Loosening Up Bk. 06 Ch. 26-30

Dale put his arm around Joyce's bare shoulders, "We do want you, Joyce. In your enthusiasm you simply talked to the wrong person, but maybe it was the right person and what happened wasn't such a bad thing. Most of us have been dancing around trying to NOT talk with outsiders about where we lived or how we lived or whom we lived with. Now, we can openly admit to belonging to the Circle. We don't even have to explain the details; all that's been covered in the news articles."

Joyce sniffed, "I'm so ashamed about how it all turned out." Her skin continued to flush a pink color showing the genuineness of her emotions. Without the sobbing, tears continued to run down her cheeks dripping into her lap or onto her breasts.

Dale said, "As for you being presumptuous, most of us in the Circle came into it that way. We might have been a little timid at the start, but soon we realized that this is where we wanted to be and that to gain admittance we had to really open ourselves, get out of our comfort zones, and do whatever it took to make dozens of new friends and gain the other benefits. We did what it took to fit in."

Dave prompted, "Tell her how you and Susan ended up here."

Dale said, "I met Dave at a conference in Sedona. He must have been doing something right, because while he was there he slept with every woman in the place including the lead female professor teaching the class. I learned a little about his lifestyle then -- the Circle had recently been formed. Weeks later, I realized I didn't like my life or the way my marriage was going, and I knew Susan felt the same way. We were headed for a separation, but I loved her. I called Dave and finagled an invitation to come to Florida and bring Susan for a 'show and tell' weekend. We were at a crossroads in our marriage. Well, we came and Susan fell crazy in love with the people, the place, and the lifestyle. After that, we haunted the place until they let us in. Dave is even the father of our child."

Joyce looked surprised.

Dave said, "Joyce, about seven years ago this all started -- what became the Circle. Alice and I were neighbors and friends with Dori and Ty and a few others; Dori and Alice worked in the same department at Knightsbridge Manufacturing. One morning my prim, proper, church-going, and regimented wife found Dori naked and screwing one of the salesmen in his car when she went to work one morning and inadvertently parked next to him. That shocked her and started a dialogue between us about what we wanted out of life. The Circle was the result, but it's taken years with lots of twists and turns to get here. We didn't just wake up one morning and find we were the way we are now. We've been through lots of challenges and responded to lots of temptations and opportunities. Many of those revolved around sexual events."

Alice laughed, "ALL of them revolved around sexual events. We're a very sexual group. What your reporter friend discovered from you was quite accurate. We're a sex club with one basic requirement, that you love everybody."

Joyce sniffed and teared up again, "I do love all of you. I'm so very, very sorry that I ..."

Dave reached over and put his hand on her arm; he interrupted, "Enough! We get it. We accept your apology. Let's move on from here. One of the hallmarks of the Circle, and one most of us work at and sometimes forget is forgiveness. Do you know where forgiveness starts?"

Joyce looked at him, "No, I don't think so."

"It starts with YOU. We're all full of 'woulda, coulda, shoulda'. If you allow the past to haunt you, you will self-flagellate yourself to drive home your own inadequacies and low self-worth. We don't want you to dwell on the past. What's done is done. We understand. Move past it. We survived, and you need to do the same. Forgive yourself for what you did. We give you permission to do that. Learn from it, but forgive."

"But what I did was so bad ..." Joyce lamented as her lips trembled.

"Joyce, think of all the good things you've done in your life. Don't focus on the parts of your life that you wish you'd done differently. Learn from your mistakes, but put your emphasis on moving beyond what is holding you back, and for you, right now, that's feeling that you did something bad to all of us."

Joyce had tears running down her cheeks and dripping onto her breasts and lower body. Dale took a napkin and dapped at her breasts, her nipples, and then at her cheeks. She sat almost passively and let him care for her.

Dave asked, "Joyce, what exactly do you think YOU did wrong?"

She said in a choked up tone, "I talked to a reporter about the Circle and all of you. I gave him lots of details. I even talked about Scarlett Johansson because I'd met her only a few days earlier and I was so taken by the experience. I'm sorry Scarlett."

"Did you ever ask if the conversation you wanted to have with your friend could be 'off the record'?"

