Living in a Telenovela

"But you did not say yes to him." He grabs my hands and looks at me for a second longer than necessary. "You cannot lie to the heart. Your brain, you can trick into thinking you know what is best. But in your heart you will not feel right until you are with the one you're meant to be with."

"What if I am meant to be alone?" I try to turn it into a joke but fail miserably when the tears start rolling down my eyes.

"You're meant to love yourself first, attend to your needs first but never stay alone. No one deserves to be alone."

******

There is a knock on the door.

I place my bags on the floor, expecting to see Pat behind the door. Instead I find the girl from the grocery store. Her eyes are bloodshot and I can tell she's been crying. She looks mortified to see me. I look down at her, trying to reign in my anger. What could she possibly be doing here? Even if Esteban were here he would be working.

"He's not here." There is no amusement in my voice.

She nods but the tears begin to roll. Then she sniffles and she crosses her arms.

"I'm-sorry." Her shoulders shudder and the crying gets worse.

I start to feel like a bitch so I open the door wide and invite her in. She walks straight to the couch and wipes her nose once she's settled. I stand there shifting uncomfortably. I just want to be back home already. This is not how I planned to spend my last hours here.

"I'm pregnant." She rips the band aid off.

My ears start to ring. I hear the blood rushing to my ears. The silence is deafening. I hold my own breathing afraid that if I take another breath this will be true.

"I'm sorry but I don't know what to do or who to tell. My mom is going to kill me. And I just..." She starts to cry again.

I blink a couple of times. This feels surreal.

The door opens and closes behind me.

"You ready to go Nat?" Patrick's voice sounds so far away. Like he's at the other end of the earth whispering to me. He might as well be because I don't feel like I'm standing here at all.

I walk over to the little girl crying to herself, afraid of what the future has in store for her.

I place my hand on her shoulder she looks up at me. Her brown eyes look almost black in this lighting.

"Esteban will be here soon." I turn away before she has a second to say anything.

******

I've had it!

"Paul!" I pull the papers out of the printer and begin to pace the room. "Paul!" I yell louder. If he is not here in the next five seconds I will completely lose it.

"Natalie," He swoops in through my office door and holds out a cup of coffee for me. "Good morning."

I gratefully take it and place the stack of pages in his hands. "Have Jennifer read this at least three times to check for any mistakes. Then have Richard read it twice, and then you can have a final look before I present it next week."

He is writing on his small pad, a slight smile on his face.

"Why are you grinning?" I feel the veins on my forehead ready to burst. I'm high on caffeine and running on three hours of sleep. Is this what success feels like?

"I remember when you used to beg to have this opportunity, and now you just want to bite everyone's head off." He shrugs and laughs.

I mock him and move on to other items on our list. I have to go to a flower shop down the street in 20 minutes. My lunch break basically came and went without any importance.

My phone rings. Paul sets up the speakerphone.

"Jennifer, hold off on any meeting or calls for the next ten minutes." Paul smiles sympathetically at me.

I mouth a quick 'thanks'.

"I have a Mr.Esteban Reyes on the line, says he has to speak to Miss.Reed."

"Hijo de su chingada madre!" I curse out loud. I immediately take it back, feeling bad about offending Petra. "Tell him I died and never to call again." I feel the blood rushing to my face from the scrutiny in Paul's eyes.

"He says it's about your grandfather." Jennifer sounds terrified.

I take the phone off speaker and place it next to my ear. Dread settles in my gut. "Put him through."

The line clicks.

"What happened? Is he okay? Esteban?" My voice is rushed.

"Thank God I finally got through to you." His voice is relieved.

"What is it?" Fear keeps me standing next to my desk. Maybe I should sit. Why can't I move?

"Why have you been ignoring my calls, Natalia?" He sounds angry.

"Esteban please, is my grandfather still alive?" I hold my breath.

There is a short silence he huffs. "He's fine. He's currently taking Juana to the grocery store."

"What?" The relief is instant. Then I want to kill him. "Why did you tell Jennifer you had to talk about my grandfather?"

"Because that was the only way I could get you to talk to me."

"You fucking dick! I was so terrified that something happened. How could you?" I am livid, pacing the room back and forth.

