Long Pull: Hand-Picked Dark Roast

"I worked at McDonalds for about a year in high school."

"How did you like that?"

"I didn't. I don't like fast food. The customers were sometimes mean, but... that didn't bother me, because for once, they were just yelling at me for not making fries right, rather than... because of who and what I am."

"So you don't mind standing in front of a register for what could be four hours at a time?"

"Sounds fine to me. I sometimes do four hour workouts."

Patti took a note on a piece of paper. Connie couldn't read it, but she felt self-conscious about it. "Alright, Connie, there's no proper way to ask this, so if you'd be so kind, please... whip it out."

Connie stood from her chair. She glanced over at Zelda. Patti spoke up. "If you'd like Zelda to leave, that's fine. Whatever makes you comfortable."

"Pshaw!" Zelda waved her hand dismissively, deliberately pronouncing that word wrong based on its spelling. "It's not like I won't see it when we work together, or when I finally blow you in your car once we're done with this."

Connie took a deep breath, undid the snap on her jeans and lowered her fly, revealing a triangle of black panty fabric. Her hand slid under it and she scooped out her package.

Patti had no visible reaction. Zelda started rubbing a bulge that had grown down her left pant leg.

"I guess you need me to get hard, huh?" Connie grasped her cock by the tip. She turned around, facing away from Patti. "Just give me a second..." She tugged at it a bit, trying to imagine herself somewhere else.

Before a minute had passed, Connie was hard. She turned around to present her fully engorged member to Patti. Now, Patti was holding that most terrifying instrument: the ruler.

"Ooh!" Zelda squealed. "My favorite part." She took the ruler from Patti.

"If you don't want your friend to know your size," Patti said before Zelda could quite reach Connie. "I'll take the measurement and keep it secret."

"Oh, no, that's fine." Connie said, trying to breathe slowly so it might slow down her heartbeat, in the off-chance it would keep her cheeks from reddening. "No point keeping it secret from my good friend."

Zelda put her thumb and forefinger around the base of Connie's erection, placing the ruler up against it. Zelda looked towards the number, her face so close she could feel her exhaling through her nose, the wind tickling Connie's testes.

"Eleven inches even." Zelda announced. "That's amazing. Just like mine. But your skin is so soft... wow, what kind of lotion do you use? It's all velvety. I want to rub it against my face. I mean, I've always wanted to do that since we met, but now I REALLY do."

"I don't know... just some kind of lotion." Connie pulled her wang from Zelda's grip. "I'm actually surprised to hear I'm that big. All my lovers said I was probably eight or nine."

"They were men, weren't they?" Patti said.

That question caught Connie completely off-guard. It was that inquiry that left her blushing brightly.

"I'm sorry." Patti raised her hand. "This isn't part of the interview. Your sexual history isn't important to me or to this job. I was just curious."

"Yeah, they were men." Connie relaxed. It wasn't like she had much more to hide, standing here with her fly down and her erection standing tall like a slightly angled flagpole.

"Classic male negging." Patti said. "They overestimate their own dongs while taking inches away from us."

"I didn't know any futas back home." Connie explained. "Maybe I did, but they were hiding it. And all but two women I went for turned me down when... well, lesbians don't generally like the extra features."

"Too bad for them." Zelda said. "More for us."

Another pause. Patti wrote something else down.

"Is this the whole interview?" Connie looked down. "Can I... put this away?"

"Not yet." From her desk, Patti produced a graduated beaker with a spout. One side measured in Metric, terminating in 1000ml, the other in Imperial units. It looked like a prop from a horror movie out of which a mad scientist might drink a colorful foaming potion.

"Please ejaculate into this. We want to make sure you can produce the volume we're expecting."

Connie picked up the breaker. It looked like a swimming pool. "I can't fill this. The girls down there were making way more than I can."

"Don't worry about that. They're using something that makes them produce more ejaculate." Patti said. "But the expansion is essentially linear, so you'll have to fill up to a certain point so we know you can make enough."