Joyce shook her head, "I never thought of that. I'm so stupid."

"So, if you keep up your friendship with Marty Roberts you might want to remember that question. He'll probably want to ask you more about what's going on with the Circle and Scarlett. He got a major scoop out of your dinner conversation. By the way, I doubt I'd ever think of asking that same question."

"But ... but ..."

"I think you could tell Marty Roberts that you feel he violated your trust by publishing what you told him. How he responds to that might tell you a lot about the man."

Joyce nodded and another storm of tears fell downwards from her cheeks.

"Last, and then let's set this aside, we all want you to rise above the situation and forgive yourself. To do that, to get rid of the blockage, the pain, the suffering you're self-inflicting, might require some outside help. I will personally help you find and pay for somebody, a therapist of some kind, to help you get through this.

"Joyce, I love you. We all do. We don't want OUR friend to suffer. We have forgiven you. We've all learned some lessons. Now, it's time to move on."

* * * * *Rose skipped rapidly, struggling to keep up with Matthew who'd adopted a kind of trot as the pair ran ahead of their parents down the access road towards the main gate. Just before the gate they turned left on Perimeter Road and started past the homes that had been under construction.

The first home had just been occupied by Derek, Emily, and Abby. They'd just moved in the week before, and judging from the pile of cardboard boxes in the recycling at the curb were still unpacking. The place was beautiful, about six thousand square feet, and every convenience any of the occupants or Jack Anders, the architect for the new residents, could think of.

The second home would be occupied by Bjorn, Nathan, and Tan in another week. Tan had told Dave there was some punch list items that the contractor needed to fix and then they'd move in. They'd given notice on the home they were renting but still had a few weeks to move everything and reclaim things from storage.

The third home would be the future home of the Steckler family, especially Paul and Megan. They would also have space for Erin and baby Joshua Allen to visit, or for Ashley to come and stay. Ashley had already bought a place of her own in a trendy suburb of Nashville, since she had become wed to the town because of her rocketing country music career.

The last home in the row belonged to Scarlett Johansson. She'd also splurged on many amenities in the home. The house was not yet finished or move in ready, and still needed cabinets and fixtures.

Scarlett opened the front door and allowed the two children to stampede inside. The place echoed without carpeting or fabrics to collect the noise. Dave and Alice looked around.

Dave teased, "Truly spectacular. This place is fit for a movie star."

Scarlett gave him a playful push. She knew he was teasing her. "I hope you'll come and stay with me sometimes."

"That's a two-way street. Yes, and you're always welcome in our big bed."

"I got a big bed, too. Jack knew where you'd ordered yours from, so I did the same and got the same size -- huge, or double king. It'll sleep all seven of us. I'm expecting lots of horny company."

Alice asked, "What about Athena and Rose?"

Scarlett led them down a short hallway off the kitchen to two other bedroom suites. "This will be Rose's room unless she wants to use one of the upstairs rooms. You can guess who picked the color."

Dave looked in the room. The walls were PINK -- screaming PINK everywhere. Things would soften down with some posters or artwork, plus some furniture, although Dave could guess the occupant's preferred color of the furniture.

Rose appeared, "I love this room. I can even look out the window and see whether Matthew is coming over or any of my other cousins when they get old enough." She looked so pleased with herself.

Scarlett pointed back to the hallway. There was a bathroom, and then another more conservatively decorated room. "That will be Athena's room. We're getting her a king-size bed so she can have guests. Of course, she's always welcome to use my super-sized bed whether I'm here or not."

Rose announced, "That's because she might like to make love to somebody, or they want to love her, or both. She likes to make love to two men at the same time."

Dave looked at Scarlett. She commented, "She's very adult in what she knows, understands, and observes. She knows not to talk about such things outside the family, don't you honey?"

"I know. Different conversations are appropriate for different people, but I can talk about ANYTHING with you or Daddy Dave."

Dave nodded, "Words of wisdom from a six year old."

Rose stamped her foot. "I'm almost seven!"

