Long Way to Go

I looked inside. Flu medicine, painkillers, a small package of some prescription medicine unfamiliar to me, and a bottle of lube.

Bottle of lube. The kid had bought lube.

I stopped to consider the implications. Clearly Benjamin had anticipated for something to happen between us. So it hadn't been just a spontaneous thing for him.

I took the small package of prescription medicine and turned it around in my hands. The name wasn't familiar, so I read the small leaflet inside the package. It was an anti-psychotic. I googled it and came up with a Wikipedia page stating, "It is mainly used for schizophrenia that does not improve following the use of other anti-psychotic medications. In those with schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder, it may decrease the rate of suicidal behavior."

I turned the package over in my hands again and frowned. Whatever the kid used this for, it sounded like he needed to keep using it.

I took the pharmacy bag and left the truck. I checked the diner, then called out for Benjamin in the toilets. I checked the showers. I went outside and scouted the surroundings. The kid said he was going west, and the westward lane was on this side of the road, so if he was looking for a ride he would probably station himself...

Walking down the slope towards the highway in almost knee-high grass, I spotted him a little further along the road.

"Benjamin!" I shouted. He turned to look at me and I could see the struggle from his body language. He tensed up, glanced at the road, then at me, even down the road like he considered making a run for it. I walked towards him and when I got closer his eyes focused on the pharmacy bag and I knew he understood.

I stopped in front of him. He lifted his head to meet my eyes, a look of nervous apprehension on his face.

"You left your medicine," I said quietly and handed the bag to him. "I'm glad I caught up with you. It sounds like it's something you need to keep taking."

He bowed his head down and nodded.

"I would've liked to wake up with you," I said, with as little accusation as I could manage. "Are you in such a hurry to move on?"

The rain was gathering along with the wind. It caught Benjamin's hair and blew it backwards off his face. His cheekbones were high, and he had a beautiful narrow face. He was clenching his jaw. Well, this was about as much begging as I could manage without losing my self-respect. I touched his cheek, I couldn't stop myself—I had to have that one final chance to feel his skin.

"Okay, kiddo," I said. "Safe travels to you."

I turned to go. A few yards along the road and then back up the grassy slope. I was still on the pavement when he caught up with me.

"Wait, Roy," he said. I stopped to look at him again.

"Can I come with you?" he asked.

"Sure you can," I answered. "I've got two more hours until I can continue, though. But we could grab breakfast together if you're willing to wait, then you could continue to Austin with me."

He nodded and followed me up the hill. At the edge of the truck parking lot, he stopped me with a hand on my arm.

"I'm sorry I left like that," he said quietly. "I thought it was for the best. I wasn't sure if you were gay."

"I didn't seem gay to you last night?" I asked, a smile breaking out on my face. Benjamin returned it with a small smile of his own.

"Well, I wasn't sure," he repeated. "Because you didn't try anything. And...and sometimes I just need it. But many of the guys, at least the ones that are straight, or want to be straight, they... they don't take it well afterwards."

I sighed. It was the ugly truth, and I knew it well enough. In early mornings at the busier truck stops it wasn't that unusual to stumble upon a hitchhiker, or a hooker, with a black eye or worse.

Most drivers were decent men, but some had the illusion of invincibility brought on by never staying in one place for long. Sometimes they got rough with whoever they had been so nice with the night before. Sometimes they went too far and police got involved, but many of the people who went with them just licked their wounds in private and didn't raise hell about it. I disapproved, but there wasn't much I could do about it, so usually I just pretended to not see.

We were between trucks and I didn't see anyone around, so I pulled Benjamin in for a hug. The kid leaned against me, and when I didn't let go immediately, he touched my back hesitantly with the hand not holding the guitar.

"I'm sorry it's like that," I said quietly to his hair. "But yes, I am gay. And no, I wasn't about to beat you up for being so unexpectedly nice to me."

I let go, and he looked a little happier. I supposed he felt better now that I knew some of his secrets. I turned to go, but he stopped me again.

"Thanks for bringing me my medicine," he said and looked me in the eyes intently. I had a feeling it took a lot from him to do that. "I would've been so fucked if you didn't. It's my last batch and my prescription is up."

