Locked In Amber Ch. 10

She began gently squeezing them between thumb and forefinger, each squeeze sending further jolts down her body like a telegram. With the squeezing and releasing of her thighs, the return telegram was even more strongly worded. She began cupping her breasts, fingers firm, but gentle, thumbs making soft rotations against the aroused nipples. Her breath was quickening and she began letting out little moans as the pleasure built.

She paused for a moment, savoring the feeling and then gently lowering both of her hands down, retracing their path. As she reached her navel, she held her fingertips firmly against her skin and continued down into the valley of bliss below. The gently flexing and writhing of her legs had spread her wetness along her inner thighs and her fingers quickly began investigating the extent. The more she probed, the wetter it got. Her hands were on each side of her mons now, thumbs crowning her clit like it was a queen, while her fingertips slid back and forth, brushing against her labia, gently pressing them against one another.

The tension was too much and she slid the tips of her two middle fingers inside her slit while her thumbs pressed firmly against her clitoris. The pleasure was intense and she let out a low moan that was borderline a growl. She continued massaging her vulva, her thumbs sliding up and down each side of her clit as her fingertips teased her vagina. The pressure was building quickly and it wasn't long before her body tensed up, her fingers held firm, and an explosion of light and color burst inside her head as she let out a long, loud moan as the orgasm spread out across her body.

Amber lay there, her chest heaving as she rode the wave of post-orgasmic bliss. There was a light sheen of sweat sprinkled across her breasts and she could tell the furnace must be on low because the light flow of air across the room was causing the moisture to chill where her skin was exposed above the sheets. Oh, God, that felt good! She felt a brief moment of embarrassment wondering if the neighbors could hear her, before realizing that, even if they could somehow miraculously hear her through the walls of two houses and across the yard, she didn't care.

She fully expected to drift off to sleep as her hands gently caressed her inner thighs, playing with the moisture that she had worked up with her slick fingers. But as she lay there, eyes closed and feeling almost as if she was floating, she found her mind wandering. It meandered from thought to thought in a leisurely, lazy fashion, never staying too long on any one topic, but it slowly became clear that it was not taking the exit to the land of Nod. If anything, she was even more awake.

Her thoughts morphed from envisioning the air currents caressing her body to wondering what the chemical structure of oxytocin looked like. From the joy she found at being free to be as vocal as she wanted in her ecstasy to patches of conversation she'd had during the evening. Then, like a snow crystal forming around a dust mote, her focus started to spiral in and build on something Kat had said earlier.

At the time, she'd been focusing on Kat's apology about jealousy rather than the nuances of what was actually said; her response to Kat had been more in the vein of 'no one's replacing my best friend'. But as she lay there in the darkness, she could hear Kat's voice running back through her head. "...I was a bit jealous that someone else was thinking you were sexy too."

"Someone else... sexy too."

'Too' means 'also'. 'Also' implies 'in addition to'. As in 'I'm a bit jealous that Elise thinks you're sexy in addition to me.'

Amber's eyes snapped open.

Kat thinks I'm sexy. Not 'friendly compliment' sexy. Not 'teasing around' sexy. Actual, honest, 'embarrassed-to-be-feeling-a-bit-threatened' sexy.

The thought spiked her heart rate and a flood of other comments that had been said through the evening streamed in.

"I'd be honored to be on top."

"If you're not going to distract me with a delicious tongue lashing..."

"Not that I'd mind, of course, but I know you're not into girls."

A surge of confusion seeped into her euphoria like discovering the unexpected tang of lemon chiffon inside a chocolate truffle. And she's right... I'm not into girls. Am I? I mean, the thought never seriously crossed my mind. Did it?

But in her mind, two pairs of beautiful eyes stared back at her, one set a deep blue, the other pale, almost grey. The air carried a memory of Elise's perfume, while Amber's fingertips recalled the softness of Kat's hair when she had gently caressed the new braid.

We've teased each other for years. It's just been friendly fun, right? Or was that just what I thought? I mean, she's always been interested in guys and girls, but she's never made any advances on me in any serious way...

