's going to have the filet mignon."

She smiled at him as he told the waiter what she'd be eating tonight. She kept silent, letting him choose her sides and hearing him say that she'd be having a crème brulee for dessert. She didn't really love crème brulee, but she knew she'd eat every bit of it for him.

The waiter played it cool and departed. She looked across the table from him and squeezed her thighs together. This was the one she'd been looking for.

"Was that what you had in mind?" he asked.

"Yes, sir."