I just nodded, not sure how to respond. It felt bad he had been in such a hurry to escape from me he left something so essential behind. He didn't know me, and probably had some bad experiences in the past, but I felt offended anyway.

We ate breakfast at the diner. The kid accompanied me to the restroom and sat there waiting while I shaved, and then we went back to my truck. Benjamin looked embarrassed but defiant when he got his medicine out and took one.

I sat beside him at the edge of the bed. "Is that all you're taking?" I asked, trying to be as neutral as possible.

Ben sighed. "I should have one other one."

I waited, but he didn't continue. God, it was like squeezing water out of a rock talking to him.

"Listen: my cousin is on a similar type of medication," I said. "I know how important it is to not quit on your own."

"It's expensive," the kid said sullenly. "And now my prescription is over for this one. But that's not your problem."

"No," I said. "I suppose not. Look, there's still an hour before we can start, so just make yourself comfortable."

I lay down on the bed, beside the wall. I piled the pillows under my upper body and started to browse my phone. Rain was falling softly outside, sometimes audible on the roof or windows of the cabin, and sometimes not. After a few minutes the kid leaned back against my legs, startling me, but I managed not to jerk away. So we stayed, waiting for the time to pass.

When my mandatory resting period was finally over we climbed over to the front and I started the engine.

"Austin?" Benjamin asked.

"Austin today. Then I'm heading back down to Houston for my next cargo."

Benjamin didn't comment. I didn't really expect him to.

Near Beaumont, we had a pit stop at a shopping center beside the highway. I convinced Benjamin to accompany me to a pharmacy and bought him the other medicine he was taking. He hadn't been lying—it was expensive, but I was getting attached to the kid and didn't want him to go without.

I had some experience with mental disorders after following my cousin Ollie's struggles with schizophrenia and was fully aware how perilous Ben's position was. He was on his last package of the other medicine, his prescription was up, and it didn't sound like he had means or plans to obtain a new one. If he couldn't afford the other medicine now, how was he going to afford that? Granted, I didn't have a clue about his financial or employment status, but he sure looked and acted like he didn't have much except for what he was carrying. I took him to the food court to have lunch, and he didn't object when I paid.

The rain eased up somewhere between Beaumont and Houston. I nodded towards the guitar. "You play that or just carry it around as an accessory?"

"I do, why?" the kid asked, my smile catching on to him. He seemed relieved and in a much better mood now that he had his other medicine. Maybe it wasn't the effect of the medicine, but just knowing he had what he needed. I had offered him security, for however short a time.

"I'd like to sing something, that's why," I said. "Come on, what songs do you know?"

Benjamin took out the guitar and tuned it. I turned off the radio, and we searched for a song to share. The rain gave way to the brightest rainbow imaginable just as we settled on "Here Comes the Sun" by the Beatles. Our voices sounded nice together, and we had a few moments of genuine fun. Benjamin came alive while he was playing, and I had trouble keeping my eyes on the road. It would've been good to just watch him happy like that.

When we neared Austin, I got more serious again.

"So, Ben," I said. "Can I call you Ben? We're getting close. Do you want me to drop you off somewhere? Maybe you can catch another ride before sundown."

Benjamin looked at me and then out the side window. He fidgeted for a moment, and just when I contemplated asking if he wanted to come all the way to the city instead, he spoke up.

"I would like to ride with you for a while longer, if you don't mind," he said politely.

I had a feeling he was saying more than he was saying. There was so much between the lines with this one, and so few lines for it to go between. I felt out of my depth trying to interpret him.

"But I'm heading back to Houston next. You said you're going west."

"I was. I am," Ben said. "But I have no schedules."

"Oh," I said. For all Ben's quietness I just had to pay back a little, and I stalled for a minute or so before I couldn't keep the grin from my face any longer.

"Kiddo? You can stay with me for as long as you like," I said and smiled at him. "From Houston I'm heading up to Colorado Springs, and from there to Las Vegas. That's actually where I live, and I'll have some time off there. So if you want to keep going west, you'll need to find another ride from there. But if you don't mind the detour up north, you can come with me until then."

Benjamin flashed a rare but radiant smile back at me. "Kiddo?" he said incredulously. "I can't be that much younger than you."

"No, no. I'm ages older," I said seriously. "Just turned a hundred and five, in fact."