Connie took the beaker, held it over the tip of her dong, and started wanking it with her other hand. "When was the last time you ejaculated?" Patti asked.

"Last night, about 1AM." She answered. "If I'd know I'd be here, I wouldn't have done it."

"You'll do fine." Zelda said. "I know you will."

Connie continued to tug at herself, grunting and trying to release herself. The baristas downstairs didn't seem to have any problem at all. Maybe she didn't have what it took to work her after all. How could she be failing the one thing, other than sports, that she thought she was good at?

"Come on, come on..." Connie gritted her teeth and went faster.

"Is everything OK?" Patti asked.

"Come on, Patti, when's the last time you did it without the implant OR porn?" Zelda defended.

Patti shrugged. "It was probably when they hired me to run this place."

Zelda stepped between Connie and the desk, bending at the waist and bringing her torso onto Patti's disorganized paperwork. She unfastened her jeans and pulled them down, revealing her round rump to Connie.

"Oh, Connie..." She cooed, looking over her shoulder at Connie. "I've dreamed of this since we met. Please, pound me with your hot throbbing meat."

Connie stared at Zelda's behind, the two perfect buttocks, her little slit... and those two round balls beneath them, peeking out just above the waistband of her jeans.

Sex with men was fun. Connie had discovered this on her own. Sex with women was more fun. But sex with someone like Zelda... the opportunity had never presented itself. Seeing this was like finding your favorite food was just the combination of two things you already liked, like chocolate and peanut butter, or that ever-millenial staple: avocado toast.

Connie grunted and wheezed as she finally emptied herself into the cylinder. The orgasm went on longer than normal, almost twenty seconds of spraying her white stuff into the bottom of this container until it finally relented.

Zelda was there as Connie lowered the beaker, her pants back up, rubbing a few tissues against Connie's tip. She took the tissues from her and cleaned up the rest herself. Patti took the beaker and brought it back upright, letting the slimy mass of ejaculate settle at the bottom of the beaker for the final tally.

The numbers were too small for Connie to read from where she was standing. Patti looked at them closely, then stood from her chair.

"Connie, allow me to formally offer you a position here at the Futa Brew."

Connie chuckled, and grabbed Patti's hand and shook it. "Thank you so much! I-this is the hand I jerked it with, I'm so sorry."

Patti smiled. "It's fine."

"So what position do you want?" Zelda smiled. "Missionary, reverse cowgirl?"

"Quiet, Zelda." Patti waved her away. "It'll only be part time for now, probably two shifts a week, maybe three, depending on your availability on the weekend."

"I can do weekends." Connie said. "I've got nothing else going on right now."

"We reserve the right to terminate you within the first month if it doesn't work out. Obviously, we'll do a background check and some other stuff, but... I feel good about this. So we'll start you out at the Futa Brew standard minimum, which is twenty-six dollars an hour. If you become full-time, we'll raise it to thirty-eight, with a two-dollar raise every year, based on performance. Is that fine?"

Connie tensed every muscle trying not to freak out. Being a futa just costs her a scholarship, and now it was about to help her make more money per hour than a dentist.

"Yes, that sounds fine." She answered, as monotone as she could manage.

"Excellent. I'll get some paperwork prepared later today, and you can fill that out. Can you come in tomorrow to take care of that?"

"I think so." Connie said, voice wavering just a bit.

"You feel OK, Connie?" Zelda put her hand on Connie's back.

"I'm fine, but... I think that orgasm took a lot out of me."

"Yeah, I can tell." Patti said, gesturing to the beaker. "You're all set for now. Enjoy the rest of your day, and I hope to see you behind that counter soon."

"Thank you, Patti." Connie nodded, as they left the office. They snaked around the counter, past the other futas making drinks, past the line of thirsty folks, and out to Connie's car.