Chapter 27 -- Painful Revelations

The Club Infinity had instituted Jazz Night on a Wednesday nights in June, and from all the indications the evening was a huge success. Starting at five o'clock some of the local jazz groups were invited to sign up for an hour performance. They'd get to show their stuff, pass out promotional material and even sell CDs. They also got to keep their tips and from the indication of the first night Jim had tried the gimmick, tips were running high. This first night groups weren't paid, but were in essence auditioning to return for paid gigs if Jazz Night became popular. So far, the scene looked like a win-win for everyone concerned, and Jim had already announced to the audience a night at the start of July.

Dave sat with Owen, Mark, Ty, Alice, Dori, Julie, Christie, and Elsa. They were listening to a female singer with a trio singing a song named Summer Samba. She was good, and much of the dinner din had died off as she caressed each note and made the song uniquely hers.

Jim came by the table. He knelt between a couple of the men. "She's good, huh?"

Mark commented, "Very good. I'd have her back, plus the instrumental group before her. They understood jazz and improvisation. Their bass player was extraordinary."

Jim nodded, "I'll let them know. You like my decision to do this once a week for the foreseeable future?"

Everybody at the small table nodded enthusiastically. Jim grinned and walked off. Dave noted that he gave thumbs up to the female singer indicating that she was well liked by the 'bosses'. Everyone seemed to know that the circle at the tables consisted of important patrons. They watched as Jim brought the singer a bottle of water between the songs she sang. She looked grateful.

Between groups Alice and Dori started to talk about Joyce. Alice was saying, "Something is still 'off' about her. I mean I like her, but there's something dark in her past that continues to haunt her."

Dori nodded, "I agree. I tried to get her to open up, but I had the opposite effect. She clammed up and didn't even want to talk about the weather. I'd asked whether she had reservations or concerns about the group sex the Circle practiced. She rolled her eyes as though I didn't even understand what I was asking. Me, of all people!"

Owen offered, "You might aim her at Bill Lewis if you think it's impeding her personal growth or well-being."

Dave volunteered, "I think she's already seeing him. She started after the whole incident with the media and her reporter friend that took advantage of her. She's never talked to him again, and even blocked his calls on her cellphone."

Owen said to Alice and Dori, "Get Dave to talk to her. She seems to resonate with him better than any of the other men or women in the Circle. I think because he introduced her to Bill and got them going she believes he has her best interests at heart. Plus, we all know he's smooth and charismatic with women."

Turning to blushing Dave, Owen asked, "You don't know what's going on inside her head, do you?"

"No, but she's said enough that I know that whatever it is has to do with her ex-husband. He did her dirt in some way, and it scarred her. At first, I thought it was superficial, but as we touched on it I think there are some deep wounds there. I'll talk to her on the weekend if she comes around. She's only been coming every second or third weekend since the media incident. She's still apologetic and remorseful over her role in the revelations."

Julie spoke up, "I think it's for the best that all that happened. People know now that I belong to the Circle, and they looked at me for a while like I had four eyes and a unicorn horn. Now, they've gotten past that."

Owen laughed, "You do know that a unicorn is an illusive and hard to catch single or available woman that loves sex, even multi-partner sex, and is just about a sure thing?"

"Well, to many of the people that read all that stuff back in March, especially the men I see, I am one. I know I could fuck around with two-dozen of them, too, but instead I just drop double entendres and other 'come-on' statements that drive them wild. It's fun. I think I'm a cock tease at heart."

"Nasty woman," Ty retorted with a large grin.

As it turned out, Joyce made an appearance Saturday afternoon. Dave was sitting reviewing the statistics from the first trial production runs on the LiTl batteries. He chuckled when he noted that if only the successful batteries were to go on the market at cost to that point, they'd be around thirty thousand dollars apiece. There were still many bugs to be worked out of the manufacturing process.

"Come and join me, Joyce," Dave said as he hailed her and set his papers aside. He got a smile and she walked over. She was wearing some loose shorts and a pretty rainbow colored top with jeweled flip-flops. She had her shoulder bag that was only slightly smaller than Denmark.

"How's everybody doing?" Joyce asked as she sat. She waved at a few of the others on the patio.

Dave filled her in, "Well, the big news is that Amanda's baby finally slept through the night after his midnight feeding and changing."

Joyce laughed, "If I ever have my own children I'll have to remember some of these milestones. From a parents' point of view that has to be a big one. By the way, who's the real daddy for Noah Ki?"