"Me? How could you?" His tone is resentful. "Natalia you left without saying goodbye. You completely disregarded everything that happened between us and went off into the sunset with your little Gringo."

"I'm not doing this with you." I sound dejected. It's hard not to feel the wound opening back up again. It has been two months and I have just started to forget about it. About his strong arm wrapped around me, his unforgiving kisses, the pregnant woman he has at home. That last part hurts the most.

"Don't hang up yet!" He sounds less high and mighty. "Look, I have some business to attend to next month in your city. Can I possibly stay at your place?"

I want to hide under a rock. "No." I am firm.

"Porfavor, Natalia." He scoffs. "I can't afford to pay 300 a night for three nights."

"What business do you have up here?" He's never been to the city before.

"Don't worry about it. Just, please let me stay with you. I will beg if I have to."

I bite my lip. What is he doing? Why am I even contemplating this? "There is not enough room in my apartment. I barely fit in there." I'm exaggerating. I live very comfortably but I do not want to play hostess to Esteban and his baby mama.

"I promise I just need somewhere to sleep," So he's coming up alone? "I will be gone for most of the day."

Paul is looking at me, amused. I have been so on edge lately this is nothing new to him. He will definitely ask questions though.

"Natalia," Esteban's tone is playful and erotic. I feel my breasts tingle and my jaw drops slightly. I feel saliva gathering behind my bottom lip. "Solo tres noches."

Three nights sound dangerous.

"Te lo juro. I will behave."

He can swear on his life, I still don't trust him. I shouldn't even trust myself to be in the same room as him and expect nothing to happen. But if I keep myself busy enough with work I will be too tired to think about anything else.

"Just three nights." I ignore the fluttering in my stomach.

******

I'm tossing and turning.

He was supposed to come in tonight. I offered to pick him up from the bus station but he said he had his ride covered. I waited until midnight but knew I had to get some sleep because of the immensely long day waiting for me tomorrow. What if something happened to him? What if he changed his mind? I turn again and look at the bedside clock. It's almost three in the morning. With one last huff I shut my eyes. I told him where I left the spare key is. There is not much use of me staying up anymore.

Eventually I level my breathing. I stop fidgeting, and start counting backwards. All the sleepless nights from the previous nights finally catch up to me. I get pulled into the darkness.

Before I completely submerge I feel something tickle my face.

"Hola, amor."

I sigh when I feel his lips against mine. It has been a while since I have dreamt about him. His accent is as rich as I remember. The slight stubble on his face feels rough against mine but I don't mind. His lips are rough. I moan and he groans. He takes my face in between his hands. His tongue sneaks into my mouth and I suck on it.

His hand travels down my neck and collarbone. I tremble when he takes a handful of my breast. My nipple immediately hardens against his palm.

"Natalia this is a nice welcoming." He groans against my lips.

It takes me a second to decipher what he said. My eyes snap open, the room is still dark but I see the outline of his broad shoulders.

I push against his chest ignoring the throbbing between my legs.

"Get off." I beg while also leaning into his touch.

He chuckles and pulls back. "I knew it was too good to be true."

I push against him but he sits next to me. "What are you doing here so late?"

He sighs "I had to take care of some things before coming here, took longer than I expected."

I wipe my mouth. Did he have to leave the mother of his child with enough money and food?

"Get out. You're sleeping on the couch." I turn away. I am already regretting this.

"It is nice to see you too." The bed shifts and as he gets off. "You taste as delicious as I remember."

I throw a pillow at his retreating figure.

******

I'm trying to be quiet as I take a mug out of the cupboard.

I need coffee.

I'm also trying, and failing miserably, to stop sneaking looks at the giant on my couch. His arm is falling off the while his shirt is riding up. His boxers barely cover what is underneath. The blanket he had is bunched up near his feet. He must have gotten hot. His beard is longer than I remember. That is why it tickled last night. My cheeks flush as I remember his firm lips against mine.

I turn away and get some coffee.

He stirs, I still.

I turn back to look at him, he's resting on his stomach. The view of his ass has my salivating. Looking at my watch I shake my head and put my coffee in a to-go cup. I'm going to be late, and I barely got any sleep last night. He is already turning my life upside down.

I need to tell him to leave tonight.