"You're well-preserved," Ben said. "And the way your mom keeps calling you, she must be even better preserved."

I laughed. "Alright, alright. I'm thirty."

"Have you been doing this for long?"

"About five years. Long routes. Before that, I drove trucks in the city, making daily deliveries. This is different, and I don't get to go home every night, but this has its perks."

I was so surprised by Ben's sudden talkativity I kept rambling for a while, telling stories from my travels. Benjamin listened. He put the guitar away and curled on his seat, lifting his skinny legs up against his chest. Even when I trailed off, the silence was a more comfortable one than before.

Austin kept me busy for a while, handling the paperwork while the cargo was unloaded. I would drive to Houston with only the cab where I would get another trailer to pull up north.

I was under the clock and had to get back on the road as quickly as possible so I was annoyed when I was ready to start, but Benjamin wasn't around. He came back just when I was getting truly agitated.

"Where were you?" I snapped. "I need to get going. I'm almost at the end of my hours and we still have to get to Houston."

"I needed to take a dump," he said defensively.

"Oh," I said. "Well just so you know, that door back there is a toilet. Guess I forgot to mention it. I have to stop anyway, when I need to go, so I don't use it all that much."

Ben turned on his seat to locate the door, like there were enough doors in the cabin to be mistaken, and nodded.

We started towards Houston and arrived with less than half an hour driving time to spare. I was glad we made it in time, and more glad to have Benjamin with me. I didn't expect for him to have sex with me that night, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hoping for it.

Mom called halfway through dinner and I stepped outside the diner to talk with her.

"Yeah, I'm in Houston. What? Oh, just eating. It was raining during the day but not anymore. Saw the most amazing rainbow earlier. What? Violet? Well, what's she been up to now?"

Mom's gossiping about my aunt Violet's quirks didn't need much commenting. She was mom's sister and Ollie's mom. Mom and Violet were extremely close and had a way of gently making fun of each other's doings. I listened, switching my weight from one leg to another while watching Benjamin through the window. He was so cute. So delicate somehow, with his willowy, skimpy body. I loved the way his hair settled on and around his face and the way he kept hiding behind it.

Mom's question shook me out of my adoring stare.

"The hitchhiker? Yeah, I've still got him with me. No Mom, he's not an ax murderer. Yes, Mom. He is kind of good-looking. For a kid. Well, not like a kid kid! Ew, what do you think of me? He's twenty-three. I don't know. If he sticks around until Vegas, I'll introduce you to him. Yes. I hope he does."

Mom went on for a bit longer, before I managed to end the call. It was nice of her to worry, but it got a bit tedious at times.

When we got back to the truck, I was nervous but expectant. I drew the curtains on the windows and sat on the bed to take my shoes off. Benjamin sat beside me and rummaged through his backpack. I didn't know what he was searching for. I thought he was just making a show, trying to buy time, but then he got out the lube. His eyes met mine, and he offered the bottle to me.

"You know you don't have to?" I asked as I accepted it.

He nodded and put his bag away. "I know. Thank you for that."

"But you would want to?" I asked. "I mean, you bought this."

He blushed a little. "Yes," he said. "I bought that."

"You are so precious," I said and put the bottle down so I had both hands free to touch him.

I took his face in my hands and kissed him. I could feel his pulse at the side of his neck, quivering like a bird. He touched me tentatively and started undressing me. I undressed him in turn, exposing his pale, slim body.

"Like coffee with cream," he said, spreading his fingers over my pecs. "I love your skin."

"I love yours," I said and pulled him closer. I pushed him over to lay on the bed and pulled off his jeans—easier said than done, they were so tight—and ended up pulling them inside out. Coins fell out of his pocket and scattered on the cabin floor. Ben laid back and looked up at me. I loved the way his penis laid semi-hard on his flat tummy, like a promise.

I took off my own pants then kneeled to straddle his thighs and crouched down to kiss him again. He massaged my head lightly, keeping his hands light on my hair and my skin, tracing my shoulders and upper body. I let my cock touch his, both of us getting stiffer by the second, and his whole body shivered. I thought again of a bird or small animal—the way their whole body quivers with their life force. Ben was so pale, so smooth, so flawless. I kissed his tight little nipples and his chest rose sharply to meet me.