Dave blushed, Amanda is sure that it's Dale or me. We'll see who he looks like more as he gets older. She's living with Aaron and Shelby right now. Linda Jean loves having a new cousin and almost can't leave him alone. She's got all the usual curiosity of a two year old."

The two talked about Amanda and Noah for a bit. Dave explained about 'Ki' being a term for life force energy or spiritual energy that empowers all things. Amanda liked the term and adopted one of the Oriental spellings for the baby's middle name.

Dave eventually decided to bluntly ask Joyce about her troubled past. When no one else was moving around the patio that was apt to hear or interrupt them, he posed, "Joyce, I understand that something bad happened in your past -- in your marriage I guess. I'm curious, but more importantly I'm willing to help you get through it if you need help. I hope you've brought it up with Bill Lewis if you're still going through counseling." He paused and added, "Maybe I'm being too nosy."

Joyce blushed and nodded. "I am still seeing Bill -- twice a week. I like him and I think the visits have helped. He's challenged me to tell you and some of the others about my crazy past because he thinks that having it made public knowledge will help me get past it. The sense of shame I've been avoiding will be behind me if the people I care most about know. I'll then see that it doesn't really define me except as I allow it to. We talked about that yesterday."

Dave said, "I understand. After I understand, perhaps we can plot a course of action to make you feel better about all this. I sense you have a low estimation of yourself."

"Part of it was because of what I did with my reporter friend, but that is small change to what went on years earlier in my life -- what I allowed myself to become and do. I didn't challenge what was happening to me. I guess you could say I was brainwashed in some ways. Bill Lewis used that terminology.

"What happened started before I even married Miles; he'd already started a campaign to basically wear me down and make me his ... slave. I initially sought help and advice from my parents, but they thought Miles walked on water; interesting since Waters was his last name." She chuckled. "It turned out that Miles was Satan in disguise."

"Well Miles built himself up as he tore me down. He made me think that the only identity I had was through him. He made me feel guilty about every thought I had and everything I did unless he approved ahead of time. He'd come home at the end of the workday and I was expected to confess all my thoughts to him, especially the erotic ones. At first I didn't have any; I didn't think that way. But then, after he'd browbeat me, I realized that to make him happy I had to have a few and then many erotic and sexual thoughts every day.

"If I said nothing, he'd come after me in so many ways. I would end up feeling bad and depressed about myself, so I made sure I had something to tell him -- some sexy thoughts or ideas. Everything got sexually dirtier and dirtier and things escalated.

"Miles eventually told me that to atone for those 'nasty' thoughts I should have sex with him, and that did make me feel better. I thought I loved him, and he was playing me, as it turned out. He'd tell me how I was a better person because of both my thoughts and that I'd paid for them through the sex with him. I gave myself over to him completely. Joyce Myers became nobody. I was only Mrs. Miles Waters and only on the planet to do his bidding."

Dave nodded, "How long did this go on?"

Joyce shook her head in disbelief, "From when we started dating. I already felt this way by the time we married. He married me, really; he wanted more control over me. I was in my mid twenties and had come off a bad romance that also ended in disaster. He knew of it and tutored me that it was because I didn't have him to guide me to be a success. I believed him and lost more of my own identity to him."

Dave said, "So, over time you got married and had sex a lot with your husband."

Joyce shuddered. "It was more than that. My small sins of erotic thoughts became roaring fantasies at Mile's direction. I had to beef them up so I had something more significant to confess to him. I finally was thinking them up on my own, but I'd search the Internet during the day looking for stories or films or ideas I could tell him about when he came home and would dominate me again."

"Were you a submissive?"

"We never used that vocabulary, but in many ways I was. I only existed to serve Miles."

"So, after five years you pulled the plug?"

"Not quite. After we'd been married a little over a year, he had really broken me down and was rebuilding me to his own model. He brought his best friend over one night and orchestrated a threesome where I was the main attraction. Miles loved it, and so did his friend. He made me confess about how much I liked it every day for the next month. Again, I had to elaborate and give lots of details about how joyful I was about having two cocks servicing me. I got so I believed everything I said to him, so long as he gave me his approval.