Of course not, Silly, piped up another voice in her head. According to her, you're 'not into girls', so why would she? Plus, she's married to Aaron.

Amber didn't have a response to that but did think of another question. Does this mean that all those times I thought we were just playing around, maybe she was hopeful it was more? Was I just clueless? God knows I've misread social cues before...

It was the other voice's turn to have no answer and Amber rolled to her right side, staring at the bookshelf barely visible in the dim light. A moment later, the second voice queried her back, a sense of glee radiating from the unspoken words.

Here's a curious point. You say it sooo quickly that it's always just been 'friendly fun'. But what would you have done in the past if she did make a serious advance? Be honest now—did you really think it was just friendly fun? And would such an advance have bothered you?

At first, Amber brushed off the question with a figurative wave of her hand, her mind mentally turtling. The second voice wasn't going to accept it and seemed to take on a persona of its own. She could almost hear the words spoken aloud.

What. Would. You. Have. Done?

Amber faltered. Was it possible that previous categorizations of 'friendly fun' were her mind's way of glossing over and keeping things the way they should be? And if so, why?

Amber's rational, scientific mind started to perk up now that the afterglow of her orgasm was dissipating. There was a puzzle here to solve and she felt more in her element, in spite of the confusing feelings and thoughts. As she began to think about it, she realized that just because the lemon in the chocolate may be unexpected, it wasn't unpleasant. She sat up in order to better concentrate, the sheet falling away from her shoulders and exposing her breasts. Despite the warm trickle of air wafting across the room, she shivered slightly and bunched the blanket to cover herself. Utilizing her past problem-solving skills, she continued the internal dialogue with her other self.

Okay, let's look at this rationally.

A wise choice. There was a hint of a smirk behind those words.

We need to state our hypothesis. So let's just put it out there. She took a deep breath and spoke the next question aloud. "Am I sexually attracted to other women?" It was a hard question to voice, but once she did, she felt better. She was getting to the root of the matter.

Well, that's what you need to figure out.

Aargh! That's why I'm talking to you, but you're just mocking me rather than helping me piece this together! A realization occurred to Amber. "Aaaand apparently, I am having an argument with myself!" she said aloud.

Don't worry, you're not crazy. It's totally normal to have an internal monologue. I'm just another facet.

Of course. Internal monologues are the brain's way of thinking through problems. Amber felt better.

At least, I probably am. But maybe you are insane. Or maybe... maybe I'm your user guide from the digital simulation that you live in.

Great, not only do I have more than one internal monologue, my other facet is a smart ass too! Amber's mind was glad to change the topic and she started to picture this other voice. It certainly seemed to have its own personality. Plus, it was just easier to picture this other self as a second individual.

She looked physically the same, but with a bit more attitude around the eyes. Her brunette hair was hanging over one shoulder, a streak of color embedded that shifted between dark red, blue, and purple. She was wearing black leather pants and a cropped black leather jacket that ended at the bottom of her ribcage. The jacket was unzipped, exposing a dark purple shirt that left her midriff bare. As she stood leaning back next to the bookshelf, one leg bent with the boot sole against the wall, she was nonchalantly inspecting the electric blue nail polish on her left hand.

As this other girl materialized, she looked up as if becoming aware of Amber. She grabbed each side of her open jacket and looked down at her body, taking in the various details. "So this is how you see me? I'm getting a distinct cyberpunk vibe."

Amber sighed. "Well, if I'm going to be talking this out, I might as well make something up. Forgive me for having an overactive imagination. Plus, it fits with your attitude."

"No need to get uppity. I like it. But then, I'm you." She winked as a grin broke across her lips.

"So what do we call you? Amber 2.0?"

The grimace was clear. "Oh, girl, you can do better than that. That demonstrates an appalling lack of creativity. You may have dressed me in cyberpunk, but I'm not an android." She came over and sat on the edge of the bed. In Amber's imagination, she could feel the weight pulling on the blanket.

"No, you're right. Bad idea. But you are me. What's another word for Amber?"