******

I am a walking zombie all day.

Paul started taking over once he had to repeat himself multiple times and I was forever grateful. Jennifer also caught on to my absentmindedness and stopped asking me really important questions.

All I can think about is Esteban. His lips, his hands, his warmth. I try to think of my life before him and I can't. It's not like I really want to but this is not good for me. Why am I pining over someone who already has his own family? I don't know what he's doing up here but eventually he'll leave and I will be left to mend my already bleeding heart. He'll go back to his girlfriend and baby and I'll be here working 70 hours a week living off three hours of sleep and caffeine.

"Okay, pity party over. I need you to get it together Natalie. You have an hour before meeting with your new client and I can tell you now this look-" Paul points up and down at my sitting figure, "is not going to cut it. So, tell me what is wrong so I can help you."

I lean back against my chair. I want to cross my arms and close myself off but I can't. He's right. I am on the brink of ruining everything I have worked for all of these years for one stupid guy. But I need to get this out of my system. If I don't, I'll just be digging myself deeper and deeper into this black hole. I just need to say it once and then move on.

"I may or may not have feelings for a guy who just got another girl pregnant." I blurt out. Wow, that sounds as pathetic as I imagined.

Paul falls onto the chair across from me. His perfectly plucked eyebrows go all the way up to his hairline. His perfectly chiseled face cracks with worry lines. I've always kept things professional between us. I mean we talk about boy problems sometimes and he knows about Patrick, but I've never been this honest.

"Is it the dark, sexy hunk staying with you?" His eyes are wide, awaiting my demise.

I hang my head, then lift it up in confusion. "How do you know how he looks?"

He winces. "He may or may not be outside in the waiting room."

I sit up straight and start to rearrange my clothing. I push my hair back and take a quick look in the mirror. Paul watches in amusement.

"Tell him to leave." I touch up my lipstick.

"Jennifer already tried, she knows he's a sensitive topic."

I groan, how is Jennifer supposed to see me as a worthy boss if I can't even control my personal love life?

"I think you should let him say he peace so you can get that over with and have a clear head for you meeting."

"But what is it just messes with my head even more?" I can't shake the worry.

Paul stands and grabs both of my shoulders. "You're stronger than that. I didn't agree to work with you just because you have a pretty face." He kisses my forehead and leaves my office door open. I am touched by his kind words. Is this what happens when you let people care about you? Jennifer is trying to shoo Esteban out of here and Paul is encouraging me to face my demons. I would do the same for both in a hearbeat.

Esteban strides into my office, closing the door behind him. He's wearing jeans and a black t-shirt. The shirt hugs every inch of his well-defined body. I try not to stare and focus instead on his face. He has a sexy grin on his lips.

I cross my legs and interlock my fingers in front of me. "You have five minutes and then you have to leave. I have a meeting to prepare for."

He stands in front of my desk and looks around. "I guess the Gringa is successful after all."

I mock him and start to rearrange some papers on my desk. I am sweating a puddle on my chair. There is a hum low in my belly that keeps getting stronger when he looks at me. I press my thighs together enjoying the tingling feeling against my pussy. He needs to leave.

"Que quieres Esteban?"

"I was in the neighborhood and wanted to see you." I stop messing with the papers on my desk to look up at him. Big mistake. His wolfish grin makes my breath hitch. "Do you know how delicious you look sitting behind that desk of yours?"

My mind goes blank.

"I love a woman in charge."

I clear my throat and snap out of it. "Yes and also a woman who works in a grocery store." I try to make him remember he has a child on the way with this woman.

His head falls to the side and I see his confusion. Then it hits home. "Oh, Roxanna? Yeah, she's cute too."

My face heats up, and my eyes narrow. I want to punch him.

"But, she's not the one I want."

My breathing increases, the sweating gets worse, I want to throw myself against him. "Esteban, you have three minutes."

"We better make this quick then."

He comes around my desk and places each hand on my ribs. Without any effort he lifts me up places me on my desk. My arms wrap around his bulging arms instinctively. My black dress falls around my hips and he stands between my legs. It all happens in the blink of an eye, my mushy brain tries to play catch-up. His lips go straight to mine and I feel like I can suddenly breath.