"You nailed that!" Zelda said. "I knew you would. Once you told me you were a futa, I was like, this is destiny or-"

Connie grabbed Zelda hard and squeezed her head into her chest, embracing her tightly. "Thank you." She said, nearly hyperventilating. "I have no idea why you'd stick your neck out for a total stranger, but thank you. Thank you so much."

Zelda couldn't respond, squeezed so tightly into Connie's chest. It wasn't uncomfortable, of course, so she held her back, humming into her breast. Connie loosened her grip and dipped down, pressing her lips into Zelda's, who happily reciprocated.

"Wow." Zelda felt a little unsteady on her feet as Connie backed away. "I wasn't expecting that."

"Thank you." Connie whispered breathlessly.

"No problem at all. I'm happy to help." Zelda stepped back. "So, I guess I'll see you around, then?"

Zelda tried to make a graceful exit, backing away.

Connie called out a single syllable. "I..." She held out her hand.

Zelda spun in place, possibly too quickly. "Yes?"

A pause. Connie lowered her hand. "I don't really have a place to stay right now."

Zelda chuckled. "Come on. I got a couch."

***

The basketball games had ended, and everyone was packing up and ready to surrender the court to the next players. One of the players yelled, "Hey, check it out! Your girlfriend's back!"

Despite being single, he looked out. The last person the player thought he'd see again was standing there.

"Hey." Connie said, hands behind her back.

The man didn't look that happy to see her. Then again, he didn't think he'd still be hanging out with dipshits who would still be calling strange women 'his girlfriend' in his early thirties.

He looked her in the eye and said, "I'm sorry about hitting you with the ball earlier."

"No, what I did was still out of line." Connie shook her head, bringing her arms in front of her. She had a shopping bag in her hand. "I was being a..."

"A bitch?"

"I was actually going to say 'dick,' but... I stopped myself." Connie reached into the shopping bag and pulled out a brand new basketball. She passed it to him, and he caught it. He dribbled the ball once, and the lousy bounce immediately got his attention. He looked down at it like it was a ball of snot.

"Yeah, they didn't have an air compressor at the place I bought it." Connie said. "You'll need to give it a few pumps."

"Well, thank you for this." The man said softly, but didn't yet move away.

Connie took the initiative. "You guys... play here often?"

"Why? You wanna show us how it's done?"

"I'm thinkin' about it." Connie smiled.

"Sorry, but..." The man shrugged. "We don't play against women."

"But..." Connie cocked an eyebrow, almost surprised at what she was about to say. She brought her hand to her crotch for emphasis.

"I'm not a woman."

The man chuckled. "Then I guess you can play against us. We're here from eleven to one Mondays and Fridays."

"I'll see if I can come Friday."

***

A long, long time later... after Connie had established herself as a valuable full-time member of the Futa Brew Crew, Zelda and Connie were in the dressing room alone, bottomless and letting their erections subside after removing their implants following a long day of work. Nobody else was in the room, so Connie spoke candidly.

"Zelda?"

"Yeah?"

"Why did you make up all that stuff about me to get this job?" Connie asked.

Zelda looked at Connie, then down to her feet. "I really don't know. I saw you yelling at that dude and I just went for it. I hadn't thought about it at all before I did it. I do that a lot, and this time, it worked out."

"But why give me a chance, after you saw me doing that? What if I blew my stack at work and it reflected badly on you here? Why do this for someone you didn't know at that time?"

Zelda looked off, still not getting dressed. "I just... I guess I wanted to make your day better. No, not even. I saw the situation, saw what I could do, and did it. I didn't think about it any further than that, and I don't regret it because... now I work with my best friend."

They embraced, dongs pressed gently against each other. They may be the same size, but Zelda could always brag that hers was 'closer to the ground.'

"You coming over tonight?" Zelda asked.

"So long as there's no more horror movies waiting for me."

"Aw, what? You scared?"

"No, I just want something different."

"Part 9 comes out in two weeks. We need to get you caught up!"

And so on. They dressed, hiding their dongs inconspicuously in their street clothes, and left the Futa Brew to spend the rest of the day together.