I wanted to kiss his dick, but he tried to pull me back up. I lifted my head to see him. He licked his lips, his hand in my hair.

"I want you to fuck me," he whispered.

"I want to do this first," I whispered back and kissed his sternum. He whimpered, raking my scalp as I moved downward. I wondered why he didn't want me to, or rather, if he didn't want me to or just hadn't expected me to.

All thoughts dissolved at the first contact with his cock. Oh, God, this feeling, this taste in my mouth. He was delicious, and his reactions were adorable. He got so hard I half expected him to cum right there and then. He kept a low whimpering voice and flexed upwards to my mouth, and I cupped his balls gently. I went slow. I wasn't trying to make him cum right away, but if he did, I wouldn't have minded.

I paused to search for the lube then kneeled between his legs. His dark eyes were on me when I straightened to squeeze the lube on my hand. His mouth was slightly agape, his chest rising with his breath, and he was utterly beautiful. I let my hand find his shoulder, drawing his outline downward. Then I bent down to kiss his dick again and started to spread the lube on his ass. He was adorable, relaxing for me but tensing up the next second from the stimulation. He was so there, so expectant, so appreciative. So precious.

My own cock had grown achingly hard, I didn't have it in me to wait any longer. I let go of his marvelous heated staff and straightened my back again. I spread lube on myself and looked down on him.

"Okay, I'll take it slow," I said, my voice low and husky. God, he turned me on. "Tell me if it doesn't feel good for you."

He nodded and relaxed obediently when I positioned myself. I started pushing into him, in his unbelievable tight heat, and held my breath for so long that my chest hurt when I remembered to inhale again.

It was so good. So, so good. I sank into him slowly, grunting a little every time I went deeper. He was gasping, his dick hard and straight, twitching with my every inward motion. It didn't take me that long to get all in, and I stopped for a while to get a proper feel of him.

Benjamin made a small sound. It wasn't a word, yet was filled with meaning. I lowered myself to kiss him and started moving. His thighs tensed against mine as he received me. He searched for a place for his legs then, after some fidgeting, crossed his ankles behind my ass. I kissed him deeper, and his cock pressed against my belly, hard and hot.

I perched myself on my elbows and reached between us. He arched his back when my fingers closed around his shaft. God, he was hard. I stroked him with the same rhythm I made inside him, and I could already feel the wave rising inside me. It was so perfect. He felt so incredible around me, under me, and in my hand. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and broke out of the kiss, his breathing irregular, his fingers scratching my skin for a hold.

"Roy-y-y," he said, a moan, a warning, but it was alright, I was right there with him. I had him. He had me. I ramped up the intensity for a few final thrusts, and his first spasm clamped up his sphincter so hard he tugged me along. We came together, me deep in his scorching insides, him sticky and warm between our sweaty bodies.

I lowered my forehead against his head, near his ear, and reached to kiss his neck.

"You're incredible," I said quietly, my voice still unsteady.

He nudged me, and I pulled out slowly, both of us sighing when the contact broke. I moved to his side to hold him in my arms. He didn't turn his back on me this time, but let me hold him. I tucked his head under my chin and pulled a cover over us then stroked his skin slowly. A small reading lamp was still on, but couldn't quite reach it from where we were, and didn't want to let go of him.

Fucking him had been good—mind-blowing, in fact—but laying there together was even better. He was warm against me, relaxed, his hand gentle on my skin. I wanted to protect him from whatever horrors the night would bring. I wanted to keep him safe, and for now he was letting me do that. I felt a sort of deep fulfillment that I hadn't felt many times in my life. I was too satisfied to think about much of anything. Relaxation washed over me languidly like waves against the shore, and I just closed my eyes and went along with it.

-#-#-#-#-#-

When I woke, Ben was gone. Again. And all his stuff was gone. Again. At least this time he hadn't left his medicine. I had been in so deep I hadn't even noticed and didn't wake up until my alarm went off. Usually I woke hours before the alarm, but now I had been in deep sleep until the last minute.

There wasn't time to look for him. I had barely enough time for a quick breakfast and wash up. I doubted I would've found him if I tried. I had to get my next cargo, and grudgingly I started the truck and went about it. I thought about Benjamin all through maneuvering the attachment of trailer and paperwork, so distracted the warehouse staff teased me about it.