All the chaos in my head stands at a still and all I can focus on are his arduous lips. I moan into them, he groans in return. His teeth begin to nibble my bottom lip and they eventually head south. He lands wet kisses against my jaw and neck and my moans get louder. His hand comes up over my mouth to muffle my moans. Instead of panicking I feel even more turned on. My hot center is dripping with my juices. His other hand pushes my underwear aside and he groans again when he finds how wet I am.

I don't know how but he manages to release his dick from his jeans and I feel it rubbing against my waiting hole. My eyes roll back when I feel his hard length rub against me. His thick head nudges my wet pussy lips open and he centers it right in front of my hole. Somewhere in the back of my head a warning bell goes off and I finally feel my wits slam back into me. My eyes open wide.

"No." I try to say but his hand makes my plea sound stifled. I shake my head and use my hand to push against him. He seems caught up in the moment and doesn't notice my struggles. I bite the side of his palm and he howls.

"Ouch!" He pulls back and looks at me. I'm glaring at him. "Fine, no fucking. But I am getting you off. You are wound up too tight."

I shake my head but he ignores me. His large, rough fingers find my annoyingly wet pussy and he rubs my clit. My head falls back and I moan in response. My hips thrust forward against his palm. I close my eyes and allow myself to focus on getting what I need right now. I just need this right now, and then I will be good. Two of his fingers push in and I groan against his hand. He pumps his fingers in and out of my wet center with ease. I feel a light layer of sweat forming against my forehead, my mouth is dry and my shoulders are tense. Just a few more seconds. I feel his pinky finger gather some of the juices dripping down into my crack. It lightly runs over my puckered hole and that is all it takes for me to cum all over his hand. Waves after waves I turn into a quivering mess under his touch and for a moment I do not care. I bask in the feeling of being completely under his control, doing what he wants me to do.

His fingers slow and he removes his hand from my mouth to kiss me.

I lean back against the desk and land on my forearms. I try to catch my breathing. I expect him to give me a moment to gather my bearings but instead I feel his warm wet tongue cleaning the juices around my pussy. I look down to see him with his eyes closed. His eyebrows are pulled together and he groans against my lips. It is so erotic, I want to cum again but I know I can't. I have to get ready for this meeting. I'm cutting it close. He continues to lick me, inside my pussy, around my lips, I even feel his tongue flutter against my tight hole. When he has had enough he pulls away and looks at my through heavy lids. He licks his wet lips and stands straight. He rearranges the bulge in his pants and leans down to kiss me before leaving my office.

I have the sudden urge to cry.

******

The rest of the day passes by in a blur.

I try and stay at work as long as I can but I now I need to get home and head to bed. I have an early day tomorrow and I can't pull the same stunt from last night again. I need sleep.

Paul didn't ask any questions when he walked into my office after Esteban left. I hoped the candle I turned on would get rid of my scent but Paul's knowing smile said it all. He didn't ask any questions and I didn't offer any information. I just knew I didn't feel good.

The moment was hot. I love handing over my control to Esteban but now all I can think about is Roxanna waiting for him at home. I am the other woman, and I'm better than that.

Paul went over my notes with me and I was as ready as I would ever be for the meeting. The couple was nice and they were fairly young so it was easy to guide them. My energy was not as it should have been but I promised myself the next day was going to be different.

I walk through my front door and catch a whiff of grilled meat.

Esteban is lying on the couch looking at the T.V. He looks up at me but doesn't smile. "I made dinner, but got hungry. I left you a dish in the microwave." There is a pensive look on his face.

"I'm not hungry. I have to go to bed." My voice is robotic.

He shakes his head. "I'll set it in the fridge then."

"So are you leaving tomorrow?" I remove my shoes and place them on the shoe rack next to the door. I walk to the center of the living room and place my hands on my hips.

He stands and comes closer to me. "We said three days." He crosses his arms.

I put my hands up. "Just wanted to make sure."

"Damn it, Natalia! Que te pasa?"

"Nothing is wrong with me!" I feel my anger just beneath the surface.

"Yes there is, just tell me!" I see his hands come up to grab me but I step away.

"Esteban, you have a child on the way! Why don't you focus on that instead of coming all the way here to try and woo me?" My voice is raw. And I feel the tears threatening to spill.