Her twin rested her chin in the webbing between her index finger and thumb as she contemplated the question. "Well, amber is a gemstone... What about Gemma?"

Amber regarded the idea. "Not bad. Kinda British." A moment of inspiration struck. "Wait! The Latin word for amber was electrum. Though I think that's also an alloy of gold and silver..."

The girl gave a slow nod and a partial smile. "I like it. Fits both the amber and duality themes. But let's spell it with a 'k', just to jazz it up a bit. Elektrum. E-lek-trum..." She let the syllables roll off the tongue as if seeing how the name tasted.

Amber just stared at the other girl. Did I just fantasize a physical being into existence to embody a facet of my internal monologue so that I can have a discussion with myself?

Elektrum coolly looked back, a smirk on her lips. "Sure did. Though I'm pretty sure we can now classify it as 'dialogue'. And speaking of fantasies... we've gone down this delicious little distraction far enough. You're skirting the question in an attempt to avoid answering it. Get back on track. You've imagined me up in order to have a conversation to parse out your thoughts. So let's start parsing. Restate the question."

Amber looked at her counterpart. "This is weird."

"I agree, but you came up with me and if it helps your convoluted little brain figure out problems, I'm all for it. Let's just let it flow and see how it works out. No more stalling now."

"Oh, very well. Am I sexually attracted to any other women?" It still felt odd to say it aloud.

Elektrum looked towards the ceiling, a smile playing off her lips as she started counting off names on her fingers. "Well, I can think of a fair number. How about Kate Beckinsale, Scarlett Johansson, Gal Gadot... the woman who played in Tomb Raider... What was her name? She was also in Ex Machina, I think."

"Oh, um... Alicia Vikander."

Elektrum snapped her fingers. "That's it! She's pretty damn sexy. And let's not forget Karen Gillan and her Scottish accent."

Amber felt uncertain. "Okay, I obviously agree that they are all beautiful and sexy. But is that sexual? Or is that just appreciating something aesthetically? Like saying, 'that sculpture is beautiful', for example. Plus they are all actresses. I can't really think of anyone else that I know personally."

Elektrum slowly tilted her head from side to side and rocked her hands back and forth with a half-hearted shrug of ambivalence. "Fair point. Aesthetic attraction doesn't necessarily imply sexual attraction. But it doesn't exclude it either. I guess you'd have to look at any one person on an individual basis to see which it is."

Amber nodded as she looked down at the blanket in contemplation. The pattern on the comforter didn't provide any answers.

"Oh, and as for people you've actually met," Elektrum quipped, "what about that cute waitress at the pizza parlor a couple of weeks ago? I'm pretty sure she was flirting with you and I know for a fact you definitely checked her out a couple of times when she was at the other tables. So I'm pretty sure, at least sometimes, your 'admiration of beauty' lies a bit deeper than you're willing to admit at the moment."

Amber felt a flash of denial, but couldn't articulate why and changed the subject of their focus. "Okay, never mind then," she grumbled. "What about Elise? It's just the same kind of thing as a beautiful actress, right? She's just really gorgeous and I appreciate that as I would a work of art."

Elektrum just tilted her head and stared at Amber for a moment. Amber sensed a smartass remark in the works, but her counterpart seemed to change her mind at the last second. "Mmmm, I don't think so. Doesn't feel the same," she said with a slight shake of her head. The band of color in her hair shifted to a deep purple.

"How so?"

Elektrum stood up from the bed and walked around to the other side, looking towards the oak tree outside the window. Amber shifted and turned with her. "Maybe it's the way she just exudes confidence, something you often lack," Elektrum said, her back to Amber. "Maybe it's the way those eyes dance with mischief? Maybe it's the way your heart seems to stutter when you see her. Or maybe it's the sincerity she exhibited when she helped you out after you totally lost it the other night?" Elektrum turned back towards the bed before continuing. "But honestly? I don't know. Plus, you know, you kissed her." She winked.

A streak of embarrassment ripped through Amber. "Oh God, that was just an emotional outburst! I wasn't in my right mind. It just sort of happened. You know that."

Elektrum was unphased. "Emotional? True. You were pretty upset at the time and I'm certainly not judging you for it. But answer me this: if it had been Cindy helping you out, would you have tried to kiss her?"

Amber flopped back against the pillows and stared at the ceiling. In her peripheral vision, she could still see Elektrum staring her down with one eyebrow raised. She knew that if the situation had been as described, the kiss wouldn't have happened. "Okay, fine!"

After a moment of silence, Elektrum quietly said, "It IS okay, you know." There was no trace of mocking in her voice.

Amber turned her head and looked, curious about the change in tone. Elektrum had hopped onto the chest in the corner. She was squatting on her heels with her forearms resting on her knees. Her chin lay on her arms as she looked back. Amber almost asked her to get off the furniture while wearing boots. She caught herself at the last second. She's a figment! "What's okay?" she asked instead.

"That you have feelings for Elise. What was it Dr. Judy said? Thoughts and feelings are just that? Let them flow. It's up to you to determine what's prudent to act upon or to let float by."

Amber recalled the conversation with her therapist. "Okay, but I can't even articulate what's going on, let alone label it. So let that one go for now." Her mind was mulling everything over as if trying to solve a Rubik's Cube. She pictured putting it back on a shelf and pulling down a different puzzle, this one consisted of a series of knots and a metal ring. "So what about Katelyn?"

She envisioned Kat's grey eyes coming forward from the depths of the shadows and her face appearing with a smile. Elektrum didn't say anything, but memories flooded in of the pleasure they found in each others' company, the laughter they'd shared, and tears too. "Okay, but that's just because we have a deep friendship. I'd never trade that for anything, but that's not sexual attraction." A sense of triumph rushed in as if she'd somehow disproven a point.

"No, that's a different kind of love and there's no question the two of you share it." Elektrum's smirk was back. "But tell me, what kind of attraction is it that led to the fantasy image of your mouth latched onto her clit?" The smirked morphed into a grin as she knew that Amber's body physically tensed up at the memory while a wave of desire washed across her.

Amber's sense of triumph vaporized under the unexpectedly frank response. "Okaaaay then! Fine. You win. I've got some kind of crush on Elise, but something even more serious with Kat..."

"Sure seems that way." Elektrum hopped down from the chest and arched her back in a stretch. Amber could have sworn she heard a soft pop.

"But why now? Like I said before, we've teased and talked about sex many times. Is it because she actually let something slip?"

"No idea why, but it's there now." Elektrum sat back on the foot of the bed and folded her legs into a cross-legged position. She looked down at her boots and they disappeared, leaving her manicured feet bare. "Or...," she looked back across the bed at Amber, "it was there all along and you just didn't realize it. Or maybe you just couldn't admit it."

Amber pursed her lips and exhaled sharply as she lay down on her back again, her hair brushing up against the headboard. It was clear there was some new aspect to herself that she'd never considered before. She didn't know what to do with the unknown variable. She recalled reading once that a person's sexuality can change over time, but it wasn't a topic she'd ever delved into. The realization didn't disturb her or feel wrong, but it did feel confusing.

"Well, that brings up the last piece of the puzzle. What does this mean about Spencer?"

"What about him?"

"Well, I'm still attracted to him and really want to pursue this relationship." The thought of where they could go made her heart skip a beat.

"Oh, God yes!" Elektrum gushed. "Can't wait to see him again."

"But I might be attracted to Kat and possibly Elise too?"

Elektrum rolled her eyes. "You 'might' be? C'mon, who are you kidding?"

"Okay, it's hard to admit. Cut me some slack," Amber admonished. "I am attracted to Kat and Elise. Not just that I think they are cute, but an honest romantic, or at least, sexual attraction, just like what I have with Spencer."

Elektrum scrunched up her nose and had a slight frown on her face. "I don't know. It somehow feels different with Spencer."

"Good point. But how?" Amber thought about it a bit but felt like the answer was swimming just out of reach. Not receiving a reply, she glanced over at Elektrum, but the girl had disappeared.